


Not Made To Call You Mine

by pietromavximoff



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: A little gore, Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Awkward dinner party, F/M, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Secret Relationship, a little smut, broken boy and bright girl, healing each other's scars, moonshine drinking game, okay a lot of smut, overprotective daryl, the only two people more in love than maggie and glenn are beth and daryl, they're so in love okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:08:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 111,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27023260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pietromavximoff/pseuds/pietromavximoff
Summary: When Beth is dragged to a bar under Maggie's watchful gaze, the last way she expects to leave is on the back of Daryl Dixon's motorcycle. Wanting more than ever to move on from the ghosts that haunt her, Beth finds moving on doesn't have to be about pushing people away. And Daryl, realising he's letting Beth in closer than he thought he could, discovers with some surprise that he'd do just about anything for this girl - including protecting her against the twisted gang that his troublesome brother has got himself roped up in.
Relationships: Daryl Dixon & Beth Greene, Daryl Dixon/Beth Greene
Comments: 162
Kudos: 219





	1. Maybe She Has To Save Herself

**Author's Note:**

> didn't have any idea when I started writing this that it was going to turn into such a lengthy fic but what can I say, beth and daryl own my ass !! i'm updating regularly since this whole fic's been written, leave me some love in the comments :) <3

Beth didn’t even know why she agreed. Her sister, Maggie, had never been one for subtlety, so when she asked her Beth to come with her to some new bar in town on Friday night, Beth could see right through the gratuitous invitation for what really was – a chance to have herself babysat and embarrassed in a whole new environment. Not that Maggie intended that. Beth couldn’t blame her sister for wanting to have a bit of fun in between having to worry over someone constantly, wondering if they’re okay or if they’re contemplating cutting their wrist open. Not that she was, or had again. Beth’s only time interfering with the inner-workings of her circulatory system had been a stupid decision, fuelled off the trauma of the sudden death of her mother, and she knew that she had never really meant to go through with it – just get some attention, maybe, some help. After pretending to be okay for so long, it had spilled out of her almost unwillingly, unthinkingly, and those careless few seconds had changed everything, not just for Maggie and Hershel. Sometimes she could still feel her hands slick with blood, too.

So no, she couldn’t blame her sister for wanting a night off having to fuss over her and worry herself sick that something like that would happen again, despite Beth insisting to Maggie and her father that it never would.

And that was how she had found herself at the front entrance of the small bar at the corner of the main street in town, just about the only street in town to have more than a few grocery stores and Laundromats, a fake ID in hand and Maggie grinning from ear to ear. Her sister had done an exceptional job procuring the card Beth held onto tightly, nerves fluttering through her, and despite her half-hope that the bouncer would see right through it and refuse them, Beth knew when Maggie did things, she did them right. There was no chance in hell she was going to be denied entry to the bar, especially with Maggie looking like she did. Beth eyed her sister, half-amused, half-exasperated. In all black – high-wasted pants that hugged her figure, a low cut strapless top that left little to the imagination and red lips that slashed across her face in a wicked smile. Beth could still tell her sister had held back with the outfit, but even if she was covered from head to toe in a thick woollen garb, they would still be let in. Maggie had a way about getting what she wanted, even at impossible odds.

‘Glenn meeting us inside?’ Beth asked sweetly, waiting to see her sister startle at the sound of his name, and watching with satisfaction as she did.

‘How do you even know about him?’ Maggie asked, resigned to the fact that her Beth did.

Beth rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, come on. Our walls are paper thin, Mags. Plus, this isn’t the kind of bar you’d usually come to, is it?’

Both her and Maggie peered through the door, where they could see a few rough looking older men in leather jackets laughing raucously around a table and hear the faint beat of music that sounded nothing like what either of them would usually listen to.

‘It’s new.’ Maggie said stiffly, although she was biting back a smile. ‘Alright, Glenn’s going to be there with some guys he knows from work, and he practically begged me to come out, I wasn’t even planning to –’

‘Alright, alright, don’t make me go and feel sorry enough for you that I’ll turn this right around and say we can go home.’ Beth grinned at her sister. She knew Maggie was much more into Glenn than she let on, but let her continue the facade that she was just stringing him along out of boredom. She’d realise soon enough.

The warm night air made Beth glad she’d chosen ripped jeans and an off the shoulder crop, blue and floaty. Maggie seemed to think she looked too young and sweet for a place like this and had tried to corrupt her into at least putting some heavier makeup on, but Beth reminded her responsibly that she was eighteen, not twenty-two like her ID would have them believe, and trying to look older would be easy to spot to a well trained eye. Maggie eventually gave in, if only for the reason that she knew deep down they would get in one way or another – it was Maggie after all, and she could make anything she wanted to happen if she wanted it bad enough. Sometimes Beth wished she had that kind of unwavering courage, that sureness in herself that Maggie had. Maybe then, things would have been different. Maybe she’d be standing with no scar on her wrist and butterflies of excitement in her belly instead of nervousness.

But it turned out she needn’t have worried about being rejected entry. A few seconds after they’d reached the front of the queue and Maggie had whispered for Beth to hold her ID out, the bouncer had nodded them in without a second glance.

Maggie turned to Beth, a grin splitting her face and, gripping Beth’s arm excitedly, she led her into the noisy bar.

Beth thought it’d be overwhelming, entering a bar for the first time, but really, as she let Maggie drag her further in, eyes skimming over the crowd, multi-coloured lights flashing across her vision, she felt like a weight had been lifted off her chest and she could breathe a little more. So many people, and, thanks to all of her friends being underage also, no-one else she knew well there. A world full of strangers and no-one to know her, no-one to look at her with pitying eyes and speak to her the way one might speak to an injured animal.

‘Let’s get a drink!’ Maggie yelled over the roar of the music, and Beth nodded, allowing her sister to drag her along by the wrist.

They reached the bar, Maggie having no problems gently elbowing people out of the way and Beth trailing behind, unsure whether to apologise or if those were the sort of mannerisms people were accustomed to at bars. While Maggie ordered, Beth let her eyes wander to the corners of the crowded place, to the small outside smoking area where friends were gathered around white clouds, to the bathrooms where girls were lined up, chatting loudly and fixing each others hair, and something inside Beth ached with a longing for something like that, something that looked so normal, something that didn’t remind her of how fragile and alone she felt.

She was jolted out of her thoughts as Maggie pushed a glass into her hand, the weight of it and the volume of noise filtering back through her ears finding a way to ground her to reality.

‘Apple juice.’ Turns out her older sister was not ready to fully corrupt her just yet. Beth didn’t mind, although judging from the way Maggie’s nose wrinkled slightly when she sipped her own drink, she had something stronger than punch.

Bright lights bounced over Maggie’s face as she peered over Beth’s head to look around the bar for the first time.

‘They should be round there, closer to the back.’ And without waiting for so much as a nod of agreement from Beth, she was weaving her way through the crowd towards the smokers outside, stopping short in front of a booth in the corner, where a group of people were laughing loudly, leaning over each other and raising voices to be heard through their scattered conversations. The multi-coloured lights didn’t reach this far, and the music was slightly dulled back there, so Beth didn’t have to lean in to hear the group’s delight as they spotted her sister.

Beth watched, keeping a pleasant smile on her face as Maggie greeted Glenn’s friends and some of her own. Beth could definitely see why Maggie was keeping Glenn a secret from their father, and her up until now for that matter. He definitely seemed sweet, but the way his eyes kept drifting over Maggie, like he couldn’t quite believe she was there, and with him on top of that, let Beth know that their relationship was moving a lot quicker than Maggie let on, or probably even knew herself. She suspected the only person who really was in the right place in all this was Glenn, and even he seemed to be confused as to how he got there.

‘Glenn, this is Beth!’ Maggie said brightly, almost as if just remembering her little sister was standing there, feeling a bit awkward with an apple juice in her hand.

‘Hey, nice to finally meet you.’ Glenn held out a hand and Beth took it, watching carefully for Glenn’s face to change when he saw the piles of bracelets on her wrist covering her scar, but he didn’t flinch from his warm smile, even though Beth had a feeling Maggie had told him about it all.

‘Everyone – Beth.’ Maggie introduced her to the group collectively and she smiled and said hellos until someone found her a seat and she sunk into it gratefully, taking a sip of her apple juice.

She was quickly engaged in a conversation with one of Glenn’s work friends, whose name she’d already forgotten. He was nice enough, pointing out people at the bar he knew and asking her what she did, but in truth, she was bored, and it was only her polite answers that weren’t shutting him down enough to end the conversation. Eventually, he was pulled away from her to someone else in the booth, and she was left watching Maggie and Glenn fawn over each other, laughing at everything the other said and accepting drinks from friends and kissing – so much kissing. Beth smirked, shaking her head as she finished the last of her juice, knowing she’d tease Maggie relentlessly about it for days to come. He must be some kind of special if she’d willingly subject Beth to this.

Unbidden, thoughts of her almost ex-boyfriend Zach came to mind, and then of actual ex-boyfriend Jimmy before him. Both had been nice in their own way, liked her in their own way, but never like this – never laughing into her neck like she’d just made the funniest joke in the world or tracing circles on her shoulder because they craved her touch. Beth felt another pang at the level of intimacy of these movements, of the way Maggie and Glenn looked at each other, and had the sudden urge to grab one of the many alcoholic beverages off the table and drink. She didn’t know why she hadn’t before, or why she didn’t act on the whim that had just taken over her, just that her father and her sister and everyone else around her treated her like she was something that was about to break, thinking that if they let her experience things she hadn’t before, she might not handle them well. Which was bullshit of course, but she never told them that. Maybe it was time to stop playing along to their idea that they could fix her by keeping her sheltered. Maybe they had to learn she was going to be okay just as much as she did.

‘I’ll be back, Mags.’ She shouted over the hum of music and conversation, and Maggie turned to her, eyes already slightly unfocussed.

‘You okay?’

‘Yeah,’ Beth reassured her, ‘just going to the bathroom.’

Maggie nodded, turning back to Glenn and Beth started making her way through the crowd, but stopped short of the toilets and turned to the bar, pulling up a chair on the edge and sitting. It wasn’t crowded on that side at all, close to the backroom and the furthest away from the dance floor she could get, but there was someone else at the opposite end. He didn’t look up as she sat, so she felt free to watch him openly.

His dark hair fell over his eyes and he was nursing a bottle between his rough-looking hands. Man-hands, Beth noted, calloused and weathered and big, not boy-hands like Jimmy’s or Zach’s.

She shook the thought as the bartender came up to her, and, in a panic that was mainly induced by not knowing enough about alcohol, she ordered another apple juice.

She sighed inwardly as it was placed in front of her.

Another man had joined the one opposite her, and this one was loud and seemed to be taking up more room just by the volume of his voice. Because of her position, she was able to catch part of their conversation.

‘Come on, Darylina, which one’ll it be?’ This was the older one who had just approached. ‘Nice as I am to find ‘em, I’ll even let ya take ya pick.’

‘Fuck off, Merle.’ The man turned to the older one, angel wings on the vest he wore facing Beth.

‘Aw come on, little brother. Ain’t nothing wrong with a pair of fine women lookin’ to get their rocks off –’

Angel wings stood up, pushing his chair back carelessly. ‘Ain’t interested.’

But Beth wasn’t able to catch the rest of the conversation because out of nowhere, two guys had pulled up seats on either side of her. Warily, she glanced at the one closest, and found him watching her with a grin and a quick flick up and down her body that made her feel as though she needed a shower.

‘Can I help you?’ Beth did her best impression of a sweet voice but found her teeth gritted together as the boy on her other side moved in closer, clumsily bumping her glass so the apple juice sloshed all over the counter.

‘Sure hope so. What’s a pretty girl like you doing all alone lookin’ so damn sad?’

Beth knew they were probably harmless, just dumb boys like the rest with the twisted idea that girls sitting by themselves needed a reason to be or their life-changing company to remedy that, but still. She wasn’t deliberately sitting alone to be harassed by two of them.

‘Look, I’m sure you boys are real nice, I’m just not in the mood for company.’ She tried to smile at them but her annoyance at their presence must have showed on her face.

‘Hey now,’ the one on her left started, and Beth couldn’t help her immediate reaction to turn towards the noise. He had sandy hair and small eyes and an identical repulsive smile to the other. ‘We ain’t doin’ nothin’ wrong. Just a friendly chat. I’ll start. I’m Ben. This is Dean.’

‘Let us buy you a drink.’ Dean said before Beth could speak, and it was more a question than a statement.

‘No thanks, I’m good.’ Her voice came out firmer than she thought it would. She stared down at her half-empty glass, but out of the corner of her eye she saw both boys exchanged glances.

‘Aw, come on, just one drink. What’s the harm there?’ Ben moved in closer to her, and all of a sudden, Beth realised that the situation had escalated quicker than she had anticipated. Before she could look around wildly for anyone to help, Ben’s hand was on her leg, fingers weaving through the rips in her jeans while he moved in, reeking of whiskey –

‘Don’t you – ’

‘Come on, gorgeous, we can have some fun – ’

Beth made to get up, but Ben’s hand moved from her thigh to her back, and then quickly dipped lower and squeezed.

‘Get off me – ’

‘Hey!’ A rough, gravelly voice cut through loudly, and Ben jumped.

Beth looked up in relief, seeing the man with the angel wings stalking over, and even though she hoped he was coming to her aid, if he had been directing that anger at her she’d be intimidated to say the least.

But Ben and Dean didn’t move, just stared brazenly at him.

‘Piss off, redneck. Ain’t nothing to do with you.’

The older man who he’d called Merle followed him towards the scene, warily watching his companion.

‘Take your hands off her you fuckin’ asshole.’ His eyes were sharp, his mouth curled into a snarl. Beth noticed his hands, the same hands that she was admiring for so gently cupping a bottle of beer, were now curled up into fists.

‘Woah, now, baby brother, wouldn’t want to make anything worse than it has to be now, would we?’ Merle put his hands over his brother’s chest, aiming to look calming but Beth could see the strain on his face from holding him back. ‘Daryl – ’ He warned, his voice having none of the humour it had a few seconds ago.

Ben finally seemed to see that Daryl and Merle were fully grown men who both looked equally pissed off, even if Beth suspected it was for different reasons, and he finally unhooked his claw from her backside. Beth moved away quickly, face burning, not even sure why she’d be the one to be embarrassed in all of this, and stood somewhere between the four of them, heart hammering, feeling sickened as she looked to Ben and Dean, wondering what would have happened if Daryl hadn’t intervened.

‘Was just havin’ fun.’ Dean grinned, still not seeming to fully grasp the concept Ben had just caught onto. ‘’Sides, she liked it. Didn’t you?’ His expression grew smugger as he looked at Beth, daring her to contradict him, but Beth, more confident now with the other two men near her, said, ‘I told you to get off.’

‘I can get you off, if that’s what you want – ’

Beth heard a smash, whipping her head to see Daryl’s sudden movement had knocked over an empty bottle off the bar and caused Merle to groan as his face strained further, arms gripping Daryl’s angel wing vest to hold him back.

‘Come on now, brother, they let her go, couple’a dumb kids they learnt their lesson.’ But even as the older man said it, he was looking at Ben and Dean with almost equal dislike. People were staring now, some alerted to the noise and some just within earshot. Fervently hoping Maggie was still wrapped up in Glenn’s arms, Beth felt she needed to weigh in on this to end it.

As tempting as it was to have Daryl beat them both to a bloody pulp, and she had no doubt he could, she said, ‘really, it’s okay. I’m fine.’

Daryl turned to look at her, his blue eyes bright with adrenaline.

‘You sure?’ He turned back to Ben and Dean, eyes narrowed and jaw clenched, asking her like it’d make his night if she agreed to let him pummel them.

‘Yeah.’ She gave him a small smile and nod, gratitude and relief washing over her face.

This seemed to relax him slightly, or at least from what Beth could tell, because Merle’s grip on his brother loosened.

As a stranger, she was grateful that he’d come over but couldn’t understand him being as angry at them as he was – he didn’t know her, and men who’d put a stop to something like this usually did it with words, and were definitely not as harsh on the perpetrators. She mused on the fact that she was usually the most likely to believe in the goodness of people, and perhaps this was just it – a good man. Maybe there didn’t need to be anything else to it.

She turned back to Ben and Dean, who’d gotten up, wary of the men but still smirking to each other in a way that gave Beth the impression they thought themselves untouchable, and disappeared off into the crowd.

It took a few seconds for Beth to talk, still processing what just happened. Her heart was pounding with the sudden spike of adrenaline and she cleared her throat before looking at Daryl.

‘Thankyou.’

Merle was first to turn to her, as if just noticing she was there.

‘You most certainly are welcome, Blondie.’ He grinned lazily at Beth, but she was watching his brother, who was still staring after the boys. She felt a rush of something like gratitude when she looked at him, her stomach churning in on itself when he met her eyes. But gratitude didn’t usually feel like butterflies.

Daryl’s chest was heaving slightly, anger still coursing through him enough to make his fingers shake.

‘S’nothin’.’ He turned away, moving to pull Merle with him, but Beth felt that wasn’t enough.

‘No – really. Thankyou. I don’t know what would have happened if you didn’t – ’

Daryl turned to look at her, his grip on his brother’s shirt loosening. ‘You know what would’a happened. Don’t take shit like that from anyone. Next time, hit ‘em, spit at ‘em, bite ‘em, whatever you gotta do.’

His tone was angered, a little threatening as he moved in closer to her. Beth felt her heart jolt at the bright blue of his eyes slowly dulling as he breathed in hard, looking down as though he’d meant the words to come out different. Beth didn’t take offence at his zealous tone, though, just nodded silently at him, heart still pounding from the whole encounter, from the intensity of the anger in his eyes, from how she could swear they softened when they looked at her.

Stupid, she was being, that was for sure. If she’d had a ready excuse like alcohol, she’d blame that. But she didn’t. So why was she thinking like this?

‘I, uh – I should get back to my sister. She’ll probably be wondering where I am.’ Beth meant to direct her smile at both of them but somehow couldn’t manage to take her eyes off Daryl, who replied with the barest of nods, looking at her quickly through the hair in front of his eyes like he’d be in trouble if he got caught.

‘See you round.’

Beth found her way back to Maggie surprisingly easy, needing fewer elbows than she’d anticipated, as the majority of the crowd had moved to the dance floor.

‘Bethy! There you are!’ Maggie was definitely drunker than she had left her, and Glenn was watching her like one would watch a shooting star; openly, joyfully, carefully, as though this was the only time they’d get to see it.

‘Here I am.’ Beth agreed, taking a seat next to her, a little amused at Maggie’s joyful smile. The booth was slightly emptier now and Beth suspected a few of their friends had vacated to get more drinks or dance. She fussed with a string coming out of a black leather cushion beside her.

‘Glenn was going to introduce us to the rest of his work friends but I wanted to wait for you.’

‘Mm,’ Beth replied absentmindedly. She knew she should be happy about Maggie’s effort to include her, and she was, but she was having a hard time focussing on that as she saw Ben and Dean across the room taking to a group of girls. She wondered if Daryl and his brother had left.

‘I’ll be right back.’ Glenn kissed Maggie on the forehead and she glowed after him.

Finishing the last of her drink, she caught Beth’s eye over the noise of the room and blushed. Maggie – her big sister Maggie – strong and independent and the last person in the world Beth would expect to see acting like a teenager with a crush, blushing? Something was definitely different about Glenn.

‘Happy for you, Maggs.’ Beth nudged her, grinning.

‘Me too.’ Maggie rested her head on Beth’s shoulder, playing with the straw in her glass, sighing contentedly. They heard a scuffle and both looked up to see a group being escorted out by the bouncer – Ben and Dean included, both objecting and swearing, looking around the room for help. Beth couldn’t help but laugh.

‘Assholes.’ Maggie declared and Beth could just imagine what her older sister would have to say if she knew what had just happened in the time she’d been gone. Best to keep that to herself for now lest Maggie have any overprotective urges and demand they go home.

‘Hey Maggie, Beth, these are the guys I was telling you about.’ Glenn was back, and with him the last of his work friends.

Beth looked up and there was a good amount of incredulity in her eyes as they met the sharp blue ones of Daryl’s.

‘This is Merle and Daryl. Both mechanics at the shop.’

Merle had a grin spread wide over his face as he looked down at Maggie and Beth. He took a seat in the booth opposite them, hands clasped together over the sticky mahogany table. Daryl reluctantly followed.

‘So this your girl, huh, Rhee?’ Merle asked, eyes flicking over Maggie.

Glenn moved to Maggie, looking disgustingly in love, hand playing on her shoulder. ‘Yeah, this is my girl.’

Merle shuffled in closer, elbows resting on the table. ‘And this is her pretty little sister, I’ll bet.’

Fortunately for Merle, Maggie was too drunk to hear and instead of looking at him with intense dislike as she usually would, she greeted the brothers politely and made a bit of small talk. Merle replied to everything, clearly trying to be extra respectful but still adding innuendoes here and there as though he couldn’t help himself. Daryl was staring at the table, slowly drinking a beer. Before long Maggie and Glenn were wrapped up in their own world once again, but Beth didn’t miss the way Maggie’s eyes lingered over the Dixon brothers sharply. Merle definitely hadn’t made the best first impression.

Beth fumbled with her bracelets, feeling slightly awkward. What was she meant to say to them after the way they’d already met? Should she pretend they hadn’t?

But Merle wasn’t one to waste time while she was preoccupied and silent. ‘Alrighty, I think I’ll leave ya with Darylina for the moment, if ya don’t mind, I got a pretty fox waitin’ for me over there who’s been givin’ me the eye all night.’

And he jumped out of the booth quick as he came in, Daryl’s head shaking after him.

‘I know I said thanks already, but I just want to you know it meant a lot.’ Beth blurted out, careful that Maggie and Glenn couldn’t hear.

Daryl looked to her, a slight nod as he said, ‘all good.’

He offered her an almost smile, and judging by the way his mouth fell back into a comfortable line, she got the sense that he didn’t do that a lot. There was something about him that made Beth unusually drawn to him. Maybe it was the way he seemed to try to make himself smaller in the crowd, or the way she could tell that he thought himself undeserving of her praise, or maybe even just the same lost look in his eyes that she felt, too. She didn’t know what it was but she knew it was there.

Feeling suddenly confident, Beth leaned forward, catching the way his eyes darted over her exposed collarbones and then back down to his drink, almost guiltily, solidifying her suspicion that he felt he shouldn’t be looking at her like that. Like he was afraid of stealing pieces of her and making them his own. Like he was afraid of messing her up.

‘I’m Beth, by the way.’

His eyes found hers again. ‘Daryl.’

She smiled at him and he looked away, taking a long gulp of his drink. Beside them, Glenn laughed at something Maggie had whispered in his ear, and Beth felt a little relieved they were both still distracted.

Daryl, finally seemed to realise he had nothing else to do until his brother returned or left, cleared his throat and asked in a gruff voice, ‘how come you ain’t drinking?’

Now it was Beth’s turn to look away. She considered a few different options in her head but the one she voiced aloud was, ‘my daddy never let us drink. Had problems with it, back in the day. I’ve had plenty of chances but I don’t know. Didn’t wanna disappoint him.’

Daryl chewed on his lip. ‘Doesn’t seem to be a problem for her.’ He nodded towards Maggie, who was giggling, one arm around Glenn and the other on a half-empty glass.

‘Yeah, well. She’s the wild one. Someone’s gotta have the fun.’

Daryl took another sip, nearly draining his bottle, his eyelids heavy as he watched her. ‘You ain’t fun?’

Beth grinned and Daryl looked away as though it hurt his eyes. Lately, she had been the exact opposite of fun, but here was a stranger who knew nothing about her life or her past, and for a second she felt like what she imagined Maggie was feeling right now.

‘I can be fun.’ Beth teased, and Daryl let out a breath of air that sounded like _pfft_ , looking to her and away again as though he thought everytime he made eye contact with her was something to be punished for. It hadn’t slipped past her. Whatever this man was, he was better than he thought. ‘I can.’

The change in her voice dragged his eyes back, and when they met this time, there was something mirrored in his that she suspected he could see in hers.

‘Come on. I’ll buy you another drink.’ Beth didn’t even know why she suggested it, but she felt at the very least they’d be even from the situation earlier and at most, she’d be able to keep talking to Daryl, without fear of Maggie intervening in the name of what was best for her fragile little sister.

Daryl chewed the inside of his mouth for a moment, then nodded, following her out of the booth and towards the bar. Beth snuck a glance back and was relieved to see Maggie hadn’t noticed.

‘You even old enough to drink?’ Daryl asked with a raised brow.

Beth leant against the bar, peering at him playfully. A kaleidoscope of coloured lights bounced over him, blue and yellow and purple, illuminating the shadows of his face, the deep brown of his hair, the blue of his eyes.

‘Technically, no.’ Beth waved the bartender over. She caught the wave of panic that had crossed Daryl’s face and she reassured quickly, ‘I’m eighteen.’

Daryl didn’t seem too sated by that. He was frowning a little and although he didn’t say it, Beth could imagine he was thinking himself no better than the creeps who’d hit on her earlier.

‘What’re you having?’ She asked sweetly.

Daryl, still a little distracted, ordered another of the same in his hand. He quickly finished the one he’d been holding and managed to hand a note to the bartender before Beth got the chance to pull out her purse.

‘Hey – that was supposed to be me paying you back for before!’

Daryl shook his head, accepting the bottle from the bartender and leaning against the sticky bar top to face her. Beth was a little pleased to see his eyes softening again as he looked at her, and she couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. He seemed to have half a mind to turn and run, but for all his apparent misgivings he couldn’t seem to bring himself to leave.

‘Ain’t nothin’, told you.’

‘Alright then.’ A smile played over Beth’s lips, and Daryl hastily took a sip of his beer. ‘I’ll just have to pay you back some other way.’

Try as she might, Beth couldn’t stop the image from forming in her head of what exactly her words insinuated. Her eyes widened in horror as the same dawning look had crossed Daryl’s face.

‘I didn’t – I mean, I wasn’t – ’

Daryl seemed to speak before he realised he was doing it. ‘Careful, tongue like that’ll get you in trouble.’

Beth blinked in surprise, taking in the shock on his face at his own words. She bit back a soft laugh as she watched his cheeks flush as he turned away to hide the sudden burning on his face. She couldn’t tell for sure, but if the images of him pressing up against her, messy hair tickling her throat and hands wrapped around her as she moaned was anything to go off, he had been thinking something similar.

And for the second time Beth suspected Daryl was at odds with himself for the harsh comparison he was inwardly making to the two teenagers harassing her earlier and himself. She let her grin spread wider as she watched him through her lashes, letting him know this was okay, this was nothing like before.

‘Maybe I wanna be in trouble.’ Beth teased and this time it seemed he didn’t mind, didn’t mind the way her eyes lit up as they watched him, like there was something to look at. Beth felt a sudden pang in her gut that told her he was so much more like her than she’d thought. He, too, hadn’t been seen in a long time.

Daryl let out a huff of air as he tipped his head back, keeping his eyes on her as he drank.

‘So Daryl Dixon – ’ Beth teased a little, delighted by the way his eyes widened at the sound of his name rolling off her tongue – ‘what’s the scoop on Glenn?’

Daryl settled his bottle against the bar, watching her through heavy lids. ‘Ain’t much to tell. He’s a good kid, got a good head on his shoulders.’

Beth nodded and Daryl, shifting and considering her, added, ‘he’ll look after your sister.’

Beth nodded again, grateful for the reassurance. ‘Seems to be.’

A moment of silence. Then, ‘and what about you?’

‘What ‘bout me?’

Beth leaned in closer and caught a scent of something that smelt like motor oil and wood. ‘You a good man?’

Daryl let out a breath of air, turning to scan his eyes over the crowd.

Beth turned to follow his gaze. The music was loud as ever but that didn’t mean she missed the way his breathing grew shallower as they’d spoke, the way his voice had grown slightly stronger each time he’d answered, like he wasn’t used to talking so much or being listened to so much.

‘I think you are.’ Beth went on, sensing he wasn’t going to reply.

‘Don’t know me.’ Daryl said with a grunt as he pushed himself off the bar.

Beth didn’t know why she even cared so much about talking to this man, almost a complete stranger, but she knew her pulse had quickened everytime his eyes flicked to hers and she knew that his voice made her skin erupt in goosebumps, and she thought that maybe she didn’t need a reason. She’d spent so much time overthinking that she had forgotten how to act on impulse, on what felt right, instead of why.

‘Maybe I wanna.’ Her voice had dropped an octave and he’d noticed.

Daryl’s mouth twitched, Adam’s apple bobbing as his eyes flicked between hers, unsure. Beth could see a decisiveness there, a harsh, unyielding will clashing with an uncertainty. And yet as she looked at him with her huge blue eyes and the ghost of a smile tracing her face, something told her that he was just as stubborn as she was. Maybe that was stronger than all his misgivings. It was certainly stronger than all of hers.

‘Why?’ Daryl kept a neutral tone as though he was trying to convince himself that he didn’t care if this girl wanted to know him. But the fact that he seemed to be second-guessing himself said otherwise.

Beth looked away, thumbing at the bracelets by her wrist thoughtfully. She didn’t speak for a minute, just watched the crowd of people dancing and drinking. She turned back to him as the song ended.

‘Why not?’

Daryl eyed her for a minute, apparently forgetting the beer in front of him and growing temporarily deaf to the new song that had begun to pound around them once more.

‘Ain’t nothin’ to know.’

Beth felt an ache of sorrow threaten against her chest and watched as Daryl looked away from her. She’d got so good at pushing other people away that it was clear as day to her when someone else was doing it.

‘There you are!’ Maggie’s voice interrupted before Beth had a chance to draw a breath and both she and Daryl looked around, Daryl averting his eyes from Beth quickly, moving a little away.

‘Are you okay, Bethy?’ Maggie looped an arm around her sister while Glenn nodded to Daryl. He had red lipstick on his neck that matched Maggie’s smudged mouth. Daryl returned the nod hesitantly but Beth didn’t miss the way Maggie stared at him with an accusatory glare as though he’d been doing something wrong.

‘I’m fine, Maggie.’ Beth smiled, trying to sound casual. ‘Was just talking to Daryl.’ She ended in a shrug, like they’d been discussing the weather or a movie and not about her wanting to know him.

Maggie didn’t seem to believe her, and as the song over the speakers swelled to the chorus, she said, ‘don’t go missing like that again, you scared me. Remember what Daddy said, after?’

Beth’s fingers were fumbling with her bracelets once again. She flicked a careful glance to Glenn and Daryl, knowing they could see the flush in her cheeks despite the bad lighting. Turning back to her sister, she held her hard gaze for a moment, feeling a tiny trace of guilt that was no match against the swelling of longing that Daryl was responsible for.

‘Sorry.’ But she didn’t feel sorry.

Hoping that Daryl would back her up if Maggie asked him anything, Beth turned to look at him, eyes darting to where he’d been standing last, but she found nothing. His beer bottle was still on the filthy countertop, but he was gone.

‘Beth? Hello?’ Maggie was getting more impatient, didn’t even seem to realise Daryl had left.

Beth spun around, checking their surroundings for him, feeling increasingly stupider as the seconds went on and he was nowhere to been seen.

‘What the hell Beth? You gonna tell me what this is really about?’

Something about the anger in Maggie’s tone snapped Beth back to reality. She knew her sister had been drinking and that it made her both stupider and smarter, but she wasn’t about to be lectured for this. ‘What, so I can’t walk 10 feet away from you and talk to a guy now?’

Maggie’s eyes flashed. Beth knew her sister meant well, but she was annoyed that Daryl had disappeared, and she had a feeling Maggie could sense it because she said, ‘he’s not a guy worth talking to Beth – don’t look at me like that! Last thing you need’s some redneck degenerate putting ideas in your head when you’re already – ’ She cut herself off, realising she’d gone too far, or maybe she’d seen the way Glenn had looked at her warningly.

Beth was still. ‘He’s not.’ She said quietly, and when Maggie rolled her eyes and made to object, Glenn took her hand, tugging her around and trying to calm her down.

Maggie broke free of his hold. ‘I’m trying so hard to keep you safe!’ She almost sounded at the verge of tears. ‘I worry about you all the time! Everything we’ve done, Daddy and I, all the babysitting, all the rules, they’ve been for you!’

Beth couldn’t help the guilt that welled up in her stomach, but something else was pushing closer to the surface, something that she knew had been coming for months, but she’d kept it hidden because she was too scared to give it a voice and a name. ‘You can’t save me!’

Maggie snorted, throwing her hands into the air, gesturing to where Daryl had just stood.

‘Neither can he!’

Glenn was still trying to reason with her, and in a detached sort of way, Beth silently applauded him for not letting her blindly argue.

‘I can take care of myself.’ She didn’t wait for Maggie to snap another snarky remark at her, just spun on her heel and left.

Stumbling outside through the crowd of people lined up at the door, she spotted Daryl at the end of the street on a motorbike. Breath catching and barely thinking, but knowing this was her only chance, she ran to him, and he looked up at the sound of her footsteps, eyes widening in alarm.

‘Y’alright?’

Beth nodded, and before she lost her nerve, ‘take me with you.’

Daryl frowned, opening his mouth to object.

‘I wanna go with you, Daryl. Take me with you.’

Beth watched him as she got closer, climbing onto the back of his bike slowly, waiting for him to object. She felt him suck in a breath as she wrapped her hands around his waist.

The motorbike roared to life, and Beth finally felt the twinge of guilt in her gut grow, but it was nothing compared to the way her heart was hammering against her ribcage, for the first time she could remember in a long time, fighting to prove she was alive.

‘Sure this is a good idea?’ Daryl asked, sounding impossibly at war with himself and a little unsure at what she had in mind.

Beth smiled against the angel wings on his back as the motorbike started to move. ‘Nope.’

Daryl made a noise that was almost a laugh, low and gravely, and she felt it vibrate through his chest and into her fingers. They sped off down the street, and Beth could just picture Maggie running out of the bar, Glenn trailing after her, watching her little sister disappear off into the night, blonde hair whipping around her head like a halo holding onto a pair of angel wings.


	2. First Time For Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Beth sit on a rooftop and get to know each other a little better.

Beth peered over Daryl’s shoulder as they turned off the main street, dimly lit by orange lamps, and started to laugh. Daryl supposed it might be funny that she’d taken off on the back of a stranger’s bike in the middle of the night, but he was getting increasingly apprehensive as the minutes ticked on.

He felt her laughter though her chest against his back, and for a second, let himself imagine that it was him making her laugh, that they were going home after another day together, that he had someone like her. That he could love someone like her and she could love someone like him. The first part he knew could be true. He could have given his heart away a hundred times over, but he never had. Merle would call him soft, stupid, but he ached with a longing to be known. He wanted to be known, but he’d never let anyone in. Never wanted to. He was his own worst enemy, a self-created paradox. And here was this girl who he’d barely known five minutes, and she was making him wonder about all the things he’d never let himself wonder about before. He’d gotten so good at pushing everyone else away that he hadn’t even recognised what he was feeling towards Beth until she’d said that maybe she’d wanted to know him, and suddenly that feeling was an ache and something he hadn’t felt, not like this, not ever – longing?

Daryl’s thoughts were interrupted by Beth squeezing him tightly around his middle as he turned a corner sharply, a noise of surprise and delight coming out of her. A voice in his head said he should drop her off home, but another, much louder one said that it was clearly home she was trying to get away from when her sister had confronted her at the bar and she’d jumped on his bike.

In the end, not being able to decide between pulling over and asking her what it was she wanted from him or taking her back to the bar, Daryl found himself slowing as they reached his apartment building, muscle memory alone leading them there.

Beth got off nervously, watching him as he dismounted and peeled off his leather gloves.

‘So . . . you live here?’ She asked, and he looked up at her. Her cheeks were flushed with warm air and excitement, and he found his voice didn’t work. He settled for a nod.

‘Look, I know we don’t know each other, but I meant what I said at the bar. And this – ’ Beth gestured to them and the bike – ‘isn’t just some stupid teenage whim to rebel. I mean, maybe a little. But not like this.’ Daryl caught her eye and she grinned, light spilling through the wrinkles next to her eyes, through the gaps between each tooth. He nodded again, chewing on the inside of his mouth, lost in thought.

‘Are we going in?’ Beth asked, still smiling at him like there was no-one else she’d rather be there with or no where else she'd rather be.

Daryl’s heart slowed as he fingered his keys in his pocket. He didn’t know what she expected from him, but he sure as hell wasn’t letting her see his place. From what Glenn had said about Maggie, that family was far better off than he was or ever would be. After what seemed like an eternity, he replied.

‘Nah. Got somethin’ better in mind.’ He titled his head for her to follow him into the building, and she did.

He led her up tens of flights of stairs, preparing for a complaint about why they couldn’t just take the elevator, but she didn’t ask questions.

Finally, they reached a door that Daryl had to shoulder open, making a horrible scraping noise as he did. Beth winced as though worried that people living on this level might awaken at the noise, but Daryl wasn’t too bothered by the thought. It wasn’t the nicest building and most of the people who lived there were probably too drugged up or passed out to notice.

Beth followed him through the door, the night air still warm as it played across her bare shoulders, making her hair float around her.

‘Oh,’ she breathed out. He’d taken her to the roof of the apartment building. All around them were hundreds of warm yellow lights coming from buildings nearby, but it was the stillness that made her stop in her tracks. Daryl wondered about the farm she lived on, knowing she could get plenty quiet there but knowing silence in the middle of what shouldn’t be silent was something else. There was something about standing on the rooftop with someone he shouldn’t, the stars the only witness, that threw Daryl back into his hundreds of misgivings.

Beth turned to Daryl but he was looking to the ground, still chewing on his lip.

‘So, Daryl Dixon,’ a grin split her face once again, and he suddenly found he was never aware of when she stopped grinning, only that when it happened it was like he had never seen it before and also like he couldn’t remember when she’d stopped, ‘what now?’

Daryl let out a small huff, shrugging. ‘Ain’t you the one with the grand plan? Since you’re rebellin’ and all.’

Beth let out a soft laugh and she sunk to lean against a wall, wrapping her arms around herself.

Try as he might, Daryl couldn’t help his eyes darting to her exposed shoulders and found himself wondering before he could stop himself, _should I give her my jacket?_ He shook the thought as soon as it formed. Merle would call him a pussy if he were here, make some dumbass comment about how he should be getting her out of clothes instead of getting her into more. But Merle wasn’t here.

‘Never actually rebelled.’ Beth confessed, and although she was right in front of him, she suddenly seemed a million miles away. She was playing with the bracelets around her wrist again.

Daryl looked away, down to the street where a group of people were stumbling around drunkenly, their voices echoing off the empty buildings surrounding them. He looked back to Beth, and she looked so hopelessly sad for a minute that it didn’t seem as though she had just been smiling at him a moment ago.

He shifted uncomfortably.

‘It’s just, I haven’t been on my own like this for a long time.’

‘Overprotective parents or somethin’?’

Beth nodded. ‘Something like that.’

Silence as the noisy group on the street walked farther away. For a few more minutes, the silence won.

Then, ‘I’ve never even had alcohol before.’

Daryl looked up, more out of disbelief than anything. Beth giggled at his expression but nodded in confirmation.

‘My dad and his drinking problem . . .’ she trailed off, recalling their conversation earlier and perhaps thinking of the sister she’d ditched at the bar. A small look of worry played around her face and Daryl spoke as Beth made to pull her phone out.

‘Wanna change that?’ It wasn’t his place to offer, and he suspected it wasn’t like her to say yes, but something about the way she seemed so sad made Daryl ache with a strange familiarity, a feeling he recognised.

‘You have some?’

He nodded.

Beth looked to her hands, to the coloured bracelets around her wrist, to the rest of the city below them, to Daryl. He knew his expression was guarded, knew that Beth could probably tell that he didn’t do this, ever.

Maybe that’s why she nodded, smiling slowly as though they shared a secret. ‘Okay. Where is it?’

‘My place.’ Daryl’s voice was gruff as he looked away from her, thinking of how he’d brought her up here specifically because he didn’t want her seeing where he lived. But Beth, although practically bouncing with excitement, had caught the embarrassment in his eyes.

‘I’ll wait here then.’ She said brightly, plopping down onto the ground and resting her shoulders against the cold brick behind her.

Daryl nodded, catching her eye as he walked towards the door. ‘Be back.’ He murmured, wondering if she had chosen to stay on the roof because she could somehow read his mind and feel the shame he had about his place, or if she just figured the she shouldn’t trust a random man she’d just met that night. Either way, she was smart.

It didn’t take Daryl long to get to his apartment. As he unlocked the door and made his way to the kitchen, his eyes raked over the bare couch and small TV self-consciously. He grabbed a glass bottle out of the cupboard, two plastic cups and, pausing as he was leaving, turned back around to get some cold pizza, thinking that if Beth didn’t know her limits yet, he’d at least be able to make sure he was doing the responsible thing.

The thought of that made him inwardly sigh. _Responsible thing,_ he thought as he locked the door and made his way back to the rooftop. _Didn’t realise there was anythin’ responsible ‘bout takin’ an eighteen-year-old back to your place and gettin’ her drunk._

Those were Merle’s words, he knew, but it was getting harder and harder to tell the difference these days. Voices sounded the same, thoughts got muddled. He was drifting, drifting, and losing pieces of himself as he went.

These thoughts carried him back to the rooftop where Beth was waiting expectantly. She beamed as she saw him and got up to help, setting the bottle and cups down. He offered her the pizza box awkwardly.

‘Should probably have some before you drink. Less likely to get sick.’

Beth nodded. ‘Thanks.’ Her voice was soft.

Daryl nodded, ever chewing the inside of his mouth, and turned away, leaning against the door, watching her through hooded eyes.

‘You aren’t having any?’ Beth fumbled with the cap, then poured a generous amount of liquid between two cups – when had he brought more than one?

‘Probably shouldn’t. Won’t be right – ’

Beth rolled her eyes, looking up at him. ‘If you’re about to give some speech about how you feel guilty, or like you’re doing something wrong, you can just take me home right now. I can take care of myself and you’re not making me do anything I don’t wanna do.’

Daryl’s eyes flickered between hers, thinking that she sure as hell must be a mind-reader to say something so specific.

‘You sure ‘bout this?’ Daryl asked finally, the words feeling heavy in his mouth.

Beth grinned, holding out a plastic cup. ‘You first.’

Shaking his head but not being able to control the smile that was slowly working the corners of his mouth loose, he grabbed the cup off her and took a sip while she settled down onto the floor again, crossing her legs and helping herself to a slice of pizza.

‘What is it, anyway?’ She asked, mouth full and cheeks looking fit to burst.

‘Moonshine.’

‘What, no sparkling wine?’ Beth joked, and he knew she was joking and not making a dig at him. He took another sip as she finished the slice.

‘Okay.’ Beth said with conviction, and took a large gulp of the clear liquid. She’d made the mistake of sniffing it as she swallowed and her eyes watered as she set the cup down.

‘Man, that’s strong.’ She coughed a few times, biting into the pizza once again.

Daryl chuckled, finally pushing himself off the wall and sitting opposite her on the ground. The street light closest to the building flickered on, and he hadn’t even realised it was off until the yellow light hit her face and bathed her in gold. He cleared his throat and looked away.

Daryl felt Beth’s gaze on him as he played with his almost-empty cup. He tilted his head to her and she looked away quickly.

‘That your phone?’ Daryl asked as a stark buzzing cut into the quiet night.

Beth jumped a little, rummaging through her bag it in a slight panic, before hurriedly answering.

‘Hello – hey Maggie – ’

Even from where he sat, Daryl could hear Maggie’s words clearly.

_‘Where the hell are you Beth, I’ve text you a million times I had no idea where you went –’_

‘Sorry, I didn’t check my phone. I’m fine.’ Beth looked up at Daryl, who was feeling increasingly more uncomfortable. ‘I’m with a friend.’

_‘What the hell were you thinking leaving without me, or even telling me where you were going? Glenn and I looked everywhere, I nearly called dad –’_

‘I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Don’t call dad, I’m fine.’

_Who are you with? Not Zach again?_

‘No, no, Maggie. Not Zach.’

Despite himself, Daryl couldn’t help but wonder at the name.

_‘Why the hell’d you run off, what are you doing?’_

Beth hastily put her half-filled cup onto the ground. ‘Just talking. Trust me, I’m fine, Mags. I’ll be home soon. Don’t worry about me. I’m good.’

And she hung up with Maggie still talking into the phone.

Beth grimaced at Daryl before finishing the rest of her drink. ‘Sorry about that.’

Daryl shrugged, watching her through his lashes. It really was none of his business, but he still felt an odd stab at her discomfort. He’d certainly never had any calls like that from anyone worried over where he was. He supposed to Beth it was a bother but to him it was completely foreign.

Before Daryl could say anything, Beth had reached over and grabbed the bottle of moonshine, unscrewed the lid and took a swig straight from the neck. Catching his amused look, she offered the bottle to him.

‘Hell,’ he muttered before taking it and doing the same.

There were a few moments of silence where the street light flickered on and off and Beth and Daryl looked at each other unguardedly, swapping the bottle every now and then. Before long, Beth was gigglier than usual, and, although Daryl’s tolerance was much higher than hers, he felt his stomach contracting at her laugh and his fingers trembling when they brushed hers on the way to the bottle neck, and try as he might to blame it on the alcohol, he knew that wasn’t it.

Beth was humming happily under her breath, giving Daryl an excuse to look at her freely, and, before he could regain control of the part of his brain that told his mouth what to do, he was asking, ‘you sing?’

She stopped humming abruptly, eyes bright. ‘Yeah, how’d you know?’

He shrugged. ‘Sounds good, s’all.’

Beth watched him for a moment as though weighing him up, then moved in closer, so close that their knees were almost touching.

‘Want me to sing you a song, Daryl Dixon?’

Beth’s mouth was parted in a half-smile, her blonde hair falling onto her bare shoulders, skin dewy in the streetlight. Daryl could do nothing but nod.

So she sang. She didn’t take long to pick a song, and she didn’t give him all of it, but she gave him enough that by the end, his heart was aching with the realisation that he wanted to be known, and by her.

As Beth finished the last few lines, Daryl took a long drink from the bottle, startled to see it was nearly all gone. The alcohol no longer burned on the way down, not like the sudden bud flowering in his chest that was growing all through his ribcage, spreading across dead weeds that had been there too long.

Beth did a mock bow as best she could while sitting cross-legged when she’d finished, laughing, and brazenly finished the rest of the moonshine. Without the constant rhythm of passing it back and forth, an element of comfort was stripped away, and suddenly there didn’t seem to be much at all between them, knees inches apart, practically able to taste the alcohol on each other’s breath.

They’d both seemed to realise this at the same time.

‘And what now?’ Beth asked, her voice playful.

It was strange, that since she’d hopped on his bike Daryl’s life had felt alien, whimsical, like he was living off someone else’s borrowed time. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for her to come to her senses and realise she was just off on a rebellious spree, and that he wasn’t special.

Daryl could feel the words coming but this time, he let them. ‘Keep singin’.’

And so she did. Half-way between the second song, he shuffled to sit next to her, and they both leaned back against the brick wall of the building, watching the stars.

Beth sung two more songs after that, and only stopped because her voice was starting to get scratchy.

‘First drink’ll do that to you.’ Daryl mouth was a half-smirk.

Beth turned to look at him. ‘You have many firsts anymore, Daryl?’ Her tone had dropped slightly, not quite sad but not happy either.

‘Mm.’ He almost shrugged, a natural reflex of his at this point, but he found he wanted to answer. ‘Like what?’ He couldn’t help but smile as her eyes lit up at the question.

‘Like, I don’t know . . . I had my first drink tonight. First time I broke a bone, I was twelve. Fell off my horse, right onto my ankle. Couldn’t ride for ages after that.’

Daryl ran a hand over his face. ‘Ain’t never broken a bone before.’ He was silent for a minute, debating with himself whether he should keep talking or just sink back into silence.

‘First time I watched a movie, in the theatre. Merle was eighteen, he took me to some horror film, thought it’d be funny.’ He paused, looking over at Beth and finding an odd pleasure in her expression – still, like she was waiting for his response as if she needed it. ‘Hated it, gave me nightmares for weeks after.’

Beth laughed, turning back to the stars to think, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. Again, the urge to offer her a jacket came over him, again, he ignored it.

‘First time I ever sang. Kindergarten, was so nervous I nearly fainted. Your turn.’

Beth’s phone vibrated but she ignored it. Daryl didn’t miss how her hands trailed unconsciously to her bracelets and a strange need to make her laugh, if only to distract her from her phone and whatever else seemed to be on her mind, overtook him.

‘First time I ever sang. Twenty years old at the local talent show – ’

‘You did not!’ Beth giggled, nudging Daryl, who laughed as well.

‘Nah.’ There was something about making her laugh, being the one that was responsible for the way her eyes lit up and wrinkled around the edges. He realised quietly that he’d like to keep doing that.

‘Alright, alright, I’ll step up my game. First kiss.’

Daryl’s stomach gave a nervous twist as Beth steered the conversation into deeper waters.

‘I was thirteen and his name was Jimmy. We grew up together, he was always at the farm, always somewhere around. I decided I was sick of Maggie always running off with boys so I grabbed Jimmy and just planted one on him. Unfortunately for him, my dad was passing the barn at that exact moment and practically chased him off our property with a shotgun. Took him weeks to even show his face again.’ She laughed at the memory and Daryl let out a huff of amusement, trying not to put too much thought into her choice of topic.

‘Alright Greene,’ he slumped his head back, his shoulders brushing hers, determined not to let her outdo him. ‘First time I had a drink. My dad was off on one of his benders, mom’d been gone for a while. Merle was gettin’ shitfaced every weekend, always wanted to take me with him, always said no. But this one week, I got nowhere else to be, so he takes me with him to his dealer’s house.’

Daryl watched her face as he spoke for any sign of disdain or dislike, but there was none. She was listening without a motive, listening without judgement, all for the simple fact that he was telling her.

‘Gives me a glass of vodka, I drink it all, puke it up about ten minutes later. Didn’t touch that shit for half a year after that.’

‘No-one there to tell you about the pizza trick.’ Beth noted quietly, and although she meant it as a joke, it came out slightly less funny than she apparently anticipated. Her eyes found Daryl’s, and he was close, so close to her that he could just imagine the soft warmth of her skin under his rough, undeserving hands. For the first time, he didn’t shake the thought as he caught her own curious expression.

Daryl’s heart pressed painfully against his ribs as he held eye contact with her, thoughts of her lips under his, of her fingers darting up his spine, of how he could hold her, of how he could make her sing, flooding his traitorous brain.

Beth’s tongue darted out to wet her lips. ‘Okay, my turn. First time I had sex.’

Daryl waited for her to go on, but she’d seemingly finished her sentence.

And then she turned to him, her eyes big and her mouth slightly parted, waiting, inviting. For a moment, Daryl wondered what would happen if he echoed his previous words to her.

_Wanna change that?_

Daryl knew exactly what he wanted to do, exactly what she wanted him to do, but he couldn’t. The words died in his throat before they even reached his mouth. It was a stupid thought – she didn’t really want him at all. Beth was eighteen and elated from her first drink, that was all. Daryl tried to remind himself that he was double her age, but the fact was that excuse didn’t apply to her as well as he might hope, for she seemed to equal his emotional maturity, even go beyond it. Her self-awareness was that of someone who’d gone through more emotional trauma than they should and although Daryl didn’t know what, he suspected it had something to do with why her sister was so overprotective of her.

Beth’s eyes were searching his, her chest rising and falling softly. Daryl knew what he had to do, despite his pants tightening as he got impossibly hard at the thought of giving in to what she wanted.

He turned his head, trying to turn his treacherous mind off, keeping his eyes trained ahead, but he still caught Beth’s expression falter a little as she looked down.

She cleared her throat, awkwardly moving away. Not only had she just made things uncomfortable in her mind, but she’d just told him, almost a stranger, that she’d never had sex and then had proceeded to insinuate that she’d like to with him.

Daryl didn’t want her to feel awkward, if anything it was him who should feel bad about it all. The street seemed to grow quieter in their silence. Then, Daryl forced himself to say something, not being able to take the the thought of her feeling bad for doing nothing wrong.

‘Should probably get you home.’ Daryl looked away as he stood up, bottle loose in his hand.

Beth pushed herself off the ground and gathered the rest of the things surrounding them quickly.

‘Yeah.’ Her voice betrayed her disappointment but she didn’t meet his eye. ‘I, uh . . . mind if I use the bathroom first?’

Daryl paused for a moment, chewing his lip, then nodded slowly. If she was leaving, what did it matter if she saw his place on her way out? He wouldn’t see her again, anyway, and at the very least maybe it’d make her feel a little better if she saw he was not the kind of man she wanted to have sex with.

Beth nodded, following him back through the door and down the stairs wordlessly. Daryl led the way back to his apartment, trying desperately to keep his mind clear of any thought of her that would make his erection grow. It was almost a cosmic joke, that he should have gone through this much of life and never felt this sudden desire for someone before, and now he was burning for a girl he barely knew that he shouldn’t want.

A few minutes later, Daryl stopped abruptly in front of his door. A dull feeling of unease was spreading through him as he jingled his keys out of his pocket and unlocked it.

Beth pressed a hand to her head, frowning, and Daryl imagined the headache she must be getting from the alcohol. Although she seemed a little dazed, her hands were steady as she reached to push the door open. Daryl followed her in, a little defeated and incredibly confused with this whole night. When had they gotten here, how had it happened so fast?

He flicked on the yellow apartment light and blinked in the brightness, looking around nervously. His place might seem clean on first glance, but all Daryl could see was the absence of anything other than its fundamental structural needs. His kitchen was bare, nothing on the benches and barely anything in the draws other than the few dishes he rotated between. The tiny living area they were standing in had nothing of a home feel to it; no gilded frames filled with loved ones or tiny pot plants or vases with wildflowers. Daryl felt his chest closing up a little as they stood in silence and turned to Beth to see her glancing around with big eyes.

‘Just there.’ Daryl said in a low voice, nodding to a pair of doors at the end of his little hallway, unable to take the thought of her standing there and judging him anymore.

‘I’ll just be a second.’ Beth mumbled sheepishly.

Daryl watched her disappear into the bathroom as he slumped onto the couch, head in his hands. He was a little fuzzy from the drink and a whole lot fuzzier from the effect Beth had on him but he was still aware of himself enough to know that this had very little to do with alcohol. It didn’t feel real – Beth being here, Beth wanting to be here with him. If he’d said something else to her minutes ago they might be doing something very different right now and that thought scared him as much as it excited him.

He ran a hand through his hair, head pounding at the countless thoughts swirling through his mind, mixing him up. While Beth might be second guessing her apparent desire for him, Daryl was being quickly blinded by her, as though he’d flicked a switch expecting a light but instead had gotten the sun.


	3. All I Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Beth are forced to stay at his apartment and it gets harder to tiptoe around their feelings for each other as Merle swings by to antagonise them.

Beth didn’t notice Daryl slump into a chair, head in his hands, as she disappeared into the bathroom.

What she did notice, however, was for a split second when she looked into the mirror, she didn’t recognise herself. There was black smudged under her eyes from the mascara Maggie had applied what seemed like forever ago and her cheeks flushed from the warm night air and her hair messy from the ride in. For that split second, she liked this strange girl that had had her first drink tonight, that had met someone who seemed to look at her and see what it was she wished others could.

What was she doing? What would happen when she left this bathroom, when Daryl took her home? Would she ever see him again? Would he even want to?

Beth’s head was pounding a little from the drink but that was nothing compared to the volume of her thoughts. She could tell he was hesitant about letting her into his place, and this mixed with the way he’d brushed off her suggestive confession had made her wonder if he even liked her at all. Maybe he was just being polite, after all – she had jumped on the back of his bike on a whim.

But then there was the way he looked at her with eyes that seemed to be seeking permission to want the same thing she did. There was the way he told her to keep singing, as though he couldn’t think of anything else he’d rather be doing but listening. And that couldn’t mean nothing.

Trying hard to slow the stream of uncertainties rushing through her mind, Beth splashed a bit of water on her face, patted herself dry and walked back into the kitchen, determined to not make this awkward. Faintly, or maybe it was only faint to her because her thoughts were so loud, she could hear yelling coming from one of the apartments nearby.

Daryl hadn’t moved, head still in his hands. He didn’t seem to realise she was there yet either, so she took a few seconds to look around.

His place was nothing like her home, but it had its own character to it all the same. A few books with their spines broken in were placed neatly underneath the coffee table, a pack of cigarettes on top of the microwave, an old photograph taped to the fridge. She moved closer, making out two young boys laughing at the camera, guessing from the resemblance that one was Daryl and the other was his brother she’d met earlier.

Daryl’s head shot up at her movements, an animal spooked by noise. For a second, Beth was sure he’d yell at her, tell her to get out and who did she think she was to just invite herself in and look at his things, but he did none of that.

‘Ready?’ Daryl’s eyes were heavy-lidded as though he was tired, but Beth didn’t miss the tense set of his shoulders and the way his jaw jumped as he stood up. His keys were in his hand. Angry? No – scared? She was about to reply when there was a sharp rap on the front door.

‘Dixon, you in there?’

Almost immediately, a guilty look crossed Daryl’s face and suddenly Beth had a name for what she couldn’t figure out before. He was not annoyed with her or simply being too polite to say otherwise – he was feeling guilty. Beth knew he wasn’t doing anything wrong but from what she could tell of him, he was hard on himself and following that line of logic and knowing he’d compared himself to the two guys at the bar who had shamelessly harassed her, Beth finally understood a little more of his restraint. Her eyes softened as he looked at her and perhaps he saw that, because his jaw relaxed slightly.

Daryl opened the front door, leaning across the threshold.

‘Rick.’ He muttered and Beth moved a little closer, watching the side of his face as he scanned the other man.

‘Sorry to disturb you so late, Daryl. I can hear six twenty havin’ another screamin’ match, just wondered if you’d heard anything serious.’

Daryl leant against the door as though he was relieved. Beth watched his body language, the way he let out a small breath before he began to reply, the way he stood slightly taller. Did he really think Rick had come here for him? She either had reason to worry, or, what she had begin to suspect it really was – she had a man in front of her who did not believe he was a good thing.

‘Nah, just got in. Haven’t heard much.’

Rick nodded, sharp eyes looking behind Daryl to Beth, where she registered the slight surprise on his face.

‘Sorry, didn’t realise you had company.’ He gave Beth a nod. ‘Sheriff Rick Grimes. I live just a few doors down.’

‘Beth Greene.’ She tried to keep her voice steady, wondering if the Sheriff was well versed in underage drinking.

Something like recognition crossed Rick’s face. ‘Greene? As in Hershel Greene, the farmer?’

‘That’s the one. You know my dad?’

Rick smiled. ‘Tough old man, stubborn as a mule?’

Beth gave a small laugh, nodding, relief flooding through her that he didn’t seem to think anything amiss.

‘Yeah I know him. Good man.’

Daryl had seemed to shrink as the conversation grew, chewing on his lip and looking down to his feet.

There was a moment of silence, where Beth suspected Rick was calculating all he knew about Hershel’s daughters, and deducing that she was the younger one.

He turned back to Daryl. ‘How’d you two wind up meeting?’

Fortunately for Daryl, Beth had found her way to the door and was up for a chat.

‘We were out with some friends and my sister, got to talking, next thing I knew I’m busting for the toilet and Daryl’s place is closest.’

Daryl gave a little nod, no doubt grateful that she was still sharp enough to think on the spot and leave out the part about them drinking moonshine on the roof, which probably wouldn’t go down too well with the Sheriff.

Rick’s eyes glazed over the empty bottle on Daryl’s bench and Beth’s heart missed a beat.

‘You’re not heading out, are you?’ He eyed the keys clasped in Daryl’s hand. The insinuation that he’d be drink driving was enough. It hadn’t even crossed Beth’s mind that Daryl might be over the limit, and it seemed not to have crossed Daryl’s either because he shook his head slowly.

Rick seemed to know his question had made its point because he continued, ‘guess I’ll let you two get back to it.’ He turned his blue stare to Beth.

‘Might be headin’ up to see your old man later in the week, said he needed help securing some gates around the farm.’

‘I guess I’ll see you then.’ Beth smiled warmly.

Rick dipped his head, clapped Daryl on the arm and turned to leave.

‘Oh, Daryl, mind you tell your brother to come round when he has the chance. You know I’ve been wanting a chat with him for a while now.’

‘Will do. Say hi to the kid for me.’ Daryl mumbled, giving a nod as Rick took off down the hallway, closing the door softly.

Beth waited another minute until she was sure Rick was out of earshot, then let out a breathy laugh.

‘Boy, that was close. Thought for sure he’d ask my ID or something, see if I’d been drinking. Seems to know my dad pretty well, he must know my age.’

‘Mm.’ Daryl replied, setting his keys back on the bench. Beth noticed the way his shoulders had relaxed and wondered if he was feeling better about her being here now that the Sheriff didn’t seem to be worried about her. If Rick Grimes wasn’t worried about Hershel Greene’s youngest daughter alone with Daryl Dixon, then that was all the confirmation Beth needed that she was right about him.

Beth eyed Daryl a little nervously, the atmosphere changing again. ‘Heard my dad mention him a few times, seems to like him.’

‘Most people do.’

Silence. Beth watched the keys he’d placed down, feeling her stomach contract nervously. In her pocket, her phone buzzed, but she barely paid it attention.

‘So, guess you can’t take me home?’

Daryl grimaced. ‘I’ll give you money for a ride, come with to make sure you get home safe, kept you too long already as it is –’

‘Daryl, if I wanted to be home I’d have told Maggie to come get me an hour ago.’

Daryl’s eyes met hers.

‘You that keen to get rid of me?’ Beth asked playfully. Her tone managed to draw a twitch from his lips.

He took a few moments to answer, as though he was thinking over the best response.

‘Just – just don’t want you doin’ anything you regret.’

The corner of Beth’s mouth curled wickedly at that. She stepped towards him, and he didn’t move away.

‘I just want to exist right now, without anything weighing me down. Without worrying about everything else that’ll happen. That's all I want.’

Beth tried to keep her breathing steady, but her shaking hands betrayed her. She lifted her chin up to gaze at Daryl, wondering if he was about to reject her a second time. It was odd, that he could tower over her but make himself seem so small at the same time. Now, however, he looked exactly his height; slightly intimidating up close, a little scruff on his chin and colour in his cheeks.

‘Can you give me that?’ Beth’s voice was a little quieter.

Daryl tilted his head, then let out a deep sigh that Beth felt run down her spine. She had no idea what he was thinking, but she knew what she was, knew what she had wanted on that rooftop and what she wanted now.

‘Beth –’

‘It’s okay if you don’t like me like that.’ She hurried, her heart pumping at the sound of her name from his mouth, rough voice gripping each letter.

‘Ain’t that.’ Daryl’s voice was heavy. He leant back against the kitchen bench, watching his hands.

‘Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t think you’d be thinkin’ any of this sober. Don’t think you’d want me anyway.’

Beth rolled her eyes. ‘I didn’t have that much. And don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t really know how I think sober.’ She waited a beat. ‘I wanted you at the bar, before I’d had anything to drink.’

In her eyes was a challenge, her voice a game. ‘And I want you now.’

Daryl couldn’t help it; he let out a huff of laughter, shaking his head a little like he couldn’t figure her out. Although her heart was pounding and her hands shaking, when Beth wanted something, she didn’t let a little thing like fear get in her way. She could only hope Daryl was the same.

‘Stubborn, aren’t you?’ Daryl’s rough voice managed.

Beth smiled sweetly, watching Daryl through her lashes as he pushed off the bench and, suddenly decisive, he asked, ‘what d’you want from me?’

And all of a sudden it seemed Daryl was done fighting with himself, done trying to warn her away. Beth hoped that maybe for just a minute he could see what it was like to want someone like her, and to be wanted. Maybe for a minute he could pretend he deserved this one thing. And then maybe he could see that he wasn’t nearly as bad as he thought he was.

The directness of Daryl’s question sent Beth off balance for a second, and she knew he noticed. He was close to her now, so close that she could smell the moonshine on his breath, the faint smell of pine and dirt that seemed to live beneath his skin.

‘I –’ Beth couldn’t finish, just moved in closer, her stomach in knots and her head dizzy as he kept his eyes on her, then, slowly, so slowly, she felt his fingers graze her shoulder, trace a vein up to her neck, flicking across her ear and weaving through her hair. Daryl swallowed, his throat clicking in the stark silence they’d created.

‘Tell me what you want, Beth.’ His voice was a low growl, almost desperate now. ‘I’ll give it to you.’

And just as Beth had gotten her heart out of her mouth and found a way to breathe properly and noticed that for all his sudden confidence, his breathing was just as shallow as hers, her phone buzzed.

Beth jumped out of her skin at the blunt noise against the tabletop, so loud that she could no longer hear her heart jumping out of her chest.

Daryl dipped his head as she rushed to answer it, her voice a squeak as she said hello. Maggie’s relieved voice reeled off a hundred questions that only served to make Beth even more of a bundle of nerves. She rushed through answers, barely aware of anything she said until she had hung up again, turning to Daryl.

‘Everythin’ alright?’

Beth nodded slowly. ‘Told Maggie I’m at a friend’s house, think she bought it. Gonna be in a world of trouble when I get home tomorrow.’

Guilt crossed Daryl’s face again and he looked away. ‘Look, I never shoulda let you get on my bike –’

‘Daryl. I can look after myself.’

Daryl nodded silently, chewing the corner of his lip as her tone pulled his eyes back to her face. They stared at each other and the air grew charged once more. Unbidden, thoughts of the feel of his skin under hers, his hair tangled in her fingers, almost kissing just a moment ago, made Beth bite so hard on her lip she drew blood. She was making half-moons in her palms. Her heart was racing from her lie to Maggie. It scared her how much she wanted him, how easily the fib had left her lips. Surely people didn’t feel like this after knowing someone so short.

A pounding on the door made her jump but Daryl had already answered by the time she collected her thoughts. Rick Grimes wasted no time with formalities this time.

‘The situation in six twenty has taken a turn. Looks like a full-building lockdown for the night again.’ He sighed, rubbing his eyes, and Beth had just started taking pity on him – he was in sweats and was clearly not meant to be working right now – until his words found the part of her brain where the alarm bell lived.

‘Lockdown?’ Beth moved by Daryl at the door, arms wrapped tight around her thrumming heart.

Rick nodded. ‘No one in or out of the building until the situation’s improved.’

Daryl nodded in understanding. Clearly, this wasn’t the first time this had happened.

Feeling a rise of apprehension in her chest, Beth asked, ‘what’s going on?’

Rick rubbed a hand across his jaw. ‘Started as an argument, people heard yellin’, but then started getting violent. I knocked on the door and a man opened it as far as the chain would let him, says he’d stab his girl if anyone else came knockin’.’

‘Fuck.’ Daryl’s voice was the same rough gravel she’d heard back at the bar when he was protecting her, his jaw clenched. He didn’t seem surprised, at least not as surprised as Beth felt.

Growing up on the farm gave her a lot of good things, but it had also sheltered her, protected her. She was always around the same respectable people, and even an hour or two at a bar had shown her that she couldn’t fathom half of the terrible things she’d never experienced before.

Daryl, on the other hand, seemed bone-weary, tired, used to it. It occurred to her that he had a few more years of life experience compared to her, but something told her she had been through enough trauma that after a certain point it became immeasurable and incomparable.

Rick let out a deep breath, and Daryl spoke again. Beth got the feeling whether the two were friends or not, Daryl could see the cracks in Rick just as easily as she could.

‘It’ll be alright.’

Rick met his eyes and nodded slowly, appreciating the sentiment behind his words.

‘Anyway . . . just thought I’d let y’all know.’ Rick looked to Beth, a little sympathetically. ‘Sit tight. It’s gonna be a long night.’

He nodded to Daryl and clapped him on the shoulder before heading down the hall to make the same speech at the next door.

Daryl turned to Beth, closing the door with a huff.

‘Ain’t gotta be worried, happened a few times before, they’re all fucked up on meth. It’ll clear up in a coupl’a hours.’

‘I’m not worried, you’re here.’ Beth replied before her brain had a chance to edit her mess of words.

Daryl chewed on the inside of his lip, colour rising to his cheeks.

‘Sorry I’m stuck here all night.’ Beth offered, smiling meekly.

‘’M not.’ Daryl’s words came out in a breath and froze in between them. He seemed to drink her in for a moment, eyes flicking to her smile then her collarbones, cutting through her skin, before clearing his throat and turning away to busy himself with putting away the moonshine bottle.

‘So this has happened before?’

Daryl nodded, back to her as he moved to the sink. ‘Few times. Bunch of crackheads livin’ in that place.’

Beth grimaced. ‘Your brother – he doesn’t live with you?’

‘Merle ain’t one for stickin’ ‘round. Comes over when he wants, leaves when he wants.’

Beth sensed that she was perhaps prying where she wasn’t wanted, so she remained quiet.

‘How about you? Sister seems to have her head screwed on.’

Beth let out a huff of breath in annoyance. ‘Yeah, she’s smart. Knows what she wants. How can you tell?’

Daryl set aside the dishes in the sink, wiping his hands on his pants before turning once again to pierce her with his gaze. ‘Seemed to have the right idea ‘bout me.’

‘She didn’t.’ Beth replied quietly, looking down. ‘It wasn’t about you, not really. She’d do that with anyone.’

‘Not Zach, though.’

It took Beth a second to realise Daryl was teasing her from Maggie’s comment on the phone earlier, and the half-smile on his face was enough to light hers up like a firecracker.

‘No not Zach. She likes the good boys.’

Daryl let out a low chuckle at that. ‘You like the good boys?’

Beth grinned recklessly, her heart lurching. She wondered what Maggie would say if she could see Beth right now, hear her thoughts as she looked at him on that rooftop, noticed that he’d gotten hard at the mention of sex and decided thought yes, Maggie would have a thing or two to say about Daryl if his thoughts were anything like hers.

All of a sudden the dull white kitchen light seemed to illuminate the shadows of Daryl’s face and they both seemed to become painfully aware that they were all but sober, and the insinuation of their flirting could not be continued as lightly as this anymore.

‘Do you mind if I take a shower?’ Beth was careful to keep her voice steady. She was going to stay the night after all.

‘All yours. Towels are by the sink.’

She turned and started walking towards the bathroom, but Daryl’s voice made her stop in her tracks.

‘You’re good, Beth. Bright. I ain’t that good with words but – just wanted you to know.’ He trailed off awkwardly, fiddling with the moonshine bottle, eyes averted.

Beth found with surprise that she was relieved, that she wasn’t just making things up in her head, that he really did like her. The warmth of his compliment spread right from the tips of her toes to the top of her head and she knew he could see her blushing.

Beth watched him for a second, watched as he brought his gaze back up to her like it was inevitable, like he had to come up for air eventually. She watched his shoulders tense up when she didn’t immediately reply, and she watched something behind his eyes, something desperate and wanting, something that she saw so often in her own reflection that it took her breath away to see it in him.

‘You’re bright too, Daryl. You don’t know it, but you are.’

Beth half expected him to huff at that, but he held her gaze almost like he was willing himself to believe it.

‘I’m gonna take that shower.’ Beth smiled as she turned and left him standing alone wondering the same thing she was – how on earth she’d managed to find someone who’s insides matched hers.

* * *

The pressure of the shower head seemed to wash away the rest of the feeling the moonshine had given Beth, and as she shampooed her hair, she marvelled at the fact that she was doing this – she was naked in a man’s apartment and she was staying the night. Her – Beth Greene – who’d attempted suicide only months earlier – was here, she was alive, she was happy.

Beth showered as quick as she could, drying her hair and pulling back on the same clothes as before, wondering what Daryl would say if she rummaged through his closet and came out wearing his clothes.

She walked out back into the lounge area a minute later to the sound of banging at the front door.

Daryl sighed, swinging the door open for the third time that night. Beth half-expected it to be Rick again even though this knock was decidedly less friendly that before, but she caught the time on the oven as she slowly made her way over and thought that it must be someone else.

‘There he is!’ Merle Dixon was clearly off his head, leaning in and reeking of liquor even from where Beth stood. ‘Let us in, baby bro, need a place to crash.’

Daryl scoffed in disbelief. ‘Ain’t stayin’ here.’

Beth pulled herself up onto the kitchen bench, her legs swinging beneath her, trying hard not to listen.

‘Oh, come on brother, Grimes has his hands full, wasn’t hard to sneak through the fire escape past those brainless cops o’his – ’

‘Fuck off, Merle, y’ain’t stayin’.’ Daryl’s voice was a low snarl.

Merle’s ducked his head around Daryl to take a brief look into the apartment before Daryl pushed him out.

‘Ahh.’ Merle’s grin as his eyes landed on Beth was smug. ‘That why you want to get rid of me, hm? So you can get your dick hard with that lil blonde thing from before? Believe me I ain’t gonna get in your way – ’

Merle didn’t get another word out before Daryl’s fist had collided with his face. Beth stared in shock at the sound of bones crunching, unsure whether she should intervene or not.

Merle stumbled back into the hallway, letting out a bark of laughter as he spat out blood.

Daryl kicked the door shut behind him, swearing. He rested his head against his front door as Merle laughed from the outside.

‘Aw, come on, Daryl!’ Merle was pounding on the door loud enough to wake neighbours and his voice carried easily. ‘Don’t be so damn sensitive.’

‘Daryl – ’ Beth started, but stopped as Daryl opened the door and dragged Merle in.

‘The fuck’s wrong with you? Want everyone in the fuckin’ building hearin’ you? Rick already wants to talk to you as it is – ’

‘Oh it’s Rick now, huh?’ Merle laughed mirthlessly. ‘Thick as thieves aren’t you?’ He wiped his mouth on the back on his hand and Beth saw a streak of red.

Daryl snarled at his brother – a wounded animal caught in a trap – but said nothing.

‘Get us some ice, will you blondie?’ Merle barely spared her a glace, his eyes still trained on his brother.

Beth jumped off the bench, eager to do anything other than sit and watch.

‘Leave her outta this.’

Merle grinned, his teeth red. ‘Seems just you bringin’ her here involves her in _this_.’ He flourished his hands around.

Beth busied herself with pulling out the ice tray and finding a tea towel. Although she was trying to make as much noise as she could, no amount of ice clinking in the world could block out the argument unfolding in front of her. Eventually, she gave up and just handed Merle the ice-filled towel as he sent another Rick-themed insult as his brother.

‘Looks like a split lip.’ Beth offered, arms around herself as she leant back on the kitchen bench. ‘Should wash it out, so it doesn’t get infected.’

Merle turned to her in incredulity. No doubt, no one had interrupted him with such a comment while he was yelling at someone before.

‘That so?’

Beth nodded, rearranging her features to what she hoped looked indifferent, although she couldn’t deny Merle made her a little uncomfortable.

‘Picked up a lil nurse, have you, brother? Oh, I’ll need tending to, there’s no doubt about that – ’

Daryl made another violent gesture that sent Merle into a fit of laughter.

‘My dad’s a vet.’ Beth said hotly, but she had the feeling Merle was just talking to hear his own voice at this point. She was starting to understand Daryl’s agitation a bit better.

‘My baby bro don’t like to share, that’s for sure. Sure as hell never had nothin’ so pretty to play with –’

‘Shut your fuckin’ mouth.’ Daryl snarled. He had circles under his eyes and the skin over his knuckles was stretched taut. ‘Ain’t like that.’ He added, and Beth wondered if he was adding that for her sake or his own.

‘I can clean it for you, if you stop yelling.’ Beth turned to Merle, suddenly hating him for tormenting Daryl. Daryl was at war with himself enough as it was. ‘The Sheriff’s patrolling out there, he’ll hear you eventually. You wouldn’t want that, would you?’

Merle clicked his tongue, turning to her again. His eyes slid up and down her once, and she knew that he was sizing her up, from the girl he’d briefly spoken to in the bar hours ago, to the one standing in front of him now. He nodded at her, and she took off to the bathroom without a word.

It didn’t take Beth long to rifle through the cupboards; Daryl had the bare minimum. She settled with an antiseptic lotion and a few small cotton buds. Catching sight of herself in the mirror, she saw that same stranger staring back as she had before. Her features still the same but there was a new kind of glint in her eye. Who was she, in Daryl’s apartment – a stranger she’d met at a bar that night – confident, unrecognizable? Smiling softly, she left the bathroom.

Daryl and Merle were quiet by the time she’d gotten back into the kitchen. She looked uncertainly to Daryl, who was burning holes in his brother’s face.

Merle was sitting, quite content, on the small couch opposite Daryl, smirking at his brother like this was exactly how he’d anticipated the night to go.

Beth cleared her throat as she approached him and he moved to let her sit on the couch next to him. Up close, his face was weathered and she guessed he had at least ten years on Daryl. His eyes were hard and she supposed, like Daryl, that he hadn’t had a lot to be soft for.

Beth patched up Merle’s lip as best she could, rinsing it out and then applying the antiseptic cream. Daryl watched her through his lashes, arms crossed over his chest. She was gentle, her hands steady, her movements sure.

‘This won’t fix your potty mouth but it’ll heal that cut alright.’ Beth said to Merle, attempting to lighten the mood and the older man let out a bark of laughter.

‘You a feisty one, girl. Just what Darylina needs.’

Daryl didn’t reply but when Beth turned to look at him, muttering, ‘all done’, he was watching his brother with a different kind of thoughtfulness. He cradled his knuckles, staring at Merle’s split lip as though turning over the thought that Beth was fixing the damage that he’d done.

Merle thanked Beth with a wink and she left to throw out the mess of bloody cotton. When she returned, Merle had settled in nicely, his feet up on Daryl’s coffee table and his head tipped back leisurely.

Beth wanted badly to ask what the Sheriff wanted with him but knew it wasn’t her place.

‘So, how on earth did you get this fine little lady back here, Daryl?’ Merle grinned, considering Daryl with spirited eyes. He was antagonizing them, even Beth could tell. But behind the light jibes and restless banter, there was something else in Merle’s eyes, something that said he wasn’t as bad as he seemed.

If Daryl knew that about his brother, he didn’t show it. He looked from Beth to Merle as though hardly daring to believe this situation could get any worse. Beth had the strange desire to laugh – she was, after all, trapped with two strangers in an apartment building that was under total lockdown because a drug addict was threatening to kill someone. If Maggie could see her now, she’d go into cardiac arrest.

‘So where am I sleepin’?’ Merle asked smoothly, eyes rolling over Beth and Daryl. ‘Last I checked you only had the one bedroom.’

Daryl scowled at his brother as though seriously considering throwing him out into the hall for Rick to find.

‘Beth gets the bedroom, you’re on the couch.’

‘Aw come on, Daryl, plenty o’ room in that bed for two.’

‘Shut your mouth for once in your fuckin’ life.’ Daryl spat and Merle finally seemed content with a smug smile and his hands raised in mock surrender.

‘Where’re you sleeping?’ Beth asked Daryl, painfully aware that she already knew the answer. Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she guiltily ignored it.

‘Night all.’ Merle offered a knowing look between the two that neither of them returned.

‘Asshole.’ Daryl muttered and his brother gave them a mock salute. ‘C’mon.’

Daryl led Beth to his bedroom. She stood in the threshold as he busied himself getting her a blanket and turning on the lamp so a dim yellow light flooded into one corner.

Daryl’s bedroom was small and had barely anything in it apart from the bed, the small lamp and bedside table, but Beth felt a chill at the thought of being in his room, sleeping in his bed. There was a certain nakedness to it, like Daryl was stripped bare everytime he was in here – every time he was alone. This was the one place in his apartment that seemed sacred. His bed wasn’t made, his sheets messy; Beth resisted the urge to throw herself into them and inhale that pine scent she knew would be deep in there.

‘Daryl – you should stay here, I’ll be fine, I’m not even tired.’

Daryl shook his head, waving her off. ‘S’alright.’

Biting her lip, she set her phone on the bedside table, making sure to turn it off, but not before seeing Maggie’s worried texts. Tomorrow, she would deal with the mess she’d made. Tomorrow, she’d turn back into the girl who didn’t do anything on a whim, the girl who had cut her wrist open and was still trying to piece how to put herself back together. Tonight was for not thinking. Tonight was for feeling.

Daryl turned away from her, chewing on his lip like he was eating up the words he wanted to say out loud.

‘Thanks.’ Beth’s voice stopped him at the door.

‘Didn’t do nothin’.’ He turned back around, his eyes searching hers.

Beth smiled, letting out a small laugh. God, he was impossible to compliment.

‘You did. Thanks for letting me get on the back of your bike. Giving me my first drink even though I know it’s stupid.’

‘S’not stupid.’ He said without a trace of mockery.

‘I’m sorry about your brother. Seems complicated.’

Daryl jerked his head noncommittally, moving to leave but freezing at the sound of her voice.

Beth didn’t know why she said it, but she knew that they had nearly kissed earlier, and she knew that for some reason unclear to her she couldn’t help but want, and she knew that she was right in thinking he was just as tired of fighting as she was.

‘Stay.’


	4. Thinking Of Only You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl finally lets himself be vulnerable and he and Beth find in each other's arms the things they've been missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little nsfw. actually a lot.

Again, Daryl stopped at the threshold of his bedroom. He didn’t turn around straight away, just paused, hands gripping the door frame. Hearing Beth’s voice telling him to stay, even seeing her on his bed, made him ache the way he’d been aching all night. The war in his head that had began the second she’d talked to him at the bar suddenly roared a little louder. She was good and light and he would never earn a bright thing like her in a thousand years. But there she was, telling him to stay. He turned.

Beth was watching him, eyes bright, half a smile on her face, arms wrapped around her knees.

‘Beth –’

‘Why not?’ Her tone was steady as though she’d expected him to refuse. ‘I know you feel something for me. I feel something for you too. And I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t happen a lot for me. Ever. Not like this.’

Beth looked down, tugging at the trimming of the blanket. Her bracelets had ridden up her arm, and she didn’t seem to have noticed yet, but Daryl had. His gut twisted in shock as he saw the shiny slash of a scar against her creamy skin. Beth noticed too late, pulling her arm back and looking up at him in panic.

Daryl held her gaze so long he thought he would be forever frozen. He had gotten good at reading people, and Beth seemed to wear her heart on her sleeve. Hunted eyes, lip slightly trembling as she’d realised he’d seen, cheeks flushed. But her shoulders were thrown back and her head high like she was forcing herself to be brave.

And the look of her there like that, the thought of her in pain, made Daryl do something he’d never done once in his life, never even considered. He’d guessed Merle had passed out the second they’d left him – he’d been pretty out of it – but he closed his bedroom door anyway, walked over to his bed and sat down on the edge.

And then Daryl started unbuttoning his top and Beth was so still he thought she must be holding her breath. Strangely, he thought of the moment they’d nearly kissed before, of the way the air had been charged between them and Daryl had held his breath in the same way, as though he couldn’t breathe properly without fear of breathing her in and taking something vital away. But now he was giving her something that would change whatever was between them again and he thought, as his shirt hit the floor and Beth’s stuttering breath sounded, that maybe that was the same as taking away.

Daryl forced himself to look at her as her wide eyes flicked over the muscles of his arms and chest, tense under her gaze. And then he was forcing himself to turn around, his heart slamming against his ribs, every nerve in his body screaming at him to stop. He could feel her eyes on his back like daggers, tracing the scars that were made by similar things.

Daryl rarely looked at his back but he was used to each mark that scattered his skin, each angry scar that decorated him like a careless artist might leave streaks of paint on a canvas. Welts and crosses and slashes and burns, all angry and all ugly. Daryl was used to them but he thought that maybe it was a lot worse for someone to see it for the first time.

He couldn’t turn back to look at Beth. His breath was shallow and quick, his fingers tingling with the tell-tale sign that usually preceded a panic attack; he’d never shown another soul his scars and he was regretting his decision with every second that ticked past with his back turned to her. Just as Daryl’s chest tightened painfully and threatened to cut off the supply of oxygen to his brain, he felt the warm press of Beth’s fingertips against his back, against his scars, and he let out a deep, shaking breath, one that he’d never been able to let go of before. Her fingers traced his scars with butterfly-like pressure, and he let out a soft whimper at the feel of someone touching him like this, there, where there’d never been another touch before.

Eventually, Beth found a way to wind her arms around his back to meet together in front of his chest and she held him tightly for an amount of time he couldn’t measure. All he knew was that when she let go, he felt a weight, a whole life, let go of his body with her.

The lamp flickered as Beth let him go, and the second they were touching no longer, Daryl couldn’t bear it. He was terrified and maybe out of his damn mind but maybe that’s what he needed to be right now. He turned to face her and he saw the same burning in her eyes that he felt in his stomach, and before even really thinking about it, before he gave himself time to doubt what he was about to do, he was kissing her.

Daryl had never kissed anyone like this before, had never been kissed by anyone like this before. His lips were on hers and all of a sudden, his mind was filled with white noise, his heart beating painfully quicker for a different reason. Their lips were hot against each other and Beth let him in willingly, electricity shooting through his body as she parted her mouth and dragged her tongue along his. Daryl’s hands found either side of her head and his fingers tangled with her soft hair. They stumbled backwards towards the bed, where the sheets were tousled and waiting.

One of Daryl’s hands was still cupping Beth’s face but the other had moved to the middle of her back, supporting her as he gently laid her down on the pillow. She pulled him down with her and all of a sudden he was on top of her and he could feel every ridge, every bump, every angle of her body on his. Beth’s hands moved from his back to his hair, and she sighed a little at the grunt that escaped him when she pulled on it as she kissed him.

Daryl’s mouth trailed down from her lips to her chin, then traced her jawline with kisses, moving down to her collarbones. It’d been hard not to look at them all night; the way they seemed to cut through her skin, sharp against the soft pulse at the base of her throat each time she laughed. He moved his hands slowly across her shoulders, along the hem of her top, and all of a sudden she was taking it off, and he lifted his weight off her slightly to give her the room she needed, drinking her in. Her hair fell across the pillow as she threw her top onto the floor and met Daryl’s eyes. He bent down again, back to those collarbones, back to her neck, and this time felt her warm skin against his own bare chest, could practically feel her heartbeat jumping through to match his own ragged beating.

Beth tugged his head up again urgently, finding his lips, as though she couldn’t bear his mouth not on hers any longer. He bit down slightly, grazing her with his teeth, and heard her breath catch. His hands had taken the place his mouth had been and they were rough against her soft skin, finding their way to unhook her bra, and it was all he could do not to let out a moan at the feeling of her breasts under his hands.

Daryl pulled back a little, watching Beth for any sign he should stop, but Beth placed a hand on top of his, giving him a small squeeze.

‘Don’t stop.’ She breathed, pupils blown wide. She squeezed his hand again and then leant in to claim his lips once more. Daryl pressed himself between her legs, his fingers travelling across her chest, caressing her hardened nipples. He was gentle with her but her impatience was winning, and as a low whine escaped her throat as he pressed his hips into her he bent to her neck, sucking on the skin beneath her ear. When he felt Beth’s hands sneak across the waistband of his pants, tugging at the button until it popped open, his heart leapt into his throat.

Beth didn’t stop there, pulling down his pants eagerly and suddenly she was taking her jeans off and there was nothing between their burning skin but a few scraps of material.

Daryl had gotten hard the second he kissed her but now he was dripping at the sight of her laying underneath him, staring with those big blue eyes, nipples hard and thighs trembling in anticipation, wanting him. God, he wanted her so bad, had since the moment he saw her, and now he knew she’d truly felt the same. Bending down to taste her lips again, Daryl traced a hand down her neck, over her breasts.

Beth breathed out harshly as he reached her stomach, and then let out a moan as he brushed over the top of the lace trim on her underwear, before pushing it to one side and sliding a finger across her clit. Daryl’s breathing caught at the feel of her wet folds, at the sound of Beth moaning against his mouth and he could barely breathe. His senses were overwhelmed, filled with her sweet scent and his skin was fire as her nails gently dragged down his arms.

Daryl let his fingers explore, slow at first, gentle, rubbing and caressing, but then Beth’s breath was begging, and he knew what she wanted from him. She was impossibly wet, dripping down her opening and making it easy for Daryl to experimentally push her folds apart and slide a finger through.

A low moan escaped Beth and Daryl stilled, worried he was hurting her, before she murmured, ‘keep going’, her breath tickling his ear. Beth sucked in a breath as he pushed further in with ease, his groin stirring restlessly as he began to pump slowly in and out of her. At the sigh of pleasure that escaped her, he tenderly teased her opening with another finger before pushing it in and her hips bucked up, eyes scrunched closed. He knew she hadn’t had sex but she didn’t seem stranger to this and the thought of her pleasuring herself alone made Daryl’s cock twitch.

‘God, Daryl I want you so bad.’ Beth whined softly, pulling back for a breath, hips squirming under his touch. Her hands were slipping off his underwear now and Daryl let out a choked breath as his cock sprang free and Beth’s hand wrapped around the base. He gently took his fingers out of her, both his hands now tangling in the sheets beside her head to support himself because going by the way she was stroking him, he was not going to last. Beth dragged the tip of his dick across her sopping pussy, swollen clit making her twitch, and he nearly came then and there.

Daryl had never experienced something like this, something so intense and so filled with electricity that it seemed to take away everything else around him. He didn’t think he’d ever wanted anything more in his life than her, not just in that moment, in any moment – in what had come before and what could come after. He reached over blindly to his drawers and managed to rustle through and retrieve a stray condom.

‘Beth –’ Daryl’s voice shuddered into her ear and she answered with a soft moan. He ducked his head to her chest, desperate to taste another part of her, and took one of her breasts in his mouth. Beth gasped at the sensation of his tongue circling her nipple and Daryl couldn’t help the way his mouth curled against her into a smile. He pressed his forehead into her chest for a moment before lifting himself up, placing slow kisses across her breasts before raising his head back to hers. He tore open the condom with his teeth, spitting out the wrapper onto the floor. He rolled it over his cock, letting out a few strained pants as this became all the more real. He didn’t want to hurt her and he didn’t want to disappoint her, and yet something in her look told him he couldn’t do either of those things.

‘Daryl . . .’ Beth trailed off, eyes wide and heavy, letting him swallow the rest of her words as he pulled her back into a long kiss. She squeezed his biceps, bucking her hips into him needily, letting her clit grind into his throbbing cock. A low moan tore from the back of Beth’s throat as she pulled him closer, breath stuttering out as Daryl’s head teased her slippery opening. He pulled back to meet her eyes, taking in her desperate nod, and pushed slowly into her.

Daryl had slept with a few women before, so long ago and so blurry in memory that it might not have even happened, but nothing had ever felt like this. Beth’s pussy was tightening around him, warm and welcome and so wet for him and he was barely containing his grunts as he buried his cock into her.

‘Fuck.’ Daryl growled, sheets bunched up around her head in his fists. Beth was sucking his earlobe now as he buried his head into her neck, biting on the skin there like he had bitten on his lips everytime he’d thought about her that night and what he’d like to do with her.

‘Ain’t hurtin’ you, am I?’ Daryl asked quietly, her sweet smelling hair sticking to his forehead. They were both damp with sweat, skin slipping against each other and creating so much heat between them that Daryl could hardly breathe in the thick air.

‘No.’ Beth whispered reassuringly, a smile tugging at her mouth. She held him closer, legs trembling around him but gaze steady and sure. ‘Don’t stop.’

Daryl let out a gruff breath that was almost a chuckle, disbelief once again clouding his mind as he looked at her, hardly daring to take himself out of the moment and wonder at how someone so gorgeous could want him so much.

Daryl moved slowly at first, gauging what felt better for her, what she liked more, what wouldn’t hurt her, and once he found the rhythm that made her breathless, that rendered her lips suspended against his ear, seeming to have forgotten that she had been kissing him there moments before, he thrust himself in and out of her slowly, drawing her out. And then, when he was certain that she wasn’t in any pain, he went faster. She was so tight, god she was so beautiful, writing under him and throwing her head back, sweat glistening against her throat, he could barely hold back his moans.

Beth had wrapped her legs around him now, heels digging into the dimples above his ass. Her walls tightened around his cock, pulling out a whimper from him like an animal begging as he pumped into her.

They were both on fire, hands tangled in each other’s hair and arms, not sure whose breath was whose anymore. Daryl finally clenched his stomach, gathering enough strength to pull his head up out of the crook of her neck and Beth opened her eyes to look at him, and her looking at him was all it took to push him over the edge.

‘Fuck, Beth –’ Daryl could barely get the words out, hips sloppily thrusting against her pelvis, but she seemed to understand, pushing her forehead into his and stopping his words with a kiss, catching his breath.

And a second later, Daryl was coming harder than he had ever come in his life, and he didn’t realise he had been saying Beth’s name over and over until he was well and truly finished, and his forehead was still resting against hers and both their eyes were closed and he could finally breathe again.

They didn’t speak for a few minutes, but they didn’t need to. Daryl had carefully rolled off her, disposing of the condom in the bin under his bed. He lay back as Beth disappeared into his bathroom, legs wobbling on the hardwood floor. Daryl’s breathing was ragged and he fought to steady the rise and fall of his chest against the hammering of his heart, cock soft against his thigh. He pulled the crinkled bed sheets over himself as his mind caught up with his body on what just happened. He waited in silence for the next few minutes until she returned, softly padding against the floor as she made her way to the bed.

Daryl squinted through the dim lamplight, wondering what on earth she was thinking – if she regretted it, if it wasn’t as good as she thought, if she had gotten what she wanted and wanted to leave.

But he was greeted with a shy smile as she sat down on the bed next to him. Beth had managed to put her underwear and bra back on since she’d left. He sat up, leaning against the wall behind his bed, sheets up to his navel. He felt jittery, nervous, and he ran a hand across his face before crossing his legs and tilting his head back to watch her. God, he had never seen anything as beautiful as her, never remembered even thinking someone was worthy of the word. For once, he couldn’t handle the silence.

Beth’s voice was a welcome reprieve in the splitting quiet. ‘Daryl, that was . . . that meant a lot. Thankyou.’

Daryl nodded slowly, chewing the inside of his mouth, watching her through heavy eyelids.

‘Ain’t gotta thank me. Didn’t do anythin’ I didn’t wanna do.’

At that, Beth breathed out slowly, almost relieved. ‘Was it – was I –’

Daryl’s disbelieving chuckle cut her off, and her expression quickly turned from worried to relieved.

‘This was your first time, and you’re askin’ me if you were any good? Should be me askin’ you that.’

Beth let out a nervous laugh, tucking a stray lock of blonde hair behind her ear. He watched her fingers, so thin and delicate, then the hand that connected them as it moved back down into her lap.

‘Didn’t hurt you, did I?’

Now that Daryl’s mind had the chance to properly clear, he could hear the faint tick of the clock coming from the kitchen, the thrum of his refrigerator, Merle’s muffled snoring.

‘No, you didn’t hurt me.’ Beth smiled, eyes meeting his. ‘Felt a bit strange at the start but then it felt really, really good. I know some girls don’t like their first times, or any times, but this wasn’t like anything I’d imagined. It felt . . . it was just – thanks.’

Colour flooded Daryl’s face and he was grateful for the semi-darkness. ‘S’alright.’

Beth shuffled so they were side-by-side, backs against the exposed brick wall, watching the dark night through the window opposite them. She was pensive, sleepy, and suddenly Daryl was overcome with the urge to pull her pillow down so it was more comfortable, pull the sheets over her body so she wouldn’t be cold.

‘I like this time of night.’ Beth’s sighed contentedly. ‘When everyone else is asleep. Feels like the world’s sleeping too, you know? Like time stops.’

‘Mm.’

Once Daryl had turned to face her, he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Beth seemed to sense this, for she turned and leaned in slowly, kissing him softly, and then they were sinking back into the warm sheets.

They kissed for a few minutes like they had all the time in the world, and Daryl couldn’t help but hear Beth’s words in his head about time stopping, and he thought he might have just figured out how to do it.

* * *

Beth woke slowly as sunlight streamed in through the window, making pools on the bed. Daryl had been drifting through sleep for an hour or so now, mind racing. When he’d finally accepted he was well and truly awake, he’d sat up and leant against the brick wall behind his bed. He’d slept better than he’d slept in a very long time, but the second his mind had woken up, he couldn’t seem to relax it again.

Flashes of last night played through his head on a loop – Beth bathed in purple and gold light sitting across from him in the booth at the bar, her singing for him on the rooftop, her hands healing his bloody mess, her soft touch against his scars, the look in her eyes when he was inside her, the way she gripped him tightly as he came undone.

Beth stirred, and Daryl, sensing the sunlight would wake her up any second now, took a moment to watch the way it danced across her face, made her golden. Her eyes opened a little, and closed quickly from the sudden brightness, but not before the sun had turned them into sapphires.

Daryl shifted, waiting somewhat awkwardly for her to grab her things and leave. But Beth sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes before she leant next to him.

‘Morning.’

‘Mornin’.’

Beth yawned, but she was smiling at him, like she’d never been happier to wake up somewhere.

‘Tired?’ Daryl’s raspy voice seemed to cut through the soft ambience the sunlight had created. Beth shrugged.

‘Bit sore.’ Her smile was devilish as she turned to look at him.

‘Sorry.’ Daryl bit on his lip, barely able to keep his smile at bay. He felt a little like he’d been hit on the head and hadn’t quite recovered from his disorientation. How on earth had he gotten here?

Beth responded by shuffling into his chest, her head resting across it, hair spreading like a halo surrounding her. Daryl was sure she’d hear the jump in his heartbeat, feel the way his chest rose and fell a little quicker, but she said nothing. She was tracing patterns across his skin, the outline that the sunlight left, then colouring in the shadows.

‘How long you been up?’

‘A while. Been thinkin’.’

‘Yeah? About what?’ Beth tilted her head to look up at him.

Shrugging a little, Daryl replied, ‘last night. You.’

Beth smiled again – it seemed she never really needed a reason to. Her fingers were still tracing, and Daryl thought that if she kept it up he’d turn himself into a painting that she’d be able to forever colour in, sit there and admire, just so she would keep looking at him that way. ‘What about me?’

Daryl knew he should just say it, that he shouldn’t have as much trouble with words as he did, but he also knew that he’d always been better at showing than telling, so he shrugged, watching her carefully for any sign he should stop as he wrapped an arm around her. She welcomed his body, draping a leg around his hips, across his groin.

Beth had slept in a bra; that couldn’t be comfortable, and sure enough, as he pushed a strap away slowly, he saw an angry red mark in its place. He brushed her skin softly with his knuckles and watched as it erupted in goosebumps. He’d slept naked; he usually did, but he wouldn’t have with her there if not for the fact that they’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms, the thought to get dressed barely crossing his mind.

‘I’m thinking about last night, too.’

‘Mm?’

Beth moved her head closer to him like she was telling him a secret. ‘About how good you made me feel.’ Her voice was honey and it was all around him.

Daryl knew she could feel his dick pressed against her leg; he’d been hard when he’d woken up, and then again when she had. He hadn’t expected to wake up in the middle of the night and find her fit perfectly against his body and the memory of her skin against his was almost too much. He’d never hugged anyone like that, never had his body fit with someone else’s like a puzzle piece.

‘No-one’s ever done that for me. I mean, I’ve done other things with guys, but I’ve never had anyone trying to make me feel good like that –’

‘No-ones ever tried to make you come before?’

Daryl had known she hadn’t had sex, but knowing she’d done other things with other boys, and none of them had given her anything back, hadn’t even tried to make it good for her, rendered him almost speechless. He knew she’d felt good last night, knew it was unlikely she’d come from her first time, and he knew he’d wanted to give that to her so badly, but it had happened differently. She’d come back from the bathroom and sat next to him and told him about how she wanted time to stop, and she’d seemed so untouchable, so distant in that moment, that all he could do was sit and watch her as she grew all around him. But now, she was staring at him with those big eyes, and her fingers were still on his chest and they somehow found a way to quiet the sea of doubt, pushing it down, down.

Beth looked away, suddenly quiet. ‘It’s okay, it’s not a big deal –’

Daryl turned his head and brushed his lips against her cheek softly. His heartbeat quickened and he waited a moment, watching her eyes for any sign that he should stop, but then she was kissing him, and any remaining doubts were drowned. He would do this for her. He would give her this one thing, before she left.

Beth was quick to pull Daryl closer, her leg still around his middle. His tongue played across her bottom lip and she opened her mouth willingly, and he wondered how kissing had never felt like this for him before.

Daryl cupped the back of her head as the kiss deepened, his stomach in knots. Slowly, he’d found his way on top of her, her legs open and around him. His hands moved down her head, to her neck, where he stopped and squeezed lightly. Beth let out a gasp of pleasure at that and he knew instantly she’d liked it – judging from the night before, she’d been treated like a piece of glass her whole life, like she could break if too much pressure was applied. He knew what she needed, what she craved. In no time, he’d unhooked her bra, flicking one of her nipples before dipping his head and trailing wet, sloppy kisses her all over her breasts. He took one in his mouth and sucked, tongue teasing her nipple, grinding his dick into the bed as she hardened in his mouth. Daryl’s hands trailed lower, down her waist, across her belly, over her underwear, already soaked for him. He bit down on of her breasts experimentally and her fingers tangled in his hair, breath gasping.

The sun had moved behind a tree outside and the light fractured, casting shadows haphazardly around the room; Beth was covered in sun, and Daryl, head bent, was in the shadows.

He dragged his fingers across her underwear, teasing her, waiting until he heard that catch in her breath and when he did, he ripped them off her, desperate to taste her. Her breasts were wet with his saliva, her eyebrows furrowed in pleasure like she was concentrating, groaning at the feeling of his hands all over her.

Beth untangled her hands from his hair and made to move them to his hips, where she could feel his dick pressing into her, leaving wet spots across her abdomen, but he dismissed her hands with a shake of his head. Daryl bent again to slurp on a reddened nipple, sucking obscenely before dragging his tongue from her breast up to her ear, breath coming out in rattles and making her shiver.

‘I wanna give you this –’ he rasped as Beth’s hips bucked into him, ‘don’t want you doin’ nothin’ but that –’ he moved her hands back into his hair as they had been before and watched as she bit back a smile.

Before Beth had time to reply, his hands had trailed down once again, this time on her legs, fingers light as they fluttered to her inner thighs. Daryl heard her let out a deep breath and didn’t wait for her to suck in another before his fingers were pushing through her wet entrance, pumping a few times before ripping them out and rubbing her clit in slow circles.

‘F-fuck.’ Beth whimpered, her grip tightening on his hair and he smiled against her neck, nipping her earlobe with his teeth.

Daryl had one leg holding one of hers down so she was spread open, and he took his throbbing dick in one hand and slapped it against her clit a few times, causing her to twitch under his body, toes curling and head thrown back.

‘Daryl –’ Beth choked out, her hair sticking to her forehead, her legs slick.

She didn’t need to tell him she’d never felt anything like this before, that she was burning with desire, that every place he touched her must be leaving a permanent mark on her skin; he knew this because he felt it, too.

Daryl’s fingers had found her clit again and he let his thick fingers play over her, building a steady rhythm. Beth was so wet for him that he didn’t even need to wait before he thrust his fingers inside her again.

Beth let out a low moan at that, her hips rising up to crush into his. He moved his fingers in and out quickly for a minute, then took them out of her and stuck them in his mouth. God, the look on her face could do it for him as she watched him suck his fingers clean of her; her mouth parted, her breathing uneven, chest rising and falling, her eyes pinning him there. She was salty on his tongue and his mouth filled with saliva at her taste, at how it wasn’t enough. Even though he was on top of her and had her practically begging for more, she was controlling him still.

Daryl couldn’t wait any longer. He moved down the bed, trailing kisses down her chest, licking up her sweat. Beth’s pussy was dripping now; hot and sticky and as close to something she’d never experienced before than she’d ever been, and Daryl wanted nothing more than to give it to her.

Beth’s hands were still entangled in his hair and he suspected she couldn’t take them out even if she wanted to now. He finally reached her pussy, spread open for him, and nuzzled the thatch of fair hair there with his nose lightly. Beth’s hands were pulling at his hair almost painfully now but it did nothing except make him harder. And then his tongue was on her swollen clit and he looked up through his hair to see her mouth falling open breathlessly, eyes squeezed shut.

Daryl turned his attention back between her legs, tongue circling her, dragging up and down and sucking on her inner thighs before moving back to her clit where he stayed. His biceps were tensed up around her thighs, holding her legs in place, and he knew if they weren’t, she’d be writhing around under him. Beth’s hips seemed to have a mind of their own, and she bucked into his face accidentally but he didn’t pull away to readjust; just let her ride his face as his tongue fucked her.

Beth tasted so good that Daryl could lay there and lick her out all day, but he didn’t want to tease her any longer. Keeping his tongue moving, he pushed two fingers into her, feeling her walls close in around him as she tensed up, gasping in a breath at the feeling.

Beth shivered as he growled against her, vibrations going up her spine. His cock was rubbing against the bed as he thrust his fingers in and out of her quicker, lapping up her juices.

It had barely been a minute but the noises Beth were making told him she was close. He pushed his tongue harder across her, slipping inside her and making her gasp. Her fingers tugged his hair desperately, letting him know just how close she was. Daryl looked up at her, eyes more black than blue as her pupils expanded with desire, her breath coming out in rattles.

He moved one of his hands to her chest, squeezing her breasts as his fingers went deeper and faster in her, mouth on her clit sucking loudly.

‘F-fuck, Daryl –’ Beth didn’t seem to be able to get any other words out. Her hands were holding his head there, her hips moving with him instinctively, and a second later her thighs were straining against his grip as she came on his face, her moans coming out in stuttering breaths.

Daryl took his time as she came down, fingers moving slower and slower, tongue savouring, licking up every bit of her. When he was sure she was done, he kissed her clit, noticing the small shock that went through her body as her orgasm spent itself, before moving slowly back up her body.

Beth was laying with her eyes closed, sweat glistening on her face and her lips slightly parted. Daryl couldn’t help the smile that was tugging at the corners of his mouth as she opened her eyes, lifting her head off the pillow slightly to look at him properly.

‘S’that alright?’

Beth let out a laugh that was more shaky breath than anything, closing her eyes and throwing her head back onto the pillow, grinning at the ceiling.

‘Daryl . . .’ Beth moved toward him, resting her chin against his arm, searching his eyes. She couldn’t seem to find any words to accurately describe what she’d just felt, what it meant to her, but Daryl understood.

He wanted to stay in his bed with her a while longer, listen to her talk, listen to her sing. Make her come over and over again, if she wanted. He didn’t want to leave this room but he knew he had to.

Daryl couldn’t place where this strange wistful feeling had come from, but he knew it had a lot to do with the thought of her leaving. The truth was that Beth was the only good thing Daryl had ever known, and now the thought of not having her suddenly made everything dull again. That light she’d put in him would slowly go out with time, and he’d think of her in a passing thought years from now, and wonder if he’d imagined how bright she’d been.

He’d known since he’d woken up what he had to do, but it hadn’t stopped him stealing looks at her every chance he’d got. He’d keep them hidden away, safe, so that he’d still remember what she looked like and how she smiled and how she laughed and how she’d wanted him, no matter how fleeting.

At least Daryl given her something that had meaning, at least when he thought himself a monster any other time he could remember this one good thing he’d done. And he thought, looking at Beth’s elated grin, that maybe she would remember this good thing for a while, too.


	5. I've Been Afraid Longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl is forced to attend dinner at the farm and it gets harder to ignore his and Beth's feelings for each other as the Greenes grow suspicious of something more between them.

For a second, Beth had actually forgotten where she was, forgot that her phone was turned off and there were probably a million angry texts from Maggie, forgot that Merle was sleeping on the couch just outside.

She was still coming down, could still feel Daryl’s fingers pressing into her thighs and his tongue between her shaking legs. Her heart had not fully recovered after it had shattered against her ribcage seconds ago and it felt as though it never would. But then reality crashed down, and it had seemed to have hit Daryl quicker than her, because before she got the chance to form a rational thought, he said, ‘best get you home.’

Beth nodded in agreement, trying not to let her disappointment wash over her face. This was what made sense, what else could she possibly expect from him?

She collected her clothes quickly, getting dressed before grabbing her phone, turning in on, and shoving it into her pocket. Her underwear stuck to her uncomfortably as it absorbed the slick Daryl had caused and she tried to stop thinking about the dull ache between her legs that told her another part of Daryl had been there the night before. The memory made a flush creep up her neck. She’d thought having sex for the first time might feel strange, might even be painful, but it only felt like something she’d done with someone she cared about. It felt good, it felt right.

Merle was already awake when they entered the kitchen, laying on the couch with a hand over his bruised face, groaning in pain. Beth fervently hoped he hadn’t heard her moaning. At the sound of them, he sat up, a smug smile splitting his face and Beth felt her hope slide down the drain.

‘Well, well, was startin’ to think you both died, been in there so long. So, uh . . . how’d you sleep?’

Daryl ignored his brother, going straight to the front door and looking into the hallway.

‘Lockdown’s lifted, baby bro. Your pal Grimes came round a few hours ago.’

Daryl turned his head sharply at that. ‘You have that talk?’

Merle let out a huff of air, tilting his head. Beth’s phone began vibrating in her pocket as it awoke, missed calls and texts flooding in all at once.

‘Had a real good chat.’ Merle looked at Beth, eyebrows raised.

Daryl blew out an exasperated sigh, rubbing a hand over his face. Beth chanced a look at her phone and it was as about as bad as she expected; twelve missed calls and twenty-three texts.

‘Bye bye blondie. I’m sure I’ll see you around.’ Merle gave Daryl a knowing look that was returned with a scowl.

Beth looked up and nodded at Merle, distracted. ‘Yeah. Bye.’

She followed Daryl out of his apartment, keys jangling in his hands as he pulled his leather gloves on. Just as they were heading out of the building, they heard a ‘Daryl, hang on a minute’ and Beth spun around to see Rick Grimes in uniform and looking slightly less harassed than when they’d last seen him.

‘Talk to your brother this morning?’

Daryl raised a hand to shield his eyes from the sun, his keys dangling in front of his face. ‘Barely.’

Rick nodded, tongue in his cheek. He nodded at Beth, and in an instant, she felt a pit open in her stomach. Maybe it had been last night’s strange situation that had rendered her stupid, but now she could see just how big of a problem she had on her hands. Rick was clearly on good terms with her father – he’d said so himself the night before that he was heading to the farm soon to help him out. What would happen when he mentioned to Hershel that his youngest daughter had slept at Daryl Dixon’s house, that she’d been drinking, that something else might have happened? And how could the thought have not even crossed her mind last night? She’d been so wrapped up in everything, in Daryl, that she’d just convinced herself for the night that everything was okay. It had been. She hadn’t worried, hadn’t over thought, hadn’t let herself or anyone else get in her way. It had been nice. But now it was morning and that was coming to an abrupt end.

‘Y’alright?’ Daryl’s voice cut through her thoughts, and Beth looked around suddenly to see the bottom of Rick’s shoe vanishing into the apartment building.

Beth found her feet and nodded, forcing a smile. It didn’t seem as though they were going to see each other again, not by the way he’d rushed her out of his place at least – there was no use worrying Daryl with it.

Daryl returned the nod uncertainly, hoping on his bike and letting it thrum to life beneath his fingers.

Beth slid behind him, and she felt the warmth of his chest seep through his shirt as she held on. She squeezed a little tighter, her chest hard against his back, remembering the scars he’d shown her. He’d seen her scar and now she’d seen his, and as much as she didn’t want to get her hopes up about him, she couldn’t believe that he’d do that with just anyone.

Beth rest her head against his shoulder blade, wishing her touch could seep through his clothes and heal his scars. She didn’t want to leave, didn’t want to deal with Maggie’s questions and she suspected Daryl didn’t want to deal with his brother and whatever was going on with him and the Sheriff either.

Daryl pushed his feet off the ground and the motorcycle gained speed, thrumming loudly through the quiet street. If he could feel just how tightly she was holding him, he didn’t make a comment.

‘Know where to go?’ Beth asked in his ear.

‘End of that unmarked road near the edge of town?’

Beth nodded. ‘How’d you know?’

Daryl shrugged, his shoulders rolling against her. ‘Small town.’

For the rest of the ride Beth fell silent. She definitely hadn’t appreciated that she’d been on a motorbike last night, preoccupied with leaving Maggie and leaving with Daryl. But now, she was able to appreciate it for what it was – flying. They moved through the town seamlessly, going where cars could not, faster than people could, a sigh of wind and Daryl twisting a handlebar and they were gone.

And all too soon, Daryl was coming to a slow and they’d stopped just short of the entrance to the farm. Her house was still a fair walk away. Beth wondered if her father was home, if Maggie was home, and what she’d said to him. She’d have to face them eventually, and it seemed like now was the time.

Beth slid off Daryl’s bike, hands in her pockets. Daryl was staring at the farm, eyes distant as he chewed on his bottom lip, almost nervously.

‘Daryl?’

‘Mm?’ He turned to her slowly, like he was putting it off as long as he could. When his eyes met hers, they were hard flint, walls up. The same as they had been when she first saw him sitting at the bar the night before.

‘Thanks for the ride.’

He nodded, but he wasn’t really looking at her, more through her.

‘You okay?’ Beth couldn’t help the feeling that he wanted to go, that she had read into things far too much and he was just being polite now. Feeling stupid and anxious about the grilling she was about to receive from her family when she went inside, she turned and started walking down the long path that eventually formed somewhat of a driveway to her house. She walked for half a minute before she heard his bike shut off, keys rattling together dejectedly.

‘Beth.’ He sounded defeated. She turned.

Daryl was sitting on his bike, gripping the handlebars, eyes closed. For a second, Beth thought she’d imagined him calling out to her, but then he looked at her, and she could see just how much he was holding back. She walked slowly back to him, heart in her mouth. The truth wasn’t as simple as it should be. The truth should be that they were strangers, they’d spent a night together, and that had been it. But the real truth was much more complicated than that. The real truth was Beth had seen in Daryl what he’d refused to see in himself until then, and that was a dangerous thing, because he wanted to believe it. She wanted to believe it.

Daryl’s hair was messy from the ride and now the wind disrupted it further. His eyes locked on hers, and he looked as though he was fighting with himself, making himself stay instead of riding away.

Before either of them could say anything, the sound of a loud engine tore through the air, and Beth whipped her head around in panic to see her father driving towards them.

Feeling suddenly sick, Beth tried her best to look as though she belonged right where she was, like there was nothing wrong about the scene her father was slowing up to at all. Like she hadn’t completely vanished last night and gone home with Daryl Dixon and had sex with him. Nope, none of that.

Hershel’s face was severe albeit relieved as he took them in. ‘Bethy? We’ve been so worried –’

‘Daddy.’ Beth split into a grin, running towards his open window like she could somehow shield Daryl from his view. After a few choice words promising Beth there would be consequences for her actions, Hershel looked around his youngest daughter to Daryl, who looked as though he did not know what to do, frozen to his bike.

‘And who’s this?’

‘This is Daryl, he . . .’ Beth trailed off, her brain stumbling over possible excuses. Luckily for her, Daryl’s seemed to be working okay.

‘Just gave your daughter a ride.’ He was chewing on the inside of his cheek, determined not to look at Beth. ‘Was with some friends who ditched her in the middle of town, was comin’ down this way anyway.’

Beth fell into silent relief that he’d remembered enough of what she’d said last night to lie about how they’d met, because confessing to Hershel that they’d been at a bar was bad enough, but telling him Maggie had taken her and that she’d also been drinking would have been suicide.

Hershel frowned slightly at that. ‘You’re a Dixon, Will’s son?’

Something in Daryl’s face fell. He nodded.

Hershel looked to Beth. ‘Is this true?’

Beth didn’t skip a beat. ‘Yeah, I was with a few of the girls. We had a sleepover last night, and they wanted to go see a movie but I felt like coming home so they went without me, left me right in the middle of town.’

Her father nodded slowly, but Beth suspected he’d have a lot more questions for her when they got inside. She hadn’t hung out with her old friends in a very long time.

‘Maggie home?’

‘Been home all day. Thought it’d be a good time to spring Glenn on me this morning. She’s making dinner for us all tonight.’

‘Okay then, guess we’d better head in.’ Beth hurried, moving to start walking towards the house. ‘Thanks for the ride, Daryl.’ She caught his eye, but could feel her father watching her like a hawk, so she turned back around quickly.

‘S’alright.’ Daryl managed, revving his bike to life. Beth’s father was watching him carefully, no doubt wondering if he was lying, measuring him up against everything he knew of his infamous father and criminal brother.

‘You’re welcome to stay for dinner, Daryl. I ought to thank you for bringing my daughter home safely.’ Beth’s stomach lurched.

‘Don’t worry about it –’ Daryl began hastily but was cut off.

‘I insist.’ Hershel’s blue eyes twinkled and Daryl knew as well as Beth did that he had no choice. He nodded, and the older man smiled politely. Beside them, Beth’s heart had fluttered into her throat.

‘Perfect. You can park in front of the house and come right in.’ Hershel turned to Beth, his gaze watchful.

‘I might be out the back for a bit before I come inside, got to take a look at that fence, looks like one good storm will finish it off. Go help your sister, she’s got a lot to do.’

‘Okay, daddy.’

‘We have a few more people than we anticipated coming around tonight, I ran into the Sheriff in town and he seemed to have a bit of free time to come round and help with the gate, said he’d be happy to stay for dinner. Make sure you set the table for six, Bethy.’

Beth’s smile froze, heart stopping. ‘The sheriff – as in Rick Grimes?’

‘The very same.’

‘Perfect.’ Beth could hear herself saying from some distant place where they couldn’t hear her screaming in panic. ‘I’ll do that.’

Hershel eyed Daryl one last time, then turned his knowing eyes to Beth. ‘No dawdling. Back to the house, now.’

Beth nodded and smiled at her father as he drove down the dusty narrow road. As soon as she was sure he was out of earshot she spun around to Daryl.

‘What are we going to do? Rick knows I was with you last night, he knows I stayed over, he knows I was drinking!’ Beth moaned, turning towards the house. She couldn’t see a good ending to this – her sister and Glenn would be there which was bad enough already as they had both been at the bar last night, but throwing Daryl into the mix as well as the Sheriff who knew more than anyone else in that house what had happened the night before? She was in a mess, alright.

Beth turned to face Daryl again, suddenly aware that all he probably wanted to do was leave. These weren’t his problems, after all. ‘You don’t have to stay; I can make up some excuse why you had to go.’

Daryl shook his head slowly, as though the thought of staying made him feel sick but he was making himself do it anyway. She sensed that her father and Daryl had a lot more in common than met the eye. He was a man of his word, that much he’d shown her, and she knew that if he had said yes to Hershel, then he would follow through.

‘S’alright. I’ll stay.’ Daryl seemed to be fighting against better instincts, but he said nothing else.

Beth nodded, a little grateful that he wasn’t abandoning her to face the night alone and a little worried about what that would mean. Her mind was numb. How on earth was she going to convince the Sheriff not to say anything? She distantly heard Daryl ride by her, and in no time she was at her own front door, worry carrying her heavy feet the whole way there. So caught up was she in thoughts of the Sheriff that she’d completely forgot that her sister had met Daryl the night before and would put two and two together now that he was accompanying Beth home.

Maggie was standing in the doorway, a look of complete shock on her face as her eyes moved from Beth to Daryl. ‘What the –’

Beth jumped into survival mode. ‘Maggie, listen, you can’t tell Daddy about last night, okay? Not that we went out, not that you know Daryl. I’ll explain everything to you later. Please, you have to trust me –’

‘What on earth is he doing here?’ Her sister hissed, waving a wooden spoon in Daryl’s direction. Beth spared Daryl a glance as he dismounted his motorcycle, peeling his leather gloves off and watching Maggie warily.

‘He got dragged into this, don’t blame him. He was just giving me a ride home –’

‘Oh a ride? Is that all he was doing?’

‘Maggie!’ Beth protested hotly, distracted as Glenn’s head popped up behind Maggie’s shoulder.

‘Hey, Beth! Oh . . . Daryl?’ His face was full of confusion as he tried to comprehend the situation. ‘What’s going on?’

Maggie turned to Glenn, incredulous. ‘Apparently Daryl Dixon’s staying for dinner.’

Glenn looked from Beth to Daryl, then back to Maggie. While Beth could tell from their brief interactions that Glenn was a smart guy, and that certainly Maggie wouldn’t choose anyone who wasn’t, he definitely wasn’t the best at reading situations. ‘Okay . . .’

Maggie turned back to her sister at Glenn’s underwhelming response. ‘Beth, where the hell did you go last night, turning your phone off like that and scaring the shit out of everyone? We thought you did something.’

Beth’s face was burning now, the bracelets on her wrist searing her skin. She swore Glenn and Maggie’s eyes flicked to them. ‘I told you, I was with my friends. They ditched me in town and Daryl was coming past, offered me a ride home.’

‘Oh, and since when do the Dixons give a shit about offering people rides home?’ Maggie’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.

‘Maggie, maybe we should –’ Glenn made to pull Maggie back inside but she shook him off.

‘You better tell me what happened or I’ll tell Daddy about last night.’

Beth’s heart hammered against her ribs. She knew her sister was coming from a concerned place and that she only wanted to make sure Beth wasn’t in danger either from others or herself, but it didn’t stop Maggie from being irrationally difficult just then.

‘I’ll tell you, okay? Just not right now. I promise.’

Maggie seemed to be fighting her better judgement. ‘Fine. The second this dinner’s over.’

She glanced behind Beth to Daryl, who’d been watching the whole encounter with sharp eyes. Determined as Maggie was to protect Beth, she knew her sister could tell Daryl was just as keen as her as he followed the conversation.

‘You might mean well, but I know about your family, and my Daddy does too.’ With one last glare at Beth, Maggie stormed back into the house, leaving Glenn standing at the front door flummoxed.

‘Better come on in.’ He grimaced at Beth as she glared at him stonily.

She watched as Daryl met Glenn’s eyes cautiously and wondered at how close they were. Maybe Glenn could put in a good word for him – what was she even thinking? All they had to do was get through this dinner, and good word or not, Maggie’s mind was already made up about him.

Glenn’s face showed no judgement or dislike as he held his hands up to Daryl in mock surrender.

‘Hey – we’re friends, you know that. I don’t have a problem with you. I know you’re a good guy.’

Beth raised an eyebrow and turned to Daryl, watching his hard eyes soften a little. He gave a sharp nod to Glenn, who cracked a smile in relief.

‘Come on.’ He muttered to the two of them, waving them in.

Beth was lucky to live where she did, she knew that, and yet it hadn’t stopped her taking the huge house and land around it for granted every now and then. She supposed she was used to it, growing up not knowing any different, but as she spun around to see if Daryl was following her, she stopped in her tracks. She supposed he was used to something else entirely.

Daryl was hastily wiping his boots on the doormat, looking completely out of his depth. Beth felt a twinge of guilt that it was her doing that he was to be put through the judgement of her family but there was nothing she could say in front of Glenn as the two of them followed him into the kitchen.

Beth, remembering what her father had said and deciding that it was probably best to begin the night at civilly as possible before it turned into who knows what, went to help Maggie where she was standing at the sink chopping up vegetables with a stony expression.

‘Need any help?’ Glenn asked Maggie, who sighed, looking up. Beth sneaked a glance and saw that Maggie’s gaze softened when she looked at him; something in him calmer her. She wondered at the way she’d thought the same about Daryl’s gaze. Did she calm him?

‘Could lend a hand to Daddy, he’s out trying to fix that damn fence again. You too.’ Maggie glanced at Daryl, expression not completely filled with loathing.

Daryl nodded, catching Beth’s eye as he followed Glenn out the back door. She offered him a half-smile, an apologetic look on her face as she watched them disappear. A feeling of dread was spreading at being left alone with her sister, but Maggie said nothing else except, ‘glasses are in the dishwasher.’

Beth finished at the sink and set the dinner table with a quiet precision that she hoped would deter Maggie if she turned around and tried to interrupt her in favour of getting information out of her.

The minutes ticked on in excruciating silence. Maggie finally went upstairs to change for dinner and Beth allowed herself a deep breath. If her and Daryl could get through this night alive, it would be a miracle. Beth realised as she wiped her hands across her thighs that she was in the same clothes as yesterday still. As she moved towards the stairs, the back door swung open and Glenn, Daryl and her father re-entered.

‘Fix it?’ Beth asked politely. She didn’t miss the way Daryl stood apart from the other two, leaning against the wall behind him slightly like it would lend its support.

‘We’ll have to give it another go after dinner, once Sheriff Grimes gets in.’ Hershel replied.

At that, Daryl stiffened. Beth smiled at her father, then made her excuse, stumbling up the stairs a nervous wreck, feeling a little guilty for leaving Daryl there alone but knowing she had to change out of the clothes Daryl had watched her undress in otherwise she wouldn’t be able to concentrate. She really had no idea what she’d say to Rick when he came, but she knew she didn’t have long.

Entering her room, Beth felt a familiar comfort in it – she knew where everything was, right down to the scarf stuck behind her drawers and the broken soap dish in the connecting bathroom. At least here, she couldn’t be surprised. Taking a moment to survey her closet, she picked out a pair of black jeans and a white button-up t-shirt, pushing away thoughts of what Daryl would think of her in them. She had just finished running a brush through her blonde tangles as the doorbell rang, and she practically flung herself out the door and down the stairs to get there first, but she was too late.

Hershel Greene answered the door with a warm smile and handshake for Rick Grimes. Beth could do nothing except stand at the bottom of the stairs and wait for whatever was about to unfold.

Her father led the Sheriff into the dining room and Beth followed. Glenn, Maggie and Daryl were already sat, in somewhat painful silence. Daryl was playing with his napkin on the table and Maggie and Glenn seemed mute around him.

‘Rick, I’d like you to meet my daughters, my eldest, Maggie –’ her sister stood up and shook Rick’s hand – ‘and youngest Beth.’ Beth managed a smile and Rick nodded at her, shaking her hand, but said nothing about their previous meeting. Shakily, she took her seat next to Maggie, across from Daryl. The two opposing ends of the table were left open for Rick and Hershel.

‘Maggie’s boyfriend Glenn.’ Hershel announced, and the same friendly greeting was bestowed upon Glenn. ‘And this is Daryl, he works with Glenn, and kindly offered my youngest daughter a ride home and agreed to indulge us with his presence tonight.’ Boy, her father sure had a way with words.

Rick clasped Daryl’s hand, an off guard expression on his face that Beth hoped only she and Daryl could because they were searching for it already.

‘Rick.’ Daryl muttered, taking his seat again.

‘I’m afraid Daryl and I already know each other.’ Rick announced to the table as he and Hershel sat down. Beth’s heart jumped into her throat. ‘We live in the same apartment building, we cross paths every now and again. I was surprised to see his motorbike out the front, but now it all makes sense.’ He cast Beth a reassuring smile and she let out a small breath. Her relief was short-lived as the news settled in around them.

‘I’m sure you know his brother, too? Seeing as you’re the Sheriff.’ Maggie asked with forced politeness, no one missing the smart edge to her voice.

Rick let out a small laugh. ‘Hard to imagine anyone in this town that doesn’t know Merle Dixon.’

Hershel nodded sagely at that. ‘I grew up with his father, although he kept to himself mostly. Haven’t had the pleasure of meeting either of his sons until tonight.’

Daryl was growing increasingly focussed on staring at the table, fiddling with the napkin. Beth didn’t know much about his family, about his father, but she knew he was powerless to stop her hearing this conversation, even if he didn’t want her to. Eyes on the table were turning to Daryl and Beth’s stomach twisted as she made to change the topic, but Rick had swooped in before she got the chance to speak.

‘Word is you have a fence to fix.’

While Hershel took the bait and launched into conversation with Rick, Beth watched Maggie and Glenn communicate in their own language across the dinner table. She used to have that with her sister, before everything had happened in the last year. When they were younger, they’d make up their own signs, strange noises and expressions that only they could decipher. When Beth’s mother had died, she’d taken a part of her with her, and when they found Beth with her wrist slashed open, Beth had felt it leaving her still, then. She was everyday, growing less and less. They weren’t as close anymore, any chance of that being shadowed by the fact that Maggie was as good as a babysitter nowadays, and the fact that she had Glenn to grow and change with made Beth easily forgotten. She didn’t mind that Maggie had her own language with someone else now, she just wished she would remember theirs.

‘Come help me get dinner?’ Maggie elbowed her, and Beth followed her sister into the kitchen, feeling an increasing sense of dread for every minute she wasn’t in that dining room listening to the conversation, making sure it didn’t steer in a direction she didn’t want. But when she and Maggie eventually returned to their seats, dishes full of food placed on the table, nothing seemed amiss.

They ate with a constant stream of pleasant conversation flowing, mostly out of her father and Rick, but Glenn occasionally chimed in. Rick and Glenn got to talking about being a Sheriff, and then the conversation moved to what Maggie did for a living, then somehow, as she had known it would, to Beth.

‘So, your father tells me you’re waiting to hear on college applications?’ Rick asked politely, cutting into his chicken.

Beth nodded, another thing that she hadn’t dealt with piling on her mind. In truth, she’d applied to colleges in the hopes that it would keep her father happy for a while, until she figured out how to tell him she only wanted to pursue one thing, and that thing was something she couldn’t learn in a classroom. That thing was found in moments like last night, when Daryl had listened to her sing. She hadn’t had a lot of moments like that recently and she’d begun to think it was futile to pursue. Daryl asking her to keep singing the previous night had changed that, changed something in her.

‘Yeah. Should be sometime soon.’

‘Good luck, then.’

Beth met his eyes and smiled, hoping she wasn’t inviting more conversation by doing so. She chanced a look at Daryl, who’d barely touched his food, and was watching his fingers fiddle with his fork. He had barely said a word at all and yet his silence was deafening her. Did he hate her, for dragging him into her house and making him have this stupid dinner with her family? Like he’d read her mind, Daryl’s eyes met hers and there she saw the same look he’d given her right before her father had pulled up beside them. Determined, like he’d won some kind of battle against himself and was working every minute to subdue the thing that was telling him to run.

The rest of the dinner went quite quickly and before she knew it, Glenn was standing up to clear the plates. Daryl hurriedly got up to help him, and Beth noticed her father notice. Smiling inwardly, she glanced at her sister, who seemed blind to Daryl at that point and was engaging Rick in another conversation.

It was a few minutes later that Rick asked Beth to show him to the bathroom under the guise of washing up. The second they were down the hallway and out of earshot, Beth stopped, spinning around.

‘Why haven’t you said anything?’

‘About?’ Rick seemed amused, weight shifting on one leg and hands by his belt, a habit no doubt started after he’d become a cop.

‘Last night!’ Beth hissed. ‘Me, at Daryl’s house, staying over.’

Rick turned over her words. ‘Look, when I saw his bike outside, I figured you had something to do with him being here. Judging from your dad’s introduction of him, he doesn’t know the truth. I’m not about to come in here and get you or him into trouble. Daryl’s a good man, he’s got his own code, got traits his brother or father never had. You seem old enough to decide that for yourself.’

Beth watched the Sheriff cautiously, wondering if he was misleading her, but he seemed genuine. He stepped into the bathroom opposite them, washed his hands, then started walking back towards the dining room.

‘I’m not sayin’ the drinking part was okay,’ Rick turned to Beth with a knowing glint in his eye and she had the sense to look a little ashamed, ‘but I know he’ll do right by you.’

His words had a more comforting effect on Beth than she’d like to admit. They reached the end of the hallway but Beth caught Rick’s arm before they re-entered, finally allowing other thoughts to flood in now that he’d assured her.

‘What happened, last night? With that man in the apartment, threatening that girl?’

Rick’s expression suddenly filled out the lines on his face. ‘We got him.’

‘And the girl?’ Beth somehow knew the answer before he said it.

‘He killed her.’

Stunned at the starkness of the fact, Beth remained in the hallway for a moment, Rick offering her a kind smile before walking off. She wasn’t stupid enough to think Daryl hadn’t been exposed to that kind of life, and if listening and watching how Merle behaved told her anything, she could tell his older brother had a part in that life now. Maybe Daryl had, too. Once. But she had seen something different in Daryl, something that told her that he wanted to change. Something that told her he was trying.

Beth re-entered the dining room to find everyone but Glenn gone.

‘They went to fix that fence out back.’ He explained.

‘How come you didn’t?’

Glenn put down the cloth he’d been using to wipe down the table. He looked through the back door and Beth followed his gaze. She could vaguely make out a few figures against the muddy grass. Sometime since she’d left, it had begun to rain.

‘I wanted to stay behind, to talk to you.’

Beth could barely conceal her eye roll. ‘What, Maggie put you up to this already?’

‘No – no Maggie doesn’t know. I just . . . I wanted to tell you that it’s okay. If you’re into Daryl.’ He looked at her cautiously. ‘I know we don’t know each other all that well, but I just – I know that Hershel wasn’t too keen on me this morning when he heard about me, and I know Maggie and I get some looks sometimes when we’re together. There’s not many Korean people in this town and even less who are dating people who aren’t Korean.’

Beth sunk into a chair and Glenn did the same.

‘I don’t know what’s going on with you guys, I know you only met yesterday but I know Daryl well enough to know that he’s not the type to do anything like this. You’re the only girl I’ve ever seen him interested in, at least enough to offer you a ride.’ He emphasized the last four words with an amused expression.

‘I know Maggie doesn’t get it, your dad won’t either, but I just wanted you to know, you can talk to me about it, if you want,’ he added hurriedly, his brain catching up to the situation and seemingly making him nervous.

Beth nodded slowly, another warmly reassuring feeling spreading through her as it had at Rick’s words about Daryl. She’d been right to think him a good man, she knew she had. ‘Thanks, Glenn.’

They grinned at each other.

‘So, do you like him?’

Beth felt colour rising to her cheeks. Why did it seem so hard to talk about it all of a sudden? Glenn watched her patiently as she struggled with words.

‘It’s like . . . I don’t know. I feel good around him, you know? Last night, we talked for ages.’ She omitted the part where they’d had sex, ensuring that if any of this was somehow repeated back to Maggie, at least she’d have that still. ‘I can see there’s good in him, so much of it.’

Glenn nodded, leaning back on his chair. There was an ease to him that made Beth feel calm, made her feel like she could say anything and he’d sit there and nod along to it.

‘He made me forget, for a while.’ She added quietly, playing with her bracelets meaningfully.

Glenn caught on. ‘Look, I’m not going to lie and cover for you or anything, but I won’t tell Maggie, not unless you want me to or unless you say something first. But, just know I’m here, if you want advice or someone to talk to, okay?’

Suddenly overwhelmed by emotion, Beth nodded, stood up, and when Glenn did the same, she hugged him tightly.

‘Maggie’s really lucky to have you.’

Glenn squeezed her lightly, letting go and ruffling her hair like one would a dog, causing her to laugh in protest. ‘I know.’

They were interrupted by the sound of the back door swinging open, voices growing steadily louder as they reached the dining room. Hershel appeared first, then Maggie, Rick and Daryl following behind. Maggie disappeared up the stairs, muttering about the rain and not seeming to notice the wet, muddy stains she was leaving behind.

‘Thankyou for your help.’ Hershel nodded to his guests gratefully. They were all soaked to the bone shivering and Rick took off his coat as he nodded as Hershel.

‘No problem. I’ll get that fire going,’ he nodded to the hearth at the corner of the room. ‘Get us nice and warm.’

Daryl stayed at the threshold like he wasn’t sure not to do next. In truth, he could say goodbye and hop on his bike right now. Dinner was over and there was nothing really stopping him and Beth wouldn’t blame him.

But then he caught her eye and Beth knew at once that he wouldn’t leave without talking to her first, and since she was helping Rick pull out firewood, he had to stay for the moment.

‘Daryl, I trust you’ll stay a while longer?’

Beth turned at the sound of her father’s voice, wiping her hands on her jeans and straightening up.

Daryl had turned at the sound, too, and met Hershel’s eyes with a trace of awkwardness. She wondered if Hershel had noticed the way she and Daryl had been looking at each other. He seemed to sense Daryl was about to refuse because he went on, ‘at least until the rain stops. Too dangerous to be riding a motorbike out in that.’

And Daryl couldn’t refuse once again for the sheer logic of it. Beth knew Hershel could have easily kicked him off his property when he’d dropped her off, could have said his thankyous and goodbyes. He had known who his brother was, who his father had been. But Hershel had asked him to stay, and he was telling him to stay now, and Beth didn’t didn’t know which one could turn out worse for him in the end; leaving her without warning or refusing Hershel’s offer and proving to him he was as good as his last name.

Daryl nodded once at the older man, taking a seat next to Glenn, who offered him a half-smile.

Beth, finished propping up Rick’s damp coat against a chair, came past and took her fathers, then Daryl’s. He wasn’t wearing one, had blindly put on the same clothes he wore last night in a rush that morning, but he gave her his angel wing vest and his eyes tracked the water it dripped across the carpet before she hung it.

Maggie had come back down in a change of clothes, her hair still damp. She collapsed in a chair next to Glenn, who put an arm around her sympathetically.

Beth felt a tiny pang at the open display of affection and looked away quickly. Daryl seemed to notice as well, catching Beth’s eye before she busied herself with rearranging the chairs the coats were hanging from. They would never have that, and she was stupid for thinking it. It had barely been a day, and she was infatuated with him, with what she felt, with how she hoped he felt the same. Even if he did feel the same, no one would accept them, no one would understand. Maggie was determined to keep her away from him and her father might be giving the two of them the benefit of the doubt for now, but he would not tolerate it if he knew. This would never be hers.

Feeling especially dejected, Beth sat down in front of the hearth and fingered at her bracelets. Around her, chatter erupted but she didn’t feel the particular need to pay attention. Her mother would always be the one to sit next to her when she was like this, not say anything, but just be there in the bubble with her. Her mother, if no-one else, would understand. Now she was alone and the fire was practically melting into her skin and she felt a little numb to it. Sensing danger, for this was the feeling that generally preceded a depressive spiral, she looked up in an attempt to distract herself.

The Sheriff and her father were sitting at the corner of the dining table discussing something with serious expressions. Glenn and Maggie were wrapped up in each other still as Beth knew they would be. And Daryl was sat a little away from it all, eyes on her.

He seemed as though he wanted to say something to her, wanted to go over and sit next to her by the fire, but he couldn’t and he didn’t. Beth suspected that even if they were in a room all on their own he still wouldn’t be able to do something like that with ease.

Beth tore her eyes away. She had to move or she’d sink into the fire and allow herself to become a part of the embers. She’d been doing well the last few weeks and she wasn’t about to let herself spiral again, not even for Daryl.

‘Anyone want a drink?’ She offered the room and was met with two polite requests. Maggie, watching Beth leave the room, got up to help.

The second she entered the kitchen, Maggie closed the folding doors, turning to her sister with wide green eyes.

‘Look, Beth, I’m sorry for being so hard on you. Glenn talked to me –’

Beth whirled around, coffee mug in her hand dangerously close to slipping. ‘What did he say?’

Maggie eyed her curiously. ‘Nothing, just told me he could be like that to his sisters, too, but at the end of the day, they’re their own people, they have to make their own decisions. Even if I don’t agree with them.’

Beth bit back a smile. ‘Smart, that Glenn.’

Maggie let out a huff. ‘He thinks so.’ She snatched the cup out of Beth’s hand, set it on the bench and turned the kettle on. ‘I don’t know what’s going and you don’t have to tell me –’ she had trouble voicing the last part, as though she were forcing herself to be okay with it – ‘but I promise if you do, I won’t treat you like a child. You’re a lot more mature than I was at your age. We’ve grown away from each other.’ Maggie sighed, watching the boiling kettle. ‘I miss how we used to be. I know a lot’s happened and some things have changed and they won’t go back. I just want you to know, I’m here.’

Beth’s eyes prickled at that, and she was surprised to see Maggie’s eyes growing glassy.

‘I never really left, you know.’ Her sister said through a pained smile, watching Beth for a response.

Beth said nothing but crossed the kitchen and hugged her sister, and Maggie let out a breath of relief that Beth suspected she’d been holding in a while.

‘I’m sorry for being a bit absent with you, for treating you like you’re a kid I’m babysitting. No more of that, I promise. As long as you promise no lies.’

Beth broke away and grinned at her sister. Finally, something right.

‘Don’t get all sappy on me, now.’ She warned as Maggie brushed away a tear that had escaped down her cheek. ‘Just help me make this coffee so we can get them all out of here.’ Her sister let out a watery laugh, shoving her lightly before turning to find the sugar bowl and Beth couldn’t help it – she started laughing, too.

* * *

A few minutes had gone by and Beth and Maggie hadn’t emerged from the kitchen. Wondering if Beth was being interrogated and hoping she wasn’t having to lie too much on his account, Daryl glanced around the dining room. Rick and Hershel still occupied the corner of the table, in deep conversation. Daryl suspected Rick was telling Hershel about his wife’s affair, about his best friend’s betrayal, about how it was tearing his family apart. Daryl had heard enough to know that if he ever saw Shane Walsh in person he’d probably knock him to the ground.

‘Forgot to ask last night.’ Glenn leaned in next to Daryl, his voice low. ‘I remember Rick came to the shop a week ago, asking for your brother. Did he ever get around to him?’

Daryl nodded slowly. He and Glenn had been friends a while, closer than most at the garage they both worked at. The had a mutual respect for each other that didn’t seem to be wavering now. Glenn didn’t judge him by who his brother was, and Daryl didn’t judge him for being Korean, like everyone else at their work did at one point or another. Daryl suspected that if anyone else in this house would be on his side other than Beth, it was Glenn. That didn’t mean he was comfortable talking about it with him just yet, though.

‘This mornin’. Hasn’t told me what he said, though.’

Glenn slumped back into his chair and Daryl felt a little pit of dread open up in his gut at Glenn’s look. He knew that expression too well; that was the look someone had when they were about to tell you an opinion they thought was a fact. ‘Look, I know you wanna protect him, but he’s bad for you Daryl. Everyone knows it and no one says anything because they’re either scared of him or you or both but –’

‘Know all about it, do you?’ Daryl dropped his voice low, careful to not get Hershel or Rick’s attention, feeling strangely protective of Merle even though his brother was an asshole and Glenn was probably right.

‘Daryl, that’s not what I –’

But Daryl was already halfway out the door. Afraid he’d leave, Glenn made to follow him but Rick, head perking up once he’d heard the sound of chair legs scraping, stood up and told Glenn to leave it.

‘I’ll check on him in a minute. Give him time.’

Glenn nodded, suspecting that Rick knew more than he let on. He had sunk back into his chair and sat in silence for another few minutes, watching the fire pop and crackle until Hershel and Rick finished their chat, and Rick assured them everything was fine as he disappeared through the front door to follow Daryl.

* * *

Daryl wasn’t far, though. He was a ten second walk from the front door, leaning on his elbows against the white balustrade, cigarette in his mouth, watching the dimly lit farm across from him. The rain had eased slightly and Daryl knew that Rick knew he could hear him approaching, so he said nothing. Daryl was a hunter, and there was nothing worse to a hunter than feeling trapped, like prey, and Rick somehow understood this. He’d never been exceptionally close to Rick, but he and the Sheriff had a mutual respect for one another, and occasionally Rick would come down to his apartment and get to talking about his son and his wife who was leaving him for his best friend, and Daryl would say nothing but he knew his silence said more than his words could.

Now, Rick leaned against the railing, hands in his pockets, facing the house. Despite the rain, the air was humid as always. Daryl knew Rick didn’t mind his silence, actually found reassurance in it when he had his own problems to voice, but now it was time for it to be the other way around.

Daryl took in a long drag. There was too much or too little nowadays. There would be forever where he’d work on cars and bikes and he’d speak only when necessary and go home and sleep and eat and just exist. Or there’d be yesterday, where he wanted to talk, wanted to be known, asked a girl to sing to him and thought she was so breathtakingly beautiful that maybe there was more to life than just surviving. And then there was now, when the world was crashing in on him and he could feel the pull of her so deeply, somewhere he didn’t feel other things, and he could hear his brother in his head and everyone else’s outside of that and he wanted nothing more than to start again. To be something better, someone better, someone that was deserving of hearing her sing and her laugh and someone who wanted that without a trace of guilt. He felt slightly sick, in way over his head in this house, suffocated by the idea of who he thought he was and who he wanted to be. The former seemed an idea shared by Maggie and Hershel, although Maggie was the only one with enough balls to voice it. The latter, someone who didn’t exist. No. Someone who’d only existed last night.

He could hear Merle’s voice in his head again, warning him away, daring him to get closer.

Daryl breathed out slowly.

‘I think,’ Rick began gently, ‘you should try cutting yourself some slack.’

Daryl didn’t acknowledge him, but knew that Rick knew by now that that meant he was listening.

‘I don’t know what’s going on with Beth, but you’ve always been there for me. I’m here, now.’

Daryl blew out another breath, cigarette pinched between his fingers. He’d given Beth last night and this morning unconditionally with the thought that it would be the one good thing he’d done. Something she could look back on and smile about. He wasn’t made for anything else.

Slowly, Daryl dipped his head. Then, ‘I’m stuck, Rick.’

The Sheriff turned to Daryl, arms crossed over his chest, waiting for more. He wasn’t going to make it easy for him.

‘Fuckin’ Merle. Dumbest son of a bitch I know.’ Another long drag, end of the smoke glowing in the dark.

Rick knew all about that situation, knew more than enough. Daryl knew he wasn’t asking about that. He wanted to know about what was really getting to Daryl – Beth.

‘Merle’s been a problem for a while.’

Daryl snorted at that, running a hand over his face. ‘Don’t know what I’m doing here, Rick.’ He was the kind of exhausted that sleep could never fix.

Rick waited another painful minute, then apparently came to the realisation that he’d sooner die on that porch than get something out of Daryl if he wasn’t ready to admit it.

‘With Beth.’ It wasn’t a question and Rick didn’t make it one. Daryl nodded.

‘Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you, hell, don’t even tell me about last night –’ he eyed Daryl and he knew he meant the moonshine – ‘but don’t judge yourself too quick. She seems to like you.’

‘’S the problem. She can’t. I can’t.’

‘Why not?’

Daryl turned to Rick, suddenly awake. ‘Look at me, Rick. I’m no good for her. Even if age wasn’t a problem, I sure as hell got enough shit without draggin’ her into it.’

Rick seemed to turn those words over in his head carefully. ‘Look, I know some folk don’t like it, but I see no problem. Sure, you got some years on her, but I reckon she’s seen her fair share enough to know who she is and what she wants. I seen cases where there’s a couple with barely a year apart who don’t make it.’

Daryl looked through the rain to the acres of land surrounding them, feeling Rick’s words sink in somewhere not many things reached.

‘And you don’t have to drag her into any shit, especially if you don’t want to be in it yourself. Now I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m not even saying to go for it. All I know is, if you let yourself get in your own way you’ll wind up bitter. Take it from a man who’s done it before.’

Daryl met Rick’s eyes, illuminated by the lights coming from the windows in the house. Rick held his gaze and Daryl gave him a small nod, almost grateful, before turning back to face the fields.

He took a deep drag one last time before putting the cigarette out, dipping his head, leaning on the railing.

‘I’ll be inside.’ Rick muttered, knowing it was best to let Daryl come in his own time. He was much like his brother that way, and not at all in other ways.

Daryl heard his footsteps grow quieter and then the front door shut. He let out a deep sigh. The rain had almost completely stopped now, the cold setting into his bones and he welcomed it, hoped it would freeze him there so he wouldn’t have to decide anything. He knew he’d always been stubborn and decisive and if the last day had taught him anything, it was that everyone was decisive until suddenly they had something better in front of them, something offering something more.

Daryl stayed there for a few minutes more before he heard it. Singing – Beth’s singing, somehow floating through the cracks between the window panes and the gap between the front door and the door mat, flowing into him as he took a breath, settling into his bones and making them mobile again. And then, it didn’t seem that hard of a decision after all. He didn’t recognise what she was singing as he opened the door, but it didn’t surprise him – he had never been one for music, especially not the soft kind that Beth seemed to live inside.

He entered the dining room to find Beth occupying the same spot she had earlier by the fire. Her head turned as he entered, and she looked away quickly, though not before he saw the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, cheeks flushing pink. Hershel nodded at him as he pulled up a chair and sank into it.

Daryl could feel the heat from the fire warming his knees, could only imagine how hot it would be on Beth’s back, but she either didn’t feel it or it didn’t bother her. He was able to watch her for the first time that night without worry of being caught and he thought that maybe he did like soft music after all. He didn’t realise it was over until a quiet smattering of applause filled his ears, and Beth was standing up, laughing at her family but refusing to sing anything more. Last night she’d sung until her throat burned for him.

One by one, everyone seemed to tire out, and Daryl, seeing the opportunity he would have jumped at an hour ago, stood up with Rick automatically.

‘Best be off.’ Rick said to the group, clapping Daryl on the arm as he grabbed his own coat and then Daryl’s vest. Shaking hands with Hershel, he continued, ‘appreciate you having us over, let’s do it again sometime soon.’

‘We will. Bring Carl next time, I’m sure he’ll love to have a ride on one of the horses out back.’

Rick thanked him again, turning to say goodbye to Maggie, Glenn and Beth as Daryl was left standing in front of Beth’s father.

‘Hershel.’ He muttered, taking the other’s outstretched hand. He wasn’t quite sure what to say. He’d been a stranger to this man and he’d invited him into his home, invited him to dine with his family like he was part of it. Like he was deserving.

‘You’re both more than welcome back anytime.’ Hershel said, eyeing Daryl for a second before turning to Rick to make sure he heard. Daryl said a rushed goodbye to the rest, guilt once again bubbling in his gut at Hershel’s words. He sure as hell wouldn’t be saying that to him if he knew what he’d been doing with his daughter.

The rain had stopped outside and Daryl was able to breathe properly as he left the house, without the warm air and words indoors finding ways to choke him.

Daryl had just mounted his bike when Rick flashed his lights at him from his car. He put up a hand in acknowledgement as Rick took off. A heavy kind of feeling was setting in at the thought of riding home, finding Merle passed out on his couch, or worse, not finding him at all. It was the feeling of knowing what he was going back to, no surprises, no changes. Nothing else. Merle would laugh at him for thinking there was anything else for him other than this life, but now Daryl knew there was. He’d just lived it for a few hours, and for those few hours, everything was more complicated but everything was better.

He’d just pulled his leather gloves out of his pocket when he heard the front door opening quietly.

Beth slid out of her house silently and Daryl was sure no-one knew she’d gone.

‘Daryl –’ she called softly – ‘wait.’

At war again as relief sparked inside of him that she’d come, he busied himself with pulling on his gloves until she got to his bike, shaking slightly from the shock of the light breeze. She wrapped her arms around herself, getting close enough that Daryl could smell her perfume underneath the smell that the fire had left on her. She was the fire, he could see it in her eyes, she was the fire and he was a tree, and it took barely a match for him to ignite. All she had to do was light it.

‘You just gonna leave without saying goodbye?’

Daryl watched her carefully, her determined blue eyes, the flecks of red in her cheeks starting to show from the cold, and knew he had no control here. Whatever she’d done to him, it seemed set on sticking around and rendering him indecisive and forever struggling with himself.

Beth didn’t wait for a response. His were eyes on hers, glowing blue in the dark, his gloved fingers flexing unconsciously against his legs. She moved in closer and he did too, automatically, and he knew she’d seen in his eyes a flicker of doubt, like his body had betrayed him. And just as he saw the same doubt in her own eyes, he closed the gap between their lips.

Her mouth set him on fire but before it made him warm, Daryl had broken away, instead leading her back towards the house, the leather of his gloves gripped tight around her soft skin. He led her away from the front door to the side of the house, away from any windows, where there were no lights, where no-one would see. In the dark, his hands found her waist and he pushed her against the wooden planks that supported the porch, kissing her deeply. He had her body pinned with his own and Beth jumped to wrap her legs around him and he caught her easily, pushing her back to the wood behind like he was trying to sink into her. Her hands found a way under his shirt and he hissed into her mouth at the sudden cold that pressed into his skin. She smiled and he weaved a hand through her hair, thumb stroking her temple softly.

Daryl pushed his hips between her legs with bruising pressure but Beth welcomed it, and after a minute of them like that, he finally broke away.

‘They’re gonna wonder where you went.’ He was breathing heavily and he couldn’t see her well as his eyes struggled to adjust, but he could hear her breathing the same, could feel her chest heaving against his. ‘Already got you in enough trouble.’

Beth leaned in, nipping his ear with her teeth before wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.

So shocked was Daryl to be held like this that he nearly dropped her. He had never in his life been held, been hugged like this, felt another person so tightly wrapped around him that he no longer had any edges. He moved his hand from her hair to her waist, wrapping his arms around and squeezing, burying his head into her neck. Daryl could feel his eyes prickling so he lifted his head up, putting her down slowly, glad for the lack of light.

‘You okay?’ Beth seemed to sense something was wrong without having to see.

And then the fear of being known overwhelmed him and it all came crashing down.

‘You should go inside.’

Beth was silent for a minute, then, ‘I can’t figure you out.’ He heard her slump back against the wooden posts. ‘One minute I think you like me and then –’

‘Ain’t that, Beth. Ain’t you.’

She let out an impatient huff of air. ‘If you’re gonna go down this moral high ground again how you’re no good for me I think I’d prefer if you didn’t push me against my house and kiss me like that. If it’s not me then tell me what it is. I deserve to know at least that.’

They were both quiet for a minute, the cicadas the only noise in the dark. Daryl couldn’t tell her but he had to – had to make himself try at least. She deserved that much.

‘You got people who give a shit about you. Never had no one ‘cept my brother my whole life, been no one my whole life and I don’t know what you want or how to be someone that deserves you.’ His words came out in a rush. He felt stupid admitting these things to her – he barely even knew her – but something in him gave him no choice. ‘Told myself I’d let you go. Now I’m right back where I started.’

Beth didn’t say a thing and in the silence Daryl could almost hear her mind reeling at his words.

‘So you’re afraid.’ It wasn’t a question.

Daryl’s heart leapt painfully and something in him felt an ache of familiarity, like they’d been there before.

‘I ain’t afraid of nothin’.’

‘You are.’ Beth said quietly. ‘You’re afraid because you’ve been on your own your whole life and no-one’s ever given a shit and now I’m here and I give a shit and you’re afraid. That I’ll leave, or stop wanting you, right? And then you’ll be alone again.’

She had hit the mark so hard Daryl was stunned again. ‘You ain’t afraid?’

‘Fear makes me scared, makes me worry, makes me angry. It doesn’t make me feel like this.’ Beth’s hand wound once again underneath his shirt and stopped to rest over his chest.

The only sound between them now was their breathing. Daryl could hear her echoing in his mind.

_You’re afraid._

He had thought he had been hesitant, tense, unsettled, but now he realised they had all been synonyms for fear. Not just of her and what she meant but of himself, of how differently he was thinking and feeling because of her. Of how he was starting to believe that maybe he didn’t have to be as alone as he thought. She was right. He was terrified.

At the sound of the backdoor opening, Beth jumped slightly. Without a word, she took her hand off his chest and with it left the tight feeling that had been suffocating him all night.

Wordlessly, she slipped away and if he was anyone else who didn’t know how to listen to noises, he would have missed the moment between her standing in front of him – real and tangible – and the moment where she opened the front door ever so quietly and disappeared back inside – ethereal, gone.

Daryl stood under the porch for a few minutes longer before heading back to his motorbike. He took off as soon as it roared to life, not looking back at the farmhouse. He could see the warm yellow light radiating from the windows out of the corner of his eye and it burned into his memory along with everything else that night – the lilt in her voice as she sung, the sparkle in her eyes like the sun hitting the ocean, her hair falling over her shoulder, close enough to tickle him like it had the night before.

Merle wasn’t there when he got home but Daryl wasn’t surprised. He had a shower and sunk into bed. His pillows smelt like her and he could scarcely believe that it was only a night ago that she was there. It took him hours to get to sleep, but for once he wasn’t tired.


	6. Keep Me Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl learns more about the gang Merle's running from and he and Beth struggle to confront their feelings amidst this sudden new danger.

Beth had managed to sneak back into her house effortlessly, quietly creeping up the stairs and praying that Maggie wasn’t waiting for her on the landing. The faint patter of water that grew louder as she neared the second storey meant Maggie was in the shower, and judging from the noise her and Daryl had heard, her father had gone out the back door for something. Tiptoeing into her bedroom and praying no-one had come looking for her in there already, she closed the door and sunk onto the bed in relief.

Beth’s mind was reeling, replaying her and Daryl’s conversation over and over again as she stared up at her ceiling. She’d got something out of him that she thought maybe he didn’t even know he had. She wasn’t sure what he’d do with it, wasn’t even sure what she would do, but at least she wasn’t laying on her bed with a mind full of things she wished she said. No, if this was all said and done, at least she knew she had no regrets. The shower shut off a few minutes later, and Beth, suddenly remembering her promise to Maggie, jumped up to turn her bedroom light off before feigning sleep under her blankets.

She had intended to fulfil her promise to Maggie but as the night went on Beth became more and more aware that she didn’t want anyone to know, not yet at least. It wasn’t that she was ashamed or scared, more that she wanted to be selfish for the first time in her life. This was her memory and Daryl was hers in it and she wanted to keep him there, at least a little while longer, especially since she didn’t know if she’d even see him again. At least the night before could stay golden in her mind, could stay something that didn’t change with time, that wasn’t tarnished by anyone else. It would stay the two of them like that for as long as she wanted it.

Beth heard Maggie’s footsteps and then a soft knock on her door. At the silent response, Maggie cracked the bedroom door open, letting light spill onto Beth’s bed, illuminating the lump she made under the covers.

Half-expecting Maggie to try wake her up, Beth didn’t show any sign of being conscious, and Maggie, for once seemed to decide to drop it for the night. Feeling slightly guilty but not nearly enough to make her want to miraculously awaken and invite Maggie in, Beth kept her eyes shut as her sister closed her door softly, and she stayed that way until she fell asleep.

* * *

Daryl was awoken the next morning by a loud rapping on his door. Disgruntled and not nearly as rested as he ought to have been, he managed to find some clothes on his way out of his bedroom.

Rick Grimes was on the other side of the door, clean-shaven, a coffee in his hand and looking about as good as Daryl felt.

‘Morning.’ He grimaced and let himself in. ‘You haven’t talked to your brother yet; I can tell that much.’

Daryl, finally resigning himself to the kind of day this was shaping up to be, closed the door and sat opposite Rick on his small kitchen table, watching the Sheriff closely.

‘Look, I’m not gonna make you wait. Merle’s in deep. It’s bad, and not just with us.’

By _us_ , Daryl knew Rick meant the whole of the Atlanta police department. He knew his brother had done some questionable things, had even tried to drag Daryl into that life with him – had even succeeded for a while – but he knew that if Rick was saying things were bad, then they were.

‘Who?’

Rick sighed deeply, sipping his coffee. He had a faraway look in his eyes that gave the impression he was thinking about things his mouth wasn’t saying.

‘Ever heard of a man who calls himself “the Governor”?’

Daryl shook his head slowly.

‘Ringleader of a little underground drug smuggling business that your brother’s walked right into. The drugs barely scratch the surface with this gang – guns, stolen goods, animal trade, you name it. We caught wind that Merle might have an in with them and we were right – only he refused to co-operate and we found out why soon enough. Turns out he’d been skipping on payments he’s had due to them, taking a little extra for himself. Right out of the Governor’s pocket. Well, I’m sure you can imagine how pleased the Governor was when he found out Merle had gone and split from the group, taking his money with him.’

Daryl’s hands were curled into fists, in his head a steady pounding. The last few months, he’d convinced himself that Merle had gotten better, maybe even screwed his head on a little more to take note of what Daryl had been trying to do for himself, but he’d been wrong. Everytime he’d wanted to go out with his little brother or crash at his place for some quality time had been a ruse. Daryl was the cover up he’d been using, and now that the police had caught up to him he had nowhere else to hide.

‘I’d hoped to have a civilised chat with him yesterday morning but he told me to go fuck myself in ten words or less.’

Daryl snorted. His brother was digging himself a hole that no-one would help him get out of. Even Daryl couldn’t, not now, not even if he wanted to.

‘There’s a warrant out for his arrest, Daryl.’ Rick’s tone dropped slightly.

Daryl hadn’t noticed when his own breathing had got so deep, but now it was all he could do to stay grounded. His brother had been to prison plenty of times but none of those times quite felt like this one. This time, he’d gone too far.

‘I don’t think he’ll be coming back ‘round here, Daryl. But I gotta ask you, you know I do,’ Rick met Daryl’s eyes once again, ‘if you see anything, hear anything – you know where I live.’

Daryl supposed he nodded because Rick sank back in his chair, almost in relief.

‘What’s gonna happen? If you get him?’ Daryl asked, voice scratchy.

‘He’ll go to prison again. Most likely won’t be out for a very long time.’

Daryl had always suspected his brother would go too far one day, he’d just never thought that day would come. Rick finished the last of his coffee and set the cup down on the table, fingers playing with the wedding ring on his opposite hand. After giving Daryl a few moments to process the information, he leant into the table on his elbows, making sure he had his attention again.

‘This man, the gang he’s got himself roped up in – they’re dangerous Daryl, and I don’t mean regular kind of dangerous. You need to be careful. I hate to say it, but they’ve probably put a target on your back just from the sheer amount of times Merle’s been here the last few weeks.’

The Sheriff got up to leave, binning his cup on the way to the door. He turned back to Daryl, who’d stood up and followed him blindly, and paused.

‘Look after yourself.’ Rick seemed to struggle for words for a moment. ‘I’m not saying anything except this; you deserve to live a life that doesn’t involve people that drag you down. That includes your brother. I know you’re loyal Daryl, I know he’s all you had for a while. You’re better off alone.’

Daryl was hearing Glenn’s words from the night before again but this time something stuck a little better. ‘Yeah.’ He heard himself saying. ‘Take care.’

Rick nodded, hand on Daryl’s shoulder, releasing him with a small squeeze of reassurance. ‘I’ll be in touch.’

And Daryl was left leaning on his doorframe, hands tensed tight as he tried to fathom a life without Merle.

* * *

Beth was not in for a peaceful morning. Maggie, it seemed, was hell bent on getting the truth out of her, and Beth looked back on her good night’s sleep with envy at her past self who’d thought perhaps Maggie would forget all about it. She was ambushed the second she made it down the stairs.

‘Sleep well?’ Maggie’s head poked through the kitchen doors.

‘Fine.’ Beth said with feigned indifference. Really, this had been the best she’d slept in weeks. She hadn’t been plagued with nightmares, hadn’t woken up with a headache, hadn’t tossed and turned trying to still her mind like every other time lately.

‘Good. I made breakfast. Daddy’s out back, says he might be a while. Thought this might be a good time for you to tell me all about what’s been happening.’

Beth’s heart jumped and her stomach gave an awful lurch. ‘Maggie, I –’

‘Sit.’ Her sister’s tone was not inviting excuses and Beth pulled back a chair at their dining table and reluctantly sat. Maggie disappeared into the kitchen and brought back two plates of bacon and eggs.

‘Thanks.’ Beth managed as the food was placed in front of her. Maggie took the seat opposite her on the table but didn’t start eating yet.

The sun was streaming through the open window now, the light breeze playing on Beth’s skin. In other circumstances on a day like this Beth might be out riding her horse or with friends in town, but she hadn’t been that girl in a long time. That girl wouldn’t have done what she did at the bar, and that girl wouldn’t be brave enough to tell her sister about it.

‘I’m going to find out sooner or later.’ Maggie sighed finally, seemingly resigned to the fact, and it was that thought that strangely convinced Beth that it was okay.

Beth took in a breath, not quite sure how to narrate this in the way it needed to be, without Maggie’s feelings getting in the way of the facts. ‘You have to know that this was all my decision, okay? I wasn’t forced into anything, wasn’t pressured. You need to know that I’m old enough to make my own decisions even if you don’t like them.’

Maggie nodded stiffly. Beth knew it hurt her to have to let go of her baby sister, especially since she’d nearly lost her those months ago, especially since she’d tightened her grip on her infinitely since then and maybe a small part of her felt guilty that it had been under her watch that Beth had slipped away from her, that something irreversible could have happened. But she couldn’t protect her forever, and Beth knew Maggie was starting to realise that. Beth had paid dearly for what she’d done on that day she’d cut her wrist open, and she’d pay for it until she died. But that didn’t mean the price couldn’t be a little less.

‘At the bar the other night, I was sitting by myself and these two guys started harassing me, wouldn’t leave me alone. Those two that got kicked out, remember?’

Maggie nodded, eyes flashing and Beth knew she was about to ask why she didn’t tell her sooner so she shot her sister a pointed look. Maggie sank back in her chair, not entirely happy but not interrupting.

‘Daryl saw and he and his brother came over to help, scared the other two away. If he hadn’t . . . I don’t know what would have happened.’

Beth held her sister’s gaze and saw her almond eyes softening a little. If nothing else, Beth knew Maggie understood too well how invasive and gross men could be. This at least, was something that would work in Daryl’s favour in her sister’s eyes.

‘Then I came back to you and Glenn introduced them to us. Merle went off and you and Glenn were wrapped up in each other and I thought that it was a nice thing that Daryl did for me at the bar, so I offered to buy him a drink. We were talking for half a minute before you showed up and he took off.’

Maggie nodded slowly at that.

‘Then, I don’t know, you started lecturing me about running off when I was still in the same room as you and it all got too much. I know what I did hurt everyone, and I know all these rules and you babysitting me all the time was for me but I needed you to know that the only way for me to be okay is for me to know I’m okay on my own. I know it might not make sense to you but that’s what I needed then. So I caught up with Daryl outside and jumped on his bike and told him to go. We went to his apartment, sat on the roof for a while and talked. Sheriff Grimes lives there, too.’

At that Maggie’s eyes widened. ‘So he knew –’

‘Yeah, he saw me because there was a total lockdown on the building. Some methed-up psycho in his apartment. It’s why I had to stay. Last night Rick told me that he trusted the kind of man Daryl was and I do too. I’m not saying I was right in what I did – leaving you and ignoring your calls and scaring everyone like that. I’m just saying I needed it.’

Maggie was staring at the table with faraway eyes. Faintly, Beth heard her father starting up the tractor.

‘Anything happen, with Daryl?’ Maggie asked as though she already knew the answer.

Beth tried not to let her cheeks flush, but the mere thought of the night they’d had, and the morning after, was enough to make her heart beat furiously. ‘You need to know?’

Maggie let out a shaky laugh at her words, no better than a confession. She was turning over the information in her head but from what Beth could tell, her sister was not totally opposed to the idea now she understood the circumstances a little better.

‘I guess not. He’s older than you Beth, and his family –’

‘He’s a good man.’ Beth said firmly, and it must have been the steel in her tone that Maggie heard, because she stopped herself halfway through making a snappy retort. ‘You need to trust me. Trust that I can look after myself. I’m not that fragile girl that cut open her wrist, okay?’

Maggie flinched slightly at that, but Beth needed to drive her point in deeper.

‘I’m strong. And I can take care of myself. I need you to know that, and I need you to trust me. And if this all goes to hell, I know you’re gonna be right here to pick up the pieces.’

Maggie’s eyes widened and she nodded sincerely. Beth let out a relieved breath, mind reeling at all she’d admitted to. Finally, she picked up her knife and fork and started on her breakfast. After a few minutes, Maggie did the same.

‘Okay.’ Her sister said softly. ‘I trust you. But no more secrets.’

‘Deal.’ Beth nodded, meeting Maggie’s eyes. They both broke into grins and relief washed over Beth. At least there was one less person she had to keep this thing with Daryl from, whatever it was. She thought back to the night before, of Daryl pinning her against the house and kissing her like it was the only way he could breathe, of the way she disappeared on him without a word. She wondered at the ease of how people got feelings confused, and thought that if hers were a mountain Daryl’s must be an avalanche.

‘Are you going to see him again?’ Maggie asked slowly. Beth could tell she was trying, but it was hard for her still.

‘I don’t know.’ She confessed. Then, ‘I hope so.’

Maggie nodded, a smile creeping onto her face. ‘At least Glenn seems to think he’s alright.’

‘That’s the spirit.’ Beth grinned and her sister rolled her eyes in response.

‘Eat your breakfast.’ Maggie retorted, but the rest of the meal they spent laughing and joking, and both their plates were cold by the time they finally got around to eating.

* * *

‘Merle, answer your fuckin’ phone.’ Daryl growled into his brother’s voicemail, hearing the infuriating beep for the fourth time. He knew it couldn’t be coincidence that Merle wasn’t picking up; it was one in the afternoon and neither he nor his brother had work that day. Not that Merle would show up anyway.

His conversation with Rick had left his mind reeling. How could he have thought Merle was reforming, trying to get clean, trying to make his life better this whole time? His brother was nothing if not set in his ways. Of course he was involved in something that risked his life, as well as everyone’s around him. He was selfish that way. Maybe Daryl was selfish too, for wanting more. Maybe he had been fooling himself this whole time that he could be better, that he was better. Maybe while he was trying to convince himself that he could be something he wasn’t, his teeth were sharpening and his fists were clenching in preparation. Maybe, deep down, he always knew he’d get dragged back in to the life he wanted so bad to escape from. It was what he’d always been, it was what he knew. He thought of losing his temper with Merle, busting his lip. Daryl’s hands were made for breaking and hurting, not holding and loving. Especially when it came to his brother. He was built the same as Merle, fuelled off the same nightmarish childhood, and no matter how far he pushed away, he couldn’t seem to leave him for good.

A stark ringing broke off Daryl’s thoughts and he practically lunged at his phone, cutting the first ring off halfway. ‘Where the hell have you been?’

Merle’s cocky grin was present even though he wasn’t. ‘Now, now is that any way to answer the phone to your older brother?’

Daryl swore and Merle laughed. ‘Don’t get your panties twisted.’

‘Where are you?’

‘’S it to you anyway, Darylina?’

‘This ain’t a fuckin’ joke, Merle. I know about the Governor.’

Stunned silence from the other end for a few seconds, but Merle was never one to show his true feelings for long.

‘I bet your best pal Rick got you well caught up then, huh?’

Daryl sunk into his couch, head in his hands. ‘This ain’t about Rick. You got yourself in deep shit. Cuttin’ your own share, hell, even gettin’ involved with a gang like that in the first place, the fuck were you thinkin’?’

‘I was thinkin’,’ Merle said with an impatient sigh, ‘that I’m smarter’n ninety percent of the son’s of bitches who work for the Governor and I was takin’ my fair share.’

‘’Cept you weren’t, were you?’

Merle laugh was like a dog bark into the phone. ‘So what if I wasn’t? Gotta take what you want in this world, good shit don’t just fall from the sky, baby brother.’

Despite himself, Beth floated into Daryl’s mind. She had come out of nowhere, that was for sure. She was a good thing, something ethereal, something that had fallen out of her cloud and mistakenly landed right in front of him. He thought about what his brother would say if he could hear his thoughts right now.

‘And what about the other ten percent?’

‘Look, I appreciate the concern little bro, but ain’t you got somethin’ better to do –’

‘This is fuckin’ serious, Merle. You got every cop in this town on your ass, not to mention the fuckin’ Governor’s gang.’ Daryl didn’t even notice standing up, but he was at his kitchen bench now, head on the cold countertop.

‘They ain’t gonna find me, and even if they did, I got enough information on that gang that they’d cut a deal with me. What’s the point of fishin’ if you let all the big ones go?’

‘And what if the Governor’s gang finds you first?’

Merle laughed. ‘They ain’t gonna find me. Told you, ninety percent.’

Daryl shook his head but he couldn’t think of any way to fix the situation. If Merle was right, at least ten percent of that gang had their heads screwed on enough that they were looking for his brother. If Merle was right, Daryl not knowing where he was put him in the best position he could be at the moment.

‘Fine. You better fuckin’ answer the first time if I call again.’

Merle’s lofty chuckle set Daryl’s nerves alight. ‘Anythin’ else, mom?’

‘Just – keep low. I’ll try talkin’ to Rick, maybe he knows somethin’ else he didn’t tell me.’

‘You oughta worry about yourself, baby bro.’ Merle’s voice was suddenly stern, and as much as Daryl knew his brother was a selfish asshole who didn’t give a shit about anyone else, he thought for a moment he heard a shred of concern. ‘You know ol’Merle always pulls through.’

And a second later Daryl was listening to white noise as his brother disconnected the call. The stupid, selfish prick just had to make things harder for himself.

Thinking that at least he could find out what else Rick knew, Daryl grabbed his keys and made for the door, then stopped abruptly at the sight of Beth Greene, breathless in his doorway.

‘What –’

‘Daryl, I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go –’ Beth rushed past him, pulling her hair out of her eyes frantically. ‘There were these guys in a car following me and I didn’t know where else I could –’

‘Slow down.’ Daryl locked his door and turned to her. Even in her frenzied state she was beautiful. Of course, after he thought about it for a few more seconds, he realised what a bad idea it was that she was here. If he was being watched, after all, she would be another target for the Governor’s men. He’d brought her into this world without even realising it. Just by knowing him, she was in danger. Her rushed words hit him all at once as she swallowed, sinking onto his couch.

‘Y’alright?’ Daryl leant on the wall opposite her, arms tensed and not sure whether he should go and comfort her like every cell in his body was aching to or stay as far away as possible to make things easier. Beth nodded slowly, rubbing a hand over her face.

‘What happened?’

‘Maggie and I were shopping and I told her I wanted to go to this music store so we split up and then I realised that there were these two men following me down the street, so I went a different way to try to ditch them. They disappeared for a few minutes but then they showed up in a car, stuck to me like glue for a bit before I recognised your street, thought you might be home –’

As though Beth was realising she wasn’t in any immediate danger anymore, she mumbled, ‘it’s probably nothing. Sorry.’

Knowing she wasn’t overreacting and torn between what he should tell her and how, Daryl settled on: ‘I don’t think it’s nothin’.’

Sighing heavily, he sat down on the couch next to her. ‘Merle’s in deep shit. No idea where he is, got some bad people after him. I reckon they’ve been keepin’ an eye on him for a while, waitin’ for their moment. Keepin’ an eye on me, too. Probably saw you talkin’ to us at the bar, might have seen you here the other night or mornin’. Thinkin’ you know more’n you do.’

‘So, what, they think I might know where Merle is?’ Beth asked incredulously. ‘I’ve barely known him two days.’

Daryl ran a hand across his face. ‘Reckon they ain’t got a good idea on who Merle’s close with, and other than me, the only person he’s been in the same places with lately is you.’

Beth’s frowned, running a hand through her hair. She still seemed shaken up and Daryl resisted the urge to reach out and take her hand in his. Her next words did nothing to make the tug of war inside him any easier.

‘So what do we do?’

Maybe it was something in Beth’s tone, or maybe it was just the fact that she said “we” like that, but Daryl felt a dull displeasure coarse through him, and he could feel his old ways pulling at his edges, Merle’s voice in his head.

 _Oh,_ _it’s we now, is it? That why you never fuck nobody, Darylina? You too scared of havin’ someone who cares ‘bout you? I’m all you got. It’s me and you and there ain’t never gonna be nobody else who gives a shit about you ‘cept me._

Merle’s voice in his head had long grown into a distant sound that Daryl could ignore most of the time, but this was eating him. No matter how much he hated it, he knew part of it to be true. It had always been him and Merle. Nobody else to give a shit about them and nobody else to give a shit about. And if he was being dragged into this mess, he sure as hell wasn’t going to drag Beth Greene along with him.

‘Ain’t no we.’ Daryl got up abruptly, moving towards the door, waiting for her to follow.

Beth stayed right where she was on his couch, watching him warily. A glower crossed her face and Daryl tore his eyes away before he said something he’d regret.

‘You want me to leave?’

Daryl stayed silent, hoping that she’d just go and make it easier for him and he could hate himself after he knew she was safely back at the farm, but Beth had other plans.

‘Why?’

It wasn’t the question but the way her soft voice smoothed the edges of the word that made his stomach twist. She had done nothing at all wrong, and yet he had to do this. There was no question. If she knew how he felt, how he was doing this to protect her, she wouldn’t leave. She wouldn’t get to safety like he needed her to. He would do this now and he would hate himself later. He would do this because she deserved much better than him, and if the situation Merle had dragged him into taught him anything it was that he was better off alone, and she was better off without him.

‘Look, the other night was fun but I got shit to do.’ Daryl tried not to flinch at the way her expression changed, the way her bright eyes narrowed slightly, the way her reassuring smile dropped.

‘What, you have sex with me and have dinner with my family and then that’s it?’

Daryl met her eyes and he knew at once that she’d see through him if he even showed the slightest bit of regret.

‘The hell you expectin’? I ain’t some barely-grown farmer’s boy you can introduce to your family and write in your diary ‘bout. We ain’t from the same world. And I sure as hell ain’t your boyfriend.’

‘Daryl –’ Beth’s voice was hurt, a line forming between her brows and her chest was rising and falling quicker and for a moment Daryl thought she’d yell at him and he thought he’d let her.

But the way she was looking at him was one of pain, not anger. Like she understood something about him that he hadn’t figured out yet.

‘What do you want from me?’ Daryl fought to keep his voice even although it was surprising him how much seeing her upset bothered him.

‘Stop pretending you’re such a horrible person that doesn’t deserve good things! It’s bullshit.’ Beth was standing up now, close enough to touch. And now he could see the anger in her eyes that was overriding the hurt as she slowly put the pieces together.

‘That what you think?’ Daryl was struggling to keep his voice under control, but something in what she’d said struck a cord. He didn’t know how they had got this heated this quick, but in her eyes was a challenge and he knew she was just as stubborn as he was.

‘That’s what I know.’ Silence for a few seconds as the two kept their eyes locked, both breathing heavily.

‘You don’t know nothin’ about me.’ Daryl’s voice was venom as he turned away.

Beth glared at the back of him. ‘I know you wouldn’t have done anything you did for me if you were as bad as you say you are.’

Thrown, visions of his tongue between her thighs and the sound of his scratchy voice asking her to keep singing drifted into his head. His hands, her moans, fingernails digging in and the taste of her on his tongue for the rest of the day. Her voice, sweet like honey, and heavy lidded eyes watching him as though she wouldn’t rather be anywhere else.

‘It’s a bit hard to believe you don’t give a shit when you showed me the scars on your back.’ Beth’s voice trembled but her eyes were steady on his, and if she knew she was taking a risk bringing that up, she didn’t seem to care.

Daryl’s heart stilled at her words and he turned back around, hunted, and Beth seemed to sense she’d touched a nerve she shouldn’t have. It was all too much now – he was overwhelmed with these quick-growing feelings for her that he didn’t know what to do with, with his brother and all the shit he’d gotten himself wrapped up in. He’d shown her his scars and he hadn’t regretted it but she didn’t know the half of it. He he’d given her the means of knowing him and that terrified him more than he’d admit.

‘Think you fuckin’ know me cause I showed you somethin’ and I fucked you and it made you feel special?’ Daryl spat at her, a knee jerk reaction to the suffocating feeling inside him growing at her words. He was only inches away now, close enough to feel her staggered breath on his face. His words were cutting and his voice like fire and he knew by the way Beth’s face closed up that he’d done it.

‘What are you so afraid of? That you’ll start to let yourself give a shit about me and then I’ll leave? You wanna be by yourself so much that you’ll push away anyone who tries to get close. Fine. Enjoy your life alone.’ Beth spun on her heel and she was out the door before Daryl could even think of a response.

He kicked out at one of the open cupboards and let the slam echo through the empty apartment before hanging his head, breathing hard and wondering how the hell it was fair that he should have to hurt Beth in order to protect her.

* * *

Cursing herself for even thinking it was a good idea to go there, Beth had almost forgotten the reason she’d been at Daryl’s apartment until she left the building, sunlight hitting her square in the face. She didn’t have time to replay their argument in her head, barely even had time to register the empty street before the sun was bright in her eyes. Temporarily blinded, she put a hand over her face and made to walk back the way she came and try to find Maggie before she felt a hand close over her wrist harshly.

‘Hey – what –’

Another figure joined the first and before she could process what was happening, they were wrestling her towards the road. The car that had been following her earlier was waiting and Beth felt a wave of terror run through her as the two men pulled her arms behind her back. She tried to scream out but a hand was forced over her mouth, another squeezing her neck.

‘Not a fucking word out of you.’ A dry voice rasped in her ear.

Beth was kicking out, trying to flail her arms about but her attempts were short lived as they reached the car. The hand around her neck was achingly tight and she was struggling to breathe, eyes watering. Thinking this was her last chance, she bit down hard on the fingers covering her mouth and managed to scream out as they moved away from her mouth with a yelp, frantically thrashing around until she was brutally shoved into the backseat.

‘What do you want with me?’ Beth managed as she attempted to sit up; she found her hands had been bound behind her back.

Neither of the two men bothered her with an answer as they threw themselves in the front, locking the doors from the inside. Terrified of what would happen to her, Beth kept talking as they started the car, feeling her chance to escape slipping away with each second that passed.

‘You’re looking for Merle Dixon, right? I don’t even know him – I’ve barely even spoken to him before I can’t tell you anything –’

The man in the passenger seat turned around, his face an ugly scowl.

‘Shut. Up.’

Beth, taking in his murderous gaze and thinking it best to listen, sank back against the seat, mind racing as the car started speeding down the street. She was trying hard not to have a panic attack but it was hard to stay calm when she was beginning to realise that this was actually happening to her.

‘Fuck. Thought you said there were no cops patrolling!’

‘There were no cops patrolling!’

Beth’s attention was brought to the rear view mirror as the man driving adjusted it. She saw a speeding cop car tailing them, lights flashing, siren on. Feeling immense relief, Beth allowed herself a moment to breathe while the men in the front tried to figure an escape route. Dully, she realised that even though this cop car was chasing them, it might not even catch up to them. Her hands struggled against what felt like a zip tie. Desperate and feeling sick, Beth kicked out at the front drivers seat savagely.

‘Let me go! I can’t give you anything you want.’

And then she was staring at a gun, an actual gun, shiny and black, placed right between her eyes.

‘I said shut up!’ The man in the passenger seat was quickly losing patience with her, and Beth didn’t have time to dodge the hand that was holding the gun as it struck her across the cheek, hard.

She flinched back in pain, cheek stinging. The blow to the side of her head had scattered her brain, and for a moment all she knew was the white hot pain that was shooting through her like knives.

Beth knew she had to do something quick, and, doing her best to ignore the stabbing pain in her head, she turned around, feeling a rising dread as they seemed to inch further and further away from the cop car. The men in the front were still arguing, and as they ran a set of red lights, Beth decided that there was only one thing for it. She heard Daryl’s voice in her head, the night they’d met, one of the first things he’d said to her.

_Next time, hit ‘em, spit at ‘em, bite ‘em. Whatever you gotta do._

Well, Beth thought grimly as she gnashed her teeth together in anticipation, this certainly fell under whatever she had to do. Taking a deep breath, she waited until both men had their eyes on the road ahead and then inched towards the door, barely breathing, head impossibly dizzy. They were still preoccupied with the unexpected police car and Beth knew all she had to do was give herself a chance. If they got away from that car, then there was no way in the world for her to know where they were going or if she’d be able to get a moment like this again. As slowly as she could, Beth brought one of her hands up to the door handle and let out a silent breath of relief as it slid unlocked. And then, without letting herself think too hard about the possibility of getting run over by a truck or breaking her neck upon landing, she ripped open the car door and threw herself out.


	7. These Bruises Are Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl goes after Beth's kidnappers and learns a little more about why Merle's running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: physical violence, rape mention

Daryl arrived at the chaotic scene ten minutes later. He’d been banging his fists into the kitchen bench, daring himself to think about what he’d said to Beth and hating himself when he heard it. A scream that came from the quiet street outside his building, one that ripped right through his chest. Beth. And then he remembered why she had come around in the first place and his blood turned cold. How could he have let her leave like that? Bolting out his door and only stopping to pound and yell at Rick’s on the way down, Daryl ran out of the building to see a black car tearing down the street. Rick was down a minute later and barely waited for an explanation before jumping in his own car and going after them, warning Daryl to stay put. He didn’t, of course. It had taken him another few minutes to go back up and get his keys, and by the time he had found Rick’s car in the middle of the busy intersection, he was stopped by a crowd of quick-gathering people and a barrier of police at the scene. Thinking it strange they had arrived so quickly, Daryl roughly pushed past people that had stopped to stare, eyes searching for Rick. As he neared the front of the crowd, he collided with a solid chest right as he spotted a flash of blonde hair on the road, surrounded by paramedics. Heart hammering painfully fast and feeling a wave of nausea roll through him, he made to shove the wall in front of him out of his way but he felt a strong arm push him back severely.

‘Get back, this is a crime scene.’

Daryl’s eyes raked over the man’s face, vaguely taking in his badge and last name.

‘Walsh.’ He snarled. He had enough reason to hate this man even if he wasn’t blocking his way to Beth. ‘Move.’

The police officer raised an eyebrow in amusement. ‘I _said_ this is a crime scene.’

‘I know her, let me fuckin’ through.’

Shane Walsh had a cocky smile on his face, clearly amused at Daryl’s riled up state. ‘Ain’t no-one getting through, Dixon. Expect me to believe you know a girl like that, anyway?’

Daryl’s fists tightened; he was a second away from knocking the other man to the ground when he saw Rick appear behind Shane.

‘Let him through.’

While Rick’s home life was clearly falling apart, it seemed like he still had some control in his job because Shane regarded him for a moment, then slowly, like it cost him something, moved aside ever so slightly to let Daryl pass.

Daryl pushed past Shane roughly, thoughts of him slipping away as his eyes landed on Beth. ‘Fuck.’

He dropped to his knees next to her. She seemed unconscious for the most part, but every few seconds as the paramedics moved her or attempted to, she’d wince slightly like she could feel it.

He had done this to her. He turned to Rick. ‘The fuck happened?’

Rick sighed heavily, rubbing a hand over his face. ‘Followed the car like you said, two men who looked about middle-aged in the front, Beth in the back. Trailed them for a minute or two before I see them waving a gun around, decided it was best to try track them from a distance to protect her just in case they got all trigger happy. And next thing I know, I’m slamming on my brakes to avoid running her over.’

Daryl looked Beth over; she was covered in blood and gashes and a bruise was already forming on her cheekbone and he suspected there were a hundred more scattered across her body.

‘They pushed her out?’

Rick shook his head in disbelief. ‘She jumped.’

Daryl’s head snapped back to Rick, his eyebrows raised.

‘Reckon they were going nearly forty miles an hour before she threw herself out, damn lucky she didn’t get hit by a car or die on impact. She’s got a head injury. It’s nothing major, but looks as though she got hit along her temple with something hard. Got a few marks around her neck as well. She put up a hell of a fight.’

Daryl’s heart lurched painfully, dropping his head into his hands.

‘This is all my fuckin’ fault.’ He didn’t wait for Rick’s response, just looked back to Beth who still had her eyes closed. He could make out the red, angry marks around her neck where someone’s hands had been and his blood was fire in his veins.

The paramedics were moving her onto a stretcher, preparing to take her to hospital. Rick moved closer to Daryl as he stood up, placing an arm on his shoulder.

‘She’s gonna be fine.’ He reassured, but nothing Rick could say would make Daryl be any more okay with it. ‘Got another two cars chasing after them already. Beth was lucky, really lucky. Might have a concussion and she’ll be a bit sore but that’s the worst of it. I’m going to the hospital, to interview her when she wakes. Need to make a phone call first, let her father know.’

Daryl knew it was coming, but he still couldn’t help the blow he felt at those words. What would he do – follow her to hospital to make sure she was okay and meet Hershel and Maggie there, who would bombard him with questions about Beth that he could barely answer? No. He knew what he had to do the second he’d heard her scream. It was better he didn’t go to the hospital; better he wasn’t there when she woke. She’d be questioned and as long as he wasn’t there, there was nothing to get her into any trouble. She had been followed, ran towards the first building she saw for safety and then those animals had grabbed her. Right now, he’d leave it to Rick to think of a way to explain the Governor’s gang, Merle’s involvement now his too, if it came down to it. Daryl couldn’t think straight until he comforted the ugly thoughts in his mind with actions to match.

He could hear the blood pounding in his ears, drowning out the sound of Rick’s concerned voice, the ringing of the police sirens, everything else but the one thought in his head. He hadn’t wanted to get involved in this before, not even for Merle, but now things had changed. He was back on his bike before he knew it, ignoring Rick’s warnings for him to not do anything stupid. Daryl sped away from Beth with the one singular thought that he would catch the two bastards that had thought they could touch her and he would make them pay.

* * *

Beth woke to a dull but steady beeping. Her eyelids were heavy as she opened them, her head pounding. As the artificial light poured into her eyes, she moved to raise a hand up to shield them and abruptly stopped short, partly because her arm felt broken, and partly because she had all of a sudden become aware of where she was and how she had got there.

She had been kidnapped – no – almost kidnapped. Had she really thrown herself out of a moving car? She raised a hand to her head and felt the painful bump where she’d been struck.

Beth searched the room for answers but there was no-one there and finally settled on pressing a red button that she assumed meant someone would come running and she could ask where Daryl was and what the hell was going on. The Governor’s gang was after Merle, and by default Daryl now too. If they would go so far as to kidnap her, she didn’t want to think about what they’d do to him.

‘Beth!’ Maggie’s relief was apparent as she slammed the door open.

‘Maggie – what –’

‘Oh my god Beth, we were so worried! I’m so sorry, I never should have left you alone I should have gone with you.’ Maggie’s words came out in a rush as she pulled Beth into a bone-crushing hug.

‘What happened?’ Beth mumbled into Maggie’s neck, her body screaming in protest at the physical contact.

Her sister released her a second later, wiping away the tears that had sprung into her eyes a moment ago. ‘Two men – the Sheriff says they’re part of some gang – tried to take you and you jumped out of their car, remember?’

Beth nodded slowly as flashes of memory came back. ‘And . . . did they catch them?’

Maggie shook her head. ‘Not yet, but they’ve got lots of people out looking.’

Beth sunk onto the sterile bed behind her, trying to process things. She had no idea if Daryl even knew what happened. There was a good chance he was still oblivious to the whole thing. Maybe he was still in his apartment, missing her or hating her.

‘Where’s Daddy?’

Maggie nodded to the door. ‘Out talking to one of the nurses. He’ll be in soon. How are you feeling?’

Beth’s whole body was in agony in truth, but she didn’t want to worry anyone, least of all her sister or father. She needed to get out of this hospital as soon as possible, needed to make sure Daryl was okay despite everything they’d said to each other.

‘When did they say I can leave?’

Maggie let out a huff. ‘You jumped out of a moving car, Bethy. They’re gonna wanna keep you for a bit. Your arm’s sprained at the very least. Probably have a concussion. And Sheriff Grimes wants to interview you.’

Beth’s eyes darted over her sister’s face. ‘Interview?’

‘I mean, you were technically kidnapped. He’s gonna need descriptions, an account of what happened, what was said. Anything that’ll help him figure out who they were and what the hell they wanted with you.’

Beth fidgeted with the hospital bracelet around her wrist. She knew full well exactly what they’d been after and why they had chosen her. Even though their reasoning was a little off, she was sure if they had her she would still be good enough leverage to use her against Daryl once they realised Merle didn’t care. She wondered if she indeed would have been enough to use against Daryl, or if he’d meant everything he’d said back at his apartment before she left. At first she thought he’d been trying to push her away for his own piece of mind, to keep her safe, but then she thought that it was in his best interests too, for her to disappear from his life. Everything would be simpler, had they never met.

‘Was there anyone else there? Before they brought me here?’

Maggie turned back to Beth, eyes searching her face. ‘Loads of people were crowded around; it was practically in the middle of town. Where’d you go, after we split up?’

Vaguely, Beth recalled her plans to go to the music store. ‘I was going to look at a guitar, like I said, and then I noticed these men behind me and I had a feeling they were following me. So I kept walking, tried to lose them.’ She wasn’t sure exactly why she left out the part about going to Daryl’s, but she knew whatever reasoning behind it, Maggie would find a way to blame him. Guiltily, Beth remembered her promise to Maggie about no more lies. Her sister was already looking for an excuse to hate Daryl as it was, and even though she said she’d try, Beth knew that was conditional.

Maggie nodded, seemingly accepting this account. ‘I’ll go get the nurse, tell Daddy you’re awake.’

She gave Beth one last reassuring squeeze and then she was gone and Beth was left sitting on her hospital bed, fumbling with the hospital bracelet they’d placed over her scar as her head spun.

* * *

It turned out Beth’s kidnappers were easier to track than Daryl thought. Being part of the Governor’s gang had made Daryl think they’d at least be somewhat nifty, but everything from their messy effort to abduct Beth to their even worse attempt of getting away without evidence showed Daryl that Merle had been at least somewhat right about his ninety percent theory.

He traced their tyre tracks easily down a dirt road, barely needing to stop and examine. He let them lead him way down, opposite the way of Beth’s farm, further and further out. After twenty minutes, the tracks seemed to veer off the road and out into the trees that Daryl knew slowly led to a dense wood.

He tugged out a small hunting knife he kept hidden away under the seat and a few cable ties he used for work. He hadn’t come prepared but he could make that enough. Putting the blade between his teeth, Daryl revved his engine and let the thrum of the bike’s life vibrate through him, a familiar rumble that echoed promise.

Daryl rode slowly through the trees, examining the ground as he went. They had rushed away from the road quickly and they lead him easily deeper into the wood he knew so well. A few minutes later, he’d reached a clearing and at it’s centre, the car that had taken Beth.

A bird took off with a loud squawk at the sound of his engine dying. Daryl dismounted slowly, spitting the knife into a gloved hand as he walked quietly through the clearing. The car had been deserted; he’d guessed that much already. The wood was too thick to drive through and with light slowly dying, they’d be easier to loose without it. Still, Daryl was betting they didn’t know the area as well as he did.

Up close, the car was beaten and scratched. He took note of the license plate and a few photos of the car. He’d send them to Rick later, as well as the location. The police would need to comb through the area, eventually. But not yet. The two men’s trails were faint but Daryl had tracked through worse, and he followed them cautiously as they led him into the thick wood.

He walked for ten minutes before he spotted anything of real help. A shoe print in wet mud, still fresh. Wherever the men were, they couldn’t be far. And soon enough, as the sun was dying, he came across a small, decrepit shed that looked as though it had been long abandoned.

Daryl moved as quietly as he could towards it, the faint sound of voices growing louder. He couldn’t make out their words but he didn’t need to. Not yet, anyway. For now, he was content in the knowledge that there were two male voices coming from inside the shed, hushed and scared and not yet out of the woods.

The trees were silent save for the buzzing of the cicadas. Daryl tread as quietly as he could closer to the shack, pinning an ear to the rotten wood. One of the men was pacing, and as he got closer, Daryl was able to catch the bulk of the conversation.

‘ – do you think’s gonna happen when we tell him she got away? Huh? He ain’t gonna just let us prance away free, you heard what he did to Martinez!’

A muffled reply from the other. The footsteps and voice grew quieter as the man moved to the other side of the shed. A minute later they grew louder again.

‘Dumb bitch didn’t know enough to keep her mouth shut, hope she split her pretty head open when she hit the road.’

Daryl’s heart lurched, a wave of anger rolling through him. He thought of Beth in the hospital right now, bruised and bloody. He didn’t know if she was alright, if she was even awake or how badly hurt she was. He couldn’t let himself imagine her waking up alone, confused and in pain from what he’d said as well as what she’d endured because of him.

The pacing had stopped, the man inches away from Daryl on the other side of the wood. A reply from the other man that Daryl didn’t catch.

‘Doesn’t fucking matter now. She’s gone and there isn’t anyone else ‘side’s that prick’s kid brother that can tell us anything.’

Careful not to snap a twig under his boots, Daryl stepped away, closer to the front of the shack. They’d closed the door but it wouldn’t do them much good in preventing Daryl from entering. He slid his blade into his pocket, keeping the handle out so he could grab it easily.

‘She was a pretty thing. Little, though. Probably wouldn’t have fought back too much if we had a bit more time.’ One of them sneered and the other laughed in agreement.

Daryl’s blood grew thick in his veins. His gut was twisting and he could barely hear them anymore as his heartbeat flooded his ears, threatening to deafen him. Not waiting to listen to the rest, he crouched at the front and tested the handle of the rotted door as carefully as he could. He was met with little resistance, and, not caring about the squeak it made when he opened it, he shouldered through it hard, catching the man closest to the door by the waist and throwing him to the ground. The element of surprise gave Daryl enough time to land a few solid punches, feeling a wave of satisfaction roll through his body with each hit. The man’s companion seemed to have recovered from the shock of his appearance and had leapt to reach for the gun in the corner of the room. Daryl caught him by his feet and as the man landed hard on his knees, Daryl snagged the gun from his grip and pressed it to his head. The figure in front held his hands up, but his eyes betrayed him as they glanced to the man on the ground who was struggling to his feet. Daryl could hear by the sound of weight shifting on the creaky boards underneath them that the figure behind was creeping up on him.

Daryl waited a second before he struck the man in front of him on the side of the head with the barrel of the gun, not waiting to watch him crumple, instead crouching and spinning around to ram the one behind him hard in the stomach. The man buckled but ducked Daryl’s punch and surprisingly, landed one of his own into Daryl’s gut. He threw Daryl into a wall roughly and the gun slipped out of his hand on impact. Winded but with enough adrenaline still that he didn’t need to stop, Daryl kicked the gun away to the opposite end of the cabin as the other reached for it desperately and brought his knee up, hard, into his aggressor’s groin. The man let out a sharp yelp and Daryl landed a solid kick to his chest, hearing bones crunch, before locking his arm around the man’s neck and squeezing until his arms stopped flailing around and his body became limp. Daryl threw him onto the ground, knowing he only had a few minutes at most before the man regained consciousness. He was able to take in a few breaths, finally feeling the aching in his stomach from the punch earlier, before his attention was diverted as the man he’d hit across the side of the head with the gun stood up, fists clenched as he moved towards Daryl.

‘Merle’s baby brother, right?’ The man smirked. His temple had already begun to bruise where Daryl had hit it and in his grin showed red teeth stained from blood. Daryl didn’t humour him with a response, just circled around, watching the other man on the floor out of the corner of his eye for any movements.

‘We went after the girl; thought she was the easier target. Didn’t think you’d be stupid enough to come right to us.’

Daryl knew the man was trying to buy himself time but he couldn’t help but prickle at his words as he thought of Beth. Knowing he didn’t have long at all until the second man began to stir and strip Daryl of any advantage he had, he growled and kicked out, but the other moved aside and rushed at Daryl, just as he’d known he would, and Daryl had just enough time to slide his blade out of his pocket and sink it into his soft flesh.

Daryl’s attacker fell to the ground, clutching his side and yelling in pain as a pool of blood grew rapidly around him. Daryl hadn’t hit any major organs but he knew that he still had little time to get anything out of him before he passed out from blood loss. Taking care to see to his still unconscious friend first, and after binding his hands together with the zip ties in his pocket, Daryl turned to the man bleeding.

He tied his hands behind his back as best he could the same way as the other, and slammed him against a panelled wall, feeling the dilapidated shack tremble around them. The man was pale from blood loss but was still struggling against his bonds.

‘Who are you?’ Daryl asked in a low voice, cleaning his knife on his pants. His body ached where he had been thrown into the wall and his gut was still turning from the punch.

The man let out a noise, half a laugh as though it didn’t matter and half a yelp of pain as his muscles worked. ‘Sam.’

‘And your buddy over there?’

‘Jackson. The fuck’s it to you?’

Daryl considered the man for a moment, trying desperately to keep his rage in check. He crouched low to his eye level, and the man must have seen something in Daryl’s eyes that he was no longer trying to hide, because the grin was wiped off his face.

‘The fuck’s it to me?’ The tip of Daryl’s knife was under Sam’s chin, tilting it up. ‘You and your friends are after my brother.’

‘Nah. That’s not what made you come after us.’ Sam wasn’t smiling anymore but in his voice was a self-assured tone that grated at Daryl’s insides. He didn’t know how to steer the conversation away from where it was headed; it was the only direction it could logically go. There was only one reason for Daryl to come after them like this, outnumbered and reckless.

‘See me, I reckon,’ Sam went on, pausing to cough up a splatter of blood, ‘I reckon it had something to do with the blonde girl we had. Been watching you, Dixon. Been watching her as well.’

Daryl knew he had played directly into his hands but he didn’t care. This wasn’t Merle in his head telling him to do it or Rick in his ear telling him not to. This was him doing this, because of her.

Daryl cocked his head, considering the size of the bruise on Sam’s temple and wondering if he could hit it again without making him pass out. The blood pouring from his side had slowed, but it didn’t matter; Daryl knew it was only a matter of time before he fell unconscious.

‘What’s the Governor want with my brother?’

Sam laughed at that, face scrunching up in pain. ‘Merle took what wasn’t his. He wants him dead.’ His breathing was coming out more shallow by the second.

‘See, that ain’t makin’ much sense to me. Why’s the Governor care so much ‘bout a little money he lost if he could get it back and call it even? Why watch Merle, why send you two to kidnap someone he don’t even know? Nah, I think there’s somethin’ else. Somethin’ you’re not sayin’. Oh, s’alright. I got all day.’

Daryl’s tone was dangerously patient.

Sam narrowed his eyes and ran a tongue across his dry lips. ‘Smarter than your brother, I’ll give you that.’

‘Why’s he want Merle so bad?’

Sam clicked his tongue, eyes flicking over to his friend every few seconds as if willing him to regain consciousness could make it happen. There was something else pulling at Daryl that at this very moment, something he needed to know more, something that didn’t make enough sense as it should. ‘Why Beth?’

Sam leered at Daryl, a twisted smile splitting his face.

‘Thought we’d all share her around, I was gonna have her first –’

Despite what he’d said, Daryl didn’t have time for games. Without warning, he pushed his fingers into the man’s stab wound, snarling as he watched him writhe around, suffering. He could feel the warm blood making his hands slippery as he focussed his attention on anything but what could have happened to Beth. What they would have done.

Daryl’s face was an inch from Sam’s. ‘Tell me what he wanted her for.’

‘We got others, you know. It’s not just me and Jackson out here. And they been known to wander these woods on occasion.’

Before Daryl could answer, Jackson began to stir awake, sitting up and slowly realising his predicament. He struggled with his bound hands and Daryl was relieved to see they were still tightly restrained. He got up, ripping his fingers out of Sam’s side, letting the blood make a trail across the floor. Jackson seemed less inclined to be brave in the face of possible torture as he watched Daryl twirl his knife between his bloody fingers. Crouching once again, Daryl pressed the knife to the man’s groin, where he was, as he’d anticipated, met with a whimper.

‘Here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna tell me where the fuck the Governor is and everything else you know about him.’

Sam’s laugh was a bark. ‘And tell me why you think we’d do that for you?’

Daryl turned, no trace of humour on his face as he addressed Sam, slowly pushing the knife deeper into his friend’s groin. He heard a tiny pop that told him he’d poked through material, and then a gasp of pain that told him he was poking through skin. With his other hand, he took out his phone and sent Rick a text containing his location and where to find the shack.

‘Cops will be here soon. I can make up any kind of story you want. Got the Sheriff in my pocket. Wanna rot in a cell for the rest of your life, be my guest. S’your call.’

‘Been watching that Sheriff friend of yours, too. Grimes, is it?’

Daryl pushed his knife down deeper still, fighting the squeamish feeling growing in his belly at the yells coming from Jackson.

Sam’s breathing was laboured now, but he seemed to decide, as his friend writhed around, that Daryl’s offer was the only choice.

‘He’s on the outskirts of town. Holed up in some motel or something. Doesn’t tell us much, we’re only on the outside for him, we just do the shit he asks and get paid.’

‘And Merle?’

Sam hesitated. He met his companion’s eyes and Daryl drove the knife further in to speed it up.

Jackson screamed in pain, bound hands struggling behind him. ‘Merle took something from him.’ He managed between breaths. Daryl paused, taking pressure off the blade.

Merle had taken something from the Governor, something to warrant wanting his brother dead, wanting Daryl watched, wanting Beth taken? It didn’t make sense.

‘Took what?’ Daryl growled.

‘We don’t know. We don’t get told details, I told you.’ Sam said weakly. Daryl believed they might not know anything about Merle, might have even taken pity on them if they hadn’t just tried to kidnap Beth.

‘And what did you need with the girl?’

Sam seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness so Daryl focused his attention on Jackson.

‘Thought she could tell us something about where Merle went – ’

‘Bullshit.’ Daryl snarled. ‘She barely knows him and you know that.’

‘C’mon, Dixon.’ Sam managed, his eyes fluttering open again. ‘What do you think? We saw her with you and thought she might know somethin’.’

It was believable, there was no doubt. But it was the way that Sam had leered about her earlier, the way they’d spoken about her before he’d come in, that made Daryl hear white noise.

‘Where were you taking her?’

He moved back to Sam again, sitting cross-legged on the floor beside the man. Sam was in bad shape, and despite Daryl’s charade, he didn’t want either men’s blood on his hands. Rick would have to get here soon.

Sam’s face had lost any of the façade of humour or good-nature Daryl had seen through earlier. He knew men like him, had grown up around them. It was easy to see through a wall when it had become transparent.

‘You ain’t so different to us, Dixon. Luckier, maybe. She’s been with you, hasn’t she? Doesn’t make sense for you to act like you got a moral code after you been fucking her –’

Daryl growled, fist closed around his knife, fighting with himself. One more strike might finish him off. Rick had to be almost here. It was getting harder to see inside the shed as the last of the daylight was lost to the trees.

‘Ain’t wrong to want it, you know.’ Sam didn’t have a cocky grin on but he didn’t need it – Daryl could see in his eyes just how far gone he truly was. He’d met monsters in his life, lots of them. His father had been one of them. And in front of him was another monster, a different kind, but the same in every way that counted.

‘Ain’t wrong to take it, either. That little blonde thing is lucky she got out of that car when she did cause I was ready to take it. Got me excited just feeling her struggle against me as I put her in the car. Got me hard, you know? Would have fucked her then and there if I could.’

Sam’s eyes popped wide open as Daryl’s hand closed around his throat, smashing his head against the wooden panelling behind with a violent bang.

He was fighting it, all of it – Merle’s voice, Rick’s, his own. Something that sounded like his father’s and something that sounded like another monster altogether, calling him into the dark, welcoming him home.

For the first time in a long time, he followed it.

‘Should’a known better,’ Daryl’s voice was barely a whisper as his knife danced over Sam’s shirt, tracing the outline of his heart, ‘than to come after her. You should’a known,’ he cut into him slowly, watching with satisfaction as Sam began to yell out in agony, ‘I would come after you.’

Daryl didn’t stop after his knife had drawn blood, didn’t stop when he heard Sam’s screams of pain and his begging. He didn’t stop until he had carved an outline of where the man’s heart was, feeling his own blood pumping around his body, his fingers shaking and his jaw set. He was as much a monster now as they and he had become one of his own volition because the alternative of letting them walk out of here unharmed was no option at all. He had to be this in this moment or there was nothing stopping the rest of the monsters from being monsters. There was nothing to scare them away, for what are monsters afraid of if they’re the only things to fear? He was as much a monster now as they and he could hear his father in his head, feel him on his back, taste the sick satisfaction that told him he’d known he’d never really gotten away from it.

He was a monster now and there would be another after him because that’s how it went. There would be no-one to call him back, not this time. Merle was gone and Beth, the last good thing he’d let himself believe in, was better off without him.

Daryl had marked Sam, before he’d taken a knife to his chest, without even realising he had, and now there would be this; a bloody scar over a heart that didn’t beat properly and a dark shadow over one that could. Something in Daryl had snapped and he hadn’t resisted the chance to hurt these men, to make them feel a tenth of what they had intended on making his brother, making Beth feel.

Daryl was faintly aware of footsteps growing louder behind him, crushing the fallen leaves in the wood around. It could have been anyone in that moment and Daryl still wouldn’t have been able to move. He was breathing hard, a darkness forming around him, and he was still as he waited for it to take hold.

In the end, it was Rick that placed a hand on Daryl’s bicep and turned him away.

‘Daryl – you alright?’ Rick’s eyes raked over the scene, took in the two men bloodied and barely conscious on the floor but didn’t seem to want to say anything until he got confirmation from Daryl that he was okay.

Daryl nodded, slowly feeling himself come back to his body. His gut was aching and his back bruising and there was nothing more he wanted than to ask Rick about Beth, but he couldn’t do that now. He had as little right to anything about her as the two men on the ground behind him. Maggie had been right, after all.

‘Jesus. What happened?’ Rick asked urgently. ‘I came alone, but I can’t keep this hidden for long. You gotta tell me.’ He took Daryl’s shoulders and met his eyes steadily. ‘Hey - you have to trust me.’

‘Not here.’ It wasn’t safe for either of them, and Daryl had just remembered Sam’s words about others in the woods – threat or not, they were sitting ducks in the dark shack.

Rick nodded once, pulling out his radio and addressing his unit.

‘Got the two men who attempted to kidnap Beth Greene in a beat-down shed, about a mile off Greensbay Road, the car here too. Looks to me like a gang fight, deal or somethin’ went wrong. There was a third figure who ran off into the woods. I’m in pursuit.’

Daryl watched Rick cautiously as he lied. He was the Sheriff, and no matter what Sam and Jackson had to say, Rick had the power to ensure things went the way he wanted them to. After all, who was about to believe the ramblings of two gang members who’d just tried to kidnap Hershel Greene’s youngest daughter? Rick could ensure that. But was it worth this to him, compromising his job to protect Daryl? The monsters had shown their teeth and Daryl had snapped back. And there was no denying the fact. And yet Rick was protecting him still.

‘We need to go. Now.’ Rick took a sweeping look over the scene, took the gun from the corner and carefully removed the zip ties from both men’s wrists. Sam could barely keep conscious and Jackson was not in a fit state to stand. Rick and Daryl didn’t look back as they left. They walked a short distance, Daryl aching with every step, feeling heavier and heavier and wondering how he hadn’t sunk into hell yet.

They didn’t speak a word until they were safely in Rick’s car, parked haphazardly in the clearing alongside the black car that had taken Beth.

Rick rubbed a hand over his face as he drove through trees, finding his way to the main road.

‘What the fuck happened back there? I know sure as hell those two men didn’t do that to themselves.’

Daryl sighed heavily, watching his bruised knuckles in the dark.

‘I lost it, Rick.’ His voice was low but Rick listened, waited patiently for Daryl to find the right words. There were none, but he tried anyway.

‘They told me Merle took somethin’ from the Governor, said he wants him to pay. Wants him dead. Holed up in some motel out of town.’

‘Took something?’

‘Didn’t say what. Reckon they didn’t know. But it ain’t just the money. There’s somethin’ else, somethin’ bigger than that.’

Rick took in the information, slowing for a red light. ‘Get their names?’ When Daryl nodded, Rick asked cautiously, ‘and Beth?’

Daryl watched the light turn green before replying. ‘Told me they thought she’d be able to tell them where Merle was. Said they’d been watching us, both of us. You too.’

The Sheriff looked troubled at that and Daryl didn’t blame him. He had a son who came to the building more often than Merle, and if they could catch sight of Merle coming in, they could definitely catch Carl leaving.

‘They gonna live?’ Rick’s voice was tinted with sarcasm.

Daryl let out a surprised breath, half-relieved at how well him torturing two men for information was being received by the Sheriff. ‘They’ll live.’

Rick nodded, running a hand across his face again. He looked drained in truth, and Daryl wondered if he’d just come from the hospital. Had he spoken to Beth’s family, to Hershel and Maggie, and told them what had happened?

‘So you believe it?’

‘Mm?’

‘That’s why they took Beth? Seems an awful lot of trouble to kidnap someone who just got into the picture on the off chance she might know something.’

Daryl’s throat tightened. He could feel anger simmering, feel the thrum in his fists as they shook with memory, his voice rough and low.

‘They were gonna rape her.’ It was an ugly word but it was all he could think of; all he’d been able to concentrate on as he’d felt himself growing darker. ‘Take her back to share with the rest. It wasn’t just about Merle.’

The silence in the car was unpleasant and deafening and to his credit, Rick didn’t fill it with forced reassurance, just stared at the road, a muscle in his jaw twitching. A minute later he pulled out his radio, switched it off and threw it onto the backseat.

Daryl knew he’d need to pay for his actions eventually, but it was hard to feel like those men hadn’t deserved worse than what he gave them when Rick was next to him gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles and driving away from the wood with the same sudden resolve that Daryl had.


	8. I'll Try To Deserve You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still recovering from the events of the past few days, Beth knows the only way she'll start to feel better is if she can make sure Daryl is okay, too.

Getting released from hospital the same day you flung yourself out of a moving car was not as easy as Beth had thought. Most of the rest of the day had been filled with tests and medicines and assuring Maggie and her father that she was okay. After a few hours of this and when her head was starting to feel a bit better, she was able to rest in her room alone, going through a million impossible scenarios of what could have happened after she’d blacked out. Rick Grimes eventually interrupted, knocking at her closed door. He was in his Sheriff uniform, from his boots to his hat, and Beth fervently hoped that she could answer whatever questions he had without needing to lie. He stood at the threshold, waiting for her nod to be let in before occupying a chair in the corner of her room, watching the view out the small window. It wasn’t dark yet but it would be soon.

Rick had asked her how she was feeling and once she’d reassured him she was fine, he launched into his interview. Beth had no trouble answering most of his questions, but there were a few that hurt her head to try and recall the answers to, like what the men looked like and what exactly had been said. He was understanding, not prodding too much and moving on swiftly. Beth was biting her tongue in anticipation of when he’d ask about Daryl, about the Governor’s gang and what she knew. But he didn’t ask her anything like that at all.

Maybe Rick didn’t suspect she knew anything or maybe he didn’t want to ask just in case she had questions of her own. The interview went on for another thirty minutes, Rick pausing every now and then to write down a detail on his notepad. When he eventually got up, thanking her for her time and insisting she get some rest, Beth felt her last chance slipping out the door.

‘Rick – have you heard anything? From Daryl?’

Rick turned back to her, hovering in the doorway. He sighed softly, walking back in and closing the door behind him.

‘He was there, before they took you here. He’s the one who heard you scream, came and got me. I chased the car, saw you jump out.’

Beth nodded, a wave of relief spreading through her at the confirmation that Daryl wasn’t completely unaware of the situation. She hoped he’d had enough sense to stay put and warn Merle, but Rick’s next words caused her spark of doubt to grow into a fire.

‘Daryl followed. Wanted to make sure you were alright.’

Beth caught the hesitance in his tone.

‘Where is he now?’

Rick leant against the door, considering her. ‘He took off. I’m not sure where.’ His voice was heavy and he seemed to be refraining from saying anything else, but Beth could figure out the rest for herself. She remembered the flashing in his eyes when he’d confronted Ben and Dean at the bar, that dangerous way he’d tightened his fists, prepared.

‘He went after them, didn’t he?’ Beth’s voice was filled with worry and Rick didn’t miss it.

‘I’ll let you know if I hear anything from him.’ It seemed the best he could offer.

Beth nodded gratefully. ‘If you see him – tell him I’m sorry?’

Rick nodded, giving her a small smile. ‘Rest up. I’ll check back in tomorrow.’

And once again, she’d found herself alone and with a hundred burning questions that no one there could answer. Beth had fallen into an uneasy sleep thinking about Daryl, and she’d woken up the next morning with light streaming into her eyes, her body in agony, alone again.

* * *

Rick had been driving twenty minutes before either he or Daryl spoke again. Something about the weight of their last conversation made speaking about anything else seem unimportant, but when the car stopped in front of their apartment building, they were forced out of silence.

‘I was with Beth, before I came to you. At the hospital.’ Rick began heavily, turning to assess Daryl’s expression. ‘She’s alright. Minor concussion, cuts and bruises but that’s the worst of it. She asked about you.’

Daryl felt something inside him stir.

‘She wanted to know where you were. Wanted me to tell you she’s sorry.’

Against his feverish skin, Daryl could feel the cool steel of his blade pressing. Hearing this was something like that, except it burned through him a thousand times worse.

‘Wanna tell me what happened?’

Daryl scoffed. ‘What, my turn to be interviewed?’

Rick smiled dryly, but didn’t counter it.

Daryl supposed he’d known it would come to this. Rick had shown him today just how much he trusted him, just how far he was willing to take this to get his man. So be it if it was Merle at the centre of it. Daryl knew taking a gang like the Governor’s down was something Rick couldn’t do without him. Rick had come to him before, to talk or drink or sit in a silence that understood. This was one of those times again.

‘You gonna go see her?’

‘Fuck no. Ain’t no way she’s gettin’ dragged back into this.’

Rick considered his words. ‘The way I see it, she’s already in. If they didn’t want her before they’ll sure as hell want her now. You showed them what you’d do, how far you were willing to go. They want Merle, they want you. This is how they get to you.’

Silence ticked by. ‘Gotta find Merle. Whatever he took from ‘em.’

The Sheriff nodded sagely. ‘You still go should see her.’

Daryl didn’t answer for a few minutes. Then, ‘should get inside.’

They made their way out of the car and into the building, Daryl silently thanking that no one was there to see him covered in blood. They climbed up the stairs side by side and when they eventually got to their floor, Rick stopped in front of Daryl’s door. He seemed to be fighting with himself about what to say for a second, then he settled on, ‘I’ll see you in the morning.’

Daryl gave a slight nod and watched Rick walk down the hall and disappear into his own apartment.

Once he’d gotten to the other side of his door and locked it, Daryl collapsed onto the floor, his body finally giving out. He watched his bruised knuckles for a moment, deep red and soft pink mixing with the dried blood of the men he’d nearly killed. He was spent of thought, spent of emotion. He couldn’t bear to sit there and feel his soul ache as his body did. It could have been three minutes or thirty minutes later but he eventually got up and found his way to the shower. He waited until the water was scalding hot, watching the steam steadily fog up the mirror, slowly obscuring his reflection. Stripping his clothes off and throwing them out of the room, Daryl stepped into the shower and scrubbed until his body was raw, ignoring the searing pain he felt at the rough pressure. He didn’t mind pain, so much. It wasn’t the ache of his back after being thrown into a wall that bothered him but the weight of the scars there, seeping through his skin and weaving around his bones and constricting tight so they made sure to remind him they were not leaving. It was the ache in his knuckles from using them as weapons, the ache of familiarity within them that felt like he’d slipped into another skin that fitted better. It was the ache of the darkness, calling him in. The ache he hated because it tricked him into thinking he wanted to follow it rather than be free of it. He’d had slips, during his life, when he felt like he could be free, but he couldn’t remember the last one he’d had before he met Beth. She’d put something in him that he didn’t quite understand – hope? Or maybe she’d taken something away instead. Either way, it had changed something and he’d almost let himself believe that it really could be that simple. But it couldn’t be. And coming down was so much harder now that he had fallen from a greater height.

Daryl sat at the bottom of the shower, curled up with his head pressed against the cool tiles until the water ran cold and forced him out. He dried off, the bathroom filled with heavy steam. Wiping the mirror down and discarding his used towel amongst his pile of bloody clothes outside the door, he paused to assess his naked body, now free from blood and dirt. Across his stomach a bruise sprawled, angry and red. He turned around, feeling the muscles in his shoulders tense up and his heart contract at the sight of his own back. Doing his best to look past the scars, he saw that there was more bruising around his middle, and for the first time since it happened, he realised that it hurt to breathe in and out too deeply. That was the worst of it, deep red and already threatening to turn purple. He’d been lucky to leave with only a few marks. He’d been reckless to go alone, and had they got the jump on him or got to the gun in time he knew he wouldn’t have gotten away so easily.

Daryl thought of Beth and her tiny body and how she would have much less tolerance to a beating. Was she covered in bruises in the same places he was? Was she looking at them now, blaming him for being the one to cause them? The only comfort this thought brought Daryl was that Beth’s bruises would melt away and show no trace of ever being there. Her bruises would heal but he would always have his scars, the ones on his back and the ones inside.

Daryl stepped out over his pile of bloody clothes and was startled to find it wasn’t even midnight yet. It felt like three or four in the morning, when time didn’t exist and the whole world vanished. He didn’t want to look at his phone, somewhere in the pile of discarded laundry and he didn’t want to clean his knife, so he went into his bedroom and lay in the dark and he stayed that way, still for hours.

* * *

Beth was released from hospital the next morning. On the way home she was fussed at so much she found that talking was pointless when her words were falling on deaf ears, so she allowed her father and sister to worry over her as much as they wanted. When they reached the farm however, Beth insisted she needed a shower and was finally allowed to retire to her room after being force-fed a meal and a glass of water. Peering out her window, Beth saw her father walking out to the barn. Maggie would still be in the house somewhere, and in the back of her mind, Beth had a feeling it wasn’t just to make sure her little sister was okay. Stupid though it may be, she couldn’t help the feeling she got when she met her sister’s eyes, like there was the tiniest chance that Maggie thought that maybe Beth had wanted to jump out of that car and give herself another scar. Of course that wasn’t true and she’d be silly to believe it, but she didn’t quite know how to tell Maggie that without sounding like she was merely trying to throw her off the scent. She decided on nothing and supposed that the lack of effort convincing her sister she was no longer suicidal would just have to speak for itself.

The rest of the day was spent catching up on sleep mostly, leaving her room for dinner and nothing else. Beth knew she would have to talk about what happened eventually, but she could barely bring herself to think about it let alone speak the words aloud. The fuzzy memories she’d tried to recount to the Sheriff the night before were slowly returning to her. She remembered that second, right before she threw herself out of the car, and remembered that it had been Daryl in the end, who’d saved her life. Beth didn’t know what those men planned to do with her but she had a pretty good idea, and she didn’t know if she would have had the courage to do what she did if Daryl had never said those words to her.

Beth recalled their fight before she’d left his apartment. She knew she barely had a right to say any of it to him – after all, she hardly knew him. But there was something in her that felt like she was already a part of whatever this was, ingrained in something that he was a part of too.

He’d shown her his scars, after all. And Beth couldn’t read his mind but she assumed he showed people his scars about as often as she showed people hers. That had to mean something.

She jumped out of bed with a sudden determination and called the one person that she knew would understand as she hurriedly got dressed.

‘Beth?’ Glenn’s voice was filled with concern on the other end of the line. ‘Are you alright? Maggie told me what happened – ’

‘I’m okay. Actually I was wondering if you could do me a favour.’

Glenn paused and Beth could imagine him contemplating if Beth’s favour would be worth getting on Maggie’s bad side.

‘What is it?’

Beth felt a smile tug at her mouth at the sound of his resigned voice. ‘When’s Daryl working next?’

‘Scheduled for tomorrow but I’m not sure if he’ll show.’

‘Why not?’

Glenn sighed. ‘No one’s been able to get a hold of him or Merle all day. I know he was there, Rick mentioned that Daryl was the one who heard you before they took you – Beth, this is so crazy, are you sure you’re okay? I mean, I can’t imagine how scary it must have been.’

Beth took a moment to consider his words. She had been terrified and since then she’d thought of little else but where those men were and if they would come back for her. She was shaken up and bruised all over, but all she could seem to think would make her feel better was to see Daryl and know that he was okay. He didn’t have to want her, and maybe it would only be what it had been; two strangers who’d found something broken in each other and had shared time before inevitably splitting off onto separate paths. And she would have to be okay with that. But she wouldn’t let him just disappear without a real explanation. And definitely not if he was blaming himself for what happened to her like she knew he would be.

‘It was scary, but I’m okay. I don’t know what Maggie’s told you, but I swear you don’t need to worry about me, okay?’

Glenn took a moment before replying but when he did, Beth could feel the weight of his trust. ‘Okay. What do you need?’

‘Just let me know if Daryl’s in tomorrow, okay? I need to see him.’

‘Will do. Anything else I should know?’

Beth hesitated, hearing footsteps coming up the stairs. ‘Yeah. Don’t tell Maggie.’ 

* * *

It took a minute of pounding on Daryl’s door before he was able to pull himself out of bed. The bruising on his body had darkened overnight, most of them a deep purple or blue – he saw the colour across his hands as he reached to unlock his door.

It was Rick as he’d known it would be, and he was in his uniform once again, eyes red and looking like he barely slept. Daryl wondered when the last time he’d seen Carl was.

‘I can’t stay long but I had to come by. Got word this morning that the shack was empty when my men arrived.’

At that, Daryl bristled awake.

‘Reckon they found no sign of struggle in the woods around, just some tyre tracks they’re tracing. Told them I lost the other guy I was meant to be chasing all night. They’re gone, Daryl.’

‘Reckon they were right about havin’ more of them in the woods.’

Rick nodded in agreement. ‘Look, I’m not saying it’s ideal, but at least that takes suspicion off you. Now that they’re gone, though . . .’

Daryl didn’t need Rick to finish his sentence. He leant his head against the doorframe as it began to pound.

‘We need to find your brother.’

Daryl met Rick’s eyes. ‘Don’t reckon that’ll be enough, not now. Not after last night. Might be enough to get Merle out of it, but not me. Not Beth.’

Rick took his hat off and ran a hand through his hair. ‘I’m heading past the farm after this. Have to let her know the update.’

Daryl knew in Rick’s words was a silent invitation but he couldn’t go. He couldn’t see her after he’d dismissed her so carelessly the day before, after he’d yelled in her face and made it clear he wanted nothing to do with her. If there was one thing he knew for sure, it was that no matter how he felt, Beth Greene deserved someone who could give her all the things he could not. She deserved someone whole. Not someone who would push her away because he was scared of having something he could lose.

‘Gotta go to work. Merle hasn’t been in and they’re startin’ to ask questions.’

Rick nodded and put his hat back on, bidding Daryl farewell with the notion he’d see him soon.

Daryl left his apartment ten minutes later, properly dressed. He’d cleaned his knife as best he could and tucked it into his boots, a sickening feeling settling in at its presence.

He staggered out into daylight and the second that the thought hit his mind that he had no idea where his bike was, he spotted it just outside the building. He supposed Rick must have organised it back sometime last night, among everything else he’d had to work to cover up. Daryl made a mental note to thank him, guilt bubbling in his stomach at how much he didn’t deserve the Sheriff’s trust. He let it roar to life under his fingers and sped off, the wind against his ears helping him block out thoughts of Beth that threatened to drown him.

* * *

It was three in the afternoon when Beth got Glenn’s message. Jumping from her spot on the couch next to Maggie, she scanned over the writing quickly, feeling her heart race.

 _Daryl just got here._ _Hope you’re feeling better!_

‘Hey, Mags.’

Her sister looked up from her book.

‘There’s uh, something I have to do. Can I take your car?’

Maggie scoffed. ‘There’s no way I’m letting you go anywhere alone. Are you kidding me, Bethy? After what just happened?’

Desperate, Beth looked back to Glenn’s text, wondering how long Daryl would stay for.

‘Look, I wouldn’t be asking if it wasn’t important.’

Thrown, Maggie sat up a little straighter. ‘Is this about Daryl Dixon?’

Beth felt her face get hot but before she could answer Maggie cut in.

‘I know he was there, the other day. I know he’s the reason Sheriff Grimes was able to follow you.’ Her sister’s tone was soft and for once, Beth could see that this was something Maggie herself had thought about alone, before this conversation. ‘I won’t get mad at you for wanting to see him. I told you, I’ll try. Just – let me drive you, okay?’

Barely daring to believe her luck, Beth nodded wordlessly and followed Maggie out to the car. She felt incredibly stupid for even thinking that Maggie might believe she had pulled a stunt like this on purpose. Her sister was clearly trying, and she needed to believe that maybe this time, she wouldn’t be treated like a fragile child who couldn’t be left alone.

It took them twenty minutes to get to the mechanics and by the time they pulled up out the front, Beth’s stomach was in knots. What would Daryl say when he saw her? What if he told her to leave, what if he said nothing at all?

‘Thanks.’ Beth mumbled to her sister. ‘I won’t be long.’

Maggie gave her a reassuring smile. ‘Take your time. Tell Glenn I’m out the front.’

Beth nodded, legs wobbly as she got out of the car and stood on them. Her body was aching all over but her legs seemed to be numb and she had to force herself to walk around the back of the garage. It was only then that she realised how hot it was outside, the sun beating down with enough strength that she started to doubt her sister’s decision to stay in the car.

There were three beaten down looking cars around the corner, hoods up and various parts of their engines scattered about haphazardly on the ground. A few men working spared her a look, but Beth moved on closer to the office, where, with a wave of relief, she saw Glenn.

‘Beth!’ Glenn got up from his makeshift desk and offered her a light hug, careful not to squeeze too tight. ‘You look . . .’

‘Like I jumped out of a moving car.’

Glenn laughed. ‘Pretty much. How are the injuries?’

‘Sore all over, bruises and all.’ Beth grimaced. ‘But that’s the worst of it. Had a concussion but I’m okay now.’

Behind her, she heard a few of the men talking, the sound of tools being thrown down. Beth had offered a welcome lull in their work, and even Glenn was content to forget his tasks and lean against the wall to talk to her, soaking in the sun before he had to get back.

‘Can’t believe what happened. Maggie was telling me – ’

‘She’s out front now, if you want to see her. Don’t worry, she knows why I’m here.’

A wave of relief washed over Glenn’s face, and he broke into a smile that Beth had come to associate with her sister.

‘I’ll be back.’

Beth smiled after him as he dashed around the corner, hand over her eyes to see past the sunlight. When she turned back to where Glenn had been, it was Daryl in the doorway that made her heart lurch out of her chest.

His was looking at her in disbelief. ‘Beth?’

A few more of the men had peeked around now to see who she was but a glare from Daryl made them all shuffle away.

He was wiping his hands with a filthy rag and his biceps were glistening with sweat under the sun but it was his expression that Beth was focussed on.

She took a deep breath in. ‘I came to say thanks.’

Daryl turned around and started walking away, and Beth almost missed his low voice saying, ‘c’mon.’

She followed him through the office into a small room out the back filled with cabinets and papers scattered across tables. He closed the door behind them and stayed in the corner as though he physically couldn’t get any closer.

‘How’d you know I was here?’

‘Glenn.’ Beth confessed with a small smile.

Daryl nodded, looking at her through hooded eyes and chewing on his lip. He watched her gaze drift over his body and land on his arms, crossed over his chest, and he realised too late she had seen his bruised knuckles.

‘What happened?’

‘S’nothin’.’

Beth frowned. ‘Looks like you got into a fight. Did something happen, with the Governor –’

Daryl shook his head. ‘Told you, s’nothin’.’

Beth regarded him for a moment, trying not to talk herself out of this. She was here because at the very least, she deserved an explanation. And he deserved an apology.

‘I’m sorry. For the things I said, before I left the other day.’ She was staring at her own hands now, fumbling with her bracelets.

‘Shouldn’t be.’

Beth looked up again, eyes wide and blue and bright. They watched each other in thoughtful silence and then it seemed Daryl could ignore what was tugging at him no longer; he let his eyes rake over her body, over her legs and arms, over the bruising and scratches. And finally, to her face again, over the purple-blue bruise she knew to be on her cheekbone, over the small bump on the side of her head.

Daryl’s walls seemed to crumble.

‘I should be the one apologising. Should’a never let you leave like that.’

‘Not your fault I left.’ Beth shrugged.

Daryl considered this. ‘My fault you didn’t stay. Didn’t mean what I said, any of it.’

Beth frowned, heart racing a little more. ‘Then why’d you say it?’

Daryl shook his head, not meeting her eyes again. He was fidgeting with the dirty cloth between his hands. ‘You deserve better.’

Beth raised an eyebrow at that. ‘Better than what, this?’ She gestured to her body and moved closer to Daryl and didn’t miss the way he winced as she moved into the sunlight and her injuries were thrown into sharper relief. ‘You didn’t do this, Daryl. It’s not your fault.’

‘Wouldn’a happened if you hadn’t been with me.’

‘Still wasn’t your fault.’

Daryl didn’t reply and Beth, content she had made her point, turned to look out the window.

‘What happened to your hands?’ She asked again, and this time, gazing at the bruising on her face and the way her eyes were determinedly not on him, he told her.

Daryl spoke a while, telling her everything that had happened when he’d gone after the Governor’s men, everything he’d said and everything they’d said. He seemed to be waiting for Beth to shudder at something or to show a flicker of distaste at what he’d done, but she didn’t let her expression waver. He finished his account with what Rick had told him that morning and at that she allowed herself to look troubled. Daryl took a shaking breath in, seemingly waiting for her disproving response to what he’d done or for her to turn and leave, saying he’d been right about himself, but her eyes were understanding

Finally, Beth found the words to say what her face already had.

‘I know you didn’t only do it for me, but thankyou. For going after them. I thought – I thought you didn’t care.’

Daryl’s eyes widened at the unexpected gratitude. Beth was walking up to him, slowly, to give him a chance to move away, but he didn’t. She took his hands and rubbed a thumb softly over his bruises.

She let go a moment later and felt the warmth of his hands leaving her as she did.

‘I, uh – ’ Beth turned away, rubbing at her eyes, ‘I should get going, Maggie’s waiting for me out the front.’

‘Beth.’

She turned, eyes glistening.

‘I went for you.’

_Just for you._

The unspoken words hung between them and it was Daryl’s turn to look away, moving back into the shadows of the room.

Beth smiled faintly at that. Outside, someone had started up an engine and it cut through the quiet.

‘I ain’t – I don’t know how to be someone you deserve.’ Daryl finally said, his voice gravelly and there it was, the slow confession, the thing that had fuelled all of his fears and doubts.

Beth shook her head at him, half exasperated and half understanding, but grateful he’d managed to find a way to tell her. She fingered her bracelets, in quiet thought.

The voices outside were getting louder and she guessed most of the mechanics were about to finish their shift. Daryl seemed to hear it too, for he moved back out of the little sunlight that had reached him and into the shade. Beth followed him, close enough to him to touch.

‘Daryl.’ She said softly and his eyes were locked with hers and suddenly the office seemed to be tiny around them. Beth took his hand once again and this time brought it up to her face. Daryl’s fingers stretched out reflexively, stroking her bruised cheekbone. Beth let her eyelids flutter closed.

She knew he’d wanted to believe so badly that he wasn’t good for her, that he would endanger her by wanting this, that she would realise she was too good for him and leave. But he hadn’t considered the alternative and she needed him to see that his misgivings weren’t guaranteed. If he thought her so bright and good, then she could make him feel like maybe he could be too. He could be this, for her, if he wanted to.

‘What do you want from me?’ Daryl’s voice was raw, caught in his throat and Beth knew at once that she could say anything right now and it wouldn’t matter. She had him already.

But she waited. This had to be him choosing, had to be him because he already knew that she wanted this, how could he not? She was already too far gone.

Without preamble, Daryl slid his hand through her hair and pulled her towards his lips by her top with bruising pressure, as though he knew that she wouldn’t break under it.

His mouth was hard against hers, desperate, tongue begging entry to her mouth and her lips parted under his automatically. Beth had her hands already on Daryl’s biceps, slick with sweat and oil and tensed up all around her. One of his hands was cupping her chin, the rag he’d been holding pushing her hair back and getting tangled in it as he shoved her against the wall with his whole body.

Beth let out a surprised gasp as her back hit the wall but dragged him back in when he pulled away uncertainly.

‘You sure – ’ Daryl gasped between kisses. ‘’Bout this?’

Beth knew he meant about him and not what they were currently doing. She grinned against his mouth.

‘Yes.’ She pulled away and breathed into his ear. His head was buried in her neck, trailing butterfly-like kisses to her shoulder, making her thighs quiver and the space between them damp. ‘Are you?’

Daryl’s voice was raspy as he pushed hair away from her ear with the dirty cloth, pinning her to the wall.

‘Been thinkin’ . . . ‘bout only you.’

Beth’s laugh was breathy. She caught his face in her hands and waited for him to look at her with those blue eyes that seemed to see everything. ‘We’re gonna do this. We’re gonna get your brother back.’

At that, part of Daryl seemed to crumble. He took his body weight off her.

‘Ain’t just about him anymore, Beth.’

‘What do you mean?’

Daryl sighed, ducking his head. ‘Ain’t safe for you anymore. Target’s on your back as much as mine.’

Beth considered this for a moment, biting on her lip. ‘So what do we do?’

‘Find my brother first.’

Outside, footsteps were approaching the office, no doubt people bustling to clock out. Daryl, clearly thinking it best if someone barged in that they didn’t see them like this, stepped away from Beth, trying somewhat awkwardly to cover his groin. His gaze was unfocussed, attention averted and Beth felt a little flush run up her chest at the sight of him, hard for her just from that kiss.

‘Okay.’ She nodded. ‘How do we do that?’

‘Gotta talk to Rick. You should get home. Stay there. Ain’t safe, don’t know how deep this thing runs.’ He held her gaze and pinned her there. ‘If anythin’ happens – you see anythin’ or feel like you’re bein’ watched, let me know.’

Beth nodded, mind racing to her father and Maggie, wondering if they were in danger by default.

‘I should go – Maggie’s out waiting.’ She let the trace of regret she was feeling at leaving this room be audible in her voice.

Daryl tongued his cheek, his eyes heavy as though he was thinking the same thing as her. ‘I’ll walk y’out.’

Beth tried to bite back her smile but she couldn’t. Barely resisting the urge to take his hand, she opened the office door and blinked in the streaming sunlight. The scrapyard was almost empty, with only one or two men lagging behind. Daryl walked a beat behind her, and she knew he was taking the chance to observe her injuries. She was moving alright on the whole, but couldn’t help the small shock of pain that went through her body as her shoulder brushed against the wire fence.

Out the front, they found Glenn leaning on his elbows through Maggie’s window.

‘There you are.’ Maggie turned as Beth stood next to Glenn. He untangled himself from the car and peered over to Daryl, eyes squinting in the sunlight. He gave him an unsure nod, which Daryl returned.

Looking slightly relieved, Glenn turned back to the sisters.

‘Taking off?’

Maggie looked over to Beth, eyes raking over her injuries as Daryl’s had. ‘Yeah, better get her home. She still needs to rest.’

‘I’m fine.’ Beth dismissed, turning to look at Daryl, standing slightly apart from them. Before she got the chance to say anything, her sister had taken a deep breath and rested an arm on the window so she could lean her head out.

‘I know what you did,’ Maggie started as Daryl’s eyes caught her, ‘for Beth. Thankyou. I don’t know what might have happened if Rick hadn’t followed those men when he did. You’re welcome to come to the farm, anytime. I know my daddy would want to thank you for what you did. Again.’ She added with a dry smile.

Daryl was chewing on his lip as he nodded slowly at Maggie. Beth could tell he wasn’t one for lots of words but she knew what he couldn’t express out loud Maggie understood. Beth saw the guilt in his eyes, the traces of shame, and knew immediately he was thinking of what he’d done to those men. He needn’t have worried; Maggie was known to have a mean right hook to anyone who so much as spoke to her disrespectfully and Beth was sure her sister wouldn’t have stopped Daryl doing what he did if she’d heard what they were planning to do to her baby sister.

Beth grinned at Maggie now, her nose scrunched up under the bright sun, grateful for what she’d said. Maybe now Daryl would feel a little better about himself knowing that her sister seemed to be changing her mind about him.

While Maggie and Glenn said their goodbyes, Beth walked around to the passenger side of the car. As she passed Daryl, in a low voice so the others couldn’t hear, she whispered, ‘come tonight. After dark.’

Daryl barely had time to form a response before Beth had jumped into the car. Maggie turned to her sister as she started the car up, winding the windows back up as the air conditioner came to life.

‘You have grease on your ear.’

‘Oh.’ Beth brought her hand up and rubbed at the side of her face, feeling her skin burning and hoping Maggie hadn’t looked at Daryl’s hands too hard.

* * *

As they drove off, Glenn gave a final wave and then turned to Daryl. ‘She looks good, huh?’

Before Daryl’s thoughts could wander further than the whisper Beth had left him with, Glenn spoke again.

‘Beth, I mean. Seems to be recovering alright. Got lucky, I guess.’

‘Luck don’t have anythin’ to do with it.’ Daryl replied, pulling out a cigarette from his pocket. He suspected Beth Greene would kill him quicker than the smoking would at this rate, with those doe eyes of hers and the way her mouth had curved up boldly as she’d told him to meet her that night.

Glenn titled his head sideways. ‘How do you mean?’

Daryl flicked his lighter and took a deep drag, trying heavily to distract himself from the thought of Beth’s words. He wouldn’t take Maggie up on her offer to have Hershel thank him – he had done nothing notable. No matter what Beth believed, he knew if he wasn’t fully to blame he was still partly to blame, and that left him only enough room to allow himself to be washed away by her, but room for nothing else.

‘She took a risk. Saved herself.’

Glenn nodded fairly. ‘Yeah, guess you’re right. Still, could have been a lot worse.’

Daryl let out a long breath, watching smoke form around him, making him disappear like the steam in the mirror had. He didn’t want to think about how much worse it could have been for Beth; he knew. He knew that she could have broken bones, died on impact or get hit by a car. He knew that had she stayed, she would have been tortured. Raped. He knew that those things hadn’t happened to her, but he couldn’t even entertain the thoughts as possibilities. She was safe now and he intended to keep it that way.

‘I’m gonna finish up, head off.’ Glenn turned away and then paused, glancing back to Daryl with a look that was almost sympathetic. ‘Wanna grab a drink?’

Normally, Daryl would say no. Most of the time it was Merle who was asked these things, or he who suggested them, and he’d drag Daryl along joylessly. The night he’d met Beth had been that; Glenn announcing that he wanted everyone to meet his girlfriend and Merle annoying Daryl enough that he begrudgingly agreed. Now, he couldn’t fathom that their meeting almost hadn’t happened.

‘Alright.’

Glenn grinned and clapped him on the back. ‘Alright. Meet you out here in five.’

As Glenn vanished from view, Daryl sank against the wall of the building, feeling a jolt of pain shoot through his spine. He looked down to the smoke between his fingers. His knuckles were blue and his hands were covered in grease. He wasn’t sure where the cloth he’d been holding before had gone after he’d scrunched it in Beth’s hair.

‘Ready?’ Glenn was back, pulling on his jacket. It was only four o’clock but Beth’s words seemed stuck in Daryl’s head. _After dark._

‘Yeah.’


	9. Don't Wake Me If I'm Dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Beth begin to worry Shane Walsh knows a lot more than he lets on and Glenn and Maggie find out a little more about the mess they're in with the Governor.

Maggie and Beth spent the rest of the car ride home in a comfortable silence. When they reached the farm, however, there was an unfamiliar car parked out the front and an officer Beth didn’t recognise sitting on the porch next to her father. Good mood ruined and suddenly apprehensive, she exchanged a worried look with her sister. As she and Maggie got out of the car warily and neared, Beth was able to read the badge on the officer’s chest before he stood up and started talking. A jolt of annoyance shot through her.

‘Afternoon, ladies.’

‘Beth, Maggie, this is Officer Shane Walsh. He’s working alongside Sheriff Grimes in the investigation. Just wants to ask you a few questions.’ Hershel directed the end of his sentence to Beth. Her father was being polite but only her and Maggie, who knew him so well, could see that he was agitated at Shane’s presence. After all, he considered Rick a good friend.

‘I’ve already been interviewed – ’

Shane Walsh smiled indulgently. ‘Miss Greene, there’s a few more questions I’d like to ask, if that’s alright. Alone, preferably.’

Maggie looked to Shane with distaste. Clearly, she’d also heard the rumours that he used to be Rick’s best friend before his wife had left Rick for him. ‘Is that necessary?’

‘Oh, I assure you, it won’t take long.’

Reluctantly, Maggie followed her father inside, leaving Beth standing on the porch alongside Shane. He took his hat off and rubbed his head, leaning against the balustrade casually. After a minute of him watching the open farmland, he spoke. ‘I see you know Daryl Dixon.’

Beth stilled slightly. She hoped that her father was as honest as she thought he was and that he wasn’t listening at the door. She didn’t waste such a wish on Maggie; she was definitely listening at the door.

‘We’ve met.’

Shane smiled encouragingly. ‘He seemed awful concerned for you the other day. Tore right through the crowd to get to you after that accident and then rode away on his bike like he was chasing the devil.’

Beth schooled her features into a mildly surprised expression. ‘I wouldn’t know. Being unconscious at the time.’

‘Of course.’ Shane smiled easily. ‘I was just wondering at the nature of the relationship between the two of you.’

Beth’s heart hammered as she tried to think logically. ‘I’m sorry, Officer Walsh, but is this relevant at all to the investigation?’

Shane pushed himself off the railings and moved around as though inspecting the house. ‘Oh, I think you’ll find it is. See, the Sheriff, now he called in three suspects that he found in that shack in the middle of those woods but when we got there, they were gone. Blood all over the floor like you wouldn’t believe.’

Beth felt her stomach turning, knowing full well what had happened. She half wished Daryl hadn’t told her what he’d done just so she could play her role more convincingly.

‘We had it tested, got back two different blood samples. No word of a third.’

This part was easy for Beth as she didn’t know in detail what Rick had said to excuse himself. ‘Strange.’

Shane laughed, placing a hand on his belt and resting it there.

‘The stranger part is we found motorbike tracks around the scene of the crime. Now, it’s a small town and I don’t see many folk around here that know those woods too well, let alone would go riding down there.’

Beth’s traitorous heart was thumping at the implication and she was convinced Shane could hear it.

‘You seen Daryl Dixon since then?’

Beth answered in what she hoped was a nonchalant way. ‘He works with my sister’s boyfriend, Glenn Rhee. Just came back from the mechanic’s. We didn’t stay for long, I didn’t get a chance to see if he was in.’

Shane nodded at that, tapping on the railing beside him as he pulled his hat on.

‘Know anything about the whereabouts of his brother, Merle Dixon?’

Beth shook her head truthfully at that, hoping that he wouldn’t see the difference in the conviction of her answers.

Seemingly satisfied, Shane adjusted his hat and began to walk down the porch steps.

‘I appreciate your time, Miss Greene. Try to stay out of trouble now. We’ll be in touch if anything new pops up.’

Beth didn’t reply, just watched him as he got into his car and drove off, then let out a deep, shaking breath. Before she had time to collect her thoughts and process the fact that Shane Walsh seemed to be conducting his own investigation into Daryl and what looked like Rick too now, Maggie had burst through the front door, looking after the car with a perplexed expression.

‘What the hell was that all about?’

* * *

Glenn and Daryl were seated side by side along the bar. It was quiet in there but time seemed to be going by quickly as the two of them discovered that they got along much better than they’d expected. They had already had a beer each and Glenn was animated as he spoke of Maggie. It wasn’t his fault, really, the way he seemed to bring her up so casually in conversation. She seemed to be on his mind always, and Daryl found he didn’t mind hearing about her from Glenn. He wondered what he’d say if he could ever speak about Beth like that, then shook the thought immediately from his mind. They ordered another round and began talking about work, about the people there, about the job. Daryl came to realise he didn’t have anyone to talk to besides Rick, and more often than not it was Rick who had the bigger problems and needed to talk to him. It was uncharacteristic that he should feel so comfortable talking to Glenn so openly, even if Glenn was carrying most of the conversation.

Eventually, when they’d finished their second drink and ordered another, Glenn turned to Daryl and said, ‘okay, okay. Maggie didn’t put me up to this, by the way, but I have to ask. What’s the deal with you and Beth?’

Daryl took a long sip from his beer as he kept his eyes trained ahead. There was no point in lying to him and he found he didn’t want to. He knew Glenn wouldn’t make fun of him like Merle would.

‘I like her. She’s . . . fuck, I don’t know. Ain’t good with this shit. ‘S like she can see me, right through me.’

Glenn whistled lowly under his breath, an eyebrow raised. ‘Okay I was expecting you to say something like “she’s hot”, but hey if you wanna start making epic sonnets about it –’

‘Shut up.’ Daryl advised and Glenn laughed.

‘Does anyone else know?’

Daryl shook his head slowly. Then, ‘Rick.’

‘Rick as in Sheriff Rick?’

At Daryl’s nod, Glenn said, ‘he’s pretty good friends with Hershel. Might get you in his good books.’

Daryl let out a huff at that. He was certain nothing would get him in Hershel Greene’s good books once he found out what he had been doing with his youngest daughter.

‘Heard anything from your brother?’ Glenn asked carefully. He knew that the Dixon’s were private and Daryl remembered he hadn’t taken too well when Glenn had tried to offer him advice back at the dinner at the farm.

Daryl shook his head at that and just as he thought he might go outside to have a smoke just to take the weight off this conversation, light spilled through the front entrance as the battered door opened.

‘The fuck’s he doing here?’ Daryl muttered as Shane Walsh entered, taking his hat off and rubbing a hand against his head. Glenn shrugged, frowning at the officer.

Shane seemed to be making a beeline straight for them and Daryl could see by the way he walked with his hand on his belt that he thought the badge pinned to his chest and the gun strapped to his hip gave him an extra element of power. He thought back to the last person who’d tried to point a gun at him and how that’d ended for them.

‘Daryl Dixon. Just the man I wanted to find.’

Daryl turned back around to face the bar, sinking the rest of his beer. ‘You found me.’ He said dryly and could swear out of the corner of his eye he saw Shane smirk at that.

‘Just come from speaking with Beth Greene, actually.’

At that, Daryl stilled slightly.

‘Sweet girl, though doesn’t always tell the truth.’

Daryl’s head turned automatically. He could sense Glenn’s eyes on him, fidgeting with his bottle nervously.

‘No?’

‘Look, I got things to do so I’ll cut right to the chase. Where did you go after the accident the other day?’

Daryl, unlike Beth, was much more used to answering under pressure.

‘Took a ride.’

‘Where to?’

Daryl was slightly amused to see that Shane was seeming to bristle under his cool demeanour. ‘Round town. There a problem?’

‘Circumstances involving Miss Greene’s kidnapping were suspicious. I’m going back to interview witnesses in case there’s some detail we may have missed.’

Daryl nodded. ‘Good idea.’

Glenn was watching this exchange with both his eyebrows raised. He seemed to be torn between wanting to say something and wanting to stay quiet.

‘Heard from your brother lately, Daryl? I hear he got mixed up in a gang. Something about a man who calls himself the Governor. Hear ol’ Merle Dixon’s in hiding.’

Daryl’s jaw clenched. How Rick could work alongside this man on top of the fact that his wife was with him Daryl couldn’t fathom. ‘Know ‘bout as much as I do, then. Ain’t heard from him in a while.’

Shane stared at Daryl for a minute, hands flexing over his belt like he was trying to decide what to do.

‘I hear the Governor sent out a whole team looking for him. Feels like this town’s just crawling with the Governor’s men. I wonder how poor Beth Greene wound up in the middle of it?’

Daryl had heard enough; he pushed his seat back and stood up. ‘You let me know if you figure it out.’

As he moved to push past Walsh, the officer caught him by his arm in a strong grip, leaning forward to his ear.

‘I wonder, how Hershel Greene’ll take to you messing about his daughter?’

Daryl shoved Shane back with a growl, heart thumping. ‘The fuck’s it to you?’

In hindsight, he was giving Shane exactly what he wanted, but in the moment, all he could feel was blind rage that he could neither deny the claims without Shane knowing he was lying or admit them without Shane openly having something to hold over his head. The latter didn’t seem to stop him, though, and Daryl’s defensiveness was as good as a confession.

Daryl watched as a smug smile spread across Shane’s face. Glenn was standing in between them now, a firm hand on Daryl’s chest, and he was saying something but Daryl didn’t hear what.

‘I wonder if Beth knows just how dirty your hands are, Dixon. How you’re nothing more than redneck trash from a shitty family. Wonder what Hershel would say, if he knew all the things you’ve done, the things you know you can’t come back from? I’d find out where ol’ Merle is if I were you, and fast. Wouldn’t want anybody finding out your secrets, would we?’ With one last look around the empty bar, Shane put his hat back on and left.

Daryl was breathing hard, hands in fists, and it took him a minute to hear Glenn again. People didn’t threaten him, and when they did, they regretted it. The Dixon brothers were nothing if not true to their reputation, or at least the one his father and Merle had left behind, and people knew that. If Shane Walsh was threatening him, he knew exactly what he was getting into, and he was prepared for the risk. He wanted to find Merle for his own gain and he’d found the perfect leverage; Beth. Daryl wasn’t stupid enough to fall for the ruse; if it came down to a decision he could make alone, he would have Hershel find out about him and Beth to keep Merle safe. But it was Beth that he’d cooperate with Shane for. He knew how her father would handle it and he knew that it would cause her pain. No matter the threats against him, no matter what Shane thought he knew, he would not risk her for Merle. He would find another way.

‘Daryl – listen to me.’ Glenn had finally gotten through the white noise in Daryl’s mind. He still had a hand on Daryl’s chest, but he was not pushing him back. This was a reassuring hand, one that said he was on his side.

‘What the hell was that about?’

Daryl took off out of the bar, Glenn trailing him. ‘Not here. Not now.’

Glenn threw his hands up in exasperation as Daryl hopped on his motorcycle. It would be dark soon, and he had somewhere to be. Pulling on his leather gloves, he looked to Glenn, who had followed him and was standing next to his motorbike looking lost.

Daryl sighed, hanging his head, a dull feeling of guilt settling in. ‘Merle’s in trouble.’

Glenn raised his eyebrows, letting out an incredulous laugh. ‘Yeah. I figured.’

‘Got a gang after him. After me too.’

The street lights flickered on, casting a warm light over the both of them, seemingly amplifying the humidity.

‘“The Governor?”’

Daryl nodded.

‘And Beth? The men that took her - it’s all part of it?’

Daryl could barely meet Glenn’s eyes. Working with him, it was easy to group him with all the rest of the men there, but Glenn was different and he knew it. He was kind and he didn’t judge and he had always given everyone a second chance. But Daryl was the reason that his girlfriend’s sister was in danger – hell, he might have put a target on the whole Greene family’s back – and he didn’t deserve a second chance.

After a minute of silence, Glenn frowned at Daryl.

‘So Shane’s threatening to tell people about you and Beth just to get to your brother? It makes no sense, what’s he want with Merle so bad?’

Daryl shook his head lightly, now watching Glenn’s expression.

Finally, after a deep breath, Glenn said, ‘look, I’m not going to say all of this is okay, but it’s not your fault. Merle’s the one who dragged you into it all. And I’m not thrilled about Beth and maybe even Maggie being in danger, but I’m not blaming you.’

Something in Daryl shifted and he felt a weight lift off him. Maybe he had been, deep down, scared about what people would say. Not about the Governor and his brother but about Beth. Glenn had seen the problem as a whole and hadn’t seen anything wrong with how he felt about Beth. And that spoke more than any other reassurance Glenn might offer about the rest of the situation.

‘Let’s talk about it tomorrow. I won’t tell Maggie, not yet.’

Daryl felt another weight lift off him and nodded at Glenn. ‘Thanks.’

Glenn looked worried, and Daryl guessed he would go home and try to process the whole situation and the ramifications it would have, especially on Maggie, but the gesture of secrecy he’d made told Daryl that he trusted him, and that was enough for now.

Daryl sped down the street towards his apartment, but at the last second he made a sharp turn away and parked in front of a strip of stores, hoping he wouldn’t be late.

* * *

Beth had figured that there was no way to explain to Maggie the conversation between her and Shane that she’d overheard without ripping off a few band aids. Making sure her father was well-occupied downstairs, she sat her sister on her bed and brought her up to speed on nearly everything that wouldn’t condemn her or Daryl or Rick too badly. By the end, Maggie knew three things for sure; that Daryl had seemingly gone after the men who’d taken her as his bike tracks were at the shack they’d been reported seen at, that there were only two kidnapers and not three and that Rick must have accidently made a mistake tracking them, and that Merle Dixon was missing. When Maggie asked Beth why Shane Walsh interrogated her about her relationship with Daryl, she skirted the question, not sure how she’d be received if she admitted to her sister that there was indeed something going on. What Maggie knew was more than enough for now, even if it was a little too much for Beth’s liking. She didn’t even know what was between her and Daryl herself, what kind of explanation could she give? In the end, Maggie had enough to think about even if she wasn’t fully satisfied, and they had spent the rest of the day doing chores around the farm and talking about everything but all that. It had been nice to get back to something that felt normal, and there were moments where Beth forgot about what was going on, and it was just her and the warm breeze and no overwhelming thoughts to bounce around her head. How she envied and pitied herself a year ago, before anything in her life was truly complicated. Before her mother had died. She was always told she’d gotten through the worst of it, that the first few months of losing someone were the hardest, but she was beginning to suspect the people offering that advice had never lost anyone at all. It got harder each day, each passing moment where Beth realised her mother wasn’t there for something and wouldn’t be there for anything else. She might think about it less and the memory might have gone fuzzy in her head, but with each remembrance came a new wound in a scar freshly healed, and it took longer each time for it to be patched back up. She had been broken open so many times that she’d almost grown numb to it.

After dinner, Beth showered and slumped onto her bed, exhausted and sore from the day’s work on top of the beating her body was still recovering from. Her bruises were now a dark blue, some tinting green and most of the superficial scrapes had scabbed over, and she traced her fingers over the shapes they made on her legs as her mind drifted to her mother again.

What would she think about all of this? She had been that person that made everyone brighter just by her presence. Would she have seen the good in Daryl, as Beth did? She turned to her nightstand and studied the picture of the two of them, laughing in front of the tree behind the farm that grew lilac flowers in summer. Beth didn’t allow herself to wish for things often, but she did not have the will in her to stop herself wishing to be trapped in that moment forever.

Beth was so far within her thoughts that she almost jumped out of her skin when she heard a tap at her window. Startled, her heart raced and for a moment she felt sure the men who’d been after her were back, before she remembered what she had said to Daryl earlier that afternoon. She hurried to her window and opened it wide, careful not to make any noise.

Daryl Dixon was standing in the long grass under her window, something strapped to his back, chewing his lip like he wasn’t sure what he was doing there. Beth grinned down at him, feeling her stomach twist. He’d come. She gestured him to climb up the balustrade to the rusted railing on the side of the house that led to her room. She’d used it many times years ago when she would sneak out with her friends and it had held her slight weight fine. She watched nervously as Daryl mounted it, but he moved quickly and silently, and a few seconds later he was climbing through her window, blinking in the warm light. They were alone again.

* * *

Daryl watched Beth hurry to lock her bedroom door and place a jumper under the gap against the carpet to ensure they weren’t heard. He didn’t know where anyone else might be in the house but she didn’t seem to be taking any chances. Beth turned back to Daryl and he caught the startle on her face as she recognised the shape of what was strapped to his back. Heart rate quickening, he took it off and fingered the guitar strings silently, his mouth dry.

‘I, uh . . .’ Daryl’s voice was low and hesitant, ‘know you were lookin’, the other day. Don’t know if it’s what you’re after but – ’

‘Are you kidding?’ Beth seemed to be fighting to keep her voice from raising with excitement, her eyes shining brightly. ‘You got this for me?’

Daryl shrugged nonchalantly but knew Beth saw the way his mouth twitched with the ghost of a smile as she took it in her hands and explored it with her fingers. For a moment, she hugged it tight to her chest, eyes fluttering closed and Daryl felt his stomach settle. Of course she liked it.

‘You remembered. After everything that happened.’

Daryl shrugged again, clearing his throat.

Beth looked up and met his eyes. ‘Thankyou. I love it.’

If anyone ever needed any further proof as to why Beth Greene was too good for him, he would show them this; her eyes bright with glee, her teeth flashing a grin that told him she was deliriously happy. Daryl could feel he was fighting an already lost battle against himself, and finally allowed the smile that had been threatening to spread across his face. ‘S’alright.’ He said in a husky voice.

Silence took over for a minute and they both seemed to feel the strangeness of the situation; Daryl climbing in through Beth’s bedroom window, her door locked, guitar in her hands, both unsure what to do next.

Finally, Beth placed the guitar down carefully but Daryl didn’t miss the way her fingers were still itching with longing towards it.

‘I didn’t think you’d come.’

Daryl leant against her window, arms crossed over his chest.

‘Seem pretty prepared.’ He nodded to the jumper under her locked door and she grinned.

‘I can unlock it, if you want.’

Daryl shook his head, letting out an amused breath. His gaze changed from easy to troubled.

‘Gotta tell you ‘bout what happened earlier.’

Beth listened intently as he filled her in on his and Glenn’s encounter with Shane Walsh, the crinkle between her brows getting more and more pronounced. By the time he’d finished, she was frowning angrily.

‘But what does he want with Merle?’

Daryl shook his head. ‘Dunno. Glenn knows about the Governor, though. Saw the whole thing. Had to tell him.’

Beth ran a hand though her hair, considering this. ‘Is he going to tell Maggie?’

‘Nah. Not yet.’

Beth nodded, pacing around her room in thought. ‘We should tell Rick.’

‘Already did.’ Daryl offered, feeling a little twinge of regret at how agitated she was.

‘What did he say?’

‘Couldn’t say much, he was at work. Gonna talk with him tomorrow.’

Beth scowled and shook her head. ‘Shane Walsh. I can’t believe him. He was asking about us, earlier when he came by. Implied he knew that you were in the woods with the Governor’s men. Asked if I knew anything about Merle.’

This was nothing Daryl didn’t know, so he stayed silent. Instead, as Beth sunk back into silence thinking about Shane Walsh, Daryl took the opportunity to look around her room.

It was double the size of his, walls painted white with the exception of the one behind Beth’s bed which was covered floor to ceiling with old records, concert posters and album covers. There was a door opposite them that looked as though it led to an en suite and the room was lit, Daryl realised belatedly, by tiny gold fairy lights hanging off the ceiling.

Seeming a little aware that Daryl was studying his surroundings, Beth wrapped an arm around her chest, sinking down to sit on her bed. She let him look around for another minute before breaking the silence.

‘You ever play?’ Beth asked, nodding towards her new guitar. Daryl shook his head. Compared to Beth, there was a lot he hadn’t done, a lot he’d been deprived of, either by others or himself.

‘Maybe I can teach you.’

Daryl was sucking in his cheeks slightly, his eyes heavy-lidded as he watched her. He didn’t have a particular desire to learn, but he’d gladly listen to her.

Beth half-smiled at him. She picked up the guitar and patted a spot on her bed next to her, gesturing for him to sit. He hesitated at the window, knowing if he sat next to her and listened to her play it would be that much harder to leave. It was pointless, really, to wrestle this feeling as much as he did, but it came as automatically as breathing.

Daryl walked across her room and sank down next to her. He was still in his work clothes and he hoped that he didn’t leave oil stains on her white bedspread, but she didn’t seem to mind.

Beth played with the strings for a minute or two, trying to get them right, and Daryl couldn’t tear his eyes away. This was who she was when no one was around and she’d somehow managed to be that with him there. Who was he, alone? He wasn’t sure but he thought that he felt most like how he wanted to be when he was with her. Stupid, again, and Merle’s voice ridiculed him in his mind, casting doubt and shame. He’d barely known her a week, but there was no explanation for it that made sense other than that she could feel that same unexplainable pull, too.

‘How’s that sound?’ Beth’s voice was quiet and so close to him. He nodded at her but in reality had barely heard anything. She seemed satisfied with his response because she began to play a slow tune, fingers dancing across the neck of the guitar, drawing out soft chords. Then, after a minute, she began to sing. And like both times before, he was somehow at peace and at war at the same time. It was strange, he thought, that she looked the way she sounded, like she didn’t have another side of her. She was everything at once; all that she was, and she could never be anything else. This was her soul laid bare. This was what scared Daryl the most.

Beth sang quietly, and Daryl got the sense it wasn’t because she was worried about anyone hearing but because she wanted this moment for Daryl only. Maggie or Hershel would probably safely assume Beth was alone even if they did hear her, and if Daryl thought of them being able to hear this moment right now, he’d know he wouldn’t want them to. This was theirs and theirs alone.

When the song was over, Beth played out the final few notes and then turned to see Daryl’s reaction. He was smiling at her, really smiling, and he knew that she’d never seen him do that before and he was suddenly hyper-aware of his sharp canines and unfamiliar lines.

‘Like it?’ Beth grinned, eyes drinking him in, letting out a nervous laugh.

Daryl nodded, fighting his smile now, dipping his head when he couldn’t. ‘Yeah.’

Beth studied him for a second. ‘Okay, your turn.’

‘Nah, I can’t –’

‘C’mon.’ Beth didn’t leave him much room to refuse as she got up and passed him the guitar, kneeling by the side of the bed to get a better look at his fingers.

‘So you hold it like that.’ Beth took his hands and moved them around, spreading his fingers and adjusting his grip. She showed him the chords and how to tune strings. She was incredibly patient even though he felt like he was failing miserably. Daryl’s hands weren’t made for delicate things like this; to hold and cradle instead of to shatter and hurt. He had gotten so comfortable using his hands as weapons that he had almost forgot that they were for other things, too. Beth had showed him that, every time he touched her.

They sat like that for an hour; Daryl at the edge of her bed and Beth on the carpet, humming along to the tune he played, correcting him when he got the chords wrong. Bruises still stained his knuckles and they ached to move, but he didn’t complain once.

‘That was really good.’ Beth said finally, looking up at him and standing up to stretch her legs. ‘You’re a natural.’

Daryl rolled his eyes, scoffing as he set the guitar down. ‘Runs in the family.’ He retorted and Beth laughed, before freezing in her place a creaking floorboard sounded outside her room. Then, a small click as someone turned off a light switch and closed a door. Beth breathed out slowly, relieved, and Daryl shared her sentiment. He did not want to think about family right now, did not want to think about Merle or the Governor or the men that had taken her or the bruises that scattered her body like stars in the sky.

The reflection of a flickering fairy light on glass flickered across Daryl’s vision and he turned to the source. A picture sat on Beth’s nightstand in a golden frame and suddenly something clicked into place.

Beth looked a lot like her mother, both with similar grins and big, bright eyes. Judging from the look of Beth in the picture and now, the photo couldn’t have been taken that long ago. He thought of how heavily Beth’s mother’s absence had been up until now and wondered at how he’d never put the pieces together. He thought of her scar, of how concerned Maggie and Hershel seemed to be for her, of how none of them had mentioned her at the dinner.

Daryl didn’t say anything for a moment. He thought of his own mother, feeling so far away from the memories he had of her that they might as well not be his.

When he met Beth’s eyes, she seemed to want to say something to him but stayed silent, as though thinking that if she broke the quiet and started talking about her mother it might break something vital in her, too.

‘You miss her.’ Daryl didn’t make it sound like a question when he said it, but a fact.

Beth nodded, a lump visible in her throat. ‘You?’

This was all she could manage but Daryl seemed to understand what she meant by it. She was a hell of a lot more observant than him sometimes, and he knew she had figured out his mother long gone, like his father.

Daryl shrugged, frowning. ‘Sometimes.’ He hadn’t spoken to anyone about his mother dying, save for Merle once, right after.

‘I’m scared of forgetting her.’ Beth admitted quietly. ‘Every day that passes, she’s here less and less.’

At that, Daryl didn’t know what to say. He had not been close with anyone besides Merle, but he tried his best to remember how he’d felt when Rick had told him his brother would be going to prison for a long time if they found him. A life without Merle – he couldn’t imagine it.

‘Gotta keep goin’. You won’t forget the things that matter. Gotta keep goin’ for her.’

Beth smiled, her blue eyes bright. ‘Yeah. Guess you’re right.’

Before she got the chance to say anything else, Daryl was on his feet, clearing his throat.

‘Should go, you get some sleep.’ He was walking to the window now, sliding it open, knowing that the last thing Beth needed was to miss out on much needed rest.

‘Daryl?’ Beth hadn’t moved from where she’d stood by her bed. He paused, the angel wings on his back glinting under the fairy lights before he turned.

Beth watched him as though she couldn’t quite think of the words she wanted to say. He wondered if she, too, was thinking of what it would be like to stay under the golden light and talk forever. Daryl wanted to know her in every way he could. He could see in her sapphire eyes now, what she wasn’t saying, what she had said the last time they were alone like this. She wanted him to stay.

Beth didn’t speak, just walked over to Daryl, pushing her hair behind her ear. She wrapped her arms around his solid chest and hugged him tightly, and Daryl ignored the pain that the pressure placed on his bruising, knowing hers must be a thousand times worse. His arms moved around her instinctively, a hand weaving through her silky hair and another on her back. Daryl’s head sank against hers, the anxious feeling in his stomach that thoughts of his brother had brought up slipping away.

Beth was the first to pull back, feeling down his shoulders to his arms, finding his hands. How strange it was, to hold hands with someone else, to weave fingers through gaps and intentionally tangle yourself up in another. Daryl had never given it much thought but now the feel of her fingers between his was burned into him, muscle memory, and he wouldn’t soon forget it and he didn’t want to.

Beth reached up and let her fingers rest against his jaw and when it seemed that she couldn’t take the way he was looking at her any longer, she kissed him.

Unlike their other kisses, this one was soft and slow, like they had all the time in the world or like time didn’t matter at all. Daryl pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her once again as he leant back on the window frame. Beth’s hands found their way up his shirt and she rested a hand over his heart before tugging his vest then his top off. He had nothing on underneath and he waited for her, breathless, to decide what to do with him. Beth didn’t say anything, just watched him steadily as she took off her own shirt, a small twitch of pain on her face. She tugged him closer and kissed him again softly, and he returned her energy, his hands in her hair, stroking her temples lightly. For once, he couldn’t feel the scars on his naked back screaming out at him.

Daryl heard a light jingling noise and then Beth was taking off his belt and pulling his pants down, and he could feel the stirring in his groin at her sudden closeness. She did the same with hers and she pulled him towards the bed, flicking her lights off as she went.

Daryl let her pull him in as she sank into her bed, wrapping her body around him, head in his neck. A little taken aback by this sudden and unexpected type of affection, Daryl placed a hand in her hair and absent-mindedly combed through it with his fingers. She smelt like vanilla and smoke and he wondered if she’d sat by the fireplace that day, singing to the embers.

Daryl could easily have fallen asleep, but he knew he couldn’t let himself. Instead, he held her tightly, tracing invisible patterns down her back and through her hair until her breathing became steady and her heartbeat slow. He couldn’t say how long it had been, but she had fallen asleep. Careful not to wake her up, Daryl untangled himself and got dressed, allowing one last lingering glace at her, blonde hair sprawled across her pillow like a halo, before he climbed out of her window into the cool, dark night.

* * *

By the time Daryl had made it back to his apartment building, it was midnight. Dismounting from his bike and peeling his gloves off, he quietly made his way up the stairs, past his floor, to the roof. Hoping it was as abandoned as it usually was, Daryl shouldered the door open and found it deserted. There was something about this kind of quiet; the quiet above street level, the quiet of the night, the quiet of thousands of people around him but feeling like he was alone. The kind of quiet he could only find being this far off the ground but still surrounded.

Daryl sunk to the cold floor, the same spot he and Beth had been sitting not too long ago. It was hard not to hear her voice, soft and lulling, floating through his head, keeping even his most dark thoughts company. She might be waking up now, realising he’d left. She might be sound asleep, still dreaming.

Did she ever dream about him? Daryl never dreamt or could never remember his dreams at least, but this was something close to what he imagined them to be like; looking out at the dimly-lit town, noiseless save for Beth’s humming, the same as when she’d been teaching him guitar strings, all around him.

It was a few minutes before Daryl wiped away his tears. A week ago, there had been nothing tying him to this earth and no one around to miss him. Not with the ache that he knew he’d miss Beth with, with the way he missed her already. Even the stars, who knew him well, would not stop their burning for the whole wide world, let alone him. There was Merle and Rick and Glenn, all of whom Daryl found he cared deeply about, each in different ways. All of whom cared about Daryl in different ways, for different reasons. And then there was Beth, and Daryl knew that they cared about each other in the exact same way. Maybe that was the trick to this whole thing, to beating life, to not being so alone. It wasn’t about finding people to care about or finding people to care about you, but finding that one who was your mirror, who cared about you and you them in the exact same way, at the exact same time.

Daryl took a deep breath in and he wrapped his arms around his knees, eyes up to the sky, and he stayed watching the stars until his eyes grew heavy, and eventually found the strength to drag himself back down the stairs, into his apartment and into bed, and that night like all the rest, he didn’t dream.


	10. Say This Isn't All There Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane's threats take a realer hold and Daryl makes a decision out of fear.

Beth woke up with sunlight streaming into her eyes. Bleary but well-rested, she sat up in bed, sheets tangled around her, before recalling the night before. Turning to the side of the bed Daryl had been, she figured he had snuck out after she’d fallen asleep and with a small stab of annoyance, she cursed that she didn’t live alone. Would it have been easier that way, if she had no over-protective sister and father in the way? Or would Daryl have still left?

‘Beth?’ Maggie was knocking on her door sharply. ‘Breakfast.’

‘Coming.’ Beth managed, rubbing her eyes. She threw on a jumper and some shorts, surveying her body in the mirror briefly. Her bruising was yellow and green now, the bump on her head nearly gone. As she walked downstairs, she wondered how she was going to explain the new guitar that had appeared overnight when she stopped dead on the last step at the sound of Daryl’s gravely voice coming from the dining room.

Daryl was talking to her father, and by the sounds of it, it was about her. Beth’s first thought was that he must have stayed the night after all, and she was so worried and taken aback by the idea that she didn’t bother countering it with logic. Feeling quite bizarre and disoriented, Beth walked around the corner and waited in the doorway until they looked up, heart hammering nervously.

Daryl was wearing the same clothes as the night before and he looked as though he hadn’t slept well. Her father was looking quite angry, and Beth couldn’t fathom the thought that Daryl had stayed over and was now sitting at her dining table with her father anymore than she could fathom the fact that her father seemed to be allowing this without chasing Daryl off the farm with his shotgun.

‘What –’ Beth couldn’t finish her sentence, swallowing. Sitting down at the table, watching her father carefully and wondering why she wasn’t getting the lecture of her life, Beth waited for an explanation.

Maggie appeared from the kitchen, and she crossed her arms and leant on the doorway, watching the situation with hard eyes.

Oh god, Beth was in so much trouble. She waited, biting her tongue.

Hershel’s voice was measured and only served to send Beth’s nerves into overdrive. ‘You might be wondering why Mr. Dixon is joining us for breakfast.’

The only thing Beth was wondering right now was whether she could make it off the farm on nothing but her injured legs. She felt her stomach turning, her feeling of panic rising. Before her father could say anything else, there was a set of footsteps behind Maggie and then Rick Grimes showed up behind her, and Beth nearly fell off her chair. So they had discovered Daryl staying in her bed in the middle of the night and now the Sheriff was here as a favour to Hershel and would warn Daryl to get off the farm and never set foot here again. And then Beth would be grounded for the rest of her life – could they even do that? – and Maggie and Glenn would walk around and parade their love in front of Beth without ever –

‘Beth?’ Her father was watching her, his brow furrowed.

She snapped out of her spiral and focussed on Hershel. ‘Yes?’

‘I invited Daryl here an hour ago. There’s no easy way to say this, but this morning I saw his brother hiding in the barn.’

There were a few seconds were Beth sat, stunned, silent, barely moving. Then, the realisation that she had been completely wrong came crashing down on her. Daryl had indeed left last night, and then come back this morning at her father’s request. No one else in this room besides the two of them knew he had been here at all last night.

‘That’s – you saw him?’ Beth managed, trying her best to hide her shaky voice, feeling relief coursing through her.

Daryl’s eyes were trained on Rick’s and they both seemed to be thinking the same thing.

Rick moved past Maggie and sat down next to Beth. ‘Obviously as you know, Merle Dixon is a wanted criminal. He’s been on the run the last few days and this tip from your father may have just allowed us to zone in on a searching point. Unfortunately, the farm’s going to be a little busier for the next few days. I’ll have to bring some men over to comb through the land, see if we can find any clues to lead us to Merle Dixon.’

Beth chanced a look at Daryl and his face was unreadable. Maggie was watching the scene with apparent indifference.

‘Okay.’

‘So,’ Rick stood up, placing his Sheriff’s hat on his head, ‘if you see anything that you think might help, let us know.’

Beth nodded numbly, brain racing once again. Now that she’d played out her nightmare scenario, this seemed to be quite an easy situation to pick apart. If Merle was here, that couldn’t be a coincidence. Even if he was on the run, there were plenty other places he could source food from, and plenty with a much lower risk of getting caught. So why here? Did he know Daryl had been around, was he trying to talk to his brother? Had he struck a deal with the Governor, Beth and Daryl in exchange for his freedom? It made little sense, but then again, there was a lot unclear about the whole thing. What did Merle have over the Governor that made him suddenly the most wanted man in town?

‘I’ll see you out.’ Hershel followed Rick out the front door, exchanging words in low voices.

Daryl was frozen to the table as Maggie rushed past to join her father and Rick. Finally, when Beth was sure they were off the porch and out of earshot, she leaned into the table.

‘What happened?’

Daryl met her eyes and there was no other word for it; he looked utterly exhausted. ‘Merle.’

He shook his head, apparently at a loss for words. Beth turned to the window next to her, gazing out at her father, Rick and Maggie talking in a field of long grass. What did she expect him to say? He knew little more about this than she did.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Mhm.’ Daryl followed her gaze out the window, eyes unfocussed.

‘He must have seen you here, somehow.’ Beth sunk back in her chair. ‘Why else would he be here? He must need to talk to you.’

‘Knows where I live. Hell, much more of a risk coming here than my place.’ Daryl shook his head, frowning. ‘Ain’t just me he wants to talk to.’

Before Beth could say anything else, her father and Maggie were making their way back up the porch. Jumping out of her seat and trying her best to look as though she was indifferent to Daryl’s company, she waited until they’d opened the door to volunteer to do the dishes, then hurried out of the room, hoping the two of them wouldn’t have any other questions that Daryl couldn’t answer.

The rest of the day flew by in a blur; one cop car after another, each unloading a unit of police officers and under Rick’s supervision, they combed through the acres of farm. Beth stopped noticing new cars and people after the first three hours, and eventually retired to her room in favour of practising with her new guitar, but even that couldn’t distract her from the fact that Daryl was still here, assisting the police in tracking his criminal brother, all the while knowing that there were others he could be tracking that would prove much more satisfying and useful. Beth wondered what he and Rick had said to each other about it, wondered if Rick was doing the most he could or if he was holding back on this search to give Merle more time. Beth knew Daryl’s older brother was a criminal and unpleasant at the very least, but she couldn’t help feeling sympathetic towards him if not purely based on the fact that he was the only other person Daryl seemed to be truly ingrained with. She half-hoped he didn’t get caught, and that her and Daryl and Rick could continue with their private investigation into a much bigger and much more dangerous target. Really, Merle was a tiny fish in a big pond. He swam with sharks and now that they had shown their teeth, there was an opportunity there to take them down.

At six o’clock, Maggie tapped on Beth’s door to call her down for dinner. Barely noticing the voices coming from downstairs, Beth was a little shocked when she reached the bottom of the stairs to see Shane Walsh sitting comfortably at the dinner table, along with Daryl, who seemed to be quietly seething in his direction, Rick, who was in determined conversation with Hershel, and Glenn, who was watching the whole scene from the other end of the table uneasily. Taking a seat next to Maggie, Beth vowed that she’d have a word with Maggie later about knocking on her door announcing meals without giving her a comprehensive list on who would be waiting for her. She waited quietly for everyone to start eating, feeling an increasing sense of strangeness as the tension grew. Eventually, the clutter of cutlery grew over the uncomfortable silence and Hershel began a polite conversation with Shane. Beth gritted her teeth at Shane’s fake niceness to her father; it had barely been a day since he’d threatened her and Daryl for information, and everyone knew what he’d done to Rick. Why her father had so much as let him set foot in their house Beth couldn’t fathom.

Glenn seemed to be desperate for a normal conversation and Beth and Maggie indulged him, although they both were only half-listening to his account on what had happened in the video game he was in the middle of. Rick had joined her father’s and Shane’s conversation, and Beth fought hard to co-ordinate her timed nods between Glenn’s enthusiastic explanation and her quick glances to the other end of the table.

‘No clear motive as to why he would be here purposefully –’

‘Now, I don’t think that’s right. Surely there’s a reason Merle Dixon chose this farm over the hundreds of others.’ Shane paused and Beth saw him glance at Daryl smugly.

Her father spoke up. ‘I have to agree with Rick on this one, it seems pure coincidence that Merle was here.’

Shane twirled his fork around his fingers, then pointed to Daryl. ‘What do you think, Dixon? Any particular reason why your brother might come here? He doesn’t, I don’t know – know anyone here, right?’

Beth could see Daryl was tight with anger, but he simply shook his head stiffly. At that, Shane let out a laugh. He clearly wanted Daryl and Beth to know that he held something big over their heads. That even in her house, he still had the power. ‘Maybe he thinks there’s someone here that can help him.’

Rick’s fists were clasped together and he was staring at Shane like he didn’t know him. Beth wondered if he was just now realising his former best friend’s true motives. After all, neither she or Daryl had had the proper chance to catch Rick up.

‘Unlikely.’ Rick dismissed.

Beth turned back to Glenn and nodded fervently at his excited tone, but she was still listening to the other conversation. Maggie had been as well but had now completely turned her attention to Glenn, which allowed Beth a little leeway in her lapses of concentration.

‘He may have heard that Daryl here helped out my daughter a few nights ago, but I see no reason why he would assume he’d be here.’ Hershel began, and Beth felt a nervous stutter in her chest, trying hard to look as though she couldn’t hear them.

‘That’s the curious thing. It seems Daryl here was the only one linking you to Merle Dixon. Except he’s not the only one, anymore.’

Beth could feel Shane’s eyes on her as the attention of the room shifted to her. She tried hard to think of something to ask Glenn, but she hadn’t been listening to anything he’d said in the last minute. She took a deep breath and turned to stare at Shane in what she hoped was a disguised enough look that her father didn’t get suspicious.

Shane nodded towards her. ‘I wonder how on earth your youngest daughter got caught up in all this, hell, nearly got herself kidnapped by the same men that want Merle Dixon. That don’t seem like a coincidence.’

He’d gone too far, Beth knew, and she watched as Rick clenched his jaw and glared at Shane, unable to say anything in her defence without incriminating himself.

Daryl, however, wasn’t about to let him get away with it. ‘Know an awful lot about it considering you ain’t even caught the men that took her. Thought cops need proof before throwin’ ‘round blind accusations.’

Hershel was frowning at Shane’s words and Rick seemed just about ready to burst. But it was Shane’s eyes on Daryl that made Beth’s skin crawl. There was something behind them, a hatred, a desire to see what would happen if he spoke aloud what he held over Daryl’s head.

‘Oh, I got proof, don’t you worry about that. And the proof I got makes sure Merle Dixon stays locked away for good.’

Beth's stomach contracted, Shane's threat clear as he glared from Daryl to her. This wasn't only about Merle or Rick now, but the two of them as well. Shane would happily take them down if they got in his way.

‘Are you meaning to say that attempting to kidnap Beth was not a random act of a few men from the Governor’s gang – that she was deliberately targeted by the gang itself?’ Hershel sat up straight, concerned eyes on his daughter before they darted between Rick and Shane for an answer.

Beth could not even pretend that she was listening to Glenn anymore, and now that she’d abandoned that façade, her side of the table had grown quiet, listening to see how this would unfold.

Shane leant back in his chair, eyes amused. ‘Don’t reckon it was random. Maybe they thought taking her would encourage Merle out of hiding. Maybe they thought she knew something.’

Fingers shaking in anger, Beth clenched them in her lap. ‘Don’t know where they’d get that idea. I don’t even know Merle Dixon.’

Shane’s eyes shone as he grinned at her succumbing to his suggestion. ‘Oh, of course. Never met him before?’

‘Nope.’ Beth could feel Maggie’s eyes on her guiltily. Of course, Maggie would lie for her, not only to protect Beth but also herself, who’s fault it had been that they were at that bar in the first place when they had met Merle.

‘Shame. He’s a real charmer, other than the fact that knowing him might get you in a spot of trouble. bit like his brother here. Although, you’d know that already. Know Daryl quite well –’

‘That’s enough.’ Rick spat at Shane, and surprisingly, Shane abided, throwing his hands up in mock surrender. He stood up, politely excused himself from the table and left the room. Beth heard the front door click open and closed a few seconds later.

There was a stunned silence where Rick had immediately turned to Hershel to dismiss Shane’s words, and thankfully, her father seemed to be taking comfort in Rick’s reassurance. She supposed the fact that Shane was a terrible person who was most of the reason Rick’s wife had left him worked against him, but she also knew her father. He was stubborn as a mule and even if there were all the signs under his nose that something might be going on between Daryl and Beth, he’d ignore them until he had no other option but to believe them.

Beth looked to Daryl, who was glaring at the table, his jaw clenching tightly, hands balled into fists around the tablecloth. Fortunately, Glenn seemed to notice this and he leaned in towards Daryl and started talking in hushed tones. When Daryl didn’t respond, Glenn sat back dejectedly. There was silence between them and Daryl released the tablecloth and leant his head in his hands instead. A minute later, he’d excused himself in a low voice and left out the back door.

Maggie and Glenn turned to Beth automatically, but she couldn’t say anything, at least not to Maggie. Daryl had filled Glenn in properly but Maggie didn’t know the half of it, and now was not the time to tell her. She sneaked a glance at her father who was still deep in conversation with the Sheriff. Rick, sensing her watching, turned to give her the slightest nod, and Beth felt a rush of relief.

‘I’ll be right back.’ She pulled out her chair and followed Daryl out the back door before anyone could object.

She found him leaning against one of the wooden fences that separated the backyard and the crop land, shrouded in darkness, away from the warm light that was spilling through back windows of the house. A small circle burned bright near his mouth, and Beth watched him breathe out smoke as she walked up to him. Hugging her arms around her chest, she leant back on the gate, shoulders brushing his.

‘Hey.’

‘Hey.’

They both watched the darkness across from them in silence. There was a lot Beth could say, but nothing that would make anything much better. They were stuck, trapped between Shane’s threats and Merle’s disappearance and the feeling that the Governor’s men were crawling all over town, that no one they cared about was safe. Aside from that, it was the wanting, the longing, the feeling that Beth could not have with Daryl what Maggie and Glenn had, at least not in front of people. She knew that wasn’t important right now, but she also knew that it would make things a lot easier. If her father and Maggie knew at least, they wouldn’t need to lie about anything; they wouldn’t need to take Shane’s threats because they would hold no more power. Daryl wouldn’t need to sneak into her room through the window. Beth shook the thought from her mind. Hershel would never give his blessing to her and Daryl if he found out, especially not if he found out that knowing Daryl had put her in danger in the first place, no matter if it wasn’t his fault.

Beth turned to watch Daryl taking a long drag of his cigarette, his eyes squinted as he determinedly watched ahead. Feeling her gaze on him, he closed his eyes softly, tilting his head up to the stars.

‘Was always gonna come to this.’ His voice was gravely.

Beth frowned, her arms tensing around her chest as a cool breeze blew past. ‘Come to what?’

Daryl kept his eyes closed for what seemed like as long as he would allow himself, then turned to her.

‘Can’t keep doin’ this, Beth.’

It was the finality and stillness in his voice that caused her to turn away, like she’d known it was coming. Of course she had thought he’d be like this – he had tried to do the same thing minutes before she’d been taken, because he thought he was protecting her. She had suspected he’d do it again, but she didn’t think that he’d already have his mind completely made up without her. This wasn’t him asking her for understanding, or pushing her away half-heartedly. This was him telling her that this was how it had to be. This felt final.

‘That’s it, then?’ Beth was surprised at how she managed to keep her voice from shaking. Somewhere inside, dishes were being collected. She could hear the soft clinking of cutlery and wondered if Glenn and Maggie were in the kitchen on the other side of the wall beside them, laughing and kissing and allowed to take up the same space in the same way.

'That's it. You're doing this again?'

Daryl sighed and Beth was almost relieved to see how hard this was for him to do. 'This ain't like before. Shane ain't gonna give this up, he ain't gonna let us keep this up. He'll find a way to pin shit on me, on you, if we don't keep to ourselves and stay out of this.'

The rational part of Beth's brain annoyingly piped up, convincing her of the truth. 'So that's it.'

‘Yeah.’ Daryl’s voice was heavy as he put out his cigarette against the fence. He was chewing his lip, eyes on the stars as though he couldn’t look at her.

Beth was staring determinedly in the same direction, and even though her heart was sinking and all she wanted to do was sit at the bottom of her shower and cry, she stayed, standing next to Daryl in silence. There was something about knowing the finality of the situation, that made it that much harder to leave. She knew it was pointless, to stretch this out, but she also knew that the second one of them walked away this moment would end, and everything would change.

The only thing worse than Daryl having already made his mind up was that she understood why. They would get no mercy from Shane, who’d shown tonight how far he was willing to see his threats through until he got what he wanted, and they would see no understanding from her father, who would be utterly disappointed if he found out everything was a lie, and they would never be able to be as Glenn and Maggie were, for as long as everything was as messed up as it was. Beth wasn’t holding her breath, though. Not knowing how deep this went was both a blessing and a curse, and she knew that with Daryl distancing himself from her would come her safety, and she would be both able to live without fear but also without knowing if it was all over. There would not be a time she would be able to know that it was okay to want the things she wanted, and that Daryl would allow himself to want them too.

 _That’s it then._ This was all there was and all there would be and she would have to be okay with that somehow.

Beth felt her heart aching more the longer she stood out there, arms crossed over her chest and her hair blowing softly across her face and her shoulder just brushing Daryl’s bicep and both their eyes trained on the stars far away from all this. Maybe this was really all they were meant for.

‘Goodnight, Daryl.’ Beth managed softly before walking back towards the house, trying to ignore the way her throat was closing up as she left him alone amongst the stars.

* * *

Beth didn’t sleep well that night. Bad dreams reliving her kidnapping left her gasping awake, sweating and shaking, and the sudden knowledge crushing her that the one person who could bring her comfort was no longer hers made her numbingly immune to sleep. Eventually, she gave up trying and sat in the corner of her window until the sun rose, watching Rick’s scattered team combing through the farm. She could just make out Shane by his car, Rick with his Sheriff’s hat on nearby talking to her father. And then, leaning against his motorcycle and looking as though he’d been awake all night – Daryl. Beth suspected her father and Rick would have asked him to stay to help them and she couldn’t see Daryl refusing, no matter what he had said about him and Beth being done – Merle was still his brother, and was the key to fixing everything.

When Beth figured it was an acceptable time for her to be out of bed without raising suspicion, she got dressed and went downstairs to find Maggie at the dining table, hands clutched around a mug of coffee.

She slumped into a chair next to her sister and in the quiet, began to properly process what had happened the night before. Daryl had said it was always going to come to this. Beth didn’t believe that, but for the first time, it didn’t matter what she believed. This wasn’t like the other day when he was saying things he didn’t mean to push her away. This was him making sure she understood that he meant it this time. They were done, and it would be better for the both of them this way. She knew, somewhere inside, that her life would be much less complicated without him in it, much less unknown and much more safe. But she also knew it would be much less. None of that mattered now. Whatever they had, they didn’t anymore. Beth cleared her throat as she felt her eyes stinging. She should have stayed by Daryl’s side the night before until she froze or he moved; whichever came first. She should have stayed there and made him see that this wasn’t going to fix anything, not properly. Was he hurting just as much as she was now or did whatever they had between them simply mean more to her than it had to him?

‘You alright? Look tired.’ Maggie turned to her, eyes concerned.

Beth nodded numbly, knowing if she tried to speak about it, her voice would break.

Maggie’s gaze shifted out the window once more. She seemed faraway, and her movements mechanical, as though she was programmed every few minutes to sip her drink and blink and breathe.

‘Are you?’ Beth asked.

‘No.’ Maggie replied suddenly. ‘I – God, okay.’ She turned to Beth and ran a hand through her hair. ‘I need to tell you something.’

At this, Beth allowed some thought of Daryl to slip out of her mind for the time being. She sat up straighter, interested.

Maggie took a deep breath. ‘Merle wasn’t using the barn as a hideout. He wasn’t stealing anything. I was going out to feed the chickens, and I saw him hiding behind the shed. Scared the shit out of me, I nearly hit him over the head with a shovel. He was here for Daryl.’

Beth nodded slowly.

‘Or you. His words not mine.’ Maggie shifted, rubbing her eyes tiredly. ‘He told me everything. Well, almost. Enough. He told me about the Governor’s gang, and how he’s the reason you and Daryl are both in danger. Told me why they wanted to take you. What they thought you meant to Daryl.’

Beth’s heart was in her throat and she waited for Maggie to say anything else, but her sister seemed to be waiting on Beth’s response.

‘He say anything else?’

Maggie let out a disbelieving huff of laughter. ‘He said a lot. Doesn’t shut up.’

Beth felt a smile forming, then turned away from the window as Daryl walked into view. Her heart hurt at the thought of him, and she wanted desperately to pretend that nothing was wrong, but Maggie deserved to know. At least now she had nothing to lose.

‘Daryl and I – whatever it was, we’re done. He um . . . told me we’re done last night.’

Maggie looked at her hands and Beth found she was wringing them together nervously.

‘I’m sorry, for giving you grief about him. And I’m sorry to hear that it’s over. Really, Beth,’ she took her sisters hand and squeezed, ‘I am. I don’t know, talking to Merle showed me how wrong I was about Daryl. Had a narrow-minded idea of him and that family in my head and I was wrong about him. I’m sorry.’

Beth, suddenly highly aware that the night before was still raw enough that talking about it would threaten to push her to tears, gave Maggie a squeeze before placing her hands in her lap.

‘It’s fine. Doesn’t matter anymore, anyway.’

Maggie seemed to want to disagree, but thought the better of it. ‘So – his brother’s a piece of work, huh?’

‘Yeah, that’s one way to put it.’

Maggie laughed. ‘Daddy must have seen him a few minutes later, after I’d come back inside. Didn’t know what to think when I saw him. But he’s a fast-talker, I’ll give him that. Told me he came to talk to Daryl, to tell him he knew how to get the Governor’s men off his back. Said to warn you, too. He knew about them taking you, somehow.’

Beth turned over the information. ‘Anything else?’

‘Yeah. He told me he took something from the Governor, something they want bad enough that they’ll hunt him down. Something important enough that they’d even go after you.’

‘What is it?’

‘He didn’t say. But he told me that he needs to talk to Daryl. Gave me a time and place to tell him to meet.’

Beth sighed heavily. They were barely closer to an answer and it seemed Merle would only trust his brother with this. Just as Maggie reeled off the details Merle gave her, the front door opened and their father entered, Rick following, joining them at the table.

‘May as well fill you in while I’m here.’ Rick said, twiddling with his hat. He looked exhausted and Beth wondered when the last time he’d slept was. She wondered if Daryl had spoken to him about her, then pushed the thought from her mind.

‘We combed through the area and haven’t found much. I’m sending my team further south to double check, but Merle seems to be long gone from the farm, at least.’

Maggie nodded. ‘So, no more Shane?’

Rick chuckled. ‘Sending him away first thing.’

Try as she might to focus on the conversation and matter at hand, the thrum of Daryl’s motorcycle coming to life made Beth turn towards the window like a magnet. She watched Daryl as he pulled on his leather gloves and mounted the bike before speeding down the road and away from the farm. Trying to ignore the sinking feeling she got watching him leave, she turned her attention back to the table.

Rick was leaving, her father and Maggie already having a conversation about something else. Beth jumped up and caught Rick on his way out the door.

‘Hey – thanks for everything.’

Rick nodded and smiled at her. ‘It’s my job.’

Beth returned the smile, leaning against the door as the humid air hit her. ‘Yeah. Not all of it, though.’

Rick shrugged but she knew he appreciated it.

Beth moved further away from the door, closing it softly behind her. ‘Maggie, uh – she spoke to Merle.’

Rick’s eyebrows raised and he made to speak but Beth cut him off.

‘She said he just wanted to talk to Daryl. Wasn’t stealing anything. Gave him a time and place to meet him. It sounded important.’

Rick considered this for a moment and Beth had a second to appreciate how much he was sacrificing by trying to protect Daryl and in turn, Merle. She knew that if it were Shane Walsh at least, things would be taking a very different turn.

‘Where?’

Beth relayed the information Maggie told her and Rick pulled out his phone to make note of it.

‘Alright. I’ll see what I can do.’ He gave her a final nod and then made his way down the porch stairs. At the bottom, he stopped short. ‘Daryl told me. About what happened last night.’

‘Oh.’ Beth’s sinking feeling had returned and suddenly the air wasn’t pleasantly warm but suffocating.

‘He’s stubborn. Thinks he’s doing the right thing by you.’

This left Beth feeling no better or worse so she stayed silent.

‘I’ve known Daryl a long time. Never seen him so loyal to anyone else but Merle. He’ll do right by you Beth. He’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. Even if it comes at the cost of his own happiness.’

Beth pushed hair out of her eyes as a breeze picked up. The fields around them were quiet save for the birds nestling around the trees and she turned to watch them fly away. She didn’t have a reply for Rick, didn’t even know where to begin with one.

‘Thanks again, Rick.’ Beth nodded and turned to go back inside, leaving Rick standing at the bottom on the porch with his hands in his pockets and the feeling that he had somehow not brought Beth any comfort at all.

* * *

Daryl had just gotten out of the shower when Rick called. It had been a long night of searching for his brother, and although Daryl knew that Merle would have been smart enough not to stick around, he couldn’t ignore the foolish dwindling hope he had that maybe his brother would be caught. Of course, he didn’t want that – he knew it would mean a world of trouble for Merle but it would also be a reprieve for Daryl and more importantly, Beth. The chances of her being a target of the Governor’s gang were significantly lower if they got word that Merle Dixon had been caught.

‘Daryl? You there?’ Rick’s voice crackled through the phone and Daryl lifted his head.

‘Mm.’

‘So it turns out Hershel was wrong. Merle wasn’t using the farm as a hideout.’

‘What?’

Daryl heard a fuzzy voice from the other end and then a beep as Rick switched off his radio.

‘Maggie Greene found Merle by the barn looking for you. Said he needed to talk to you, wouldn’t tell her anything else. Hershel spotted him a few minutes later and then called me, thinking he was using the barn as a hideout. Maggie said that Merle told her he was looking for you or Beth. Seemed to think he could trust her, too.

Daryl ran a hand across his face. He had no idea what his brother was planning but it was a dangerous game if he thought that involving Beth was necessary. He must be getting desperate, out of hiding places, knowing his time would eventually be up.

‘He wants to meet with you tomorrow at six, before it gets too dark, by the place he taught you how to hunt. Sound familiar?’

‘Yeah.’

Rick paused for a moment. ‘I’m assuming he won’t talk if he knows you’re not alone. Daryl, I’m not saying you have to by any means, but . . . I’d like to know what he has to say.’

Daryl didn’t need to consider it; Merle had had plenty of chances to warn Daryl about what could be coming his way and he hadn’t. He’d protect his brother as he always had but he would not leave Rick out of it. After all he had risked just to protect Daryl and in turn, Merle, there was nothing Merle could do or say now that would turn him against Rick.

‘Course.’

Rick’s relief was palpable but he hid it well as he ended the call. Daryl stayed motionless in his kitchen for a moment, suspended in thought, and when his mind eventually turned on him with thoughts of Beth as he’d known it would, he grabbed his keys and headed out the door off to work.

* * *

Beth knew that this was probably one of the most stupid things she had done, but she just couldn’t seem to talk herself out of it once the idea had formed. She’d spent the majority of the day before shut up in her room writing music after Rick had left. The guitar Daryl bought her stayed alone in the corner and somehow she just couldn’t bring herself to pick it up and play. She’d fallen asleep on a bed full of scribbled papers and woken up in the late afternoon, ink stains on her hands. Sitting up, Beth supposed it wasn’t abnormal for her to be so tired after what she’d been through but she suspected the pain medication she was taking wasn’t doing much good in keeping her awake and alert, either.

Her clock read four in the afternoon and her phone had no notifications. Putting it aside and ignoring the sinking feeling she got as she felt disappointment run through her, she stood in front of her bathroom mirror to check on her bruising. The bruise on her cheek was a dull green and yellow and after inspection of the rest of her body, she found the same. All of her cuts and gashes had scabbed over and she found she was able to walk and sit and move without the tenderness she’d felt the first few days. She supposed her pain medication had helped in that respect, at least. It was that fact, combined with the fact that she was going crazy stuck in her house knowing she was being watched like a hawk by her own family, that sent her outside.

It was a still day; no wind and no clouds to chase each other around the sky. With Maggie’s car gone and Hershel nowhere in sight, Beth slipped into the barn without disruption and felt a smile take over her face as she heard the familiar whining of her horse, Nelly.

At the sound of the barn opening, Nelly turned and trotted to the edge of her stable, and after a minute of fiddling around with the locks, the door was open and the horse was happily nuzzling into Beth’s neck. She hadn’t been riding in a year, not since before her mother died. It was something they did together more often than not, and until today, Beth couldn’t fathom a time where she could be on horseback on a sunny day through fields of green without her mother there. The thought of it now didn’t fill her with the dread she’d grown familiar with, so she hooked in the stirrups and strapped a saddle onto Nelly’s back, hoping this new feeling lasted.

Beth knew she’d be in a world of trouble if Maggie or Hershel knew she was out riding on her own, but any longer shut up in her house and she’d go crazy. This was the only thing other than music that she knew could clear her mind and put her at peace, and although she’d exhausted herself trying to write songs the day before, there was something about the guitar sitting in the corner of her room that just couldn’t let her mind rest. Luckily for her, Hershel wasn’t anywhere to be seen as she led Nelly out of the barn, and after a quick scan around, she mounted her horse, her body much weaker than she was used to and causing a burst of pain on her bruising as she settled in. Ignoring this, she took the reins and adjusted her grip and position before coaxing Nelly gently forward. Her body was barely prepared to allow her to move freely without restraint but being on horseback was much more of a challenge than she had anticipated. Still, she gritted her teeth and focussed on the path ahead, and after a few minutes, she didn’t feel the pain as much anymore as she became used to it.

Finally breathing in a proper breath of fresh air, Beth led Nelly down a sunlit path that she knew led just past the property. She was well aware she was taking a risk going out alone but it didn’t seem to matter as much as it did for her to be out there. As long as she was back before anyone noticed she had left, she would be able to get her own peace of mind and keep her family subdued.

Beth led Nelly steadily across the open paddock and once she’d grown properly used to the feeling of being on a horse again, she coaxed Nelly into a slow trot. The wind was hitting her face harder now and it worked well to clear her head and soon enough, it was just her under the sun; flying through a field of green in a timeless land. She felt what she had missed dearly doing with her mother like an ache, but instead of hindering her as she’d anticipated it would, she felt it settle into her stomach as a comfort, like her mother wasn’t truly gone as long as she thought of her here, in moments like these. So comforted by the sudden shift in emotion was Beth that she barely noticed where she was going until her horse was galloping through the tall trees Beth knew eventually led to the wood.

Supposing that at least here she wouldn’t be seen, she allowed Nelly to continue the path through the lush green ferns, watching them get denser as she went further in.

She’d been in this part of the wood before with her mother and Maggie, but Maggie hadn’t been riding even longer than Beth. She would have no idea that the trees looked like this now, that there were tiny white flowers dotting the path like lights, that the sun poked through leaves and showered everything in gold at this time of day.

‘Where to now?’ Beth asked Nelly, giving her an encouraging pat on the neck. She felt bad for the amount of time that had gone by without seeing her and wondered briefly if Nelly had any notion of time at all. Beth would surely be happier without it – she suspected most people would. There would be no counting down days until or counting since. No measuring how much time until it ran out. People would do things when they wanted to do them and everything would be done at the right moment because that would be the only moment. She made a mental note to bring a notepad next time to jot down thoughts she could turn into lyrics. Finally, she was feeling the life coming back into her.

Beth rode for the next hour although it didn’t feel nearly that long. The only indicator she’d had that she should have been back home already was the sun beginning to set.

‘Better go.’ She murmured, giving Nelly another reassuring pat as she turned her around. The path they had taken was not complex but it was long, and broke off every now and then to fork further into the woods. She’d had no intention of going anywhere but home, truly, until she heard the sound of a man’s voice and tugged harshly on the reins, chest lurching suddenly. Her first instinct was to rush straight back to the farm as fast as her horse could go, but she seemed frozen to the spot, her hands gripping the reins painfully. And then, just as she’d convinced herself that it was one of the Governor’s men, she recognised the voice, mocking and sly. Merle Dixon.

Feeling a rush of adrenaline through her and barely allowing herself to consider what she was about to do too hard, she hopped off Nelly and led her a few meters directly out of the thick of trees and through the rusted gate she knew linked up to the farm. Making sure the latch was secure behind her, and leaving Nelly with one last pat, Beth tiptoed back into the trees and waited until she heard him speak again.

‘The hell you think I’m doin’, boy?’ His voice carried further this time.

Beth considered the thought that he was talking to one of the Governor’s men, but the moment she reached a tiny clearing where she could make out the back of Merle through some shrubbery, she stopped short and froze.

‘Ain’t bein’ fuckin’ smart, that’s what you’re doin’.’

Daryl. Of course he was with Daryl. So distracted was she by the ride that she’d managed to completely forget Merle’s request to meet with his brother was today. She hadn’t known it would be here, of course – Merle had passed on the message with the knowledge that it would be only Daryl who understood. She couldn’t fathom the chances of this place being the spot where Merle taught Daryl to hunt for the first time, so she gripped the tree and moved around quietly, trying to shake the strange coincidence.

Beth glanced through the wood and saw Merle walking around, his arms waving as he said something a little harder to catch. And as she decided it would be best for everyone if she just left quietly, there was a loud whine from Nelly in the paddock obstructed by trees. Beth hissed through her teeth, knowing she had left one of their most nervous horses seemingly alone, but the damage had been done. Daryl and Merle had become a part of the woods, and Beth could no longer see nor hear either of them.

She turned slowly, trying to see the ground she was walking on in the dying light, but halted at the sound of a twig snap from somewhere nearby. Her heart was hammering loudly in her ears and her palms were sweating as she crept away from the thick of the trees, praying that there wasn’t anyone waiting for her on the other side. Another rustling noise, this one far off, much too far to be from either Daryl or Merle. This brought Beth little comfort as images of the men who’d attempted to kidnap her flooded through her mind. Where had Daryl and Merle gone and who else was waiting in the woods?

Almost in response, a hand snaked out from behind her and clamped itself roughly over her mouth, pulling her backwards into a tree. Her first instinct was to scream and she tried, but the hand was strong, another pinning her to the tree, holding her there despite her wriggling.

Frenzied, Beth managed to shake the fingers off her mouth enough to bite down on them, and she felt them contract over her jaw but the hand on her middle still kept her restrained. Before she could properly process the tiny details that signalled to her that she wasn’t in danger, she was being spun around and was face to face with Daryl.

He had a finger over his lips and was beckoning her to follow him, and she did quietly, feeling her heart pattering quickly at the sight of him but also at the relief that she was safe. She followed him quickly and as quietly as she could through the nearly-dark wood. A minute later, they had reached a beat-down hut that looked as though it could barely fit anyone inside, but Daryl shouldered the splintered door open and before she could hesitate, he pulled her in.

It was dark in there, the only source of light coming from the dying sun sneaking through the wooden slats that made up walls. It looked like a something used for storage, and Beth could just make out a pile of rope and a roll of duct tape in the corner. The shed was tiny; they could barely stand against opposite walls without touching.

A crunching noise from outside caused Beth to jump and she heard the sound of footsteps squashing leaves somewhere outside, far too close for comfort. Before she could ask Daryl what was going on, he took a step forward and had his body against hers, a hand over her mouth again, which she’d just opened to speak. The footsteps from outside grew louder and Beth was suddenly thrown into panic once more, knowing from Daryl’s behaviour that there was no way this was Merle. She waited, barely breathing, for the door to be swung open and them to be found. Daryl’s head was turned to the source of the noise, his hair tickling Beth’s nose, his other hand that wasn’t over her mouth resting on the wood next to her head.

A moment later there was a loud scraping noise that seemed to come from the opposite direction of them, and the footsteps took off quickly, growing fainter and fainter as they rushed away.

Daryl dipped his head, and Beth could feel his pulse beating erratically through his wrist. He quickly let her go, taking his body weight off her like he had just noticed how close they were. He’d moved into a pool of dull light, and his eyes glowed pale blue like a frozen lake. They stared at each other for a minute, both breathing heavily.

‘Who was that?’ Beth finally asked, pushing her hair from her face.

Daryl held her gaze. ‘What’re you doin’ here?’

Slightly annoyed he hadn’t answered, Beth crossed her arms over her chest. ‘Was out riding. Heard your brother’s voice.’

‘C’mon. Gotta get you back home.’ Daryl made to open the door but Beth stood in his way and he stopped short as though he was afraid to touch her again.

‘Daryl.’ She put enough emphasis on his name that he stared at her. He seemed exhausted and exhilarated all at once. ‘I can take care of myself.’

‘Ain’t about that.’ Daryl answered, searching her eyes for some kind of understanding, a hint that she’d come to agreement with him that now was not the time.

In her head, Beth knew she could very well be in danger right now but she couldn’t help the feeling that cornering Daryl like this was the only way she’d get something out of him, something substantial, something he’d say because he couldn’t just walk away.

‘Sorry about your hand.’ Beth said, gazing down and noticing angry red teeth marks across his palm. At that, a hint of humour crossed Daryl’s face. He didn’t say anything, but Beth pushed her advantage.

‘Was that one of the Governor’s men?’

Daryl, seeming to realise that he wasn’t getting out of this tiny shed anytime soon without making enough noise to draw attention back to them, collapsed on the ground, leaning against a rotten wooden wall. Beth followed suit on the wall opposite, and it was impossible for them to sit like that without their shoes overlapping each other.

‘Reckon he was after Merle. Dunno if he spotted you, was damn near close enough.’

‘Where do you think Merle went?’

Daryl shrugged, but Beth could tell the question plagued him. ‘With any luck, he got away.’

‘He tell you anything?’

‘Mm.’ Daryl was in deep thought now, and Beth wondered if his brother had told him what he had over the Governor, wondered if a plan was forming in Daryl’s head as they spoke, but he didn’t say anything more.

She sighed deeply, pulling her hair back and leaning her head on the wood behind her, finding it easier to look to the roof instead of looking at him.

‘I just need to know.’ Her voice was shaking slightly and she tried to steady it. ‘You didn’t give me anything the other night and I – I know why you did it. I just want to know you felt something for me, too. Then I’ll leave it.’

Beth didn’t have to explicitly say what she meant for Daryl to know. When she looked at him next, he looked slightly uncomfortable, fidgeting with his boot laces and focussing on the ground.

‘S’not you, Beth – ’

Frustrated, Beth hugged her knees to her chest. ‘I’m going crazy replaying everything in my head all over feeling stupid. Why can’t you tell me – why can’t you give me that?’

‘Just can’t.’ Daryl replied firmly and Beth was suddenly out of patience.

‘The things we talked about – the things I know about you, that can’t all be for nothing. You have to feel something for me – ’

And suddenly Daryl was cutting her off, losing his patience with his pretence also. ‘Course I feel somethin’ for you. Don’t change the fact that this can’t happen.’

‘Why not?’

‘Cause if I start tellin’ you what you want to know, I’ll start tellin’ you that I miss you then I’ll tell you that I think ‘bout you every second of the day. And I can’t tell you that. I can’t be doin’ this.’

Shocked, Beth sat stunned for a minute. Daryl seemed annoyed with himself and collapsed into a stubborn silence, and the only noise to be heard was the whistling of the wind as it snaked through the gaps of the little wooden shed.

Finally, Daryl spoke and it was the voice of a man completely at his end. ‘Think you’d be happy sneakin’ around and lyin’ to everyone, think this is gonna work with Walsh holdin’ shit over our heads?’

He wasn’t really asking, more trying to show her the truth of the matter.

But Beth did not romanticise their situation – she knew it wasn’t an enviable place to be but she knew she wanted to be in it anyway.

‘Must think we’re wrong together, to give more of a shit about all that than how you feel.’

For a moment, it seemed Daryl would disagree with her. But then the cabin grew darker as the sun disappeared and she could see the luminance was no longer there in Daryl’s eyes, no longer grounding her in the sea of darkness. She knew that even if he didn’t agree with what she’d said, he’d stay silent as his last attempt to keep her from him, to push her away just that little bit further.

The air seemed full between them, as though it couldn’t hold any more revelations. Beth finally sank back against the wall behind her.

‘We should go.’ She would not wait for him this time. She understood how it had to be, now.

Beth hopped up and pushed open the creaking door and stepped out into the cool, dark wood. Thankful that she was able to still make out shadows in the dark, she walked back the way she’d come, hearing Daryl’s heavy steps close behind her. Finally, she reached the small path that led to the paddock she’d left Nelly at and after another minute, she reached the gate and felt a rush of relief as Nelly whined and bumped her nose into her.

‘Sorry, girl.’ Beth muttered as she jumped onto Nelly’s back, taking the reigns firmly in her hands. Out in the openness of the paddock and without all the tall trees, the moonlight was pooling over them. Daryl was standing a bit away, watching the woods warily. He turned to watch her ride away, chewing on his lip and squinting slightly into the moonlight, before heading back into the woods.


	11. Can't Quit You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth learns a lot more about the danger they're in as Rick and Daryl dig further into the information Merle provided and her and Daryl share a moment of weakness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter's a little longer, and a little nsfw ;)

Daryl had called Rick to tell him to meet him at the garage he worked at the second he got back to his motorbike in the woods. His mind was in overdrive, trying to process everything Merle had told him, but at the forefront of it all was Beth. Merle’s information had given him lots to unpack but because of Beth he was a mess and his thoughts did not seem to want to focus on Merle’s information nearly as much as they should. Having her in the woods alone when there was someone else lurking around too made him remember why he had to distance himself from her. She was in danger because of him, and there was nothing worth risking her safety and integrity with her family, not even for what he wanted.

The Sheriff was waiting for him outside of the locked gate, and greeted Daryl with a curt nod as he pulled out his keys. Daryl didn’t speak until he’d locked the gate behind them and then led Rick into an office, turning on a dim light in the corner of the room. He didn’t have the energy to beat around the bush; in truth, he wanted this over as quickly as possible because the longer he thought about it, the more out of his depth he realised he was. He couldn’t protect his brother or even himself. How on earth could he protect Beth?

Rick settled into a chair and clasped his hands together, waiting.

‘Son of a bitch told me what he’s got on the Governor.’ Daryl began, leaning back onto a desk and crossing his arms. ‘Some files he reckons got hard proof of their drug running, guns, trafficking, shit like that.’

Rick nodded and Daryl pulled out of his pocket a small flash drive, tossing it across the room. ‘Reckons it’s got everything on there. Videos, names.’

‘If it is what he says, there should be enough there to incriminate a hell of a lot of them.’ Rick paused, eyes raking over Daryl’s body language and silence. ‘Why do I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop?’

Daryl reached into his back pocket and retrieved a folded up piece of paper.

‘He gave me this, too. Thought it might help move things along.’ Daryl’s voice was slightly bitter. ‘We’re in way over our fuckin’ heads with this one, Rick.’

Perplexed but curious, Rick got up, snagging the paper out of Daryl’s hands and smoothing it out over the desk. It was a grainy black and white picture, but even in the dim light Rick could recognise the familiar face under the baseball cap. Surrounding him were men Rick knew to be part of the Governor’s gang and they looked as though they were loading bulky duffel bags into the boot of a car. But that wasn’t what his attention was focussed on.

‘Shane?’

Daryl’s silence was as good as an answer.

‘Shane fucking Walsh working for the Governor? I don’t believe it.’ But Rick’s tone was not one of denial, just incredulity. He’d known Shane Walsh a lot of his life, worked alongside of him and had even called him a brother once upon a time, but he’d found out the last few months exactly what his best friend was truly capable of. Was it really so hard to believe he was tangled up in a power struggle with the most notorious gang in the state?

‘There’s got to be more than just this.’ Rick slammed a hand onto the paper in frustration.

‘Didn’t get a chance to ask, there was someone else lurkin’ around the woods. Merle split and I don’t reckon he’s gonna come back out so we can ask him more questions. He done his part.’

‘I need to have a look at this. There’s gotta be something on here linking him to it all.’ Rick pocketed the flash drive and the picture of Shane and sank his head into his hands.

Daryl had a sick, recoiling feeling when he thought of the picture and what it meant. Shane Walsh was a hell of a lot more dangerous than either Rick or Daryl had anticipated, and the thought of him being welcomed back into Beth’s house whenever he wanted made Daryl’s stomach tighten with rage. Unless there was something solid and fool-proof on that flash drive, they had little to base an accusation off. What had only been Merle’s petty crime spree had turned into a dangerous game trying to derail an entire gang and now a high-ranking police officer just to keep his brother and himself alive.

‘I have to get to the station, I can’t sit on this, not even for a night.’ Rick got up abruptly, zipping up his coat. ‘I need to make arrests as soon as possible, and if I can get even one of them to attest that Shane’s in on it too, that might just be enough to take him out of the field.’

‘Let me know what you find.’ Daryl muttered, switching the light off and leading the way out of the mechanic shop. As he approached the locked gate and retrieved his keys, Rick caught his arm.

‘I need to know you’re all in with this Daryl. Things are gonna get ugly, there’s no way around it. I need to know you’re willing to do whatever it takes to protect your brother, but more importantly, to protect yourself now. This is barely about him anymore; this is about you getting away from it. The only way to do that properly is to make sure the Governor and Shane aren’t threats anymore.’

Daryl chewed out the inside of his cheek. He would do anything for his brother and Rick knew that, but he also knew that he wasn’t the only thing to consider anymore. Daryl had been dragged into a mess that was threatening to uproot his life and he had to make a choice between letting it take him down alongside Merle or doing what he could to get away from it. In the end, it had been Beth who’d made him want to keep being what he was trying to be. He had gotten away from it, for a while. And now it seemed it would drag him back all the same, and his efforts were all for naught. Of course he would go back in for his brother.

‘I’m all in.’ Daryl rarely trusted anyone but Rick was becoming something like what Merle should have been. And if he would follow Merle, even now, then Rick had him all the same.

Rick nodded and the trust reflected in his eyes said the rest. ‘I’ll call you if I find anything.’

They stepped through the gate and Daryl locked it back up behind them before mounting his bike. He watched Rick drive away as he pulled his leather gloves on and took off into the night, driving around aimlessly for a while before eventually finding his way home.

* * *

Beth entered a world of trouble after she’d returned to the farm with Nelly. Maggie was home by then and both her and Hershel were waiting for her in the kitchen, Maggie with her arms crossed angrily and Hershel was sitting at the table in quiet disappointment. Beth sat quietly as they told her off for nearly fifteen minutes because really, she didn’t blame them. She hadn’t thought she’d be gone that long in truth, but honestly, she’d just wanted to not be for a while. She didn’t want to leave a note, or a text, or any physical clue that she was alive and existing and inhabiting a body. Looking back now, it had been a dumb call, especially given her history but more than that – the fact that for all intents and purposes there was a gang targeting her. Yeah, she definitely couldn’t blame them for being mad. Nor could she bring herself to care enough to defend or explain her actions. Her conversation with Daryl had done nothing to nurture the tiny flame of hope she’d still held – if anything, it had blown it out.

Beth understood why Daryl was distancing himself but she couldn’t bring herself to agree. She supposed that he might be the stronger one out of the two of them, but it was probably because he was so used to denying himself good things his whole life that he found cutting off another good thing something he could bear doing even if he didn’t want to. She knew that if it was her putting him in danger, she’d be strong enough to push him away. She supposed it was a different kind of strength it took, but one she wished wasn’t an option. He could do both, she knew he could; he could want her and protect her. He did not have to chose one or the other. So why couldn’t he see that? Was he that much of a masochist that he wouldn’t allow himself to see another option? If that was the case, it wasn’t up to her to convince him otherwise. Beth would just have to find a way to forget him. It wasn’t all that hard when her father and Maggie were giving her a piece of their minds, but once she’d escaped to her bedroom, the achingly loud silence only served to feed her thoughts of him.

Beth found herself writing, the guitar in the corner collecting dust still. After a few hours, she had the makings of an actual song. Her lyrics were usually hopeful, or at least they were before her mother died, when she still wrote. This was her first proper piece, and she revelled in its misery and angst. Somehow, pouring her feelings out onto paper worked as a cathartic release, one that she had almost forgot existed until then. It was a year of pent up anger, sadness and heartbreak that had taken the form of black ink and a jumbled up alphabet. Beth went to sleep thinking that if she had to be heartbroken, at least she could get something like this out of it.

* * *

Beth woke at eight the next morning, feeling unusually refreshed and for once, not riddled with worries the moment she opened her eyes. Her writing had worked to lessen the load on her mind, even if everything else in her life wasn’t so easily controlled.

She spent the day doing chores around the farm with Maggie while Hershel went into town. Glenn came past a few hours in and they took a break to have lunch. Maggie brought out sandwiches and Beth a picnic rug and the three of them sat on a small green hill just behind the farm in the still, warm air. Glenn was on his work break but he stayed much longer than he ought to have; there was something about the sun that made them all lazy and slow but talkative and open. They spoke for over an hour, about movies and video games and whether they thought Glenn’s neighbour was indeed having an affair with her plumber, for there was no way her toilet could be broken that often.

After Beth had suppressed her initial urge to ask after Daryl, she ended up having the most fun with the two of them she’d had in a while, certainly more fun than she’d anticipated the day would bring. Her and Maggie had just begun a contest to see who could toss the most grapes into Glenn’s open mouth when his phone buzzed and he sat up, sighing.

‘Alright, I really have to get back now.’

Maggie pouted at him and he bent over to kiss her forehead. She responded by tossing grapes gently at his head as he stood up, dusting himself off.

‘See you soon, Beth.’ Glenn gave her a grin and ruffled her hair as one would a dog and she laughed as he made his way down the hill towards his car.

Beth and Maggie watched him drive off in silence.

‘He never told me, by the way.’ Maggie said thoughtfully, watching the spot on the rug he had been sitting on. ‘About whatever Daryl had told him. Whatever he knew that I didn’t. He didn’t tell me because he said he promised that he wouldn’t.’

Beth wasn’t sure what to do with this information, but she felt a wave of guilt roll through her stomach. Glenn was loyal to just about everyone and wasn’t one to keep secrets, especially not from Maggie.

‘It was only after I found everything out from Merle that he gave up the information he knew. He told me a lot of things, some things I knew already and some I didn’t.’

Beth began tearing out blades of grass as she listened, making a small pile by her feet.

‘I’m glad he didn’t tell me.’ Maggie said slowly. A light breeze blew past them and Maggie’s hair flew softly across her face before she tucked it behind her ears. ‘It sounds silly, but I’d rather know he’s loyal than know something that I don’t need to know just yet. Does that sound stupid?’

Beth shook her head, smiling. ‘No, it doesn’t sound stupid, Mags. Glenn’s a good person.’

‘Yeah, lucked out pretty hard with him.’ Maggie grinned and Beth found she could be happy for her sister and sad for herself all at the same time. Daryl was back in her mind, covering his face with bruised knuckles.

‘How do you know?’ Beth asked suddenly. She turned to meet Maggie’s eyes and her sister crossed her legs, leaning back as she considered Beth. ‘That you love him?’

Maggie was silent for a long time. Beth watched two blue birds chase each other around the willow tree below them. The warmth was loud but still, it was everywhere; it filled the gaps between the strings of the dream catcher on the porch and it raced to make up the space between their fingers.

‘It’s not like a moment.’ Maggie said quietly after a while, turning her face towards the sun and squinting her eyes shut. It was rare for Beth to see her sister so serious and she leaned in closer, listening.

‘More like a memory. Or one you want.’

The birds chasing each other through the garden had finally given up, perching on a white paddock fence.

‘There’s not a moment you know. It’s more of a slow realisation. You’d rather talk to them than anyone else, you’d rather see them happy than anyone else, even yourself. I don’t know. It’s just something you know. It’s them, before anyone else.’

‘Damn, Maggie, you could be a poet.’ Beth grinned and Maggie grabbed a bunch of torn up grass blades and threw them at Beth.

After another minute of pondering silence, Beth broke it again. ‘And if you don’t? Know, I mean.’ Her voice was tentative.

Maggie shrugged. ‘You let them go.’

‘And if they don’t?’

‘You let them go, too.’

 _It’s them, before anyone else._ As Beth leant back on her elbows, eyes unfocussed, she allowed herself for the first time that day to properly think of Daryl. He was putting her first, even if it meant he didn’t get to see her. He had prioritised her life and what being with him could mean for her, and he had placed that ahead of the worth of his own wants. Beth knew she couldn’t let herself think like this but she couldn’t help it – he would not get out of her mind.

‘Why do you ask?’ Maggie opened her eyes and blinked in the bright light.

‘No reason.’ Beth replied in what she hoped was a nonchalant way, but she didn’t miss her sister’s knowing stare.

‘Alright. Let’s get back to it.’

It took Beth and Maggie the rest of the day to finish tending to all the animals and clean up the barn. Dinner time flew past and before Beth knew it, she was showering and hopping into bed. Hoping fervently that the next few days could pass as quickly and painlessly as this one, she went to sleep, her back to the window she kept unlocked.

* * *

It had been a week since the day Beth, Maggie and Glenn had picnicked in the sun, and there had not been any word from Rick Grimes. Beth had expected to have to wait a few days until he updated her on anything, but after the fifth day, she began to suspect that perhaps Rick wasn’t giving her updates on the case because someone was telling him not to. For all he had done to try and keep her out of it, Daryl’s restraint would go to nothing if Rick just dragged her back into it. She supposed that’s what Daryl told Rick to explain his reasoning behind not wanting to involve her.

When Beth awoke on the seventh day without news however, she decided that enough was enough. She was still plagued every time she slept with night terrors of her kidnapping and just because she wasn’t getting any new information didn’t mean she’d gotten over the whole thing. If anything, it made her more afraid that something similar would happen again. At least having all the information, she could know the likelihood of her being in immediate danger. And at least she could find out if Daryl was okay.

Maggie, Glenn and her father were having breakfast already when she got to the kitchen, and she stopped for a quick bowl of cereal before dragging Maggie and Glenn out with the excuse she wanted to go into town. Once safely inside Maggie’s car and out of earshot however, Beth poked her head between the front seats.

‘Okay, I need you to drop me at the station.’

Maggie rolled her eyes, turning to Glenn, who nodded fairly. ‘I knew she didn’t want to go shopping.’

‘I haven’t heard anything from anyone about anything for a week. I’m going to see what’s happened. I need to know.’

Maggie didn’t question her, just turned her car around and started driving down the gravelly road.

‘Unless you know something you’re not saying?’ Beth eyed Glenn suspiciously, and he threw his hands up in surrender.

‘I told you yesterday, Daryl hasn’t been at work all week and I haven’t heard anything about Rick.’

Beth sank into the backseat, satisfied with this information. Glenn wasn’t likely to know anything she didn’t at this point, but it still felt good being reassured she wasn’t the only one in the dark. Twenty minutes later, Maggie was parking outside the police station, Beth feeling a thrill deep in her stomach at the sight of Daryl’s motorbike out the front.

‘Call me when you’re done.’ Was all Maggie said, slightly exasperated and resigned to the fact that unless she let Beth drive her car – unlikely – she would be her chaperone until her sister got one of her own.

Beth nodded numbly, getting out of the car and tucking her hair behind her ears as she entered the police station. She was saved having to ask around for Rick because almost immediately as she entered, she spotted him turning a corner, balancing a stack of paperwork in one hand and a coffee in the other.

‘Rick!’ Beth jogged up to meet him, ignoring the shooting pains up her legs. The Sheriff turned, smiling at her but she didn’t miss the worry shooting across his face.

‘Hey, Beth. How are you?’

‘Great now that I’m about to be all up to date on whatever it is you and Daryl have been up to this whole time.’

‘Beth, it ain’t for me to –’

‘No, but it’s not for Daryl to decide either. Did you forget that I was kidnapped in the name of Merle Dixon?’ She asked incredulously and this seemed to wake Rick slightly because he had the decency to look slightly put out.

‘Look, I’m sorry I haven’t been in contact with you. Daryl . . . well, he’s got his own reasoning. And we didn’t have anything solid. Not until this morning.’ Rick eyed her then signalled for her to follow him down the corridor. ‘Got great timing, you know that?’

Beth ignored the sarcasm. ‘So you’ve found something.’

‘Oh, you could say that.’

Beth grabbed the coffee cup out of his hand as he pulled out a card and swiped a door for access. Behind it was an unoccupied room, with a few closed doors branching off. Rick entered the one on the left and Beth followed, closing the door behind her.

Daryl was inside this office, legs resting on the table as he leant back in his chair, reading through a manila folder. It was a moment before he noticed Rick was not alone.

‘Beth?’ At the sight of her, he dropped his legs from the table and placed the folder face down. ‘What’re you doin’ here?’

Beth met his eyes with a jolt in her chest, handing Rick back his coffee cup and moving towards the middle of the room. It had been a week since the last time they’d spoke and it hadn’t ended on a good note. She had been back and forth with regretting it and being content that she’d said what she’d been thinking, but she just hated that they’d been apart regardless. She did her best to ignore the pit in her stomach that had opened up.

‘I came to see if there’s been any updates.’ Beth leant against a wall of filing cabinets, regarding the way his eyes raked over her, hands slightly shaking as she did her best to keep her voice from doing the same. God, how had she been able to stand not seeing him? If she had to relive the last seven days, she knew she’d be at Daryl’s house within the first hour.

_Must think we’re wrong together, to give more of a shit about all that than how you feel._

Did he remember what she’d said as well as she did, did he still think about it? She took in a deep breath. ‘And to see how you were.’

Rick busied himself with rearranging the stack of files he’d been holding into a nice neat rectangle on the desk.

Daryl hardly gave her a response. His eyes were hungry as they searched between hers and at once, Beth remembered something her father had said about starving dogs. Feed them regularly and they’ll grow softer. Feed them once and watch them starve, they would be all the wilder. Daryl was chewing on his lip, looking as though he was aching at the sight of her. This was Daryl seeing something he wouldn’t allow himself to have. This was Daryl starved.

‘Any word from Merle?’ Beth ripped her eyes away from Daryl before she said something stupid to him in front of Rick.

‘Not since Daryl met with him that night.’

Beth nodded, taking in the amount of paperwork they were going through. ‘Still trying to find him?’

Rick paused, taking a sip from his cup. ‘We’re focussing on the Governor for now.’

Beth noticed how he didn’t meet her eyes quite right, and then she turned back to Daryl, who tore his gaze away from her quickly. ‘Okay, there’s something else. What am I missing?’

Rick sunk into a chair on the opposite side of the desk Daryl was on, and the two exchanged a glance. Then, apparently sensing Beth was about to ask again, Rick said, ‘Merle gave Daryl some valuable information. We’ve been sifting through it, records of illegal activity, known members of the gang. Been seeing if we can track them down, make as many arrests as possible. We had a warrant out for the arrest for the two men who kidnapped you. Daryl was able to provide their names and faces.’

Beth turned to Daryl, feeling a rush of gratitude. He didn’t meet her eye.

‘So that’s Merle’s big thing that’s worth getting killed over? Information?’

‘Ain’t all of it.’ Daryl’s rough voice cut through the silence of the room. ‘We gotta tell her, Rick.’

Beth turned to the Sheriff and he nodded slowly. Beth wondered how much this had cost him in the last week.

‘Shane Walsh is workin’ for the Governor.’

Beth spun around so fast she almost got whiplash, voice sharp. ‘What?’

Daryl pulled out a picture and slid it across the table to her and although it was poor quality, there was no mistaking Shane’s face, not matter how he’d tried to disguise himself under the baseball cap. Shane Walsh had been in her house, had dinner with her family, and had threatened her and Daryl by holding their relationship over their heads. It had been easy to think that he was just scum because he was with Rick’s ex-wife, but this made much more sense. A man who could do something like that to his best friend was certainly capable of something like this. Beth didn’t doubt it for a minute.

‘Where is he now?’

‘Been off sick the last few days. I reckon he knows we’re onto him.’ Rick sighed. ‘Can’t do much unless I have hard proof and while this picture might be proof to us, Shane can easily talk his way out of it.’

Beth nodded, sinking back against the filing cabinets, running a hand through her hair.

Rick went on, draining the last of his coffee. ‘Daryl and I went through the hard drive Merle gave us, were able to place a few faces and names and we’ve been going through their files ever since, trying to find anything that can give us a lead.’

‘So you’re trying to find a link to Shane?’

Rick nodded. ‘We figure if we can make an arrest and get someone to confess his involvement, taking down the Governor might be a lot easier if he’s without one of his bigger players.’

‘And you think Shane is a big player?’

Rick chuckled at that. ‘Shane’s been trying to take my job the better half of a year. Don’t know what he’d be doing working for the Governor if he didn’t have any influence within the gang. He likes power. He’s gone straight to it.’

‘Makes sense.’ Beth mused, tugging absent-mindedly on a lock of her hair. She thought back on her conversation with Shane in a completely new light. Asking about what was between her and Daryl and trying to get Merle’s location out of her all made a lot more sense to her now. Feeling relieved she hadn’t revealed anything to him or at least didn’t know enough to actually give him any valuable information, she dropped her head into her hands. Her father had spoken to him many times alone – what if he knew something she didn’t and he’d told Shane thinking he was helping? Then again, anything he’d tell Shane he’d surely tell Rick, so that was okay. There was no person she could think of who would tell Shane something that Rick didn’t already know, so that was a relief at least.

‘Beth, I need you to know that no one else can know about this.’

Beth looked up, exhausted. More lies, just when she thought she was in the clear.

‘Can’t tell Maggie or your father. I know I’m asking a lot but this getting out could mean the end of my career, certainly the investigation. And it would put all of us at risk, including your family and mine.’ Rick truly did look sympathetic and Beth understood, of course she did. If this was what kept them all safe, she would have to keep on lying and keep on bearing it alone. She nodded.

‘There’s somethin’ else.’ Daryl’s voice was gentle and Beth realised he was talking to her. ‘Brought one of ‘em in. One of the animals who took you.’

Beth’s heart pounded and her stomach suddenly tightened. ‘You made an arrest?’ She turned to Rick in time to see him nod.

‘I understand if you don’t want to, but it would be a big help if you could confirm him as one of the two. Daryl’s word isn’t exactly going to hold up if anyone asks where we got our proof from.’

Beth nodded, standing upright. ‘Take me to him.’ This was about the first truly useful thing that had been thrown her way and she didn’t hesitate.

Rick nodded and led her out of the room. Daryl moved like he wanted to follow but grew still, and Beth didn’t glance back as they left the office.

‘He’s worked harder than I have this week.’ Rick said in an undertone as they made their way back through the hallway they’d come down.

‘He’s been here this whole week?’

Rick nodded, pushing open a door that looked like the entrance to an interrogation room. ‘Barely been sleeping, he’s here as late as I am and he’s always awake when I swing past his, got all the files scattered across every inch of his apartment.’

Beth sat on this for a moment. She knew she shouldn’t let herself, but it was impossible to stop the ache in her heart at the thought.

‘All right.’ Rick paused as they neared what Beth suspected was a one-way mirror. ‘What do you think, this your guy?’

Beth scooted around Rick to take a look at the man and instantly felt her blood run cold – her body remembered even before her brain could place him. It was the man who’d struck her with the gun. She thought that maybe she’d forgotten their faces but the second she saw him there was no mistaking it. It wasn’t just the way he was familiar; it was the way her body reacted, the way her palms began to sweat and her legs shake.

‘That’s him.’

Rick seemed satisfied. ‘Would you be willing to make a formal statement?’

Beth agreed, finally tearing her eyes away from the man. Rick, seeming to sense that she was out of sorts or perhaps just noticing the colour drain from her face, placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

‘Let’s get you out of here.’

Beth numbly followed Rick back to the office he and Daryl had been working in for the last week, apologizing as she stumbled into people on the way. She hadn’t expected to be this shaken up over it, but it was hard to convince her brain she was safe when one of the men that had haunted her dreams every night since her kidnapping was sitting in the same building as her.

Rick closed the door behind them softly. Beth saw Daryl meet Rick’s eye and Rick nodded at him in confirmation. Daryl didn’t look surprised, more satisfied. He hadn’t doubted that he had the wrong man for a second. Something else stirred in Beth’s mind.

‘Hold on – what if he starts talking about Daryl? About what happened in that cabin?’

Rick sighed. ‘I’m hoping he remembers little enough that he won’t be able to describe Daryl very well. He was in and out of consciousness from what I hear.’ He glared at Daryl briefly, and Daryl didn’t bother trying to look sorry.

‘Son of a bitch deserved it.’

Rick shook his head, a disbelieving grin on his face. ‘Lord knows how I got so lucky to wind up in the middle of this.’ He turned back to Beth. ‘Daryl’s not gonna take the fall for it. If there’s any justice in this world, I got mine coming. But before that, I’m gonna do what I can to make sure we’re all okay.’

His tone was reassuring enough, but it was his eyes that convinced Beth. She nodded gratefully.

‘I’m gonna go conduct the interview, ask questions I need to until he incriminates himself. Try get something out about Shane, maybe bribe him with a lesser sentence. I don’t know how long I’ll be, but you’re welcome to stick around so I can take your formal statement afterwards.’

There was an uncomfortable silence where Beth and Daryl both seemed to realise that Rick would be leaving them to their own devices.

‘Yeah.’ Beth agreed quickly, not wanting the silence to go any longer. ‘I’ll wait.’

‘I’ll try be as quick as possible.’ Rick gave them both a reassuring nod before leaving, closing the door firmly behind him.

There was a full sort of silence, heavy and tangible. Beth played at the hem of her t-shirt for a minute, finally turning to look at Daryl, whose eyes were already on her.

‘I’m glad you’re doing okay.’

Daryl gazed across her face as his fingers tapped softly against the wooden desk. She suspected he didn’t even realise he was doing it.

‘What gives you that idea?’

Beth shrugged, gesturing around. ‘Working on all this with Rick. Must still have some kind of hope for your brother.’

Daryl frowned at her like he was trying to figure out something that had become muddled in front of his eyes. ‘Ain’t just Merle I’m doin’ this for.’

Beth took a deep breath in but there was nothing to be said. She busied herself with studying the cracks in the wall opposite her as she felt Daryl’s stare linger on her.

‘How’d you find – ’ Beth halted as she realised she didn’t even know the name of the man that Rick had gone to interrogate. She didn’t want to either. Giving him a name made him more real, and he was plenty real in her dreams.

Daryl seemed to sense that she didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t answer, just threw her a heavy folder off the pile he had in front of him.

‘Shane Walsh’s file?’ Beth flicked through it, taking in grainy photos and underlined names.

‘Put it together this mornin’. Got a hell of a lot in there.’

‘Just have to prove it was him.’ Beth thought aloud. Daryl nodded, chewing his lip, focussing on the papers in her hands like they held the answer on what to say to her.

‘I won’t say I’m not surprised, but it’s not hard to believe. Not after how he went about asking us for answers. Thought it was just him trying to outdo Rick.’

They lapsed into thoughtful silence. Beth’s phone buzzed in her pocket and she checked the screen to see a text from Maggie. Hurriedly typing a reply that told Maggie she should go home and come back in a few hours because she had no idea how long this would take, Beth put away her phone and looked up.

Daryl wasn’t looking her way so she watched him unabashedly, the way his fingers moved around the pages, the way he was chewing his lip so unconsciously even now. She was sure he must have drawn blood already.

‘Daryl.’ Beth drunk in his blue eyes as they fell on her and she wondered how she’d ever wished for a different colour for her own when she was younger. His eyes were a thousand sapphires and that meant hers were too. She wasn’t quite sure what she was planning to say until the words were out of her mouth.

‘Merle’ll be okay.’

Daryl looked slightly taken aback by her words but his eyes softened at them nonetheless. He nodded at her, swallowing visibly before turning back to the papers in front of him.

‘I know you’re worried about him. He’s lucky, to have someone like you.’

She saw a tiny smile creeping around his mouth and for a second she was glad that she still had that way of sneaking up on him, pulling that smile from his depths.

‘Lucky we got someone like Rick who’ll risk his whole career to protect someone who don’t deserve it.’ Daryl huffed.

‘Don’t be stupid.’ Beth watched in amusement as he raised an eyebrow, knowing deep down he still didn’t believe he was worth a thing. ‘Merle’s a lot better than you give him credit for.’

Daryl blew out a breath, and Beth felt her stomach contract at the sight of the smile he was trying to hide.

‘If I were Rick, personally,’ she went on, wandering around the office distractedly, ‘I would make sure I wouldn’t rest until Merle Dixon was safely tucked into bed and out of harms way. I’m sure Rick feels the same. Must be why he’s doing all this.’

Daryl shook his head, unable to stop his grin. ‘Alright Greene, you proved your point.’

‘Hang on, what was that?’ Beth called, doing her best impression of Rick’s lilting tone and placing her phone to her ear as though she was taking a call. ‘Merle Dixon has a paper cut? Hold everything, I’ll be right there with a lullaby.’ She ran across the room in a purposely ridiculous way, and when she turned to Daryl, she was delighted to see he was viciously fighting laughter.

‘You done?’ Daryl asked, eyebrows raised.

‘Maybe.’ Beth said smugly. ‘You done pretending you don’t deserve Rick’s help?’

Daryl held her gaze. She’d been able to comfort him, make him laugh and force him to see his worth all in the same minute. And now Beth realised just how much power she held over him still.

‘Yeah. I’m done.’ Daryl cleared his throat, looking back to his papers as though he’d realised the same thing.

After a minute of feigned concentration, he gave up, placing his head in his hands. His voice was raspy and muffled when he finally spoke.

‘You’re impossible, you know that?

Beth couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face at his words, delighted she was getting under her skin in the same way he was hers. ‘Oh?’

Daryl rubbed his hands down his face and looked up at her, his expression a mix of exasperation and longing. He pushed out his chair and stood up and suddenly the office seemed a lot smaller.

Daryl walked around the desk and stopped a little away from her, as though he knew his next move would either pull him back to safety or send him out to oblivion.

‘Makin’ it so hard to get you out of my head.’ There was a waver in Daryl’s voice that made Beth’s body shiver. His words left a silence like no other in the room. Beth could swear she could hear the circuits buzzing in the artificial light above them. She blew out a breath, almost amused at his internal struggle to push her out, and tried her best to look unfazed although this was making her stomach feel like she did right before the drop on a rollercoaster.

‘Don’t push me out then.’ Beth was joking, only a little, half a smile still on her face. Daryl shook his head at her, as though he could barely believe her. He was apparently frozen in an attempt to figure out what to do now that he had stood himself in front of her in such a deliberate way. All of a sudden things didn’t seem as funny.

Beth felt her smile become ghostly, finally falling away as she realised that she very much wanted to kiss him and that this was probably a very bad idea. It would be so easy to – he was so close to her. It wasn’t hard to forget why that shouldn’t happen in that moment as the air between them became charged, Daryl’s breathing shallow and Beth’s fingers trembling.

Beth felt her resolve to stay away from Daryl growing weaker, or maybe her desire for him was simply stronger. As her blue eyes met his, both hard, both stubborn, she saw a softness betray him that told her all she needed before she had reached forward and pulled him into her by the the front of his shirt.

Daryl let her drag him in easily, all the way until her back hit the wall. His body was rigid against hers, his palms pressed hard into the wall on either side of her head. Stuttering breaths were escaping the both of them, and at Daryl’s musky scent Beth breathed in deeply, its effect on her body instantaneous, comforting.

Daryl’s lips were an inch from hers but he was holding himself back, eyes full of misgivings and worries.

‘Don’t do anythin’ stupid.’ He warned in a brittle voice, and Beth understood in that moment that this was no longer only about his ability to hurt her; she held the power to hurt him just as much.

Beth half-smiled, licking her lips, feeling her pussy dampen at the way he pressed his hips more urgently into hers. Daryl ducked his head into her neck, and for a moment Beth wondered if he was going to turn away before she felt his warm lips on her earlobe, his trembling breath tickling her.

‘Don’t do anything stupid.’ Beth grinned and Daryl growled at that, finally breaking as he put a hand under her chin and turned her head to catch his deep kiss.

Beth’s heart bet furiously at his taste, and she whimpered a little at how badly she’d missed it. His tongue darted in to claim her and she let it, jumping up and wrapping her legs around him. He caught her deftly, hands on her ass through her shorts and squeezing, thrusting into her. She could feel him straining against his pants already, and let out an exhilarated laugh.

‘God, Beth.’ Daryl muttered in between kisses, pulling away only for air before returning his trembling lips to her own. ‘Can’t stop fuckin’ thinkin’ ‘bout you. ‘Bout what I’d do, if I could kiss you again.’

Beth felt a twinge in her gut at his words. ‘You can have me. Whenever you want.’

Daryl shook his head frantically, nose brushing hers. ‘Just this. Just now.’

His words were jagged, as though giving himself time to think them over or to think at all would cause him to close up again.

Beth didn’t have the strength to argue – if all he was allowing was this moment of weakness then she would not waste time thinking about what would happen when it was over. She’d already been in that spot and she knew what it felt like.

Beth snaked a hand down between the little space their hips left and didn’t waste any time pushing past his waistband, panting as her hand closed around his cock, warm and hard.

Daryl hissed out as she began stroking him, dipping his head and kissing along her neck. Impatiently, he pulled her top down and dipped a hand under her bra, taking a breast out and moving to suck her hardened nipple. Beth threw her head back, hair sticking to her neck as she revelled in the feeling of Daryl’s tongue teasing her, remembering the last time he’d done that and what had followed. She was soaked through her underwear and perhaps Daryl knew that, because he moved one hand down between her thighs, through one of the legs of her loose shorts and pressed hard into her clit, making her gasp out.

Beth played with the zipper on his pants before finally tugging it down, finding his cock through the gap in his underwear and pulling it through his open zip so it slapped against her leg. She could hardly concentrate on the feel of his throbbing dick in her hand, the way the tip of his head was wet or the rough feel of his balls against her soft fingers, as Daryl stuck a thick finger into her and let out a choked groan as it slid in easily.

‘Daryl –’ Beth whined and he dipped his head to breathe in her moan, disappearing into his lips. Her clit was swollen, her lips slick and needy. The thought of them in this room like this, door unlocked and Rick moments away from bursting in as far as they knew made Beth’s heart pound even harder, made her want him even more. She’d have him alone and she’d have him in a crowd of people, she didn’t care. Perhaps Daryl shared the same sentiment because he pushed another finger into her, moving in and out steadily and curling like he was motioning for her to come closer.

Beth’s eyes fluttered open and she wasn’t aware she’d even closed them. She was greeted with Daryl’s hard gaze, the dissolute blue of his eyes, the way he was drinking in her expression as though he wanted to commit it to memory.

‘Fuck me, Dixon.’ Beth wailed as his cock slipped tantalisingly across her wet opening. Her words came out in stammered breaths. ‘We can go back to how it was before when we’re done, if that’s what you want.’ All Beth knew was she needed him now, forget the consequences, forget where they were, forget how she’d keep on wanting him after this. Daryl let out a panting grunt, pushing another finger into her and then she was begging, almost sobbing against his shoulder with how bad she wanted him to fill her, how much her pussy was aching for his heat.

Daryl heaved a breath against her lips, pulling his fingers out of her slowly and Beth swallowed her cry.

‘Ain’t got a rubber –’

‘I don’t care. Maggie’s got pills.’

This time Daryl let out a small laugh at her eagerness. Impatient and determined to make him just as out of control as she was, Beth slid two of her own fingers inside herself, spreading apart her sticky lips and felt the rumble escape Daryl’s chest as he moaned at the sight of it. She pumped hard a few times before pulling them out, watching his face as she wrapped the same hand around his reddened cock, stroking up and down quickly, feeling the friction building in her hands, her own juices dripping through her fingers. Now one of Daryl’s hands was tangled in Beth’s hair, pulling on it a little as he let out a choked gasp.

When Beth spoke again, his pupils grew bigger, black eating up the blue.

‘Please, Daryl. Just fuck me, please.’

Daryl was sucking in wild breaths, adjusting his grip under her ass as he ripped her shorts off, pushing her underwear to the side. Then, with his other hand back in her hair and Beth’s legs wrapped around his waist pulling him closer, he buried himself into her, biting down against her shoulder.

Daryl’s hand flew to Beth’s mouth as she felt him enter her, muffling the sound of her cry. He pulled her face towards him, blue eyes searching hers before taking her mouth in his with a kiss, swallowing each little moan and gasp he drew from her. He wasn’t soft and he wasn’t gentle but Beth didn’t want that and he knew it. His hand travelled from her face to her pussy, and Beth had to fight another involuntary moan of pleasure as Daryl’s fingers found her clit, rubbing her in circles quicker than she could bear. He barely needed any more wet down there but he brought his hand up to his mouth and spit in it, bringing it back down between her legs and setting her pussy on fire.

Golden hair sticking to the sides of her face and breath coming out in short pants, Beth watched Daryl through heavy-lidded eyes as he fucked her hard, a hand still gripping her ass as the other worked her clit. Beth’s back was rubbing painfully against the wall each time Daryl thrust into her but she barely felt it. She was close to coming and knew by the way Daryl was blowing out steady breaths he was, too. She wrapped her legs tighter around him, palming her breasts as they bounced with the rhythm and Daryl couldn’t take his eyes off her.

‘Your cunt feels so good.’ Daryl groaned, dipping his head and pumping faster, his balls loud as they slapped against her ass. And then Beth felt it, that tugging inside her, that build up slowly ready to unwind.

She was coming before she could even let out another breath, clit swollen and red and body shaking with her orgasm.

Daryl held her closer, pounding into her viciously, getting a little sloppy now as his own orgasm teased him. A second later, he came too, hand moving up to her hair with his lips against her neck, muffling the string of curses flying out of his mouth. Beth felt the warmth of his release inside her and her pussy throbbed, tightening around his swollen cock. Daryl pulled away, eyes bright and gasping for breath as he looked at her doing the same. There was a moment where they watched each other, coming down together, sweat sticking hair to skin and too much heat coming off them. Then, apparently dawning on both of them just where they were, Daryl hastily put Beth down on her shaky legs and she nearly collapsed as her feet touched the ground, barely able to support her weight after getting so thoroughly fucked. Small shocks were still running through her body as she quickly retrieved her shorts from the floor, fixing her clothes hastily and patting her hair down.

At the sound of Daryl zipping his pants back up, Beth turned and met his eyes with uncertainty. She knew she’d said that they could go back to how they’d been before and she truly had meant it, but it was hard not to feel that trace of regret when he looked just as lost as she felt. They’d done nothing except made things more complicated now, but Beth could tell that he didn’t regret it just as she didn’t.

Just as the silence became nearly unbearable, the sound of footsteps approaching the office caused them both to jump further apart, Daryl moving back to the desk and Beth leaning against the cabinet behind her in what she hoped looked indifferent and hid the fact she felt as though she needed something to support her standing upright. Her legs were still trembling and she could feel Daryl’s hot seed dribbling out of her and she hoped that her face wasn’t too red as Rick entered a minute later.

He had a piece of paper and a new cup of coffee in his hands. He glanced from Beth to Daryl briefly, eyebrow quirking at their strange stances but not seeming to suspect anything.

‘That was quick.’ Beth offered, cringing at how unsteady her voice was.

If Rick noticed anything different, he didn’t say.

‘Didn’t take much for him to give Shane up.’ He said as he sat down, fussing with the papers on the desk. ‘He admitted to Shane being a part of their gang but he wouldn’t give me much else. His word alone isn’t worth much but along with these pictures we might just have something. He didn’t confess to attempting to kidnap you Beth, but it won’t be hard to prove he’s lying with your statement and his blood samples.’ Rick looked up when he didn’t get a response.

‘That’s great.’ Beth said quickly, nodding at him, feeling the weight of their situation crashing back down on her. She’d forgotten, for those few minutes, just how much they were dealing with. ‘So what now?’

‘Now I take your statement again.’ Rick said, his voice amused and the look on his face annoyingly shrewd. ‘We can do it here, if you like. You alright? You look a little flushed.’

Beth stammered out an excuse about the room being too hot and Rick rummaged through the desk drawer to find the air conditioning remote. When she chanced a glance to Daryl, he was determinedly not looking at her. Under the feel of her gaze, his blank expression faltered as a smirk formed at the corners of his mouth. Beth’s heart skipped a little as she forced her attention back to the Sheriff.

‘Alright, ready?’

Beth nodded gratefully, and as Rick got out a fresh form and began voice recording the session, she couldn’t help but silently wonder at his knowing glance and whether he’d stomped down the corridor extra loudly to make sure he announced his presence before entering.

Daryl stood up abruptly before Rick got a chance begin the interview.

‘Goin’ for a smoke.’ He muttered before walking past the both of them and out the door.

Beth speculated if that was the real reason he wanted to leave or if it was just an excuse so he didn’t have to listen to what had happened to her again. Or maybe it was something else entirely. She couldn’t know for sure and it looked like she wouldn’t because her word still stood and nothing else had changed – they still couldn’t be together as they both wanted to because Daryl was stubborn and terrified of losing her and Beth was just as stubborn and just as unwilling to loose him if she suggested otherwise. If it was a choice between having the little that Daryl would allow or having none of him, she knew what she’d pick.

Rick frowned after Daryl before turning back to Beth.

‘I’m not gonna see anythin’ unsavoury if I check those cameras, right?’

Beth’s heart jumped up into her mouth, gut twisting. She followed Rick’s nod and saw a tiny security camera in the corner of the room, right above where Daryl had fucked her minutes ago. How on earth hadn’t they seen that?

Beth sputtered nervously and the red flush creeping up her neck seemed to speak for her.

Rick shook his head, hands up, eyes wide. ‘God, I was kidding. Forget I asked. Let’s start.’

Beth bit back a laugh as she nodded, taking Daryl’s seat as she prepared herself for the conversation ahead. She didn’t much want to relive that day but it seemed she had no other choice. At least she’d get a momentary distraction from her racing thoughts of Daryl pulling bliss out of her moments before, pulling her apart like a jigsaw puzzle he wanted to start over.

‘Go ahead.’


	12. If I Can't Hold On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Beth confesses far too much to Hershel, she races to talk to Daryl but their lives are once again thrown into uncertainty with the appearance of someone who is after Merle and done playing games.

The sun was setting by the time Maggie arrived at the station. Beth suspected she’d called just in time to curb Maggie beginning to worry about how long she was taking. In the car ride home, she filled her sister in on what they’d done that day, minus the part about Shane Walsh working for the Governor and definitely minus the part about Daryl Dixon slamming her up against a wall. She would be true to her word to Rick about keeping Shane’s true motives quiet, even if it meant lying to Maggie when she’d sworn no more secrets. And Maggie definitely did not need to know that Beth had practically begged Daryl to fuck her, although the mere thought of it the whole car ride home had Beth’s pussy dampening again.

Rick had tried to make the interview as painless and quick as possible, but there was only so much he could do. Beth felt drained after recalling the events of her kidnapping and she’d left the moment they were finished with it, before Daryl had come back. Rick told her he’d come by the farm sometime in the next few days to give them all un update on where the case was at, giving himself and her time to figure out how to navigate the things he could talk about amongst the truth of it.

Beth excused herself after dinner, feigning exhaustion. She snuck into Maggie’s bathroom and rifled through the drawers before finding an emergency contraceptive, hoping Maggie wouldn’t notice it was missing.

Beth went straight to her room after that. She’d tossed and turned in her bed for half an hour before she finally had to face that she wasn’t going to be able to drift off peacefully like she’d hoped. She sat in the dark on the edge of her bed instead, open window letting in the mild breeze and moonlight, as she finally let herself pick up the guitar Daryl had bought her. When she thought of him now, she was filled with a deep, burning hunger that had only grown since that afternoon. She knew that nothing had changed and that Daryl was still set on keeping her at arm’s length for her own good, but she also knew that she couldn’t be the only one filled with this wistful longing that was only growing.

That night Beth figured out the cords to go along with the lyrics she’d written, and that paired with her painkillers had made her exhausted enough to finally drift to sleep. Her medication was nearly at an end and she couldn’t help but worry for when it did, and she would have no crutch to rely on during insomniac nights when she couldn’t turn her brain off.

* * *

The start of the next morning went much the same as usual save for one notable exception; on the breakfast table amongst the cereal bowls and glasses of juice was a letter addressed to Beth. The kitchen was deserted so Beth fell into a chair and opened it, knowing full well this was something she didn’t want to be dealing with right now. It was a college acceptance letter and it came as no surprise to her – she’d known she would get in, but now putting off telling her father that she didn’t plan on going could continue no longer. There were no other excuses she could make now. Almost on cue, Hershel entered from the back door, and his sharp eyes caught her hastily stuffing the letter away.

‘Well?’ He asked expectantly, smiling at her in a way he thought was encouraging but only served to make her feel even worse about what she was about to do. This was her life, her decisions – so why did she feel so guilty about them?  
‘I got in.’ Beth grimaced and Hershel made a noise of delight and came over to hug her. Beth was standing up now, fingers shaking slightly. She heard the front door open and Maggie popped her head in a few seconds later.

‘What’re we celebrating?’

‘Bethy got into college!’ Hershel responded, taking the letter from Beth so he could read it himself. There was a proud glint in his eye that Beth couldn’t bear to see.

Maggie broke into a grin. ‘Beth, that’s awesome!’ She swept her sister into a hug. ‘So happy for you.’

‘Yeah.’ Beth said quietly, her heart a drum that was counting down her last moments. When it finally seemed she had no other option but to just say it, she bit her lip and blurted out, ‘I’m not going.’

The effect was instantaneous; Maggie’s eyebrows shot up to her forehead and looked nervously to Hershel, who had turned to Beth, a questioning look on his face, acceptance letter still clutched in his hand.

Beth took a deep breath, knowing there was no going back now. ‘I’ve thought about it all year and I don’t want to go to college. I want to make music, I want to travel, I don’t want to go to college to get some nine to five job that isn’t going to make me happy. Even if that’s what makes you happy.’

Hershel was watching her with a look of growing disappointment she knew he was trying to mask. He struggled for words for a moment.

‘You’re not even going to give college a go? You’re going to quit, just like that?’

Beth cringed at the way he made it sound; it wasn’t as though she was giving up a huge opportunity that she never would get again. In reality, she could study whenever she wanted but she was not going to stay this young forever, this hungry for music, this hungry for more. If in five years time she was getting no where, maybe she’d give college a go. Maybe.

‘Even though you never said anything all year and you wait until you get accepted – ’

‘I didn’t know how to tell you. You always talk about how proud you are of Maggie for getting a degree and a good job and I knew you wouldn’t support my decision.’

Hershel shook his head, placing the letter on the table. ‘Bethy, I’ll support you no matter what but I think you need to reconsider – it’s not the worst thing in the world to have a good job and be financially stable.’

Beth sighed, looking to Maggie for help but her sister seemed to want to sit this one out.

‘I’m not stupid, I have a plan.’ This was partly true, if the word plan was synonymous with dream and if it could consist of wanting to write and make music and hope that she could become somewhat successful before going completely broke.

‘And what might that be?’ Hershel asked, practically reading her mind. ‘Going to write some songs and money will start pouring in? Now I support your music, I always will, but college is something you need to do –’

‘No, college is something you need me to do. What are you gonna tell people when they ask, that Maggie’s the perfect child who never does any wrong meanwhile I’m the screw-up who quit college and who tried to kill herself because her mother died –’

‘Beth.’ Hershel’s voice was thin and Beth knew she’d hit a nerve but she didn’t care. Her father was usually mild-tempered and reasonable but this was one topic she knew he wouldn’t budge on. She’d inherited her stubbornness from her father, after all.

‘I’m not going.’

‘You’re going to try it at the very least.’

The unfairness of that demand took Beth’s breath away. Maggie’s eyes popped slightly at her father’s stern tone and she tried to calm him down but he waved her off.

‘I’ll not have you throwing your life away, not after how much has already been taken from you.’

‘This isn’t about – I’m not throwing my life away! Music is all I want to do, it’s all she left me with!’

There was a pause where Beth knew her words had cut Hershel deep somewhere but for once, she didn’t want to back down. After all that had been taken from her? Her mother dying was the problem that related least to how she felt about college. ‘I know that if she were here she’d believe in me. She’d want me to do what makes me happy.’

‘She’d want you to work hard and make a good life, not throw it all away like this!’

Beth was seething now, throwing her hands up in the air in frustration. She had hardly ever got into a fight with her father like this but now it was happening there was so much pent up emotion she’d been holding onto the last few weeks that she just wanted it all out.

‘I’m not throwing it away!’ Beth exclaimed. ‘Can’t you see that?’

‘I’m afraid we have to disagree on that, Beth.’

Maggie was watching them, arms wrapped around her chest, looking torn. ‘Daddy, calm down, it’s not –’

‘So this is what you’ve been planning all along.’ Hershel ignored his eldest daughter, gesturing to the letter on the table.

‘Yep. I knew you’d react like this so I didn’t tell you.’

‘Your mother would – ’

‘I don’t want to hear about what she would do! She’s dead!’ Beth yelled, fighting the lump in her throat.

‘If she were here things would be different but they’re not. This is my choice; this is what I want.’

Hershel was red in the face, and the look of displeasure he had was enough to break Beth’s tough exterior for a moment and make her feel bad about the way she handled it. She could have told him a hundred times throughout the year and she’d put it off. Still, she’d put it off knowing this would happen.

‘I’m not changing my mind about this.’ Beth said stubbornly, crossing her arms.

‘No, I can see that.’ Hershel muttered, placing a hand on his head.

Beth thought speaking her mind would help her calm down but it was just opening the floodgates to everything else she’d kept hidden away. When her father looked to Maggie imploringly, Beth felt her last shred of patience fade.

‘You know what the funniest thing is?’ She asked and Hershel raised his head at her tone. Maggie, seeming to sense something big was coming, tried to get Beth’s attention from behind their father but Beth pretended she didn’t see Maggie’s frenzied sign language.

‘What really made me sure I want to do this, what made me sure I can do this, wasn’t even myself. It was playing for someone else and having them believe in me more than my own family.’

This was unfair, she knew – Hershel had always encouraged her music but to a fault. He had made it clear it was not a way to make a living.

‘And who might that someone be?’ Hershel asked severely and the room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Maggie was frantic now, looking almost cartoonish as she waved her hands across her neck so fast she seemed blurred.

‘Daryl Dixon.’ Beth answered and she saw Maggie silently drop her face into her palms, defeated and resigned that she would really have to stay and listen to whatever explosion followed this confession.

Hershel was completely at a loss for words. ‘You mean to say –’

‘Yep. Daryl Dixon. You don’t know the first thing about him but I do. He likes hearing me sing, likes listening to me play and sure as hell hasn’t tried to make me do something I don’t want to do.’

‘So that’s what it is.’ Hershel looked angrier than ever, his voice thundering. ‘He comes into my house, uses our hospitality, lies to my face and takes advantage of you –’

‘He only lied because I asked him to! He didn’t do anything wrong.’ Beth shouted, angrier than ever. She might as well have not have said anything because Hershel slammed his hand on the table, barely listening.

‘I gave him the benefit of the doubt, I thought he was a respectful man, different from the rest of his family but I see now he’s the same. Whatever he’s been filling your head with –’

‘Oh my god!’ Beth’s own volume was making her head pound now, fingers practically tearing her hair out.

‘This is insane! This is exactly the problem – you think I’m too stupid or young to look after myself or make my own decisions but I’m not! I’m the one who’s choosing to do this, I’m the one who chose to pursue Daryl and he’s the one who chose to end it! Because he was so scared of what everyone would think of him and me, because he’s scared of what you think! You’ve got it all wrong and you don’t even see because you still think I’m the helpless girl from last year who tried to kill herself! I can tell you this much, I never made a decision that wasn’t for myself and I sure as hell never did anything I didn’t want to do. That means college. And Daryl.’

The stunned silence was buzzing in her ears louder than either of their voices had. Hardly daring to believe she’d really just confessed all that, Beth hoped her adrenaline would last a minute longer, long enough to give her the nerve to move angrily past her father and sister, snatch Maggie’s keys off the mantle and storm out of the house. It did. She got into Maggie’s car, hoping that the scene she’d caused was enough to distract them from the fact she was taking it, and pulled out, foot hard on the gas until she reached the main road.

Beth’s blood was boiling with a mix of frustration and adrenaline. She couldn’t let herself think of what she’d just confessed to her father or feel bad for leaving Maggie to deal with him. She couldn’t let herself think of anything, not her phone buzzing in her pocket or the bright sun burning her through the dashboard. Now that the secret was out there was only one thing she could think to do; only one thing that would determine if this was worth it or not. The only thing that was bringing her any comfort was knowing that there was very little for Daryl to place as a wall in between the two of them now. The matter of Shane was almost fixed and her father now knew. With each hour that passed with Rick hot on Shane’s and the Governor’s heels, there was a better and better chance that she wasn’t in danger.

There was only the matter of whether Daryl wanted her or not. And she wasn’t about to sit at home wondering if she could go and find out right now and rip every band aid off at once.

Beth couldn’t remember driving through busy streets or stopping at red lights on her way to the garage. She only knew that she was parking and getting out of the car, goosebumps on her arms. The sun was hot and beating down on her as she opened the rusted gate and walked into the yard. Her hair was already sticking to her back and she hoped on her face wasn’t the flush of anger she was sure she’d had before. There were a few men working, looking up from behind car hoods as she walked past them but she barely paid them attention. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Glenn, leaning against the door of his office talking to someone she didn’t recognise. ‘Hey Beth, what’s going on?’

Beth almost turned around to answer him but then all rational thought left her mind and she stopped in her tracks. There was Daryl, a little away from her, arms bulging and glistening with sweat as he rolled a tyre and set it against a wall. He hadn’t noticed her yet and she watched him, suddenly unable to think coherently as he pulled out a rag from his back pocket and began wiping motor oil off his fingers.

Beth had already caused a scene just by being there; there was no shying away from it now. Most of the men in the yard had stopped work to watch whatever was about to happen. Glenn was staring at her with a tiny “o” shaped mouth and finally, after a few more excruciating seconds, Daryl looked up.

‘Beth.’ His raspy voice was tinged with concern. After a moment, he seemed to come to the conclusion that she wasn’t there for any kind of emergency. Eyes flicking between hers for some sort of an explanation, he moved around the tyre and waited, bunching up the rag between his hands.

‘I thought I knew what I was going to say as soon as I saw you but I don’t.’ Beth started, trying to keep her voice from shaking. This was it, truly, this was the sum of the last few weeks and whatever happened after this she would have to learn to live with. She’d already created enough mess that adding a bit more to it didn’t seem harmful now.

Daryl was watching her, still, as though he was being hunted. Across his face there was longing and misery. How hard would he fight himself on this, after she said what she’d said? There was only one way to know for sure.

‘I was right the other day when I said you’re afraid. Afraid of wanting something you can’t have, afraid your worst fears about yourself will be confirmed if you let yourself have something good. But I’m afraid too.’ Beth took a deep breath as she moved in closer, her fingers holding onto each other against her stomach. ‘I was afraid yesterday, at the station, that if I told you how I really felt you’d push me away. I would have rather had whatever part of you I could than nothing at all. And I realised today that it’s bullshit. Being afraid, it doesn’t give you anything. But it costs a lot.’

Daryl fought to watch her as sunlight hit his eyes. He was still guarded as ever, not giving her any indication of his thinking. Beth took another wobbly breath in, humid air suffocating.

‘This – us – this is good. And I know you want this, too. Stop being afraid.’ Beth moved closer, and now they were an arms length away. Daryl had put away the oiled rag and his hands were by his side, fingers trembling, as though they itched to be holding something. ‘We’ll be good.’

There was no sound at all from anyone watching; everyone had given up the pretence of working the moment she’d started to speak. Beth’s back was to Glenn but she knew if she turned she’d be looking at his jaw on the ground. She kept her gaze on Daryl. After an eternity he spoke, and each word seemed to cost him a little more than the last.

‘Thought I could bear it, bein’ without you. But I can’t.’

Daryl was in front of her now, inches away. Beth didn’t remember when she held her breath but she knew she couldn’t take another until she got an answer. Daryl had never looked so conflicted. His eyes were filled with a deep longing, an aching that she could recognise because she felt it within herself too. But he was holding back, still, and Beth felt the lump of disappointment in her throat before her mind could register. Somewhere in the background, Glenn had cleared his throat and was trying to get everyone back to work.

‘I can’t.’ Daryl went on, fingers brushing her cheek where the bruise had been. ‘But I gotta.’

His arm dropped by his side and Beth felt her throat closing. He was pushing her away, again, and Beth remembered what the Sheriff had said about Daryl being stubborn. That much was an understatement.

‘This isn’t doing right by me.’ Beth said softly, Rick’s words echoing in her head.

Daryl let out a small breath, eyes softening like his heart wasn’t really in it. Beth had told herself that if he rejected her again then she would believe that he truly didn’t want her, but there was something in his eyes that didn’t convince her. How could he convince her of this when he hadn’t even seemed to be able to completely convince himself? As she began to turn away, Daryl caught her arm abruptly.

Beth spun around, her eyes searching his for an explanation, a stupid amount of hope growing between her ribcage. Before he could say anything, there was a sound like a gunshot from behind them and then yelling and Daryl was pulling her towards him faster than she could comprehend that someone in the yard had just been shot.

Daryl shoved her behind a rusted car, throwing his arms around her to keep her there.

‘Stay.’ He growled, peering through the passenger window to see better. Beth’s heart was racing, pumping out a sudden burst of adrenaline.

‘What the hell was that?’ She whispered frantically, trying to look through the window too but Daryl pushed her down.

‘Stay here.’ His tone didn’t leave room for arguing but Beth couldn’t help it. As he crept around the side of the car, she pulled back on his angel wing vest until he spun around, fear gripping her heart.

‘What’re you going to do?’ Beth hissed at him. Over her fear and worry, she felt an odd stab of annoyance that they’d been interrupted. She had almost had everything, right before that gunshot. Daryl had been changing his mind, she knew it.

‘Stay here.’

He was crouching around the car before Beth had a chance to say anything else. She watched him go, terrified but not about to sit and cower behind safety while he and Glenn were possibly in danger. She snuck around the opposite side of the car and took a peek. There was a man she didn’t recognise holding a gun. It shone black in the sunlight as he waved it above his head, addressing the people in the caryard, all of whom had found an office to run into or something to hide behind. A little away from the gunman’s feet; one of the men who she’d walked past not two minutes before, laying on the ground bleeding out. Beth’s heart spiked with sickening apprehension at the sight, aching that she could do nothing to help him. She tried to look away from the uneven rise and fall of his chest, the way blood was spattering out of the wound in his stomach, but her eyes were glued to the horrific scene. His grey tank top was soaked in blood, the sun making it glisten as it pooled underneath his body, bloody fingers twitching as he fought for consciousness. Beth thought she might be stuck there forever, forced to watch this man die slowly, until she noticed the gunman walking towards her. She watched in terror as the men who’d been working took their chance to run out through the gate out of there, leaving them behind. She didn’t blame them, but in the rush, she hadn’t been able to see if Glenn got out. The gunman noticed them scampering but didn’t seem to mind as he kept his pace towards her.

As silently as she could, Beth crept around where Daryl had disappeared, praying desperately that the gunman couldn’t see or hear her. He had the weapon in a loose grip as he stalked around the caryard, looking through windows and behind doors leisurely like he had all the time in the world. Finally, he spoke, his voice chilling with its own quiet kind of viciousness.

‘Y’all know I been after Merle a long time.’ He began, stalking back through the middle of the caryard, making it impossible for Beth to move anywhere else. Something glittered in the corner of her eye and she turned to see Daryl, reflecting sunlight into her eyes with his hunting knife. He was on the side of the office she’d last seen Glenn standing in the doorway of, leaning against the red brick there, eyes darting over the scene. He gave her a tiny nod and then jerked his head towards the opening of the gate, watching her carefully to make sure she understood.

Beth knew he was telling her to run when she had the chance, and although she had a sinking feeling he was about to give her that chance, she knew there was no way she was going to leave him and Glenn there, if Glenn was even still there. She shook her head at him, mouth dry as she tried to think of another way and caught the stillness in his eyes as he understood.

‘Now, I know you’re here Daryl. I’ll happily kill anyone who tries to keep me from you.’

Beth jumped as the man’s voice rang out again, closer than she’d expected, and after a few seconds of properly processing his words, she realised dazedly that this was not one of the Governor’s men. She gazed carefully through the back window of the car towards the direction of the voice. She hadn’t seen the man’s face before but now she had a clear view. Tall and pale, dressed in all black and an eye patch covering one eye that Beth would otherwise think was a cheap way to try and intimidate people if he hadn’t just shot a man.

‘Or you can surrender yourself now.’

Beth never thought the Governor would seek anyone out himself like this, especially in the middle of the day with so many witnesses, but that just made him all the more dangerous. Merle must have screwed him hard, to go to this much effort to find him.

There was complete silence at these words, but that was more likely due to the fact that most if not all of the other men had ran. There was no relief that came from this, however, as Beth glanced back to where Daryl had been to find nothing.

‘I’m right here you bastard.’ Daryl’s gravely voice caused Beth to freeze and her heart leapt into her mouth. What the hell did he think he was doing? Not thinking anymore, not even pausing to notice if anyone else was doing the same or if there was anyone else even still there, Beth darted across the yard as the Governor spun around, delighted at Daryl’s sudden appearance.

‘That wasn’t so hard, was it?’ The Governor asked smugly, pointing the gun at Daryl’s chest. Beth had made it to where Daryl had been last, and from here she had a much better view. The Governor’s back was to her and she could see Daryl’s face, his eyes squinted in the sunlight and a look full of loathing.

‘The fuck d’you want from me?’ Daryl snarled and Beth’s heart stuttered as the Governor made a sudden movement to strike Daryl, but he was quicker. He dodged it easily and the Governor laughed.

‘Lot quicker’n your brother, I’ll give you that.’

In her frenzy, Beth had barely realised that Daryl had left his knife in the shade of the cool concrete. She grabbed the handle and gripped it tightly, mind going a million miles as she tried to figure out what she could do.

Daryl barely seemed to be listening to the raving of the man in front of him. The Governor lashed out again, this time landing a half-blow to Daryl’s stomach as he dodged it too late. Daryl’s eyes had darted to Beth in that split second he’d let his guard down, and the Governor had noticed. Spinning around like a bloodhound, he sauntered over to where Beth was crouched and she knew there was no running away or hiding elsewhere. She only had time to shove Daryl’s knife into her back pocket before the Governor was grabbing her by the hair and dragging her out to the middle of the courtyard.

‘And there she is.’ He said triumphantly, throwing her to the ground. Beth landed carefully, making sure the knife wouldn’t take the impact. She ignored the searing pain in her head and the grazes she was sure had appeared on her legs at the contact with gravel. Her body still hadn’t fully recovered from being thrown out of a car and she could feel it aching with familiar pain.

‘This is what’s gonna happen, Daryl.’ The Governor lowered his gun and pointed it at Beth’s head. Daryl was breathing in heavily now, and Beth could see just how badly he was itching to throw a punch.

‘You’re going to tell me where your brother is or I’m going to blow her pretty head into little pieces.’

Beth could feel her hands shaking as she tried to steady herself, in her ears a white noise that only her breathing seemed to be able to penetrate. It was all she could hear; her heart, fighting to keep her alive, even with a madman holding a gun to her head.

‘I don’t fuckin’ know where he is!’ Daryl yelled, ‘but she’s got nothin’ to fuckin’ to with this – ’

‘You’re going to tell me where your brother is or she dies!’ The Governor’s voice was a whip crack and immediately silenced Daryl. He dropped his head, knowing there was no talking his way out of this. When he looked up, he met Beth’s eyes and in her fear, she was able to find the tiny burst of hope that even in her worst moments, had been there for her. It was the same thing that had decided to slice open her wrist instead of her neck. The same thing that would get them out of this. Beth gave Daryl a tiny nod, and she knew he understood.

Before she lost her nerve or her hands were shaking beyond use, she whipped out the hunting knife from her back pocket and leapt forward, slashing into the Governor’s ankles. He let out a surprised yelp of pain and staggered, and Daryl took his chance and threw a punch to his throat. Beth hadn’t thought past this but she had been sure that would be enough to overpower the Governor, but it seemed he was stronger than he looked. The gun was once again pointed at Beth’s face, and this time it seemed he was out of patience. He kicked the knife out of her hand and then kicked her in the side so she fell to the ground. He landed another blow to her ribs and she doubled over, gasping, nothing but the searing pain splitting her vision.

‘Don’t fuckin’ touch her!’ Daryl had leapt forward but stopped himself like he’d run into an invisible barrier when he heard the click of the gun, his hands flying to the air to show the Governor had him. He would not risk her.

‘One more step.’ The Governor was gasping for air, a hand around his throat but his gun clutched steadily, safety off, still in control.

Beth’s eyes were stinging with tears and her freshly-healed ribs were exploding with pain. She felt the cool press of the gun against her temple and stilled, her breathing ragged and uneven. She didn’t dare move this time, even with Daryl’s hunting knife glinting tantalizingly at her from across the yard. She could die right now and everything would be for nothing.

The Governor was bent over slightly, massaging his throat. Beth could see the rip in his pants where the knife had found its mark, blood slowly seeping through. She’d had a chance and it was gone now. There was no use cursing herself for not doing anything more with it.

The Governor’s eyes were alight with anger and when he spoke, his voice was raspy but it cracked through the yard loudly. His tolerance for niceties had clearly run out. ‘Where’s Merle?’

‘Take the fuckin’ gun off her!’ Daryl shouted, pointing to Beth with shaking hands.

The Governor grimaced and shook his head. ‘Tell me where your brother is!’ He roared and Beth flinched, the gun knocking against her temple painfully.

‘I got no fuckin’ idea, I ain’t heard from him in days.’

The Governor let out a mirthless laugh. ‘Dig a little deeper.’

He pushed the gun closer to Beth, causing her head to jerk sideways awkwardly. Her ribs were aching as her eyes met Daryl’s and her heart broke at the look on his face. He was truly out of control now and there was nothing he could do to ensure that they would walk away from this unscathed. He could lie, but she had a feeling the Governor would be smart enough to see through that. On the other side of that, he could tell the truth, but she knew that would be no good to either of them if it wasn’t what the Governor wanted to hear. He didn’t have time to do either.

The Governor made an impatient noise and dragged Beth a little away, towards the man he’d shot earlier. He shoved her face close to him roughly and there was nothing Beth could do but stare into the half-opened eyes of the man, so much blood around him, a soft gurgling noise escaping his throat.

‘Please –’ Beth cried, cringing at how desperate she sounded but the truth was she could not bear staring at a dying man like this, head forcibly inches from his, feeling his last breaths on her cheeks.

‘This motivation enough for you?’ The Governor barked and Beth could not turn and see Daryl’s silent response.

‘I’m giving you a minute to come up with something better than what you’ve already told me and if you don’t, she’s next.’ He gave Beth a shake as he said it and her eyes filled with tears as she felt him rip some of her hair out. She had expected this following his words, but it didn’t stop her from jumping violently, a scream ripping itself from her throat when the Governor pumped two bullets into the dying man’s chest, and if he was dying before, he was dead now.

‘Don’t.’ Daryl’s voice was shaking and Beth felt the grip on her hair slacken slightly, enough to allow her to pull her head up and find where he was standing. Through her tear-stained vision, she saw he had his hands up, a dangerous expression on his face she hadn’t seen before. He’d been scared before but nothing like this. This was real fear and she knew the Governor could see it too. This was not a fear born out of anger or pre-disposed worry, but one that had come as suddenly as the situation called for it. This was the only thing that could render Daryl completely defenceless. And it was terrifying to see.

The Governor chortled. ‘Tell me where he is!’ His voice shook through Beth’s body and she realised almost too slowly that the dead man’s blood was seeping into her jeans.

And just as Beth was giving up all hope, she caught a movement out of the corner of her eye. Glenn was carefully moving out of one of the offices, a finger to his lips. Beth, heart hammering, did her best to not draw attention her way, praying that he would not be noticed, hardly believing he had been there the whole time.

She knew that Daryl had seen him but he was well versed in pretend, and simply kept his gaze on the Governor, chest moving up and down as he breathed in shallowly.

‘You’re running out of time, Dixon.’

‘Merle told me ‘bout Shane. I know all your little secrets. Can’t run from this.’ Daryl murmured, his voice steady and a little quieter than before. He was buying time and the Governor knew that, but Beth suspected he thought himself quite untouchable at that point. He certainly had been confident that any of the men left in the yard would flee once they’d seen one of their friends bleeding out in the dust. He hadn’t counted on any of them staying, and certainly not after he’d just shot him again twice. Perhaps that’s why it almost seemed too easy for Glenn to sneak up as Daryl kept the Governor’s attention.

Glenn didn’t wait another second. He and Daryl locked eyes and Glenn jumped forward at once, striking the Governor’s gun-wielding arm with something long and hard, pushing him roughly into Daryl’s already made fists. Beth scrambled away, slipping on the blood and barely able to tear her eyes from them as she felt blindly for the gun that had fallen near her. The Governor might be strong but without his gun he wasn’t a match for Daryl, and certainly not accompanied by Glenn and a tire iron. Daryl’s fists were already bloodied and he was landing hits as quick as he was blocking them, but the Governor seemed to know who the weaker link was. He dodged Daryl and tackled Glenn to the ground, ripping out a knife from his pocket and poking it into Glenn’s neck and everything came to a stop.

Beth didn’t realise she was holding the gun until she was standing over the Governor pointing it at his head. One of his eyes was swelling and his lip was cut open, and Daryl was swaying between Beth and Glenn, his fists visibly shaking and his breathing erratic, his eyes darting between the three of them.

‘Drop the knife.’ Beth said through gritted teeth, her body aching. The gun shook almost comically in her hand but there was nothing funny about the situation.

Blood poured down the Governor’s chin as he grinned, splitting his lip. He put the knife he held to Glenn’s neck onto the ground slowly. ‘You’re not gonna do it.’

‘No?’ Beth asked, feeling her lip twitching into a snarl. She’d had enough of all of it – enough of not feeling safe, enough of worrying about everyone she cared about, enough of not being able to have what she wanted. Glenn had gotten up shakily and had wrestled the Governor’s hands behind his back, forcing him to his knees.

Beth turned to Daryl and tossed the gun to him, and right before he caught it, she saw a gleam of admiration in his eyes. ‘Maybe not.’ She turned back to the Governor, waves of hatred rolling through her at the sight of him. It was him who’d sent those men after her. It was him who had put everyone she loved in danger. He’d killed that man inches from her face. Beth cocked her head to Daryl. ‘But he will.’

As though they shared one mind, Daryl aimed the gun at the Governor’s good eye as the words left her mouth, and with satisfaction, she saw a tiny hint of apprehension cross the man’s face.

Glenn and Beth watched Daryl steadily, both unsure of what he would do and neither wanting to provide input. Finally, after letting the Governor soak in his uncertainty for a few more seconds, Daryl brought the gun down hard across his temple and watched as the man crumpled unconscious.

Beth collapsed in relief, her ribs screaming as she hit the ground, pain shooting up her spine. Glenn was beside her at once, tilting her head up by her chin to properly look at her, squeezing her arms in reassurance. Beth just now noticed that his neck was bleeding from where the Governor’s knife had been. He was saying something but Beth couldn’t concentrate on what it was. She was watching Daryl, who’d gone into one of the offices and come back with something to bind the Governor’s wrists and ankles together. She knew how much this would mean for the investigation and for the safety of his brother and everyone else that they had caught him. Glenn was already ahead of her, pulling out his phone and calling Rick.

The sun was as hot as ever and Beth felt like she’d been in that yard for hours even though it had probably been less than ten minutes since she first left her car. Slowly, the white noise in her hearing was growing absent and she was able to steady her breathing, slow the shaking of her hands. And then she remembered the man who the Governor had shot and she bolted up and ran across the yard to his side. If there was some part of her that was wildly in denial, and that could somehow believe he was still alive, it died the moment she saw him again. Horror-struck, she dragged herself a little away from the body across the dusty gravel, the sun beating down on her back, her head in her bloodied hands, and she stayed like that until Rick got there. She couldn’t bear to look up at Daryl; she knew that anything he’d been about to say to her before that gunshot rang out was gone now. On top of everything else this was, it was another reason why they would not be together. Just another time that proved that as long as she was around Daryl, she was not safe. The white noise was back and she welcomed it, allowing it to cut her off from the world.

Beth did not know how much later it had been, but eventually Rick Grimes’ familiar lilting voice was swimming through her head. She imagined the buzzing noise in her ears slowly drifting away like smoke. Beth looked up, blinking in the bright sunlight. Rick was kneeling over the dead body, scribbling something down on a notepad with a grimace, talking into his radio at the same time.

He looked up at Beth’s movement. Offering her a hand, she tentatively took it and was surprised to see that she was still shaking. There was dried blood underneath her fingernails but Rick didn’t flinch.

The Sheriff brought her to her feet and guided her to one of the offices. There, Daryl and Glenn were both seated, heads together in conspiracy as they spoke lowly.

‘Beth!’ Glenn got up to give her his seat, a look of relief crossing his face. He seemed to hold himself back from leaping over and hugging her and Beth felt a little pang of gratitude that although he probably hadn’t dealt with anything like this before, he was aware enough that she might not want to be touched without warning. Beth felt terrible at the sight of a bandage on his neck, at the thought of how he was as involved in this now as any of them.

‘Are you okay? Rick said to leave you out there for a bit, I wasn’t sure –’

‘I’m fine. Probably got a bad sunburn.’ Beth mumbled, rubbing at her neck and forcing a smile that didn’t take. It definitely hurt more than a sunburn, to see Glenn so worried about her. A thought struck her as she accepted his chair, her heart pumping quicker, and she couldn’t believe she hadn’t even noticed his absence as she walked across the yard.

‘Where’s the Governor?’

‘It’s okay.’ Rick said soothingly. ‘I had two officers come down. He’s been placed under arrest and he’s waiting to be interrogated. Now I know Shane’s still out there and this is far from over, but this is huge for the investigation, for your safety and everyone else’s.’

Beth was silent, slightly taken aback at how much she’d missed. She hadn’t heard Rick arrive, or anyone speaking, or even the Governor being taken away. She supposed there was something to be said about how she was handling things, but she pushed that unpleasant feeling away, knowing it wasn’t something she’d be able to come to terms with right now.

‘So you need to take our statements, right?’ Beth stood up, feeling Daryl’s eyes on her. Her skin was covered in goosebumps and she knew there was blood all over her. She felt hot and sick and she couldn’t sit that close to Daryl without her thoughts drifting to him.

Rick nodded, frowning slightly at her sudden eagerness. ‘Want to go first?’

‘Please.’ Beth waited expectantly, and when Rick didn’t move immediately, she led the way to the door. All of their gazes were on her, she could feel them as though they were something tangible, a mix of trepidation and worry. She kept walking.

‘Beth –’ Daryl started in a pained voice, but at the sound she did not stop and she did not look back to see the broken thing behind his eyes that was waiting for her.


	13. The Less You Know The Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth deals with the aftermath of the Governor's appearance and her and Daryl learn what Shane is planning.

Beth’s interview with Rick didn’t go as long as she’d thought. In the end, it was quite easy to recount the events, once, twice, three times, when she took her emotions out of it and just answered Rick’s questions as though he was simply testing her for an exam. Waiting for Glenn and then Daryl to both finish theirs, she sat in an office under a dim flickering light, staring at her still-shaking fingers, eyes glassy. She’d caught a glimpse of her reflection passing a window on her way to the empty room and had stared back at a ghostly version of herself. Her face was pale, eye shockingly blue against the rest of her, blonde hair matted with blood. She almost looked dead herself – she certainly felt as though she’d lost some vital piece of humanity and had come back reanimated as something less. She felt spent of emotion, of everything. It was as though a will had been taken from her, and now she sat in a human body with a beating heart and pumping lungs and she was nothing inside.

A part of Beth knew that she was in shock, but the rational side of her couldn’t really see why this mattered. At least she was not a blubbering mess right now.

‘Beth?’ It was Glenn, standing hesitantly at the door.

Beth nodded stiffly and he walked in, seating himself across from her. Ignoring her pounding headache, she took her hands off the table but he’d already seen how badly she was shaking.

‘I’m going to call Maggie, okay?’

‘No.’

Glenn had a sympathetic look on his face. ‘You just went through something really traumatic, Beth, I think it’s better –’

‘I need to be alone.’ Her blue eyes were piercing him as she willed him to understand, shaking her head numbly. ‘Or at least I need to not be with them right now. They don’t know how to help me.’

Glenn sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair. ‘Let a doctor take a look at you, at least.’

‘I’m not hurt.’ Beth lied. She didn’t know how she felt under the mess of it all, but she knew seeing a doctor wouldn’t give her any reprieve.

Glenn’s pitying expression did nothing to win her over. Eventually, seeming to decide he wasn’t going to convince her of anything she didn’t want to do, he made to leave.

‘I’m waiting for Daryl to finish. Then I’m waiting for you. I’m not leaving until you do, okay?’

Beth nodded, grateful that he’d turned away and closed the door behind him before he could see the tears filling her eyes. Somehow, having Glenn be sympathetic and caring towards her made her feel even worse than she would have had he been irritated at her stubbornness.

After a while, Beth heard a siren outside and she finally stood up, ignoring the searing pain all over her body. Out of the tiny office window she saw three police cars pull up and a unit pile out, outlining the crime scene with tape, already beginning their forensic work. Suddenly suffocating, she hurriedly left the office and sank against the brick wall outside, grateful for the fresh air, watching Rick’s team work through half-closed eyes.

Soon enough, Rick and Daryl emerged from the office she’d been interviewed in, both looking bone-weary. Daryl caught sight of her and muttered something to Rick, making his way over. Something inside Beth’s stomach stirred, some strange familiarity, a reaction to something that didn’t make her feel nothing.

Daryl leant against the cool brick beside her, arms crossed over his chest. He followed her line of vision and they both pretended to be more interested in the dying sun than each other as the cops worked.

‘Need someone to take a look at you.’ Daryl stated. It wasn’t a hesitant question like Glenn had phrased it or even a question at all.

‘I’m fine.’ Beth replied automatically. She wasn’t, and Daryl knew that as well as Glenn had, but she didn’t suspect anything could be given to her that would truly help. There was no medication that she could readily access that would stop her seeing the dead man’s face behind her eyelids when she blinked. The veins popping on his neck, the blood staining his teeth, his eyes boring into hers as his life drained away. No, there was no doctor that could help her right now.

‘Sure you are.’ Daryl muttered dryly. In the few minutes of silence where they watched Rick and Glenn speaking quietly by a cop car, their faces lit up blue and red, Beth slowly began to feel the warmth in the air set onto her skin, slowly began to control her racing pulse by taking in a few deep breaths.

‘Are you okay?’ She asked suddenly, forcing herself to turn and face him.

Daryl frowned at her, surprise and warmth chasing each other across his face. Clearly he wasn’t used to being asked something like that when he didn’t have any physical proof of being hurt. He nodded, swallowing.

‘Just tired.’

Beth turned back to the setting sun, closing her eyes. Tired. That sounded right.

‘Should go.’ Daryl didn’t look at her again but she knew he meant her. ‘Ain’t nothin’ else you can do here.’

‘I can’t go home.’ Beth sighed softly. Today had been one of the worst days of her life, and she knew there would be no making it better by facing her father right now. It was strange to think that she’d had some of the worst moments of her life since she’d met Daryl, but also some of the best.

Daryl’s eyes were trained ahead, a stoic look on his face. There was an easy breeze flitting through the trees, picking up leaves as it went past them. The balmy night made everything seem calm, somehow less like a real crime scene and more like a painting. Beth felt her hair tickling her face but she didn’t have the energy to pull it behind her ear. Daryl had lit a cigarette and was taking slow drags every now and then, filling the air around him with smoke that Beth wanted to breathe in just so he wasn’t clouded anymore.

Glenn and Rick were still talking by the car, inaudible from where Beth and Daryl stood, but they both watched them as though they could hear all the same. Beth imagined Glenn was informing Rick he’d have to tell Maggie and Hershel, maybe Rick’s nodding was his agreement that he’d go to the farm and do it himself. She would give just about anything to pause everything right where it was, just for the night.

A jingling noise drew Beth’s attention back to Daryl. He’d worked a silver key off his set and tossed it to her. Surprised, she caught it deftly.

‘Stay at mine.’

Beth stared at him but he was still carefully looking away. He didn’t need her to state aloud why she wanted to be alone, simply trusted that there was a good enough reason why she couldn’t return home that night.

‘Ain’t gonna be there. You can have the place to yourself.’

It was as though he’d read her mind but that wasn’t the part that interested her at the moment.

‘Where are you going to be?’

Daryl let out a long breath of smoke. ‘Station. Ain’t lettin’ Rick do this alone.’

His voice seemed to carry the weight of the implication of the words, and leaving his mouth, they hung in the air heavily.

Daryl took one last puff before squashing the cigarette under his foot. He pushed off from the wall and started walking over to Rick and Glenn.

Beth stayed against the cool brick for another minute as they all spoke, no doubt about her, feeling as though if she were forced to hold her own weight up without the support of something else she would simply fall. Daryl’s apartment key was clutched tightly in her hand, its teeth denting her skin.

Eventually, Rick broke away from the other two and had a few words with some of his officers examining the scene, before making his way to Beth. She knew she probably had a distant look in her eyes but she couldn’t make them focus on anything closer than the dying sun. Everything was blurry, a mix of red and blue flashing lights and scattered leaves and the smell of blood that had not gone away.

‘Daryl says you’re staying at his place tonight.’

Beth didn’t reply.

Rick ran a hand over his face, rubbing at his neck. ‘You going to be okay by yourself?’

A nod seemed the most appropriate but didn’t seem to convince the Sheriff.

‘I’m posting a few officers around the apartment building just in case.’

Though she didn’t show it, relief flooded through her quicker than water through a burst dam. Rick nodded at her and then began making his way to his car, hands on his belt.

‘Beth – it’s my job to tell your father what happened here.’

Rick had turned back around, seemingly conflicted. ‘But I can wait until tomorrow if that’s what you want. At least then I’ll be able to get something from the Governor that might help the investigation.’

Beth felt another rush of relief and gratitude at his words and was able to find her voice. ‘Thank you.’

Rick considered her for a moment, then nodded and turned away, and before he did Beth saw mirrored in his eyes the same far-away look she suspected he could see on her.

* * *

Beth didn’t need to check her phone to know she would have a bunch of missed calls from her father and Maggie. Sitting in Daryl’s empty apartment alone, she stared at the black screen before throwing it in a random drawer in the kitchen. Tonight she did not have the capacity to deal with any of the mess she’d created when she had so much of another mess on her hands.

It had been a short ride to Daryl’s apartment with the officers who Rick had chosen to be posted around for protection. They told her it would be best for her to stay indoors and she had no argument about that. Once she’d made her way into Daryl’s apartment and locked the door behind her, she’d collapsed onto the cold floor and it had been an hour before she could gather the strength to return to her feet. She could not stop seeing the dying man, coughing and sputtering through his last breaths, chest rising and falling erratically and fingers twitching as if trying to grasp his fading life through them.

The constant buzzing of her phone had been what eventually frustrated her enough to give her the motivation to switch it off and throw it in the kitchen drawer.

Beth hadn’t even turned the lights on yet. There was an orangey-glow from a street light coming through the window across the kitchen and it spilled through the apartment like liquid. In the semi-darkness, she moved around the living area almost as if in a trance. The last time she’d been there she didn’t exactly have time to stop and have a proper look around. There wasn’t much to see as it turned out, but Beth had known that about Daryl already. The few things that she could see however, told her what she already knew. The photograph of him and Merle taped to the refrigerator. She carefully removed it and turned it over. There was no time stamp on it or scribbled location or happy memory but she guessed it held some kind of significance as it was the only photo Daryl seemed to have. She had a feeling he wasn’t one to keep sentimental things, but that was perhaps because he never had that many to begin with.

She kept a hold of it as she moved around the rest of the space. A packet of cigarettes now by the television, a few lighters, a few old books, the titles of which she didn’t recognise. A receipt from a music store that had fallen off a shelf.

Beth held it against her chest for a moment before letting it drop back down to the floor. And then, almost as if she had forgotten, she remembered that she was covered in a dead man’s blood.

Beth was forced to turn the bathroom light on and finally confront whatever monstrous form she had taken up in the last few hours. She didn’t look alive; her face was pale, drawn, bags of exhaustion under her eyes and her lips dry. The shower was scalding hot but she welcomed it, and she felt herself slowly getting lighter the more the water at the base of the shower got redder.

Beth blindly took a jumper off Daryl’s unmade bed, trying to ignore the stirring in her stomach as his familiar scent filled the air around her head. Deciding that she could not sleep in his bed without waking up and being reminded of a time that was so blissfully good and yet felt so wistfully long ago, she pulled a few blankets out of a closet and laid down on the couch, eyes wide open watching the shadows the orange street light cast. She thought sleep would find her eventually but her heart was thrumming harshly, keeping her awake, as though it knew that her mind would haunt her sleep with visions of that night. So she stayed up miserably, not moving, not thinking, drowning in every emotion she’d tried to keep in check the last few weeks. She was finally, properly, letting herself feel it all without any restriction.

It was still pitch black outside when she heard footsteps nearing the front door. Beth was up in a flash, clutching the blankets in her hands tightly as her body froze up. They passed Daryl’s door without hesitation and disappeared down the hall. Breathing out slowly, she wrapped her arms tightly around her knees in comfort but her state of panic was to stay for the next twenty minutes. And just as she had finally felt sleep clawing at her exhausted eyelids, there was a familiar jingling noise and then the apartment door was opening quietly.

Daryl didn’t turn the lights on. He placed his keys on the kitchen bench and there was a rustling noise like he was taking his jacket off. He knew how to be quiet, that was for sure, and Beth wondered if he thought she was asleep. For some reason, this thought warmed her more than she expected and she felt her body start to thaw from its frozen state. She didn’t realise how close he was to her until he spoke.

‘My mom took that photo the day before she died.’ His voice was gravel and Beth titled her head to see him standing by the couch, leaning against a wall. His arms were crossed over his chest, eyes on the picture and again that night, Beth saw that far-away look, this time in his eyes. Were they all just wound-down clocks, destined to look to a past where things were better?

‘Merle and I were out in the woods. He’d taken me huntin’ for the first time.’ Daryl took a long pause between sentences. ‘Accidentally shot him in the foot with an arrow. Thought he’d get mad at me but he didn’t. Told me I was lucky he was so damn tough. Used to think he was so strong. Could get through anythin’.’

Beth looked back to the photo.

‘My mom died the day after that and Merle left a year later. Didn’t spend a lot of time wonderin’ where he went. Thought I’d figure out how to survive alone. And I did. But I never got away from it. The rest of it. Not really.’

‘You did.’ Beth said quietly. ‘In all the ways that matter, you did.’ She knew now, without him having to say, exactly what had given him those scars. Why Merle had left. Why a lot of things had been the way they’d been. And maybe it was all meant to be that way or maybe it was all just a random string of events, but the sum of both their lives up until that point had led them here. And Beth didn’t feel like that was a mistake.

Daryl chewed on the inside of his lip, eyes still on the photo.

Beth didn’t want to ask what happened with the Governor. She didn’t have any more room for any of that tonight. The digital clock across her read four twenty-two. And finally, she felt tired enough that she could lay down and drift into a restless sleep.

Daryl cleared his throat, pushing off from the wall. Beth wanted to say something, more to keep him standing there than anything, but she couldn’t find the right words.

The silence ate the away the remaining colour in the room until it seemed to be only their silhouettes remaining. ‘Night, Beth.’ Daryl finally said in a low voice.

Beth turned to see him disappearing into his bedroom. ‘Goodnight, Daryl.’

* * *

Somehow, Beth managed to sleep through the bright sunlight pouring into her eyes for most of the following morning. Her body, it seemed, needed a deep, uninterrupted rest to heal itself from the previous day’s events. Daryl was awake long before her, on the phone to Rick, leaving her to sleep as long as she could. His heart ached at the sight of her on his couch, tangled up in different blankets, the sunlight hitting her hair and giving her a golden glow. She had gone through so much and it was because she had met him. There was no denying or dodging the truth. He had known this for a while and so had she, but that didn’t make going through things like this any easier. In truth, he hated himself for how he had ruined her and he hated himself more for not being able to think of a way to keep her safe. That, he was working on, but she was so deep in it now that it almost seemed pointless. More than the hate was the guilt that was slowly eating at him, enveloping him with every passing second. Beth had nearly died twice, because of him. She could spin it any way she wanted but the truth of it was that if it wasn’t for him, her life wouldn’t be in danger. The thought of how close she’d come to death the day before was etched into his mind, the sight of her with a gun to her head running on a loop. He’d been awake most of the night before, head in his hands as he replayed the scene, fear and guilt filling his gut. He would atone for every bad thing he’d done when he died, but he suspected that Beth Greene was something that would haunt him long after that.

Rick had told Daryl the Governor had refused to divulge any information at all, and if anything, they were worse off than before they’d arrested him. At least then there was the slim hope that they would uncover some vital piece of importance, something that would be essential to dismantling the Governor’s gang and taking down Shane Walsh. Daryl was used to disappointment but this tasted all the more bitter knowing Beth was asleep, unknowing of their grim situation, and he would be the one to deliver the bad news to her.

Daryl showered, scrubbing at his worn-down body and paused as he caught sight of his once-again bruised knuckles. He had to admit, he saw them scuffed up like this more often than not that it rarely surprised him anymore. He had few bruises of his own from the Governor; one on his hip and another on his bicep but the fight had been fairly one-sided, especially with Glenn there.

Daryl had nearly lost control, the day before, seeing Beth get pulled by her hair, having to watch her being tortured as she was forced to look into the dead man’s face. It scared him, thinking about it now, how easily he could have pulled that trigger. How much he wanted to. They would certainly be no worse off in terms of information since the Governor had provided them with nothing. And he was next to Shane in the race of who deserved it the most. In the end it had been Beth, standing there, bloodied and scared, that made him realise he wanted to be something else for her. She made him want to be better. Killing the Governor would take more than it would give.

Daryl was just getting out of the shower, damp hands reaching for a towel to wrap around his waist, when he heard a cry that was undoubtedly Beth’s, followed by a loud thump. Grabbing the first thing he could reach, he rushed out of the bathroom and froze at the sight in front of him.

Beth was perched on the arm of the couch, breathing hard, her blonde hair messy around her face as Merle writhed around on the floor, a lamp to the side of him that looked worse for wear.

‘The fuck –’

‘Call your girl off, what the hell is this, gettin’ a lamp thrown at my head, can’t even climb through a window nowadays –’ Merle was sitting up glowering at Beth, rubbing the side of his head.

It took Daryl a few more seconds to properly process that his brother, on the run from the police and being hunted down by a dangerous gang, was in his living room. Daryl threw the razor he was gripping onto the kitchen bench, the towel around his waist threatening to fall as he rushed to his brother. Merle’s expression turned from annoyed to smug to cautious in the span of a second. He threw his hands up in mock surrender, but Daryl could see there was real fear behind his eyes. As much as he missed his brother, he didn’t feel a hint of pity for him, not when he grabbed him by the arms and not when he threw him against the wall roughly.

‘Asshole. Should know fuckin’ better’n sneakin’ up on her like that –’

Merle grinned at Beth. ‘Apologies, blondie. Certainly didn’t expect you to have such quick reflexes.’

Beth narrowed her eyes at him in response. Daryl imagined she had about a hundred things she wanted to say to Merle but he supposed the growing bump on his brother’s head was a good start.

‘What the fuck are you thinkin’ bein’ here –’

‘Relax, baby bro. No-one saw me. Didn’t you miss dear ol’ Merle?’

‘This ain’t a fuckin’ joke.’ Daryl slammed his brother against the wall again and Merle pushed him back roughly. Daryl was still dripping from the shower and Merle was able to slip away easily.

‘Are you outta your goddamned mind?’ Daryl fought to keep his voice at a reasonable level. The last thing he needed was anyone to hear them.

‘You outta know the answer to that by now.’ Merle quipped, throwing himself into the armchair across Beth. Slowly, as if realising she wasn’t in any immediate danger, she lowered herself onto the couch and wrapped her mountain of blankets around her, seething in Merle’s direction. She seemed well rested, at the very least, her eyes clear enough that she could focus her hate towards his brother instead of that numb look that she’d had the night before.

Daryl turned back to Merle, suddenly very aware that he was standing there almost naked, the scars on his back to Beth. The were burning under her gaze. ‘You got ‘bout a minute before I get Rick to arrest you.’

Merle grinned, raising his eyebrows. ‘That how it is, now? You had no trouble replacin’ ol’ Merle, I see.’

Daryl swore, turning away and slamming his bedroom door open before coming back half a minute later dressed. He was hyper-aware of Beth’s position in the room and stayed behind the couch she was on, letting himself lean against it as he waited for an explanation from his brother that was bound to be just another shitty excuse.

‘What are y’all now anyway?’ Merle turned to Beth, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. ‘Looks like Darylina been puttin’ the wood to you good –’

‘One more bullshit comment and I throw you out on your ass.’ Daryl’s voice was barely more than a growl.

Merle let out a bark of laughter. ‘Alright, touchy. I’ll get right down to it, shall I?’

He leaned in conspiratorially, and, recovering from the shock of seeing him, Daryl was able to take a proper look at his older brother. The first thing he noticed was Merle was thinner and his face seemed sharper than usual. More lines, more edges. Clearly life on the run hadn’t been any kind of picnic. He was wearing clothes Daryl didn’t recognise and had a few odd scrapes and scratches across his exposed arms but no other injuries as far as Daryl could tell.

‘I got word the gang’s plannin’ something big.’

‘Don’t think you would have heard about last night then.’ Beth offered. Both brothers turned to her but she held Merle’s stare. ‘The Governor was arrested.’

Merle shook his head, letting out an impatient huff. Well-versed though his brother might be in facades, Daryl could see the relief behind his eyes. ‘The Governor might be their leader but they sure as shit can go on without him as long as there’s another that’ll take his place.’

‘Shane.’ Beth said faintly and Merle nodded.

He cleared his throat and leant back with ease, clearly enjoying the effect his words were having on them. ‘I heard Walsh is plannin’ on makin’ a move tonight. Got some big plan for the both of us.’ He nodded to Daryl, whose body tightened up at the words.

‘How do you know?’ Beth interjected, eyes wide.

Merle shrugged. ‘Hear things here and there. But this is happening tonight, no doubt ‘bout it.’

‘What’s he planning?’ Beth couldn’t hide her concern.

‘All I know is he wants the Sheriff dead. And I bet sure as hell that he’s gonna find a way to pin it on us. Both his and the Governor’s problem gone like that. Grimes dead, us arrested. Too good to pass up.’

Daryl’s mouth went dry. The thought of Rick in danger hadn’t crossed his mind as much – he was the Sheriff, that came with the territory – but there was something different about knowing it was a sure thing rather than just thinking it as a possibility.

‘Fuck.’ Daryl let his head sink into his hands. ‘I gotta warn Rick.’

‘Easy now, baby brother.’ Merle said, a crack appearing in his otherwise laid-back cover. ‘You wanna think ‘bout this long and hard. Might not be such a bad thing –’

‘I ain’t lettin’ Rick die for me. Definitely not for you.’ Daryl dismissed harshly. ‘You got yourself into this bullshit, it’s your fault we’ve all been dragged into it, too. Ain’t no way I’m lettin’ him die for it.’

Merle’s easy smile froze. ‘You think he got your back? Ain’t no one gonna care about you like I do, little brother. You best remember that.’

Beth scoffed at that, rubbing her eyes and shaking her head.

Merle’s head snapped around. ‘You got somethin’ to say, blondie?’

Beth glared at him. Well-rested though she may be, Daryl knew she was still reeling from the events of the day before and probably from the last few weeks, too. He had no idea what had happened with her family during that time but there seemed to be something else winding her up and Daryl would bet that they had something to do with it.

‘I got lots to say. Not to you, though.’

Merle smiled mockingly at her. ‘Go ahead.’

‘If you really cared about Daryl you would never have let this get as bad as it is now. You wouldn’t have used him for protection or just for a place to sleep. You would have been able to see that he’s trying to make things different for himself and it’s not going to work if you keep dragging him down with you.’

Daryl felt a rush of warmth at Beth’s words but Merle clearly didn’t share the same sentiment. The one thing about his brother was that criticism seemed to bounce off him, even when it was very well placed.

‘If you knew anythin’ about my brother, you’d know that ain’t true. He ain’t different, darlin’. Neither am I.’

Daryl sensed that if Beth replied the two of them could bicker for hours but fortunately he was spared the show by his phone ringing from the bathroom. Glaring at them both and hoping they didn’t kill each other before he returned, he retrieved his phone and answered Rick’s call. He let the Sheriff reel off useless updates until he heard Shane Walsh’s name.

‘Say that again.’

Rick’s voice was audible through the phone and Daryl saw Beth turn her head to hear better.

‘Shane contacted me this morning. Said he wants to meet and sort this all out once and for all.’

Daryl eyed Merle carefully, measuring his words. ‘It’s a trap. He wants you dead, Rick. He’s gonna do it tonight.’

There was a stunned silence from the other line. Beth’s head sunk into her hands.

‘How do you know?’

Daryl sighed, tossing his phone to Merle. Merle’s grin split his face in two.

‘Hello Grimes. Long time no speak.’

Another stunned silence from Rick and then, ‘you know I can arrest you for this, Daryl?’

Daryl shook his head, snatching his phone back from Merle. ‘Showed up ten minutes ago. Beth almost gave him a concussion.’

Rick’s laugh was crackly through the phone. ‘Good.’

‘You ain’t got time, Rick.’ Daryl was serious again, feeling the weight of Merle’s information on him as though it was his burden to bear. ‘You can’t go to that meetin’ tonight and neither can Merle or I be anywhere near it. They’ll frame us for it, you know they will.’

Rick sighed deeply but it was clear he agreed. ‘Would be smart of them, killing two birds with one stone.’

Daryl rubbed his eyes. He hated feeling helpless but right now he could use some good advice.

‘What do we do?’

They were all silent as Rick thought, Beth’s head popping up so she could hear his response better. There was no longer any agitation coming out of her towards Merle. She knew as well as both brothers that they were all in this together now.

‘Alright.’ Rick muttered finally. ‘You three need to disappear. You can’t be anywhere near town tonight because as safe as you think you might be at home, I guarantee they’ve got a backup plan should you not turn up to this meeting.’

‘Disappear?’ Beth repeated, her face filling with dread. ‘What, like go on the run?’

‘Not like that. Just – I don’t know, go for a long drive tonight. Make sure you’re seen by people away from here. Make it obvious enough so that even if Shane tries to pin whatever he’s planning on you, no-one will believe him. Try get on a security camera or two.’

‘What’re you gonna do?’ Daryl asked quietly. He couldn’t help the guilt gnawing at him at the thought of Rick being in danger, especially because he was protecting them.

‘I’m going tonight –’

‘Don’t be fuckin’ stupid, Rick.’

Beth looked at Merle shaking his head smugly. ‘Ain’t gonna be alive long if you keep playin’ the hero, Grimes.’

Daryl shot his brother an irritated look, barely containing his anger as he growled, ‘shut up.’

‘Thanks for the insight, Merle, I’ll keep that in mind.’ Rick’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. ‘I’m going tonight. I have to see this through, sort it out once and for all. Don’t worry, I’ll be careful. If Shane’s planning on killing me he’ll have to try harder than just relying on the element of surprise.’

Daryl was shaking his head, running a hand through his still-damp hair. ‘What if he’s got others on the inside? People you trust.’

‘Only person I trust right now is you. And somehow I don’t think you’re working for Shane.’

Daryl smiled humourlessly. ‘Funny.’

‘It’s been known to happen.’ Rick responded. ‘I’ve gotta go but I’ll let you know before sundown what my plan is. By then I need you and Beth out of town. Take Merle if you have to.’

Beth opened her mouth, a frown starting to appear between her eyebrows but Rick went on smoothly as if reading her mind.

‘I’ve got the farm protected, just in case Shane targets it. I wouldn’t advise going back there, though. I’ve explained to Hershel about last night and he’s only just come around to the idea that Beth needs space. He’s worried about you, Beth, but he knows that you’ll do what’s best for yourself. He wanted me to tell you that he’s sorry. He’s trying to understand.’

Daryl caught a glimpse of relief on Beth’s face and her shoulders seemed to drop like they’d been tensed.

Maybe if there was a quiet moment later, he’d ask her about it. Never could he have imagined he’d want to know about someone else’s life like this. It excited and terrified him.

From the armchair, Merle rolled his eyes. ‘Let’s skip the teen drama, shall we?’

He hopped up and went straight to Daryl’s fridge. He didn’t keep much in it and he certainly hadn’t done any food shopping lately but Merle seemed content with a beer and half-rotting apple.

‘I’ll be in touch. Stay safe.’ Rick said goodbye and Daryl hung up. Merle, distracted in the kitchen still, was no longer paying attention to him or Beth.

‘Guess we’d better go.’ Beth grimaced, avoiding his eye. ‘You, uh, got a washing machine? My clothes are still covered in blood.’

Belatedly, Daryl noticed that she was in a sweatshirt he’d worn a couple of days ago. He didn’t want to think about the feelings the image of her in his jumper, wrapped up in blankets with her hair falling across her eyes stirred up, so he cleared his throat and pushed them away.

‘There’s a Laundromat, bout a street down.’

Beth nodded slowly, playing with a bit of loose string coming off an armrest. ‘Where are we gonna go?’

‘As far away from this shithole as we can.’ Merle interrupted, now rifling through the cupboards. ‘You know, Daryl here’s never even been out of Georgia.’

‘Neither have you, asshole. Prison don’t count.’

Merle scoffed. ‘Certainly do count for everything else so I think I’ll be including it in this, thank you very much.’

A small smile crossed Beth’s face. She untangled herself from the mount of blankets and Daryl caught glimpse of her long bare legs as she got to her feet and padded towards the bathroom.

Before Merle could let out a low whistle or make any other comment, Daryl turned to him.

‘How’d you know? ‘bout tonight.’

Merle tongued his cheek as he sipped on the beer. ‘No questions, little bro. The less you know the better.’

Daryl shook his head, losing patience. ‘This ain’t a game anymore. This stopped being a game the second Beth got tangled up in this. You ain’t got any idea the shit she’s been through –’

‘First the Sheriff and now her. How many more you gon put in front of ol’ Merle, hm?’

Daryl blew out a breath. ‘Ain’t about that.’

‘Oh, no? Then what’s it about?’

Daryl was chewing on his tongue. ‘She don’t deserve this. Hell, Rick knew what he was gettin’ into at least, becomin’ Sheriff. And you’ll get no sympathy from me –’ He eyed his brother – ‘you been on your last fuckin’ chance your whole life. But Beth – she’s different. She’s not gettin’ hurt again. Not for me. Not for you. Got it?’

Before Merle got a chance to reply, Beth was back, her old clothes heaped into a ball in her arms. She was wearing a pair of his shorts to go with the sweater and it looked like she’s pulled the drawstrings as tight as they would go around her tiny waist. They were still far too big on her and the look of them sent a shock of endearment through Daryl that he was unprepared for.

‘I won’t be long.’ Beth announced, making for the door.

‘I’m comin’ with you.’ Daryl said at once. There was so way he would let her go alone right now, especially in this town. The sinking feeling in his stomach when he thought of their situation right now did nothing but make him feel ill, and he knew that would only worsen if he let her out of his sight. It wasn’t a question but Beth didn’t refute it. And had he not still been preoccupied with what he’d just said to his brother, he might have noticed the smile on her face as she pushed open the front door.


	14. Follow You Into The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth and Daryl talk about the future and they realise they can no longer run from their reality any longer.

‘So, never been out of Georgia, huh?’ Beth turned to look at Daryl, rubbing at her tired eyes.

They’d been sitting in the Laundromat half an hour already and although it was tiny in there, at least it was empty. A washing machine spun loudly, Beth’s bloodied clothes tumbling around making pink bubbles.

Daryl was sitting in the chair across her, leaning back, arms crossed over his chest. He watched her through heavy eyelids.

‘Mm.’

‘Never wanted to?’

Daryl chewed on his words carefully. ‘Never needed to.’

Beth nodded. He had survived through life because he’d only been concerned with necessity. She’d been able to go on vacations and road trips and not have to think about whether or not she could.

‘Well, when all this is over, you’re getting out of here.’

Daryl tilted his head, reaching up to fiddle with the buttons on the machine next to him as he held her gaze, the ghost of a smile playing across his face at her because despite all she’d been through, she was still determined to be her warm, bright self.

‘Yeah? Where?’

Beth smiled. ‘Where do you wanna go?’ When Daryl shrugged, she went on. ‘Well, I can’t imagine you laying on a beach sipping margaritas all day, so we can cross Hawaii off.’

‘You imaginin’ me doin’ things often?’

Beth let out a laugh at his wry smile and Daryl felt another guard slip down. Only she could disarm him like this.

‘Wouldn’t you like to know.’

Daryl let out an amused huff at that.

‘Let’s see . . . Italy?’

Daryl shrugged, unable to imagine leaving this rotten town behind now that he knew Beth Greene was in it.

‘Hmm . . . maybe we should start a little closer to home. New York? I’ve been there once before, years ago. There’s so much culture – music and art everywhere. It’s always been my favourite. But,’ Beth paused, picking up on Daryl shifting uncomfortably, ‘maybe not your thing.’

Daryl was silent as Beth seemed to go through places in her head. The only thing he could ever imagine enjoying was riding his motorcycle, being around nature, being free. He belonged to the woods.

‘Got it. Sequoia National Park. In California. They’ve got these giant redwood trees, they’re huge, and there’d be so many places you could camp and hike through, all that space to yourself. You’d love those woods.’

Daryl’s chest tightened. She’d stripped him down right to his soul; she knew him as he knew himself.

He could see the tiny satisfied look behind her eyes as she read the longing he didn’t bother hiding now as she spoke. Her words had given him something to picture and for a moment, he was no longer in the Laundromat. She was next to him by those giant trees of course, laughing under the sun and skipping through leaves. He thought that even if nothing more happened between them, she’d be there with him anyway.

Daryl cleared his throat. ‘That’d, uh – sounds nice.’

He knew Beth had noticed the tremble in his voice but she pretended she hadn’t. Smiling at him, she pushed her hair back and flopped backwards onto her chair.

‘Alright, then.’

The sound of the washing machine winding down broke the tension of the moment and brought their attention away, and Daryl was hit with the strange truth of his life right now. He was in a Laundromat trying to get a dead man’s blood stains out of Beth’s clothes, about to leave town for the day to ensure they didn’t get mixed up with the murder of the Sheriff. Reality sure had a funny way of crushing him.

But for the fleeting moments they had spoke and imagined their lives as whatever they wanted, he’d forgotten about how worried he was for Beth, for Rick, for Merle.

‘Great. Probably need bleach to get the stains out properly, but I don’t think it’s too noticeable.’ Beth was holding up her damp top, turning to Daryl. Her shirt hung off her body limply.

‘Ain’t too bad.’

‘That’ll do.’ Beth moved her damp clothes into a dryer and sunk back into her chair.

For a while neither of them said anything. When Daryl noticed the way Beth’s eyes grew steadily cloudy, he broke the silence, knowing she would be replaying the events from the day before. And he ached at that thought, because he had no idea how to help her. Beth was different, she was good and kind and she wanted to help people – it was in her nature. Although he knew a lot of people in her situation would have rather not had a choice, he knew that she’d be eating herself up knowing that there was nothing she could have done to help yesterday. Daryl had seen a dead body before, seen a few, far too many. Mostly junkies that had overdoses in the corner of some drug den, but once when he was a teenager, he’d seen one of Merle’s friends get stabbed. Daryl didn’t think about it anymore, but if he did, he could picture the scene clear as day.

‘You ain’t gotta tell me, but everythin’ alright? At home. What Rick said before –’

‘Oh. That.’ Beth sighed heavily. ‘I had a fight with my dad. A big one.’

‘’Bout what?’ Daryl asked cautiously.

Beth shook her head, smiling ruefully. ‘Me not going to college. You.’

‘Me?’ Daryl straightened up slightly, hands moving limply to his side.

‘You.’ Beth’s eyes were big and blue and bright and although she seemed unhappy about the memory she did not seem regretful. ‘I’ll spare you all the boring details but I told my dad I wasn’t going to college. Said I wanted to play music instead. He got mad of course and told me I couldn’t. So I told him about you. About us. Whatever we –’ She trailed off, thoughtful.

Daryl shifted in his seat uncomfortably. One part of him felt a rush of warmth that she’d shared with him her dream, even though he already knew it about her. He’d have bought her the guitar if she’d just so much as slid her eyes over it but he knew it was more than that to her. Another part of him felt a little sick at the thought of Hershel Greene knowing about them.

‘You alright?’

‘Yeah.’ Beth smiled. ‘He wasn’t happy about it but he doesn’t have to be. Sorry, I didn’t plan on saying anything, it just kind of slipped out.’

‘S’alright.’ Daryl said softly. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort her. To listen to everything that was going through her head, every feeling, every thought. Denying himself good things had become a reflex that he didn’t even question anymore the way he wasn’t allowing himself to do this.

‘Anyway.’ Beth forced a smile, jumping up and pacing around the room. ‘Won’t have to worry about that today, at least.’

Something else was nagging at Daryl, had been since the night before, but he pushed it deep down, knowing this wasn’t the place for it. His guilt was bubbling to the surface every time he looked at her, and he knew although he couldn’t see them, there would be marks on her from the violence of the night before. Another bruise scattered carelessly on her body. Just another thing she had to heal from. God, how had it all gotten so fucked up? It felt like a lifetime ago, like a dream, the night he’d met her at that bar. The only thing that hadn’t changed since then was the feeling he got when he was around her. He was someone else entirely, someone else he’d always been afraid he could never be. But things were not the same as the night they’d met. Things were infinitely more complicated, infinitely more dangerous, infinitely worse. And if he could do it all again, he’d protect her from those drunk assholes and then he’d walk right out of that bar and forget it ever happened. If it was a choice between saving her and making her live this again, he knew what he’d pick, no matter how much it would hurt him.

‘They’re dry.’ Beth said a while later, piling her clothes up into a ball and hugging them to her chest. ‘Let’s go get Merle and get out of here.’

* * *

Like every other day, things hadn’t gone the way Daryl had expected. He’d thought, at least, that the first bump in the road would at least happen after they’d actually begun driving, but this was not to be. As he and Beth reached his apartment, he heard Merle’s purring voice through the door and pulled Beth behind him, fearing someone had finally caught up to them. After realizing his brother wasn’t in any mortal danger, he pushed open the door to find Maggie Greene standing in his living room, hands on her hips, glaring at Merle. At the sound of the door, both of them turned their heads and then Maggie let out a shriek and pulled Beth into a bone-crushing hug.

‘Oh my god, I’ve been so worried –’

‘Maggie, I can’t breathe.’ Beth gasped and her sister let go.

Daryl watched as Maggie’s eyes skimmed over Beth, no doubt looking for any sign of injury. Unknown to her, Beth’s injuries were a little more hidden than that. Maggie glanced at the pile of clothes in her arms.

‘You gonna tell me what the hell’s going on?’

Beth glanced to Merle exasperatedly. ‘What have you told her?’

Merle was lounging on an armchair, legs swinging freely. ‘Hey, don’t get all worked up at me, Blondie, your charming big sis’ the one who came in askin’ questions –’

‘That you were no help with answering, by the way.’ Maggie retorted, rolling her eyes.

Beth sighed, throwing her clothes onto the coffee table. ‘We’re getting out of town. Just for the day. Some bad stuff’s going down tonight and Rick told us all it’d be better if we weren’t here.’

Maggie’s eyes were full of concern. ‘What do you mean, what’s happening tonight?’

Beth, clearly sharing Daryl’s feeling that it wasn’t essential to get Maggie worked up over the details, replied, ‘the gang’s making a move on Rick tonight. We’ll be safer if we’re not here.’

‘And him?’ Maggie asked after a troubled few seconds, eyebrows raised in Merle’s direction. ‘I mean, it is all his fault that this is even happening, really. He’s coming along?’

‘He’s comin’.’ Daryl said and Maggie met his eyes. After a second, she nodded slowly. There was nothing she could say that would change Daryl’s mind and she seemed to be smart enough to realise it.

‘Okay. Where are we going?’

Now it was Beth’s turn to look incredulous. ‘We?’

Maggie crossed her arms, her expression taking on a very big-sister air. ‘You don’t actually think I’m letting you go alone do you? After everything that’s happened?’

Daryl couldn’t fault her for that. With a dull ache in his chest, he glanced at Merle, who was watching the two of them with mild interest. Merle had had his own idea of what protecting Daryl and keeping him out of trouble were when they’d been growing up. It had never looked like this – as though he’d happily risk his own skin to keep Daryl save, no matter the consequences. He’d left him growing up with his monster of a father, after all. There was no anger towards his brother now, just a small sort of sadness that his brother had turned into something he didn’t have a lot of choice in being. Not all the time, at least.

Beth seemed to rethink the automatic response that had nearly flown out of her mouth. Daryl supposed there was no harm in bringing Maggie along, and at the very least she’d be a welcome distraction to everything else occupying Beth’s thoughts right now. She needed her sister now, as Daryl had needed his brother all those years ago. And if she could have her, Daryl wasn’t going to deny her that, knowing what it had done to him to not have Merle around.

‘What ‘bout your father?’ Daryl asked slowly, catching Beth’s surprised look.

Maggie huffed, leaning back against the kitchen bench and looking to her sister after holding Daryl’s gaze evenly. ‘He’s gonna need some time to come around to the idea of the two of you. He was scared to death for you last night, Beth. But the Sheriff did a pretty good job talking him down and explaining how it has to be for now. You’re damn lucky you got Rick on your side through this.’ Maggie looked back to Daryl, who nodded in agreement, feeling an odd quirk in his stomach at the mention of him and Beth. There was something about other people knowing about the two of them that felt vulnerable, like he was forfeiting a certain power and giving it to them. Maggie had every right to hate him and he wouldn’t blame her if she did, but in the gaze she held with him he did not find any animosity.

‘Well, then.’ Merle swung his legs over the arms of the chair and stood up, grinning from ear to ear at the three of them, rubbing his hands together. ‘Looks like we’re goin’ on a little roadtrip.’

* * *

Maggie and Merle were waiting in the car half an hour later. After a few minutes of them bickering, Maggie had finally decided she didn’t trust Merle with her keys and had volunteered to wait outside with him, lest he be seen or slip away.

‘You know, it’s kind of good she showed up.’ Beth said as she watched them march out of Daryl’s apartment. ‘At least now we have a car.’

Daryl looked up, eyes following them as the door swung closed. ‘Yeah. That’s if Merle don’t do anythin’ to piss her off in the next five minutes.’

Beth laughed, turning to collect her freshly-washed clothes from the table. ‘Good point.’

She walked into the bathroom to change, not bothering to close the door, quickly taking off Daryl’s shorts and sweater. As she pulled on her jeans gently over her sore legs, she couldn’t help but notice her own reflection in the mirror, staring back at her as though she were a stranger. Along her side, there was a harsh bruising forming where the Governor had struck her the night before. Strangely, she was more used to the pain of bruising rather than the actual sight of it. She turned to pull her top on when she saw Daryl standing in the kitchen, frozen, staring at her side. He walked over to her slowly, almost cautiously, as though he were scared if he got too close it would get worse, before finally stopping in the doorway. This close, Beth could see with a stabbing feeling in her heart that Daryl’s eyes were growing glassy. The guilt was finally overwhelming him.

‘Hey – what’s –’

‘Beth.’ He finally looked up to her eyes. ‘I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Beth.’

‘Daryl, what are you –’

‘’S all my fault.’ He choked out, his voice breaking. ‘Nearly died last night because of me, and I couldn’t do anythin’ to save you. You got this,’ he looked back to her ribs, ‘’cause of me.’

Beth watched him, her heart pounding against her chest and her palms sweating and she had no idea what else she could do other than pull him close to her and try and make him understand otherwise.

‘This isn’t because of you, Daryl.’ But she knew this wouldn’t help, not when he was shuddering into her neck like he was. He’d been cracked a lot over the last couple of weeks – his brother, himself, Rick, Beth. Tiny cuts and fractures and they all seemed to lead up to this. He was finally broken.

‘I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it.’ Daryl whispered, his voice raspy.

Beth lifted his head up off her shoulder and weaved her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes as though it was cathartic and she fought the prickling in her eyes because she knew if she started crying, she wouldn’t be able to stop.

‘I’m going to be fine. You’re going to be fine. Merle too. We’re going to get through this. And after we do, I’m still going to want to be with you as much as I do right now.’

Daryl’s eyes opened, a shocking blue to mirror her own. He moved instinctively into her body as she rubbed her thumbs across his cheeks.

‘Be better if you could hate me.’ Daryl muttered in a husky voice.

Beth let her hands fall down across his back, carefully across his scars. She felt his arms tense up, felt the goosebumps form. Under her fingertips his raised, scarred skin burned.

‘Maybe.’ Beth conceded, head against his chest now. Daryl’s hand moved to tangle in her hair, his other lightly on her waist, holding her there. ‘But it would be a lot worse, too.’ She finished, pulling back to look into his eyes. There were a thousand heartbreaks in there, a thousand other times he’d felt crushing disappointment and guilt and had done nothing else but blame himself. He thought he deserved this. As though he’d been made to suffer.

‘We’re going to get through this.’ Beth repeated, squeezing his arms. ‘We’re all going to make it.’

And for once, it seemed that Daryl opened that foolish little part of his heart where faith lived to someone else, praying that it would be enough to trust Beth to will into existence, to keep it alive.

‘You got me, Beth. ‘S long as you want me. Ain’t goin’ nowhere.’

Beth felt her face melt into an easy smile at that. The fluttering in her chest slowed, stomach twisting with pleasure at his words. She pushed him against the bathroom wall so she could lean in closer, feel every ridge and sharp edge of his body under hers. Somehow, she couldn’t bring herself to think things were so bad when it was just the two of them alone like this. The rest of the world may as well not yet exist.

‘Yeah. Maybe it’ll be me saving your ass this time.’ Beth grinned and Daryl let a small smile play across his face as though she already had.

* * *

Maggie and Merle were sitting in a tense silence by the time Daryl and Beth reached the car. Maggie was in the driver’s seat, Merle directly behind her. She had her sunglasses on and seemed to be quietly seething, like a gently smoking volcano before eruption.

As Beth climbed into the passenger seat next to her sister, she was hit with the hostile energy inside. She turned around, unimpressed to find Merle looking unassumingly through the front windscreen.

‘What could you have possibly done now?’

Maggie folded up her glasses as Daryl seated himself on the other side of the backseat with Merle.

‘It’s not so much something he did rather than his whole presence.’

Merle kicked the back of her seat in protest. ‘Might wanna take that stick up outta your ass, girly. You ain’t gonna make it through the day with an attitude like that.’

Beth caught Daryl putting a hand over his eyes, turning to glare at his brother.

Maggie spun around, gripping her headrest for support. ‘Let’s get one thing straight. I don’t like you. I don’t care if you’re in mortal danger or running for your life, I’m here for my sister. Your brother can do whatever he likes in the interest of keeping you safe,’ she paused to look pointedly at Daryl, ‘even though I don’t see why. One more thing – your feet on the leather seats again means my foot kicking your ass out of my car.’

Maggie shoved her sunglasses back onto her face as the engine came to life. Beth looked out of the corner of her eye to Merle, expecting to see angry indignation but instead saw an expression that suggested he was impressed, or at the very least dazed as though he’d been hit over the head with a heavy object. Maggie tended to leave that impression on people.

Beth pulled her sun visor down and found if she shifted her head to a certain position, she had a good view of Daryl from where she sat. He was glaring at his brother in a don’t-look-at-me-you’re-an-asshole-you’re-lucky-she’s-even-letting-you-be-here kind of way. After a few seconds of Merle responding angrily in mute with a useful finger gesture, Daryl shook his head and pulled out the map he’d taken from his apartment. Maggie was driving down the street by then, music louder than usual lest she hear Merle start to speak. Beth allowed Daryl another minute of mapping out a route before reaching backwards inconspicuously and poking him in the knee. Through the mirror, she watched Daryl’s measured reaction, too aware that Merle was right next to him and would take any opportunity to start running his mouth, but a moment later she felt Daryl’s rough fingers brush hers. He looked up, meeting her eyes in the mirror and a burst of laughter escaped Beth. She didn’t understand how she could be so happy yet so uneasy at the same time but she didn’t question it. She was just glad she had Daryl and Maggie right now and didn’t need to think too hard about it. Daryl was slowly but surely becoming a constant in her life, alongside Maggie and her father. And if the way she caught him looking at her when he thought she wouldn’t see was anything to go off, he felt the same about her. She heard his words echoing through her head, reassuring her.

_You got me, Beth. ‘S long as you want me. Ain’t goin’ nowhere._

And maybe if she allowed herself to believe that this would all work out, then they would all be okay. She had to hope.

‘Something funny?’ Maggie grumbled as she followed the main road down, reaching to fiddle with the air conditioner.

Beth turned to look out her window, watching the cafes and bars and tiny corner stores they passed, the people on the street becoming colourful blurs as they left them all behind.

‘I’m happy.’

* * *

Maggie had been driving for near two hours before they decided to stop. Daryl had mapped out a rough route as best he could to another town nearby, close enough that it wouldn’t take too long to get there, far enough that it would rule them out of suspicion if anything were to happen back home. He kept looking at his phone, expecting it to start ringing, waiting for Rick’s name to pop up. Daryl had had a pit in his stomach since the phone call earlier in the morning and he suspected it wouldn’t leave him until after tonight, when he knew for certain that Rick was safe.

Maggie stepped on the brakes slowly as she pulled into the emergency lane on the highway they’d been driving down. She turned in her seat, whipping her sunglasses off and piercing everyone with her green stare. It was strange, that Beth and Maggie were sisters, yet they were so different, both looks-wise and personality-wise. Daryl suspected that people thought the same about him and Merle, but probably only after they got to know them. Daryl was used to being clumped into the same bad crowd that Merle was captain of, and most of the time, strangers were right to do so. He wondered if he’d do the same with Beth and Maggie, had he not already known them. Merle and Maggie were the way they were for different reasons but they were both polarising. Daryl was polarising too, he knew that, but in a different kind of way. He’d always thought there were three different kinds of people; People like Merle and Maggie – polarising, harsh; people like himself – lost, fickle; people like Rick and Glenn – sturdy, dependable. There were of course, the monsters, but Daryl had another place in his mind where he kept the likes of Shane Walsh, the Governor, his father. Monsters were not people. But he never knew until now that there was a forth kind of person and that was Beth Greene, and he couldn’t quite come up with words that could encompass all that she was but he knew he would never meet another person like her.

‘Tank’s almost empty.’ Maggie announced.

Beth rolled her window down and stuck her head out for a better view. ‘There’s a gas station up ahead.’ She noted. ‘Can get some food while we’re there, too.’

Maggie nodded in agreement, taking the next exit and following the signs down smoothly. When they got to the gas station however, Maggie pulled up next to a pump and parked the car abruptly.

‘There’s a cop.’

Daryl’s head whipped around faster than his brain had time to process her words. Within a second, he’d identified the officer in question. He looked middle-aged, in uniform and standing against the outside of the rest stop, coffee in his hands. Even though he was on break, he was clearly still alert as he scanned each car arriving and leaving with feigned indifference.

‘You reckon he knows we’re here?’ Maggie whispered, pretending to rifle through her handbag so as to not raise suspicion when no one exited the car immediately.

Merle had sunk as low as he could at the mention of the word “cop”, but even he seemed doubtful.

‘They had no way to know we were coming.’ Beth reasoned. ‘I think it’s just random.’

Daryl agreed. Even still, it did nothing to calm his nerves at the sight of Rick’s uniform being worn by someone he did not trust.

‘Who’s filling up?’ Beth asked, raising her eyebrows at her sister.

Maggie frowned, watching the cop out of the corner of her eye. ‘You gotta do it, Beth. Gotta make sure you’re spotted somewhere away from home, no one better to give an accurate account than a cop.’

‘By myself?’ Beth grumbled, pulling her shoes on.

Maggie grinned. ‘Hey, I don’t need to be any more involved in this than I already need to be. Lawyer, remember?’ She pointed to herself sarcastically.

Beth turned around to find Merle flattened out on his seat. ‘Fugitive.’ He managed, pointing to his head.

Half-amused, half-exasperated, Beth stepped out of the car, spinning around when she heard the back door slam to see Daryl beside her. The relief was evident as it washed over her face. Daryl knew she wouldn’t bring it up on her own, but the events of the last few weeks had done a number on her. She’d never had reason to feel unsafe and now there were plenty. He would do all he could to make her feel safe again, whether it be tracking down the men that had taken her or standing next to her to fill up a car. Plus, they may as well both be spotted at the same time, if they had to be at all.

They didn’t linger after Beth put back the gas pump, nodding at the Officer as they walked by him to pay. He tipped his head in acknowledgment and Beth and Daryl pointedly avoided each other’s eye just in case they exchanged some secret look that would raise suspicion.

Beth, knowing that Maggie had a time limit on how long she could stay silent in a car with Merle Dixon, hurriedly grabbed a few snacks off the shelves and paid. The engine was already warm by the time Beth and Daryl jumped back in.

Maggie breathed a sigh of relief as she slowly pulled out and drove off. No one spoke for a few minutes, and then Merle grumbled, ‘I ain’t gonna meet my end trapped in this car with y’all, starvin’ to death.’

Maggie gnashed her teeth together, but Daryl could tell she was in a better mood, if only from the relief of not getting caught. ‘No one asked, Dixon.’

Merle laughed indulgently, catching the bag Beth threw at him before winding down his window and sticking his head out like a dog. Daryl suspected that despite what he said, he was enjoying their company infinitely more than his own. This must have been the first time in weeks that he’d been around anyone, much less his own brother. And despite what it seemed, Daryl knew that Merle would do anything for him just as much as it was true the other way around. ‘You’re a piece of work, Greene.’

‘So I’ve been told.’

* * *

Beth watched the cloudless sky, humming softly to herself as they drove on, fighting to keep thoughts of the day before at bay through the easy silence. The only reprieve she was offered came in the form the occasional request to be tossed some food or the radio cutting in and out, but each time she let the welcome interruption distract her. After half an hour, Maggie pulled into a tiny, secluded car park under Daryl’s instruction.

‘Where are we?’ Beth asked, sitting up in her seat. They were surrounded by woods, the harsh sun beating down through the tall trees making strips of sunlight shoot towards the ground. No one else seemed to be around.

‘’Bout as far as we can go before we gotta turn back.’ Daryl replied, watching his brother warily as he jumped out of the car.

‘Imma find a nice tall tree to piss on.’ Merle announced, not looking back as he sauntered off.

Maggie blew out a breath. ‘Alright. What now?’

Daryl pulled out his phone, and Beth checked hers, too, relieved to see she was getting a few bars of service.

‘I’ll find out. Try and get through to Rick before he gets himself killed.’ Daryl jumped out and walked a little away from them, phone to his ear as he waited for Rick to answer.

‘Y’know, they really couldn’t be more different.’ Maggie mused, pulling her chair back and kicking her feet up on the dash. She yawned, blinking in the bright light as though bored of the regular occurrence of attempting to smuggle a wanted criminal.

Beth, noting the slight look of worry on Daryl’s face as he waited for Rick to answer, turned to her sister. Maggie’s head was lulling back on her headrest, brown hair falling through the gap. She was chewing on a piece of raspberry liquorice thoughtfully.

‘I totally get it now.’ Her sister went on. ‘Daryl’s got that raspy, growly voice and he’s a hell of a lot smarter than I gave him credit for. Plus, his arms look good in that shirt.’ Maggie grinned as Beth smacked her leg lightly.

‘Hey, you want me to start being weird about how sexy Glenn is, cause I will –’

‘No!’ Maggie laughed, feigning horror. ‘I’m just saying, Merle’s so different.’ Her tone grew a little more serious. ‘He’s – I’m not saying he’s all bad, but from what I heard about Will Dixon, he’s a lot like his father.’

Interest peaked, Beth leaned in. ‘What have you heard?’

Maggie shrugged evenly. ‘Daddy used to talk about him all the time, you were probably too little to remember. There’s nothing much to it – he was a piece of shit drunk who abused his kids. Reckon he fucked them both up pretty good.’

Beth turned back to Daryl. He was just visible through the trees, sunlight splashed all over him. She ached when she thought of those scars on his back, of the thought of anyone hurting him. From what she could gather, Merle had moved out of that house as soon as he could. She wondered what kind of scars Merle left with.

‘Seems that way.’ Beth mused.

Maggie was swinging the liquorice wand around now. ‘He might not be all bad, but god he’s a pain in the ass. Getting his brother mixed up in this shit, and now you.’ Beth watched as her sister shook her head, sighing.

Before Maggie could bring up anything else too serious, Beth interjected, fearing if Maggie was going to talk about the events of the last few weeks then by default she would ask Beth how she was, and she wasn’t ready to answer that right now. ‘How’s Glenn?’

‘Good. Working today.’ Maggie allowed a small smile before her expression grew sombre. ‘I didn’t get a chance to tell him, about this.’ She gestured to the car and their surroundings.

‘He’ll understand.’ Beth assured her. ‘And if he doesn’t, we’ll get Merle to explain in to him.’

Maggie let out a breath of laughter at that. As if on cue, Daryl’s brother emerged from a nearby bush, zipping up his pants. As he re-entered the car, flopping into the backseat haphazardly, he pulled himself between the gap of Beth and Maggie’s chairs. He swivelled his head to peer across Beth to Daryl.

‘’S he doin’?’

Beth scrunched her face up at Merle and pushed on his forehead until he fell back into his seat. He sprawled across the backseat carelessly, but Beth noticed he kept his shoes hanging off the leather.

‘Talking to Rick.’ Beth watched Daryl pace around, a hand in his pocket, hoping that he’d at least be able to talk Rick out of the meeting.

Merle huffed as though bored and considered Beth with interested eyes. ‘You finally gonna tell me how on earth my brother managed to catch somethin’ as sweet as you?’

Despite her impatience towards him, Beth grinned, feeling her cheeks grow pink at Maggie’s amused but interested look.

‘Yeah, Beth, tell us.’ She teased, throwing Merle the bag of liquorice as they leant in covertly.

Beth scoffed, shifting uncomfortably. ‘Why don’t you ask him?’

Merle chortled. ‘You seen that boy? He’s barely able to admit his own feelin’s to himself, reckon he’ll tell me? What’s he got, some kinda magic dick?’

Maggie choked on her liquorice.

Beth smiled sweetly, batting her lashes. ‘I’m sure it’s a lot more magic than yours.’

‘Oh, lord.’ Maggie muttered, turning to face the dash. As accepting as her sister had been so far, she seemed to draw the line at the thought of the Dixon’s magic dicks.

Merle let out a hoot, delighted to have someone to verbally spar with no matter what about.

‘Doubt that very much. He ain’t never pulled nothin’ before, let alone somethin’ so pretty.’

Beth turned to look at Daryl through the window. He was talking to Rick with his back to them, angel wings catching the sunlight.

‘Maybe I’m the lucky one, to have him.’

Silence for a moment as Merle considered this. It was brought to Beth’s attention that perhaps Merle knew already how good his brother was but was simply deflecting because of his discomfort with how it compared to himself.

‘He’s always been the sweet one.’ Merle huffed as though that explained it, throwing himself backwards. Then, as though realising Maggie was still there, turned to flash her a winning smile. ‘How ‘bout you, smarty? I’m single.’

Maggie met Beth’s eyes over the console and they both exploded with laughter, doubled over and wiping at tears. It felt so good to laugh with her sister as they used to, despite the protesting of her sore ribs. Merle let out a noise of objection at the two of them but when Beth caught his expression, he was amused. They didn’t have time to revel in the momentary lapse from their heavy reality as they caught Daryl making his way back to the car, shoving his phone back into his pocket. Beth wound down her window as he drew closer, feeling the rush of sunlight hit her skin.

She couldn’t read Daryl’s face but the disappointment in his voice was evident when he muttered, ‘we gotta go.’ He leaned his head against her door.

Maggie spun around, forgotten liquorice hanging from her mouth. ‘Back?’

Daryl took a moment, sighing deeply. He nodded at Maggie, making his way around the car. ‘I’ll drive.’

‘I got it –’

‘S’alright.’ Daryl opened her door, nodding her out.

‘You must be tired.’ Beth chimed in. Her sister had been the only driver the last few hours, after all. Eventually and with little grumbling, Maggie gave in. More to spite him than anything, she didn’t complain about sitting at the back with Merle, kicking at him until he stuck to his corner.

‘We’re going back?’ Beth asked quietly, turning to Daryl, safe in the knowledge that Maggie and Merle were quietly bickering behind them.

Daryl gripped the steering wheel as the engine roared to life. ‘Rick ain’t backing out. He might think he’s got it figured out but he’ll be walking into a trap either way. I gotta go back. He ain’t doin’ this alone.’

Beth didn’t need to think. ‘I’m going with you.’

‘Knew you’d say that.’ Daryl’s voice was low. He pulled out and drove out of the gravelly car park, back onto the main highway.

‘Daryl –’

‘Nearly lost you too many times.’ Now, his voice was tortured. ‘But I ain’t gonna tell you what to do.’

Daryl was chewing on the inside of his cheek, one arm resting against the window, the other keeping the wheel steady. He sounded weary, like he’d lost some fight within himself.

Beth sat back, crossing her legs and staring straight ahead. She’d almost had a whole speech prepared to convince him to let her come had he disagreed with her, but that hadn’t happened. Somehow, she knew that he knew that if he tried to make her decisions for her, if he treated her as though she was incapable of making them herself, he’d lose her. Maybe it was something he was realising after she’d told him about the fight with her father about college or maybe he already knew that about her. What’s more it seemed, Daryl knew full well that he couldn’t keep her out of it. This might not be the right thing by anyone else, but this was the right thing to do by her and they both knew it.

Beth was lost in thought for an hour before she realised they were almost halfway home. It had been too quiet in the car and sure enough, when she turned around to check on them, she found Maggie and Merle both asleep in their corners. It was almost getting dark outside, and with that she could taste how soon the events of tonight would transpire. She wasn’t afraid, not for herself at least. She’d gone through a hell of a lot more in the last few weeks than she’d ever gone through in her life and she felt safe in the knowledge that at least there was little that could be done now that would ruin her any further. But she sensed Daryl was one more mess away from breaking point, and if there was a choice between keeping Rick safe or himself, he’d chose Rick. He wasn’t only doing this for Merle anymore. It was for himself, for Rick and for Beth and Beth knew that the thought of how much he truly had to lose terrified him more than he cared to admit, if for no other reason than the utter shock that he had so much that was suddenly integral to his survival. Daryl had more to lose than any of them merely because he’d started this with nothing.

‘We’re going to be okay.’ Beth said softly. ‘All of us.’

She was looking out her window when she said it but she knew Daryl heard. A moment later, she felt his hand reach out and grip her thigh gently. He gave her a small squeeze and, despite their dire situation, a thrill ran up her spine. She wished they had more time, time for going on picnics and watching stupid movies and rolling around in his bed for hours undisturbed with the reality of any of this. It was cruel, really, that the only real untouched time they had was the night they’d first met, where they hadn’t been burdened by the weight of their situation. It felt like a lifetime ago, thinking about her giddy recklessness, taking her first drink, kissing Daryl and feeling a million tiny fires where he touched her, feeling known for the first time in a long time. Maybe after this was over, they could have that again. Maybe after this was over, they would have nothing but time.

‘Promise me somethin’.’ Daryl said after a moment, his voice heavy. He’d been looking ahead the whole drive but now he turned to her, and his eyes that were usually hard blue flint were now bright with purpose, alight with fear. ‘Promise me if anythin’ happens tonight you run like hell and get out of there. Promise you’ll leave me and go.’

Maybe it was because he knew what he was asking of her that his voice broke. Maybe it was because, deep down he knew that if she asked this of him, he would make no such deal.

Daryl turned back to the road and Beth knew it wasn’t so much her answer he was after, more knowing that she’d heard him. He could do nothing to ensure she followed through.

An hour later and well into sunset, Daryl pulled over and after close inspection, Beth recognised the wood around them. They were near the farm, closer than she’d thought. Daryl’s eyes were unfocussed, straight ahead on the road and Beth could only imagine the possibilities of what would happen tonight running through his mind as they ran through hers.

Maggie and Merle stirred awake at the sound of the handbrake.

‘What’s going on?’ Maggie yawned, sitting up and stretching her neck.

Beth kept her eyes on Daryl as she answered. The sunset was bright orange and purple and it reflected in his eyes like he was made of the same magic. ‘Daryl and I are going with Rick. I don’t want to hear it –’ Beth said abruptly as Maggie frowned and opened her mouth to protest – ‘I’ve made my mind up and you’re not stopping me.’

Maggie sunk back into her chair, biting her lip. After a moment of silence, her sister sat up again, this time much straighter than before. ‘I’m coming with you. And I don’t want to hear it. If you’re in mortal danger, then I am too. You take me or you don’t go at all.’

Beth sighed, shaking her head, but a small smile was forcing itself onto her face. Though Maggie knew nothing more about tonight other than the fact it would be terrifying and she’d be completely out of her depth, she was coming anyway. Beth didn’t want her to but she had little choice. Plus, she realised with a grim irony, this was probably how Daryl felt when she’d insisted on coming along. When she looked to Daryl she saw him watching Maggie thoughtfully, eyes flicking between her and his brother.

‘Well, I ain’t lettin’ you fuck this up by yourself, baby brother.’ Merle cleared his throat. He clapped Daryl awkwardly on the shoulder and looked to Maggie pointedly as she rolled her eyes. It meant something to Daryl, Beth could tell, even if Merle was only piping up because of his irrational need to outdo Maggie’s display of affection. Maggie saw right through this but she said nothing. Beth suspected that she was also banking on them needing anyone they could get.

‘The hell’d I get stuck with you all?’ Daryl muttered, but behind his eyes was a wonder that he had so many people that were willing to follow him into dark places.

Beth beamed. ‘Let’s go save Rick.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe there's only two chapters left of this fic!! leave me some love in the comments if you enojyed, so excited for you all to read the rest :)


	15. Into Pieces Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl, Beth, Maggie and Merle attempt to save Rick and overpower Shane with tragic consequences.

Maggie had agreed they could drive her car to the meeting point on the condition that they park far enough away that it wouldn’t be spotted. Shane had chosen an abandoned warehouse at the edge of town, surrounded by dense farmland that Daryl was sure that no one for miles would be able to hear anything from. He seemed uneasy and Beth imagined he had the same sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that she did, knowing Rick was already there.

None of them could blame Rick for wanting to end this once and for all, especially since he had a vested personal interest in Shane Walsh. If anyone had priority over revenge, it was Rick Grimes. But going into this meeting alone wasn’t just dangerous but stupid. Beth guessed there were some things you were stupid for, and doing it at the cost of losing his wife and consequently his son seemed justified when she thought of it like that.

Beth caught Daryl’s eye as they walked towards the warehouse, crouching. He looked to be thinking the same thing she was. She hoped Rick hadn’t done anything reckless just yet.

‘Sure as hell could’a told me I was walkin’ into a gun fight.’ Merle complained as he followed Daryl closely through the tall weeds to the old fence surrounding the land. ‘Would’a brought somethin’ bigger to even the odds.’ But even as he said it, he grinned.

There were some men who weren’t living unless they were fighting. Beth knew that Merle Dixon was a man who wasn’t living until he was near death. He twirled the handgun and it flashed under the moonlight. Daryl had two guns back at his apartment amongst an array of other weapons, and he’d darted in and out quickly to get them on the way to the meeting place. They were facing terrible odds anyway, they needed all the help they could get. Beth eyed Daryl’s pocket as he moved, the second gun tight inside. Across his chest, a lethal-looking crossbow that he used to hunt with.

Beth and Maggie crouched next to the wire fence Daryl and Merle were pulling apart. They squeezed through, doing the same for them on the other side. The warehouse in the distance was mostly dark, save for two dull beams of light. All around them, weeds and crickets.

‘Go through the plan one more time.’ Maggie said, her voice shaky despite the warm night. She had a small kitchen knife in her grip, shining silver. In her pocket was a pistol which, to everyone’s surprise, Maggie had pulled out of her glove box before they left her car.

‘Come on, people.’ She’d muttered when they all looked at her in astonishment. ‘Sure aren’t going to see you lot complaining if it saves your life tonight.’

Daryl was walking slowly, more of a prowl, more animal than human. Beth imagined him learning to track animals all these years, learning their habits and movements, learning that humans are much the same.

‘Find Rick. Don’t get killed.’ Daryl said in a low voice. ‘Stay hidden until that ain’t an option anymore.’

Beth knew he meant that last part at her and Maggie and she didn’t argue. The intensity of the situation was crushing her with each step she took towards the warehouse. Her knuckles were white from gripping Daryl’s hunting knife, which he’d entrusted to her back at the car. They’d barely had time for much other than how to hold it and a quick lesson in the best places to slash flesh. The knife was a comfort in her hand, as though she was holding Daryl’s own.

‘Right.’ Maggie replied. Beth wondered if her sister was regretting this yet but it was too late to ask. They’d arrived at the edge of the reeds, where there was a small space of land flattened down as though a car had driven across it. Ahead of them; the warehouse, so close Beth could hear voices inside. Instinctively, they all crouched down in the safety of the weeds.

‘You two stay here.’ Daryl looked to Merle and Maggie. At his brother’s look of outrage, Daryl snapped, ‘I ain’t got time for this. You’re a good shot and she ain’t stayin’ here on her own. ‘Sides, anyone catches sight of you, you’re dead before you can get a word in.’

Maggie swallowed hard, looking to Merle uncertainly. Her faith in the Dixon’s was undoubtedly about to be tested, but Merle, seeming to for once agree with Daryl, nodded slightly.

‘Ain’t nothin’ to worry about, Greene. I got you.’

Beth almost expected Maggie to guffaw at that but she looked strangely touched. Beth turned to her sister and hugged her lightly.

‘Be safe.’ She whispered.

Maggie squeezed Beth’s arms and there was enough adrenaline running through her now that she barely felt it. ‘You too. Anything happens, you come straight back here.’

Beth nodded, feeling numb, trying not to let herself worry about what could go wrong. They barely had a plan, but she just had to trust Daryl knew what he was doing.

Merle checked the magazine of his gun. Finally, when he couldn’t put it off any longer, he looked to his brother. ‘Don’t go gettin’ yourself killed, now.’

Daryl let out a huff. ‘See you soon.’

He gestured for Beth to follow him through the weeds, and after one last look at Maggie, she did.

Low voices were coming from inside the warehouse but Daryl still moved lightly. Beth mimicked his every step until they reached the edge of the field. Ahead, there were two men posted outside the entrance to the building.

‘Rick and Shane’ll be in there.’ Daryl muttered in a low voice.

‘What do we do about them?’ Beth whispered, watching the shiny rifles strapped to the men with apprehension. They looked roughly Daryl’s size but even Beth knew Daryl couldn’t take on the two of them at once when they had weapons like that.

‘Take ‘em out. Quietly.’ He turned to Beth, seeing the worry in her eyes. ‘Don’t move.’

She did as he asked. Her legs were aching from crouching down and her face was itchy from the prickly weeds but she stayed still, even as she watched Daryl disappearing into the night. The two guards appeared to be speaking to each other and Beth allowed a small feeling of relief that they hadn’t seen or heard Daryl as he moved silently across the field. Just as she began running through possibilities of what Daryl was planning through her mind, she heard a loud rustling noise in the direction he’d disappeared in.

‘You hear that?’ One of the men looked around, hands on his rifle. As he turned, the moonlight hit his face and Beth tried to commit it to memory, just in case. He rubbed his beard, looking into the stretch of fields.

‘Probably just an animal.’ The other answered around the stem he was chewing on.

The bearded guard looked to his companion, expression harsh. ‘Ain’t gambling our lives with “probably” if something happens and we’re the ones responsible.’

‘Alright, alright.’ His companion pushed off from the door, spitting out the weed. ‘I’ll take a look.’

Beth flattened herself as best she could on the hard ground, her heart pounding so loud she was sure they’d hear her in the quiet night. The bearded man stayed put but the other had moved around to the side of the warehouse, muttering curses.

A minute had passed before Beth began to worry. She hadn’t heard anything save for the bearded man whistling lowly to himself. Surely she’d have heard something if anything had happened to Daryl. And then, just as she was beginning to consider following his trail, she saw him crouching at the corner of the warehouse. Across his body along with his crossbow was a black rifle. His eyes found hers and he put a finger to his lips. Sick with relief, Beth wobbled on her feet but nodded. She was getting pins and needles from clutching the hunting knife so tightly.

Beth watched as Daryl rounded the corner, waiting for the moment the bearded man turned his back to sneak up behind him and wrap his arms around his neck in a headlock, one hand shoved roughly over the man’s mouth so he couldn’t call out. Daryl dragged him away from the warehouse, towards Beth as he kicked out savagely but Daryl’s grip didn’t loosen. Eventually, right before the man ran out of oxygen and passed out, Daryl let him go, using the butt of the rifle to knock him unconscious. The man slumped against Daryl, who dragged him further, past Beth and to a nearby tree.

Beth, looking around to make sure there was no one else out there, quickly made her way to Daryl.

‘Are you okay?’

Daryl grunted as he pulled the man’s belt off, fingers shaking. As he fastened it around the trunk of the tree, he propped the man against it and tightened it around his neck, pulling the buckle to the other side to make it harder for him to get loose. His hand was bleeding.

‘He bit you.’ Beth exclaimed as Daryl motioned for her to help him.

‘You bit me.’ Daryl reminded her with a hint of amusement. ‘’S nothin’.’

Daryl stepped back, eyes darting over the man to look for any possible way he’d get loose. When he finally seemed convinced, he grabbed Beth by the arm and led her the way he’d disappeared before. Although there seemed to be no one else around, he moved cautiously. They moved past the entrance, sticking close to the walls. Beth saw, a little further away, the second guard strapped to a tree by his neck in the same way, unconscious. Pushing her worry about Maggie and Merle out of her head, she quietly tailed Daryl until they got to what looked like a back entrance. To her relief, there was no one posted outside. An odd thought struck her at this, considering Shane Walsh did not seem like one to leave things to chance, and especially since he must know by now that not all his men were trustworthy, considering information had gotten back to Merle.

‘Daryl, wait.’ Beth hissed, pulling on his vest. He turned, concerned, eyes raking their surroundings. ‘Don’t you think Shane would have more than just those two out here for protection?’

Daryl chewed on his lip as though he’d already considered it. ‘Might. But there ain’t a way to find out ‘til I get in there.’

‘You mean we.’ Beth corrected.

Daryl sighed, biceps twitching as his hands flexed around his crossbow. The bite on his hand was bleeding but there was something bright in his eyes, the same thing she’d seen in Merle’s earlier. Maybe it wasn’t fighting the Dixon’s knew so well. Maybe it was surviving.

‘Stay close.’ Was all he said.

‘Right behind you.’ Beth replied, holding his gaze. ‘What if Shane expected us to come? Maybe he meant Merle to find out, knowing we’d come anyway.’

Daryl nodded slowly. ‘Thought about it. Worth the risk.’

Beth silently agreed. When it came to Rick, she was beginning to realise there was nothing Daryl wouldn’t do. They had become brothers somewhere along the way. And if the way he still protected Merle despite the things he’d done told her anything, it was that he’d go just as far for Rick.

Daryl tested the door handle, surprised to find it unlocked. He peered cautiously through the narrow opening. Apparently satisfied that it was clear, he moved through soundlessly into the warehouse.

Beth followed, the voices inside more audible now. It was unmistakeably Rick and Shane, and although they both sounded quite controlled, Beth hoped that they’d stay that way for as long as they could. Knowing Shane’s temper, she didn’t like their chances.

Beth and Daryl crawled through what looked like an empty storage room towards another open door, warm light coming through the room it led to. Daryl paused for a moment but Beth didn’t realise he’d stopped until she was approaching the door and he reached out, bunching up her shirt in his fist and dragging her back into his body, a taut arm across her breast holding her there tightly.

Breathing hard, Beth looked to the door and noticed distant shadows dancing across the spill of light.

‘You know, it never made much sense to me.’ Shane Walsh’s voice seemed to echo through the warehouse, taking up all the empty space. ‘I mean, she settled, sure. But staying with you while she wanted me, that’s cruel I’ll admit.’

Daryl’s breath was tickling Beth’s neck and she fought hard to concentrate despite not being able to move against Daryl’s arms, still holding her close to his body as though she could melt into it.

‘This ain’t about her.’ Rick’s voice was lower, more controlled, but somehow more dangerous because of this. Another dancing shadow across the threshold as someone paced around. Judging from the distance the voices seemed, it had to be Shane.

Beth wiggled slightly in Daryl’s grip and he noticed, releasing her slowly. She moved to the side of him that was furthest to the door, flattening her back against the wall. It was dark in the storage room but Daryl’s eyes were bright as they flicked around, working out a plan.

‘What’s it about then, Rick? Enlighten me.’

Rick’s voice was irritated when he replied. ‘It’s about this. Whatever it is you think you’re doing, whatever power you got with the Governor’s gang, is all bullshit. We got Philip Blake. He ain’t “the Governor” no more.’

Behind them was a small window and before asking Daryl, Beth turned around and chanced a look through. Daryl pulled her lower hastily – her blonde hair would be shining like a beacon – but popped his head next to hers. It was a giant, empty space save for one table and two chairs; one that Rick sat on. His arms were behind his chair and Beth guessed Shane had bound his hands. Shane was pacing around on his side of the table, his own chair discarded.

‘Weapons.’ Beth whispered and nodded to the middle of the table where Daryl followed her gaze, taking in the guns.

‘Rick’s.’ Daryl breathed and Beth squinted, wondering if Daryl recognised the colt that always sat at the Sheriff’s hip. If they’d done as it looked, both Shane and Rick were unarmed. If somehow they could get to the middle of the room and ensure Shane wouldn’t reach a weapons, this could be over very soon.

‘Philip Blake,’ Shane spat the name, turning to Rick and placing his hands on the table. ‘Ain’t shit no more. Don’t know what your sources are telling you, but they’re wrong, Rick.’

Rick half-smiled, and behind it, his eyes were cold and humourless. ‘Can’t keep taking, Shane. Eventually all this is gonna catch up to you.’

‘Oh, you here to ensure that are you? You catching up with me, is that it?’ Shane laughed manically. Beth didn’t miss the way Rick’s eyes darted to his gun as Shane pushed himself off the table, pacing around again.

‘You still mad about Lori, huh?’

Beside her, Daryl tensed. Beth didn’t know the whole story between Rick and his ex-wife, but she knew enough to know this was not a topic they could discuss lightly.

Rick shook his head slowly, frowning at Shane. ‘You were by best friend. Best man at our wedding.’ His voice was softer now.

Shane let out a bark of laughter, rubbing his head before leaping at Rick, grabbing his collar and pulling his head close.

‘You ain’t man enough for her. You can’t keep her or Carl safe. She been wantin’ more for a long time.’

Rick dropped his head down. A soft noise was echoing throughout the room and after a second, Rick lifted his head and he was laughing. Beth’s stomach contracted, feeling a growing sense of dread. As much as she’d hoped Rick wouldn’t take the bait, she couldn’t exactly blame him. Daryl was growing more tense next to her, itching to do something. It was an exposed room; they’d see him coming straight away. He could shoot Shane with an arrow, but there was no guarantee Shane wouldn’t reach for a gun quicker than they could get to him.

‘What’s funny, Rick? You lost everything to me –’ Shane was cut off at the sound of his phone ringing. He scanned the number, then glanced at Rick. ‘Stay put, Grimes. I’ll be quick.’

Thankfully, Shane chose the front entrance to walk towards as he answered his phone.

‘Officer Walsh.’ His voice grew distant as he exited the warehouse.

Beth knew they had precious seconds before the two guards were discovered, and when she looked to Daryl, he nodded at her steadily, arm pulling at her top as they darted into the room to Rick’s surprise.

‘Daryl, I told you –’ Rick’s eyes grew wide as he spotted Beth sneaking in behind him. ‘God, Beth too? I promised your old man I’d make sure you were safe, not sneaking into a gang’s compound with Daryl Dixon –’

‘Good to see you, too.’ Beth said dryly, putting the hunting knife in her hand to use for the first time. As she cut through the zip ties binding Rick’s hands, Daryl gathered the guns on the table.

‘He got more?’ Daryl asked Rick, tossing him his colt.

The Sheriff caught it, rubbing at his wrists, where Beth saw angry red marks from where he’d been straining. They quickly made their way back into the storage room. Crouching down, Rick scanned his weapon, checking for bullets.

‘Was trying to make it fair, putting his weapons in the middle. Don’t think he’s got anymore hidden. But he’s got four men outside who are armed –’

‘Four?’ Daryl looked up sharply. Beth’s heart suddenly leapt into her mouth.

Rick raised his eyebrows and in the dark the shadows on his face cast a grim skeleton. ‘Four.’

Daryl swore. ‘We gotta go back –’

‘We’re not getting out of here until I arrest Shane –’

‘I left Merle out there, thinkin’ it’d be safe. Stupid son of a bitch’ll try playin’ the hero, to protect Maggie.’

Rick looked ready to burst. He turned to Beth. ‘Maggie? Your sister as well?’

‘She wouldn’t let me come alone.’

‘I fail to see why you had to come at all!’ Rick hissed as loud as he could without causing an echo.

Daryl’s eyes were bright as they flicked to Rick. ‘Ain’t her. Wanna blame someone, blame me.’

Rick’s expression softened slightly at this. He placed his head in his hands, rubbing at his temples.

‘I know you meant well.’ He looked at Daryl. ‘I know I owe you for this.’

Daryl stayed silent but his glare softened slightly as well.

‘Alright. You all have to get out of here, now. We can take him on another day but I won’t have so many innocent people in harm’s way.’

Daryl watched Rick closely. ‘Would’a died if we didn’t turn up, you know that right?’

Rick sighed. ‘Yeah. You can call me a fool for trusting that there was still some shred of decency left in him later.’

A rusting noise had Daryl and Rick pointing their guns towards the back door. A second later, Maggie was crawling through.

‘Maggie! What are you –’

Her sister collapsed against a wall. She was holding Daryl’s kitchen knife still but this time it was shining with blood instead of silver.

‘What happened?’ Beth couldn’t control the fear in her voice. She scanned Maggie quickly for injury but there was none.

‘Maggie, are you hurt?’ Rick asked, placing his gun down and slowly taking the knife from her. Maggie was shaking and it took Beth another second to realise her sister was crying. When she looked up, it wasn’t Rick or even Beth that she addressed.

‘I’m so sorry, Daryl.’ Her green eyes were full of tears.

Beth felt Daryl freeze up next to her. Before he could ask, Maggie was stuttering out words.

‘We got cornered, there were two guards who spotted us and Merle said he’d take care of it, but I knew he’d be no match for the two of them. He managed to take one of them out but the other grabbed him and I didn’t know what else to do, I was hidden and he hadn’t found me yet and the only person I could think that could bring help quick was Shane Walsh.’

Beth felt her blood run cold. Shane’s phone ringing, answering it as though he was just an officer on duty. No one was moving, no one was speaking, the room silent as death.

‘I thought maybe he’d be able to send some men down, I don’t even know what I thought I just,’ she broke off, fighting for control of her voice, ‘I called him and then he came out of the warehouse and he took one look at Merle and grabbed him.’

Beth felt sick. ‘Whose blood is that, Maggie?’ She asked slowly.

Her sister wouldn’t tear her eyes off Daryl. ‘Not either of ours. One of the men tried to grab me. He took my gun.’

Rick sunk against the wall, hands shaking as they rubbed his temples. Beth knew he was replaying the moment he asked her to keep Shane’s true identity secret just as she was. She was hating herself for listening to him as much as she suspected he was hating himself for urging it.

‘Where’s my brother?’ Daryl asked quietly. In his voice, Beth could hear a hundred emotions he was holding back by the tiniest amount of control. One wrong answer would set it all off.

Before Maggie could say another word, there was a scraping noise and they all turned to peer cautiously through the tiny window.

Shane had reopened the warehouse door. He propped it open with his foot, leaning against the frame, only half of his body in view. He had a cut across his cheek and his lip looked swollen but in one hand he held a rifle. A second later, he threw his head back and laughed at Rick’s empty chair.

‘That how it’s gonna be is it?’ He yelled out to the empty place, eyes finally landing on the room they were hiding in. They dipped their heads in unison.

‘Let me make this easy.’ Shane moved completely through the door, dragging along what his other arm had been hiding. Bloodied and beaten, Merle Dixon was hanging limp as he was hauled across the floor, barely conscious.

Daryl made to stand up but Rick held him back, straining against Daryl’s strength.

‘Wait.’ Rick whispered. Daryl pushed him off roughly but stayed put. Beth gripped the hunting knife in her hand, stealing looks through the window.

‘I know you’re in there.’ Shane teased in a sing-song voice. He grinned, shaking his head. ‘C’mon, Daryl. You’re a hell of a lot smarter than your pathetic excuse for a brother. Come out. Do as I say.’

When no one revealed themselves, Shane lost patience. He threw Merle onto the ground and kicked him once in his side. Merle let out a groan, swearing at Shane.

Shane looked delighted. He dragged Merle further into the room, throwing him against the table.

‘You took the guns, huh?’ Shane ran a hand across the table before kicking it over, Merle losing his balance with it, sprawling across the floor with a groan. ‘Tell you what. I’m gonna give you to the count of three before I start blowing holes in Merle’s stomach.’

Daryl growled, throwing off the rifle and loading his crossbow, taking aim through the semi-open door. Rick hastened to pull him back.

‘He’s not gonna do it, Daryl; Merle’s his bargaining chip. He kills Merle and there’s nothing stopping us from killing him.’

Beth knew that somehow Rick’s words were reaching Daryl, but she also knew that Daryl would not risk anything happening to his brother, no matter the odds. As much as Rick was making sense, Daryl would leave nothing to chance.

Daryl seemed frozen, shoulders tensed impossibly as he held his aim. One wrong move could see his brother dead but doing nothing could also give him the same result.

Shane pulled up a chair and sat on the edge of it, Merle by his feet. ‘Or.’ He said, quieter than before but this time somehow more dangerous, as Rick’s voice had been earlier. ‘Or, I spare Merle and make you all come out one by one and kill your pretty blonde friend instead. She’s here, ain’t she, Daryl? Wouldn’t leave you to do this alone, I know that much.’

Daryl’s finger itched towards the trigger but Beth didn’t miss the way his body shifted to cover hers.

‘Your choice, Daryl.’ Shane grinned manically. On the floor, Merle was stirring, slowly regaining awareness.

Beth wasn’t afraid for herself nearly as much as she thought she’d be. There was something about seeing Daryl a moment away from being broken that terrified her more than anything else could. He would not pick between them. She wouldn’t let him.

When there was no answer, Shane nodded fairly. ‘Alright. Guess you choose her.’

He cocked the rifle and pointed it at Merle’s head and Daryl didn’t wait to see if he would do it.

‘Stop.’ He threw his crossbow down, bursting out of the storage room, Rick running after him.

Shane raised his eyebrows, impressed. ‘Smart choice.’

Daryl had his hands up in surrender, knowing that there was nothing he could do to show he was going to cooperate. Rick, however, still kept his gun trained on Shane’s head.

‘Don’t do anything stupid, now Rick.’ Shane warned, gun still pointed at Merle’s temple.

Merle was conscious now, sitting up and spitting out a mouthful of blood. He winced as he moved his legs. ‘Daryl.’ Merle’s voice was strangled but his brother did not look. Daryl’s eyes were locked on Shane’s trigger finger.

‘Don’t kill him.’ He said quietly and Beth’s heart broke at the sound of Daryl begging. Suddenly, he wasn’t tough, scary Daryl Dixon anymore, but the child who’d lost his brother once before and wouldn’t know what to be without him again. ‘Don’t kill him.’

Shane was clearly relishing in Daryl’s desperation. ‘Tell your dog to put his gun down.’

Rick looked to Daryl uncertainly, but at the sight of Daryl’s trembling fingers, he abided silently.

‘And the others?’ Shane asked in a bored voice.

Beth didn’t need to be asked twice. Hand gripped around Daryl’s hunting knife, she stood up straight and walked into the main room, hand intertwined with Maggie’s. She stood beside Daryl, whose body slackened at her presence. No matter how much he’d done to keep her safe, they’d arrived at this, like it was always going to happen like that. Daryl could never keep Beth safe as long as he kept himself in her life. She wouldn’t have it any other way, even with the possibility of death looming on her. Daryl was too late to realise this and it couldn’t help him now but he still suffered for it, she knew he did.

Maggie was breathing hard, eyes surprisingly dry as she attempted to put on a brave front. Beth knew she must be hating herself inside for what she’d unknowingly done. She wanted to reach out and grab her sister’s hand and assure her that Merle would have been captured either way, but there seemed to be no words to embody this reassurance, and no time.

‘There they are.’ Shane’s eyes twinkled as they landed on the Greene sisters. ‘You two sure have a way of getting into trouble. First Beth with her little kidnapping incident. Sure lucky Daryl was there to help.’

‘I saved myself.’ Beth replied, voice steady, and Shane laughed.

‘Don’t know if I’d put down throwing myself out of a car as saving myself, but sure. Daryl here made sure they wouldn’t come after you again, though, isn’t that right?’

Daryl didn’t reply but slowly lowered his hands. Beside her, Maggie’s hand contracted.

‘There we go, nothing to fear.’ Shane coaxed and Beth felt sick with the knowledge that he was enjoying this, seeing them all terrified, at his mercy.

‘See, Daryl – he protects. He got that tough guy thing going on, reckons no one can touch him. Ain’t letting anyone get too close. Until they do. He protects precious little Beth Greene like he protects his dumb-ass brother.’ He nodded to Merle, whose face was scrunched up in pain as he attempted to move. Beth could see the fear in the older man’s eyes, an unexpected sight that unnerved her more than the rifle did.

‘But, hey, this ain’t all about Daryl. No.’ Shane’s eyes shone as they moved to Rick. ‘Just had to meddle. Just couldn’t let go that your wife was fucking me while she was with you. That your son would rather have me as a father. Oh I bet it hurt, Rick. I bet it hurt bad. You want me gone, I get that. But I hope you know it won’t hurt much longer. You ain’t getting out of this alive.’

Rick was watching Shane as though he was a rabid dog. His hand was slowly moving to his back pocket, where Beth could see he’d hidden one of the guns from the table. Shane had spotted this, too, and he pushed himself off the chair and swung his gun to face Rick instead, who stilled.

‘None of that. On your knees.’

Rick’s mouth twitched as he forced his body to become more vulnerable, getting to his knees on the hard floor.

‘Maybe I’ll make you pick between Rick and Merle.’ Shane leered to Daryl. ‘Trade one brother for another. What do you think?’

Beth could see Daryl’s eyes darting between the rifle and Rick, weighing up his odds if he were to try and go for it. Before he could make a move, Shane was moving along to Beth and Maggie.

‘Sure gonna be a shame, to have to kill you two.’ He turned to Maggie, pushing the rifle through the hair. She closed her eyes, shaking. ‘I bet you’re feeling bad now, ain’t you? It’s okay, how could you have known, right? If it makes you feel better, I would have found him eventually. You just helped speed it up.’

Beth was overpowered with the urge to slash out at him with her hunting knife, but like he could read her mind, he snatched it out of her grip. He threw it to the other side of the room and it landed with a deafening clang, Beth jumping at the noise involuntarily.

Shane considered her for a moment, then looked to her left where Daryl was standing, apparently fighting against his better instincts to throw himself between the two of them.

‘Who’s gonna break first?’ Shane teased, but he never got an answer out of them. He let out a yell as Merle reached out, dragging Shane’s feet out from under him and bringing him crashing to the ground. And before Daryl had time enough to reach for his crossbow, Shane’s finger had closed on his trigger, and a gunshot rang out through the abandoned building, deafening them.

‘No!’ Beth and Daryl screamed in unison. Before she had run forward, Rick was already wrestling Shane to the ground, Maggie scrambling for the rifle he’d dropped and aiming it at his head, trembling. Shane held up his hands in surrender, grinning through a split lip but Rick didn’t seem to care. He was finally unloading his pent up hatred for him and he showed no sign of slowing as he connected fist with bone in a blind rage as Shane’s face took the beating. Through her crippling shock, Beth reached Daryl, who had dropped to his knees beside Merle. And when she was finally able to look down and face what her mind already knew, she saw Merle Dixon sprawled across the floor, dead.

‘No, no, no,’ Daryl was sobbing, hands on the gunshot wound in his brother’s chest like he could heal it. Daryl was fighting for breath, suffocating, his hands slick with Merle’s blood. Shaking, he moved them around Merle’s body, to his face, to his pulse, like he could somehow find a way to fix it. Beth, feeling like she was going to be sick, could do nothing but stand and watch through her tears as Daryl’s bloodied hands fought to find some kind of life on his brother, painting him red. And after a minute of shaking denial, Daryl finally seemed to realise that Merle was dead, and he let out a noise like a wounded animal, ripping through his lungs and out of his body of its own volition. He fell backwards, unable to look away as he lay next to his brother, body racked with silent sobs.

Maggie was watching Daryl, rifle hanging limply by her side. Tears were running silently down her face. It could have been a minute later or an hour when Rick finally stood up, out of breath and knuckles bleeding.

None of them wanted to disturb Daryl; no one knew how. He was shaking silently into his knees, clutched to his chest, next to his dead brother. Shane was groaning on the ground, face nearly unrecognisable, lips bubbling with blood.

Rick’s hands went to his head at the sight of Merle, his face shattering as he was forced to look at the truth, as though he’d been able to convince himself it had not happened if he just stayed focussed on Shane.

Finally, Beth crouched down by Daryl, placing a tentative hand on his arm. His grief was palpable; it was coming through his skin, through his tortured sobs, heavy in the air all around them.

‘Daryl,’ Beth started softly. She didn’t know if she expected him to answer her, but she definitely wasn’t prepared for him to raise his head and look to her. The only thing she could think as she looked at him was how lost his eyes were and how she wished she could take his loss away and give it to herself. She could bear it. She would bear it, if she could.

‘Daryl, I’m- I’m so sorry.’ Maggie’s voice was trembling.

Daryl looked to his brother again, his face breaking like the first time. This time, he did not cry. His eyes were red and his fingers were shaking but he seemed to be spent of sorrow, for now. Rick bent down to cuff Shane’s wrists, and as he did, a gurgling laugh escaped the other man’s throat. Quicker than Beth could believe, Daryl leapt up and had Shane’s throat between his hands.

At first, no one tried to stop him. They all watched as Shane’s face grew redder and redder, his eyes bulging out of their sockets. Then, after Shane began to lose control of his flailing arms and slacken, Rick gently reached out to Daryl.

‘You can’t kill him, Daryl –’

‘Get off.’ Daryl snarled, shoving Rick back, hard. Rick, a mixture of pity and worry on his face, swore and turned to Beth, eyes pleading. He knew as well as she did, that there was only one person that would get through to him.

Beth stooped next to Daryl, placing her head softly on his shoulder. At the feel of her, his grip loosened slightly, his eyes closing.

‘Leave him, Daryl. Killing him will take more from you than from him. Leave him, and he’ll rot in prison for the rest of his life for what he did. He’s taken enough. Don’t let him take you, too.’ Beth felt as though everything had slowed since the bullet had left Shane’s gun. Slow enough that she could almost imagine she could have done something different and she knew that the same thought would haunt Daryl. It was inexorable all the same, and she knew that deep down but right now it didn’t help and it didn’t ease the anguish.

Daryl was breathing in and out as though he was physically hurt, his eyebrows knitted together in anguish as he looked down at the man whose life he literally held in his hands. He let go as though Shane’s neck was a red hot poker and dragged himself back to Merle’s body, pulling up his knees to his chest once more and burying his head. He was shuddering violently.

‘Call for backup.’ Beth turned to Rick grimly. ‘Now.’

Rick nodded, dazed still from the events and turned away, staggering slightly to the door.

Beth sat next to Daryl and stayed there until Rick came back inside, nearly an hour later, with a few other officers. The men removed an unconscious Shane in handcuffs. Beth heard them speaking about the four unconscious gang members they’d found outside, some with stab wounds and others concussed, but they’d all live. When they tried to take Beth and Maggie for questioning, Rick objected.

‘Let them stay. I’ll interview them later.’

They nodded and disappeared out the door and as Shane disappeared too, a small reprieve settled over them all. It was quiet in the empty warehouse, the only noise coming from the chirping cicadas outside. The two artificial yellow lights above them began to flicker.

Beth hadn’t looked at Merle’s body if she could help it but she looked now, feeling a numb, cold sensation spreading through her. Merle was limp, covered in Daryl’s bloody handprints. The bullet wound in his chest had killed him instantly, spreading a deep ruby across his shirt. His face was slack, eyes wide and staring hauntingly in Daryl’s direction. She knew that this image would haunt Daryl long after tonight, as her mother had haunted her. They had too many ghosts between them but Beth would gladly take another to lessen his load. Unfortunately for her, she knew too well that she could do nothing but sit there as Daryl came apart.

Maggie was sitting on the floor a little away from them, staring into nothingness. Like Daryl, her eyes were also dry but Beth imagined the guilt slowly ruining her on the inside.

Daryl raised his head slowly. He seemed to be staring through Merle’s body. He stood up, bending down to pick up his hunting knife. Maggie scrambled up, too. Rick had been leaning against a wall but now pushed himself off as though it took great effort, walking over to them.

Daryl took a final look at Merle’s body before turning to Beth. He didn’t say anything but he didn’t need to. She could read his eyes as easily as if they were her own.

‘Let’s go home.’ She managed through the lump in her throat. Daryl didn’t seem to want to leave his brother’s side but Rick stepped in.

‘I’ll stay with him, Daryl. I’ll make sure he’s taken care of.’

Daryl looked as though he couldn’t quite make sense of his words but nodded. Maggie was by Beth’s side, gripping her hand tightly. Beth knew Maggie was thinking what they were all thinking; it could have been any of them who died. Whether it was by accident or purpose, one of them was dead. Daryl hadn’t just lost his brother. A piece of him had died right in front of their eyes and somehow it seemed harder to look at Daryl than Merle.

Daryl eyed Maggie’s and Beth’s tangled hands. His voice seemed as though it was being dragged from a deep place, scraping against his throat.

‘Ain’t your fault.’ He looked up to Maggie. ‘He would’ve been caught either way. Ain’t on you.’

Beth could tell this meant a lot to Maggie by the way her fingers froze up and her breath hitched. Knowing her sister, she’d want to say something to comfort him, to offer condolences or help, but Maggie didn’t say another word, not during their walk back to her car, not on the drive back to town and not as they watched Daryl disappear into his apartment building. Daryl had made it clear he needed to be alone by the way he pulled himself from the car without a word and they let him go without question.

Beth couldn’t bear to watch him go alone so she turned away, knowing that he would not get back the part of himself he lost that night any more than he would get back his dead brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gahh, only one chapter left!! definitely ended this one on a sad note, but hopefully I make up for it in the next one :)


	16. Stay With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl finds a way to live with his grief and he and Beth finally have each other the way they were meant to.

It had been a week since the horrific incident at the abandoned warehouse. Beth hadn’t left her room for the first few days, only bothering to eat because Maggie would push food through her door. It was strange how devastated she felt about Merle’s death, how eagerly her crushing feeling of despair had returned to her. She had grown to care for him the more time she spent with Daryl, more than she’d expected. She had supposed it was from seeing just how important Daryl’s brother was to him, but she knew deep down that it was more than that – it was being able to see that Merle wasn’t a bad person and beginning to root for him to get out of this, convincing herself with a stupid amount of hope that he would get out of this.

It had been a week since Beth had seen Daryl. There were many times she wanted to climb out of her window and go to him but each time she talked herself out of it, knowing she wouldn’t be able to ease his pain. He simply had to go through it and he wouldn’t cope any easier with her there. There was also Rick, on the third day after, who had come to the farm to check on her, inform her of the updates and advise her to stay away.

‘I was there last night.’ The Sheriff had said as they sat at the kitchen table. Maggie was at work and Beth had barely caught a glimpse of Hershel since she’d been back. She knew he was keeping himself busy same as Maggie was, unsure of what to say. They were alone in the house and the silence seemed to be veiling over everything, fading it all out.

‘At Daryl’s. Went to tell him what we’d charged Shane with, anything else I could. Mainly an excuse to see how he was.’

Beth played around with the mug in front of her. ‘And?’

Rick finally looked up, his eyes weary. ‘He’s not good, Beth. He was still in the clothes from that night, Merle’s blood all over him. Thanked me and everything but he told me to leave him for a while. Doesn’t seem like he wants anyone around.’

Beth nodded, the thought of Daryl suffering alone like this doing nothing to put her mind at ease. But she expected nothing else. This was how she’d been when her mother had died.

‘How’s Maggie?’

‘She’s alright. I think she still feels guilty for it all.’ Beth frowned slightly. ‘We should have told her.’

‘Yeah. I’ll add that to the list of things I’ve handled poorly.’ Rick sighed deeply, rubbing the stubble poking out of his chin.

Beth found she didn’t have anything to say to that, and Rick, taking the hint, had left not long after. She watched him go from her bedroom window before collapsing on her bed. The guitar Daryl had bought her stayed collecting dust in the corner.

The next few days passed without event. She talked to her father once, but it was an awkward and confusing conversation that did nothing except make her angrier. Hershel was being supportive now, but it didn’t matter anymore. She no longer needed it.

On the week of Merle’s death, Beth woke up with a less clouded mind. She could not continue stumbling alone anymore and she no longer cared if Daryl wanted to see anyone or not. She showered before telling Maggie she was taking her car. Her sister didn’t question it as she walked out onto the porch with her, arms hugged over her chest tightly despite the warm, inviting air.

‘I hope he’s okay.’ Maggie said, a breeze flitting through her hair as she leant on the worn railing. Beth looked out into the empty yard, squinting as sunlight reflected into her eyes off the shiny ring on her sister’s finger. Glenn had been around a few times, both he and Maggie trying to get Beth out of her room but they’d eventually settled for talking to her through her bedroom door when they realised it was no use. They couldn’t rush her anymore than she could rush Daryl. They rarely mentioned him or what happened, instead trying to distract her from her own thoughts. It had worked, for a time. But it could go on no longer. Today would be her day of healing, of accepting things as they were, knowing she couldn’t change them. Everything that had happened in the last year – her mother dying, her suicide attempt, the last few weeks of danger and heartbreak – today would be the day she learnt to live with it all. She hoped Daryl was willing to do the same.

‘Me too.’

Beth didn’t look back to the farm as she got inside Maggie’s car and started the engine. She drove down the dusty road in silence, watching Maggie in the rear view mirror as she hung her head for a moment before disappearing back into the house.

* * *

Daryl’s first thought when he woke up in his apartment the day after Merle died was that he wished he was dead, too. In some strange way, his mind had already gone through a stage of grief even before Merle had died. His brother had been in and out of his life all his life and Daryl had know somewhere in him that this couldn’t continue. Merle’s demons would catch up to him, eventually. Deep down, he knew it would come to this but he had never wanted to believe it. Merle’s choices had perpetually placed him in death’s shadow for most of his life, so why was it so surprising that they finally caught up to him?

Merle’s blood had set in his skin, in his clothes. Daryl didn’t shower or change but instead dragged himself out of bed after a few hours to retrieve the old photo of the two of them. On the way, he caught sight of himself in his bathroom mirror. He looked as though he had been dead for days, covered in blood with no life left, reanimated just to walk the earth in misery. He smashed his mirror, more to feel something than anything else, but found there was no pain as the glass shards sliced into his fist.

The photograph was laying where it had been last. He wasn’t strong enough to look at it just yet, but he picked it up and and held it in his blood-soaked hands, staring blankly out of the living room window. There was no telling how much time had passed but the picture seemed to be burning against his skin so he finally looked at it. Even though he’d known it was coming, there was no way to prepare him for the vicious pain that tore through his chest as he looked down at the two smiling boys. Daryl sunk to the floor, falling into the corner with the photograph clutched in his hands and he stayed there, catatonic, for the rest of the day.

The next few days were just as hard, but at least they all seemed to blend together. Daryl was stuck with his thoughts, with his regrets, with his pain. He wanted to be alone, wanted to make himself feel everything because some sick part of him felt he earned this. He wasn’t stupid enough to believe he could have it all; the happiness he’d been denying himself for so long, the happiness that came with finally having Merle back in his life and meeting Beth and discovering so many things could be good, but he was selfish enough to think that maybe he’d deserved it after all these years. He knew better now.

Rick had shown up sometime in between and informed him that Shane had been charged with countless felonies, manslaughter among them. The news didn’t provide any relief to Daryl, who, even though there was no proof otherwise, knew Shane was planning to kill Merle all along. The injustice of not having a murder charge was not what angered him, it was knowing that Shane was still able to walk around and breathe. Daryl knew Beth and Rick had both been right in warning him away from giving Shane the death he deserved, but he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d be a little more at peace with what happened if he hadn’t listened to them.

The day he woke up and finally dragged himself to the shower, kicking the shards of broken mirror into the corner and throwing his grisly clothes on top of them, was the day that Beth knocked on his door.

Daryl opened it to find her standing between the threshold, cheeks stained red from the heat outside, clutching a bag to her side. Somehow, the look of earnest in her eyes was enough to lift the heavy feeling on his heart for a moment.

Her wide eyes searched his. Then, she stepped into his apartment and closed his door gently. Without preamble, Beth’s arms were wrapping tightly around him, her head against his chest. All at once, her familiar scent was filling his head and it was dizzying, disarming him without warning at how much he’d missed her. He didn’t remember hugging her back but he could feel the familiar edges of her under his hands and knew that the only way he would part with this feeling of release was if she let go. She did, eventually.

‘Daryl.’ Beth pulled back, her blue eyes bright on his. Her fingers trailed down his arms and eventually found his hands.

‘Don’t say anythin’.’ Daryl managed in a low voice, eyes closing under her touch. His voice was raspier than usual from disuse. He could not talk about Merle now, not even to her. She seemed to understand this, as he knew she would. He knew that she knew about loss just as much as he did.

Beth turned around, throwing her bag on the couch and pulling him towards his bedroom. Once he was seated on his unmade bed, she opened the windows and let the fresh, warm air pour in. Then, she sat next to him and took his hand, her head resting on his shoulder. They stayed like that for ages. He sensed she would not speak until he did.

‘Missed you, Beth.’ Daryl was surprised to hear the shakiness of his own voice. Clearly, the part of his heart where he kept Beth seemed to think he wouldn’t see her again. His brain knew this was ridiculous but his heart was much harder to convince. He was used to being alone and had made himself believe it was easier that way, but now he understood a little better just how wrong he’d been. And she was very much here, blonde hair spilling across his chest and soft hands on his, and he was very much not alone.

‘Can’t get rid of me that easy, Daryl Dixon.’ He could hear the smile in her voice.

It was not easy, to sit there and try to process feeling happy with Beth and sad without Merle, but he did it anyway. And sitting there with her, he was able to take his first real breath since it happened, and fill his damaged lungs with fresh air.

‘Not even if I wanted to.’ He breathed. ‘You’re always with me.’

Beth sighed into his chest, squeezing his hand. The sun was spilling through his open window, heating them up slowly and as it did, Daryl felt his tensed shoulders drop, felt his jaw unclench, as though it was thawing him out itself.

Beth seemed to notice the change in his body. She traced patterns on his legs with a finger, humming softly, and Daryl could not find the words to encapsulate just how much comfort this brought him.

‘Maggie and Glenn are getting married.’ She said after a while.

At this, Daryl’s chest stirred with new emotion.

‘He proposed to her the other day, after we got back.’ In the air hung the words she omitted. _After your brother died._ ‘Said he’d known since the day he met her he wanted to be with her forever, just was too scared to ask her before.’

Daryl thought of Glenn and knew that if anyone deserved this kind of happiness, it was him. He couldn’t fathom how fear had stopped Glenn doing this sooner since he and Maggie were perfect for each other, but he did not miss the irony to his own situation. Fear had controlled most of his life. Even when he’d thought he had nothing to lose, there was always something. It was only once he realised that the only way to truly deserve things he wanted was to fight for them, that he finally allowed himself to want them in the first place. Losing them was a part he’d have to accept, and the fear of it was a permanent condition of it all.

‘It seems sudden, given everything that’s happened. But – I don’t know. Just thought it might make you feel a bit better.’

Daryl shifted his shoulder to better support her head. ‘It does.’ He said truthfully.

‘Good.’ Beth sat up, checking the time. ‘C’mon.’

Warily, Daryl let her pull him up and followed her out of his room, stopping short when he saw her go into the bathroom.

‘What’re you –’

Beth was bending down, gathering Daryl’s bloodied clothes in her arms. She didn’t say anything about the smashed mirror as she walked out past him, squashing his clothes into her tote bag, before leading the way out of his apartment. Daryl waited a beat before following her, pocketing the picture of him and Merle.

In the hallway, Beth reached her hand out behind her and Daryl took it as he trailed her until they were outside. He noticed Maggie’s car parked ahead, but he didn’t ask any questions as they climbed in and Beth started driving.

It was as hot as ever so they rolled down the windows, basking in the sunlight and silence, and although Daryl hated to admit it, it felt good to be outside again. They passed through the familiar woods lining the deserted road that led to the farm, but Beth drove by it. Daryl didn’t know what she had in mind but he did not need to ask. It was enough, to be here with her, and he found he didn’t need a reason or excuse to feel this way. It felt wrong that he was feeling this while his brother was dead but he knew that the guilt would ease with time. He was amongst the trees with her and he was home.

‘Here.’ Beth said softly as she turned into a small road forking off from the main one. She got out of the car, tote bag stuffed with his clothes in hand. Daryl followed, hands in his pockets as they walked through the undergrowth. Eventually, Beth stopped in a small clearing and dumped his clothes out into what looked like a discarded fire pit.

‘I came here once with some friends.’ She explained. ‘Bonfire, toasting marshmallows. Seems so long ago now.’

Daryl chewed on his lip. He wondered what had happened since then. Beth never spoke about friends.

‘We should burn them.’ She said.

Daryl stared at his clothes, at all the red that he knew would never come out. He nodded slowly and pulled his lighter out. As he fumbled in his pocket, he felt the stiff edges of the photograph and pulled it out too, feeling his stomach sink but knowing what he had to do.

Daryl walked to the fire pit and flicked his lighter on, holding it close to the ruined material until it caught. The flames spread slowly but surely, the heat washing over the two of them in waves, orange filling their vision.

Daryl looked at Beth. She was focussed ahead and the flames were reflected in her eyes as they crackled. He felt an odd kind of release at watching those clothes turn to ash, as though they were making the event disappear, too. He knew that there could be nothing that would make him forget, but he thought that this would make his pain ease somewhat. And he knew he had to do that with everything, not just his clothes. It was the only way he could start again instead of wallowing, instead of drowning, instead of dying. As though he’d been given a second chance at the life he’d always longed for.  
Daryl crouched down and placed a corner of the photo of him and Merle into the fire and watched as the flames licked it up. Merle was the first to burn, curling up and vanishing. Daryl let it go, watching the photo blacken and shrivel up until there was nothing to distinguish it from the rest of the black soot.

‘You get to start again.’ Beth said softly, hugging her chest as he straightened up beside her.

Daryl breathed out a deep breath. He felt her presence like a weight next to him, grounding him, keeping him on earth. And with the smoke that floated up into the atmosphere before it dissipated, he felt his guilt, his suffering, slowly disappearing too. It would take a lot more than this to make things better, but at least for now it was bearable.

‘We get to start again.’ Daryl muttered roughly, blinking smoke out of his already prickling eyes.

Beth smiled slowly and took his hand, and with it he could feel the hope she seemed to have endless stores of, running through her veins and shooting from her fingers and he gripped tighter, finally taking some for himself. And they stayed standing like that, hand in hand, watching the burning flames in the scorching heat, long after the sun went down.

* * *

There was a time where Beth Greene would have given anything to feel normal again. She craved the ordinary after her mother died, wished she was just another stupid teenager like all her friends making stupid teenage choices. But she was cursed with the weight of death and the feeling of a loss so harrowing it changed you. She would never go back to who she was before. For the next year, Beth had gone through the hardest time in her life but it was only now she was past it – when she was starting to feel her soul come alive again – that she truly appreciated the feeling of not being normal, of having something she knew no one else had. More than one. That was Daryl. It was Maggie. It was her music.

For the next few weeks after Beth and Daryl had stood in front of that fire and watched their old lives be burned away, Beth began to truly understand why she had drifted away from all her friends the last year, why she wanted the things she did. Why she was different and why that was good.

Hershel had apologized for what he had said to her when they were fighting that day she had stormed out. They talked through things and he was doing his best to understand them all. Most surprising was his blessing for her and Daryl to continue to be together. She suspected Maggie had something to do with it. Beth would have kept seeing Daryl anyway, but still, it was nice to not have to sneak around avoiding suspicion. Maggie and Glenn had decided that they wanted to get married right away, screw an engagement party or fancy event. Beth knew at least a part of that was due to the near-death situation her and Maggie had been in a few weeks before. She couldn’t blame them, although it was a lot of work to plan a whole wedding in just a month. And in between stringing fairy-lights up in the barn and mailing out handwritten invitations with ink-stained fingers, there was Daryl. Sometimes he came to the farm and helped Hershel out with random errands he probably didn’t need help with, sometimes he joined Beth and Maggie and Glenn for movie night, laughing as they threw popcorn at the bad actors, and sometimes he and Rick and Carl would come over and they’d all sit for dinner in the backyard amongst the fireflies and orange lanterns.

But mostly it was this; Beth teaching Daryl to play guitar on the rooftop of his apartment on warm nights, tangling themselves together in his bed and waking up in each other’s arms, riding on the back of Daryl’s motorbike and feeling the thrum of his heart against her chest, attempting to make pancakes in the mornings and instead making a mess, collecting maps to plan their trip to see the redwoods, Daryl coming home from work with grease-covered hands to find Beth waiting for him on his couch, writing a song.

It was so different to anything Beth could have envisioned for herself and it was so dear to her – all of it – that it sometimes took her breath away to think about. How lucky she was, to have all this. She was alive and she was living and she was making her life into whatever she wanted. The girl she’d been a year ago wouldn’t have recognised the woman she’d grown into. And it was this thought alone that brought her comfort and told her that if she could keep going, she would be alright.

* * *

Daryl had received Maggie and Glenn’s wedding invitation one afternoon when he was sitting in a field with Beth, near her farm. They were on a picnic blanket and Daryl was cutting an apple up with a knife when Beth licked the sticky juice off her fingers and reached into her bag, pulling out the card.

Daryl’s eyes skimmed over it as he clutched it with shaky hands. He was growing used to all that came with this new life of his – spending time with the Greene’s and seeing what being apart of a healthy family was like, looking after Carl when Rick got caught up at work, being able to kiss Beth whenever he felt like it without worry he would be found out – but he had never been to a wedding before, let alone been invited. Beth seemed to sense his trepidation.

‘It’s gonna be small and not all the family can come on such short notice. Glenn and Maggie really want you there.’

Daryl looked up and her, smirking at her attempt to convince him into something his mind had already been made up on. ‘Wouldn’t miss it. ‘Less you’re gonna be there, then I ain’t goin’.’

‘Ha ha.’ Beth rolled her eyes but broke into a relived grin.

Daryl put the invite in his pocket before leaning back on his elbows, watching the trees quiver with wind. ‘Never been to a wedding before.’

‘Really?’ Beth asked, eyes wide. ‘Well, you’ve been missing out. Dancing, cake –’ she paused in amusement as he scrunched up his nose. ‘What – dancing? Oh, you’re so dancing with me, Daryl Dixon.’

Daryl scoffed. ‘In your dreams.’

‘Every night.’ She teased and Daryl let his head sink back to the rug with an easy smile.

The wedding was on the Saturday after that, and in that time Daryl managed to buy a new suit and get the weekend off work in favour of helping out with any last minute things around the farm. Things were frantic there but Daryl liked them like that after so long being alone. The day before the wedding, he and Rick were put to work setting up the rest of the chairs in the barn and making sure there were enough candles to fill the hanging mason jars. Hershel had offered them to stay the night so it was less frenzied in the morning and Rick had politely declined, saying he needed to get home to Carl. Daryl hadn’t planned to stay but Glenn had come out and pulled him aside nervously.

‘Okay, look. I know this is super last minute and you’re probably going to say no but I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while and now I’m finally doing it so –’

‘Glenn.’ Daryl raised his eyebrows.

‘Right.’ Glenn let out a breath. ‘Will you be my groomsman? Maggie and I weren’t going to have anyone, but she has Beth as her only bridesmaid maid-of-honour thingy and my best friend back home can’t come and you’re the only other person I’d rather have up there.’

Daryl was shocked with how much this request took him by surprise. After another minute of Glenn babbling, he nodded slowly, fighting back the emotions that rose up his throat. ‘Yeah. Course.’

Glenn’s face broke into a relieved grin. He blew out a shaky laugh, reaching out and clapping Daryl’s shoulder. ‘Thanks, man.’

‘Ain’t gotta say anythin’, do I?’ Daryl asked suspiciously.

Glenn laughed. ‘Nope. Just stand there and look pretty.’

Daryl rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the unexpected joy that this request had given him. He was finally having what he’d always longed for and what he’d always been afraid of – people who cared about him and who he cared about just as deeply. He didn’t have much else left from his old life, and this was just another nail in it’s coffin. Daryl was glad to see it go although he would carry his brother with him in this life and every other.

That night, Hershel had put him in one of the guest bedrooms on the first storey of the house. His tux hung opposite his bed on the door. Luckily, Maggie had ordered everyone’s tuxes to be steamed, so it was already at the farm. Daryl had never stayed there overnight before, save for the one time he’d snuck into Beth’s room, but he wasn’t about to go creeping around the house at night to see her no matter how bad he wanted to, knowing Hershel’s strict rules. Beth’s father trusted him and he wouldn’t break his rules under his roof, but Beth, it seemed, was a different story. When it was pitch-black outside and everyone was trying to get a restless sleep before they had to be up bright and early, Daryl’s door had creaked open, Beth sliding through softly. Daryl turned from the window, watching her eyes practically glow as she made her way across the room to him. She was in shorts and a t-shirt, her blonde hair in a messy bun but she looked just as beautiful as ever.

‘Ain’t this against the rules?’ Daryl had asked in amusement as she tugged on his shirt and pulled him away from the moonlight and into bed.

‘Thought you didn’t like rules anyway.’ She breathed and Daryl chuckled.

Beth’s skin was soft against his and her fingers snaked under his top easily, cool on his chest as they splayed out across his heart.

‘I hear you’re Glenn’s best man kinda thing.’

‘Guess so.’ Daryl replied, feeling an odd strain of nervousness at the thought of actually having an important, meaningful role tomorrow. How long had it been, since anyone other than Merle truly needed him, was relying on him?

He felt Beth grin against his chest. ‘So you’re walking with me down the aisle tomorrow.’

‘Mm. You better lead, ain’t got any idea what I’m doin’.’

Beth looked up at that, smiling in delight. Her eyes were crashing oceans of blue Daryl would jump into even if he couldn’t swim.

‘It’s easy. Just one step at a time.’ She said quietly, and he knew that she meant that as more than just advice for tomorrow.

‘Still ain’t shown me your dress.’ Daryl muttered, twirling his fingers through her flyaway hairs. The window was still open from when he’d been watching outside and a warm breeze made the curtains stir restlessly.

‘Gonna have to just wait and see.’

Daryl shook his head impatiently. ‘You know I don’t like surprises.’ He nuzzled her neck and she giggled softly.

‘You’ll like this one.’

Daryl rolled over so she was no longer on his chest and they were laying on the pillows, facing each other.

‘Reckon I’d like you in anythin’.’

A few weeks ago, Daryl would never have had the courage to talk to her like this, with such an ease that he didn’t need to consider each word before it left his mouth, but things had changed quickly. Now he knew he could say how he felt without fear of being judged or mocked, and knew that he was safe with her as she was safe with him.

Beth smiled, biting her lip. ‘You like me in this?’ She raised her eyebrows.

In response, Daryl trailed a hand up the side of her leg, over her thin shorts and old t-shirt to her jaw. He cupped her face, rubbing a thumb against her cheek. At this, she pulled herself closer, pressing her body against his. Daryl felt his groin stir and knew she didn’t miss it. It was always so easy; the way they fell together like pieces from different puzzles that somehow fit perfectly. The way they fell together like this; smiling against each other’s lips, fingers skimming over skin, heartbeats so loud they filled the empty space. The way they coaxed out moans from each other, breaths fast and bodies tangled and coming together as one. The way they curled up together after, spent and breathing hard but still wanting to be as close as before. They couldn’t fall asleep in each other’s arms that night, but Beth stayed for a while after, as long as she could before exhaustion finally took over them both and threatened to render them unconscious. She kissed Daryl goodnight and he watched her slip out of the bedroom door and heard the faint creaking of the stairs as she crept back to her room. Daryl was asleep within minutes, warm breeze on his face and the feeling of her still under his fingers that he carried with him into his dreams.

* * *

Beth managed to sleep in the next morning, despite Maggie’s incessant rapping on her door. Sunlight poured into her eyes as she squinted them open.

‘I’m up, I’m up.’ She groaned, swinging her legs off her bed and rubbing her face. The night before was still fresh in her mind and a smile crept onto her face at the thought of Daryl waking up in her house, getting ready to walk alongside her later on.

‘Get in the shower, I need you!’ Maggie ordered through the door and Beth didn’t keep her waiting any longer. She hopped into the shower and out just as quick, damp hair seeping through her robe as she made her way to Maggie’s room.

Her sister was alone, sitting in front of her mirror and desperately trying to curl her hair.

‘Let me.’ Beth reached over and took the hot iron from her.

Maggie smiled gratefully. ‘Daddy’s downstairs, making sure everything’s ready. People are gonna be arriving soon.’

Beth twisted a lock of Maggie’s brown hair around the wand. ‘You nervous?’

‘Terrified.’ Maggie conceded. ‘Never thought I would be, but it’s all happening so quickly and I just want everything to be perfect.’ She let out a deep breath, then smiled. ‘But I’m excited.’

Beth grinned. ‘You’re really getting married today. Can’t believe it.’

‘Excuse you.’

Beth laughed as she swirled Maggie’s chair around. ‘You know what I mean.’

Maggie tugged at her hair absently. Her eyes were faraway. ‘Yeah. I’m lucky to have him.’

‘He’s lucky to have you.’

‘Damn right.’ Maggie grinned.

Beth was finished ten minutes later and even though she offered to stick around and help with her makeup, Maggie insisted she go and get herself ready, and figuring it was best to listen to the bride on her wedding day, she left.

Beth didn’t take too long to get ready. She sat in front of the mirror in her room, makeup products scattered around her as she tamed her hair so it fell in soft waves. She never usually wore makeup but she did now, gold around her eyes and her lips glossy. Her dress was hung up behind her bedroom door. She pulled on the floaty blue material carefully before going to check on Maggie.

Her sister was standing in front of her mirror in her wedding dress. It was a simple white dress, nothing too fancy, but she looked radiant all the same. Maggie caught her looking through the door and spun around, white layers enveloping her.

‘You look beautiful, Mags.’ Beth hugged her sister, careful not to lean on her dress.

Before Maggie could reply, Hershel’s voice sounded from downstairs.

‘Guess it’s time.’ Maggie said through a nervous smile, shaking her body as though getting rid of jitters.

‘Let’s go.’

Beth led the way down the stairs, careful not to roll her ankles in her heels. She expected her father at the bottom waiting for them but she didn’t expect Daryl standing behind him, hands clasped in front of him, nervously fidgeting with the bouquet of flowers he was holding.

Beth didn’t hear much of what her father said as he hugged her, but luckily he was quickly distracted by Maggie, who’d descended the stairs closely behind her.

Daryl’s eyes were wide as he took her in. ‘You look . . .’ He shook his head as though he couldn’t believe his luck that he was standing beside her. ‘God, you’re beautiful.’ He offered her the bunch of wildflowers.

Beth bit back a grin, heart pounding furiously in her chest as she took a few shaky steps towards him and accepted. He was in all black, from his shirt to his shoes. She could trace his taut biceps under his button-up shirt and felt herself getting a little flushed at how good he looked. Daryl bit back a smile as though he could read her mind, hair falling across his eyes. He was still his normal rugged self, a little uncomfortable and out of his depth, but there anyway.

‘You don’t look too bad yourself.’ Beth smiled. Behind her, Hershel was still fussing over Maggie. The house seemed empty and Beth guessed everyone was already in the barn waiting. Daryl was looking at her through heavy eyelids, biting down on the corners of his mouth.

‘Ready?’ Maggie shuffled in closer to Beth, looking at Daryl and whistling lowly. ‘Looking good Daryl.’

Beth giggled and Daryl cleared his throat.

‘You too.’ He replied somewhat awkwardly and Maggie laughed.

‘Good enough.’ She turned to Beth and clutched her hands briefly. Everything seemed to be going so quickly, and Beth tried to commit the little details to memory before they vanished – the small white flowers woven through Maggie’s hair, the proud smile on her father’s face as he looked at his daughters, the feeling of Maggie’s hand in hers for support, the way Daryl was looking at her. Maggie cleared her throat and Beth suspected her sister had been doing the same thing. ‘After you.’

Daryl, sensing it was time, straightened up and offered Beth his arm. She gripped it gratefully and together they walked out of the house, blinking in the bright sunshine. Beth could just make out the people sitting inside the open barn and a nervous feeling stirred in her. Her ankles were suddenly wobbly, shoes too big and heels too thin. She was holding onto the bouquet with a grip so tight she was afraid she would crush the stems. The barn was coming into focus now, and it felt like there were a hundred eyes on them. She hadn’t thought about this too much – she’d been too busy the last few weeks – but now she was here, she felt slightly sick at the thought of placing herself at the judgement of all these people. She dug her nails into Daryl’s jacket unconsciously. She could only imagine how anxious he was feeling about this. He turned to look at her as they reached the barn entrance. Beth tried not to focus on individual faces, taking a deep breath in. She never cared what other people thought, but it was daunting nonetheless to be faced with a crowd of uncertainty in such a confronting and significant way. She didn’t know how many of them knew about her relationship with Daryl, about her nearly killing herself the year before, but she did know that as long as he was by her side, she would be able to walk down that aisle with her head high.

‘Ain’t gonna let you fall.’ Daryl said softly, bicep tightening under her grip. He seemed to know exactly what she was thinking. Maybe he was thinking it too.

Glenn was waiting for them at the altar, looking nervous but excited. He was in a black and white suit, hair styled back neatly. He beamed at them when they appeared, knowing Maggie was to follow shortly.

And then the music started and they were walking through the sharks and it didn’t matter nearly as much as Beth had thought. When they reached the front, they each took their place on either side of Glenn and Beth scanned the audience quickly to see a few familiar faces. Rick was in the front row near Daryl and he and Carl both offered them a thumbs-up. Her gaze was dragged back to Daryl and they watched each other from across the altar with secret smiles until Maggie and Hershel were at the barn doors, and then everything quietened.

Maggie was breath-taking, her dress sweeping behind her as she walked arm in arm with Hershel, her face glowing as she caught sight of Glenn. Beth turned to see her future brother-in-law and noticed he had tears in his eyes. The guests were watching Maggie with a quiet reverence and they did not make a noise, even when she finally reached the front and Hershel let go.

The ceremony went by quicker than Beth could believe, and soon enough she was hand in hand with Daryl as they, Glenn and Maggie ran out of the barn laughing under the flower petals raining down on them. The guests were free to go inside the house until the reception but Beth, Daryl, Glenn and Maggie kept running through fits of exhilarated laughter until they were well away from everyone else. Beth took out the camera she’d picked up on the way out of the barn and she and Daryl spent the rest of the afternoon taking photos of the newly married couple in the sunlit green fields.

That evening after the sun went down, the barn was alive with light and music. Maggie and Glenn’s smiles hadn’t faded all afternoon and now was no exception; they sat in the middle of the table that ran along the barn wall, faces bright with joy. Daryl and Beth had started off by sitting on either side of them but Beth had quickly swapped seats with Glenn so she could sit next to Daryl as well as Maggie. During the festivities, his hand found her thigh under the table and stayed placed there until the moment she spun around and asked him to dance.

‘C’mon.’ Beth said before he had a chance to refuse. She pulled at his arm and soon enough she was dragging him along to the middle of the barn.

There were enough people dancing that Daryl didn’t need to feel too self-conscious but Beth could still see it on his face anyway. She didn’t care – he was there and he was trying and that was everything.

Today had been a day filled with firsts for him, a day that he probably never thought he’d experience in his life. Beth knew Daryl thought himself indebted to her for showing him this life, for believing he could be more, but she would be eternally grateful that he was hers and he was allowing her to pull him into her strange little world, slowly making their own.

Daryl grinned as Beth took his hands in hers and spun him around, on her toes because even with her heels he still towered over her. She laughed giddily, twirling herself with his arms before sinking into them. They swayed together for a song that went far too quickly before the dance floor cleared and Maggie and Glenn had their first dance to a slow, mellow tune. Beth, seeing an opportunity, darted over to the liquor table and grabbed the first bottle she saw. Then, she tugged Daryl outside, as she always did, and she thought that this was maybe how she could get through life now, how he could; running headfirst into the unknown, knowing he would surely follow.

They collapsed behind the barn, the warm yellow light from inside pouring through the cracks in the wood.

‘Startin’ to get the feelin’ I’m a bad influence on you.’ Daryl remarked, eyeing the bottle.

Beth smiled, rolling her eyes. ‘I may have had my first drink with you but there’s a lot you don’t know about me.’

Daryl raised his eyebrows in amusement. ‘That so?’

‘Yep.’ Beth unscrewed the bottle and the fruity smell of the liquor hit her full in the face. She examined the label as he snorted.

‘Peach Schnapps.’ Daryl shook his head in mock disappointment. ‘Got terrible taste in alcohol, I know that much.’

Beth made a face. ‘Oh shut up, I grabbed the first thing I saw.’ She took a swig and passed it to Daryl. ‘It’s kinda nice.’

Daryl took a sip, half-smiling as though he agreed.

Beth didn’t know how long they would have out there until people started realising they were missing but the thought of being caught drinking with Daryl Dixon didn’t scare her as much as it probably should have. She took another long swig and Daryl did the same. Her lips were sticky with mix of liqueur and lip gloss but it didn’t stop Daryl brushing a finger over them. He kissed her then and the wedding seemed to melt away, the music and raucous noise inside seemed to quieten, and all that she knew was her thoughts were racing but her mind was at peace. And Beth thought that maybe she’d known all along that she loved him, maybe it had come to her once in a dream and she never questioned it, or maybe when they were apart and she ached with missing him, but she knew it now and it was as though she’d been hit with the full force of the word. Now that she knew, there was no way to undo it. There was no way to go back to her blissfully ignorant self from a few moments ago. Daryl broke away, staring into her eyes and she thought that even though she didn’t say it aloud, he must have felt that jolt of lightning through him like she had. He searched her eyes with his own and there it was. He loved her, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and just like that it's over! thankyou so much to all of you for supporting me, I love reading your comments every time I upload a new chapter! although this fic's over i'm uploading the first chapter of my next one tonight, so hopefully you can get right back into the bethyl feels :) as always, leave me some love in the comments if you liked it, thankyou all so much for reading :) x


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